Fesenko, whose team option is up this offseason, recently had an exit interview with Sloan and general manager Kevin O'Connor. It didn't go so well, reports The Salt Lake Tribune.

He apparently was asked by general manager Kevin O'Connor and Jerry Sloan to explain some of the updates on his Facebook page.

There are those more Facebook savvy than myself, but one of the posts in question concerned being happy to be in Los Angeles during the playoffs because it was such a good city in which to go out.

For the record, Fesenko didn't play a single minute of the Lakers series.

Earlier this season, you might recall, Sloan was thoroughly discombobulated by the concept of social networking. "I don't even have a computer," he said at the time, when asked about Twitter. "I don't know how to turn one on. I don't know what you're talking about."

He does now, evidently. And wouldn't it be just like Sloan to teach himself personal computing merely so he can monitor whether his players are showing sufficient grit and moxie?

The Fesenko question [The Salt Lake Tribune]

The story of the "Hipster Grifter," a tiny Korean woman who was accused of writing bad checks in Salt Lake City, Utah, colorful quotes on cocktail napkins throughout Williamsburg, who hijacked the internet in recent weeks, is pretty insane. Why am I giving her a piggyback ride? No idea. But the good people over at AnimalNY tracked her down, convinced her to do a photo shoot and a video confessional last night and invited me along. As diabolical and crazy as she's reported to be, Kari Ferrell is also a devoted Utah Jazz Fan. She spoke lovingly of Kyle Korver and D. Will. She can't wait for Boozer and his bloated contract to go away. (She regrets that pink jersey she has of him. For many reasons.) She's also thankful that longtime Jazz announcer "Hot Rod" Hundley has finally retired. She's a remarkably charming little girl, who is obsessed with basketball and, you know, stealing shit. (Kidding.)

But she did tell me that after she's done with all her legal stuff and comes back to New York, that we should go to the Garden to see a game. "I used to have season tickets when I was in Utah," she said. "I miss that."

That seems like a great idea. What could possibly go wrong?

Meet the Hipster Grifter: ANIMAL Spends the Night With Kari Ferrell [Animal NY]

*******

Good morning. Let's go.

• NBA: Hairless wonder Charlie Villanueva shocks veteran NBA observers by going off for 26-13 in a loss to the Cavaliers. Also, some dude scored 55.
• LDS: Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller dies of complications from diabetes. He was 64.
• NHL: Ducks Quacked By Wings - Detroit makes it 11 straight wins at home with a 5-2 triumph over Anaheim.

[CBSSports.com]

Attention Jazz Fans! Come spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with your family at Fanzz Family Night at the Utah Jazz! This package includes 6 tickets and 6 hotdogs all for only $90.

Six tickets is a family plan in Salt Lake City. Also, there's no caffeinated Cokes in the package. We're sure it's because sodas are a money maker (not all of the four-packs provide drinks, either), but... yeah. We hope Larry Miller hasn't designated security guards to inspect the families to make sure they meet his strict standards.

(To uphold the Iracane tradition: your degree of difficulty for comments on this post is "no polygamy jokes". Don't be lazy.)

JAZZ: Fanzz Family Nights Utah Jazz 2008-09 [Utah Jazz]

When last we saw them: Finished 54-28, first in the Northwest Division and fourth overall in the West. Lost to the Lakers in the Western Conference Semifinals in part because they fouled Kobe 752 times, of which about 837 were called.

Reluctantly moved to Salt Lake City: Ante Tomic, Brevin Knight, Kosta Koufos, Tadija Dragicevic...okay, now seriously, those non-Brevin Knight names were made up, right?

Gleefully left Salt Lake City: Dee Brown (Jerry Sloan is a great coach, but I guess he can't teach height), Jason Hart

The Good: Jerry Sloan runs a tight ship. He also makes a mean quiche, but his hobbies aren't important right now. Sloan-coached teams are always taught to play a certain style. It's called: Playing Basketball The Way It's Supposed To Be Played. Now, PBTWISTBP leads to focus on defense and discipline on offense, and that has made the Jazz outstanding in several areas. Last season, those areas included the following: 2nd in field goal percentage (49.7), 2nd in assists (26.4), 2nd in free throw attempts (28.0), 3rd in steals (8.7), 3rd in forcing turnovers (15.9), 4th in point differential (+6.9), 4th in rebound differential (+3.07), 5th in scoring (106.2) and 10th in three-point percentage (37.2). Not bad considering that Utah doesn't have a bunch of amazing athletes or a LeBron-level superduperstar. Still, they have talent, and that starts with their All-Star duo of Deron Williams (18.8 PPG, 10.6 APG, 51 percent shooting) and Carlos Boozer (21.1 PPG, 10.4 RPG, 55 percent shooting). These guys fit into Sloan's system so well you'd think Jerry built them in a lab. (And, really, are we sure he didn't?) Williams makes guys better, period, and Boozer is a force in the paint and on the boards. The supporting cast also play their roles to perfection. Mehmet Okur can clean the glass and draw opposing big men out of the paint with his long-distance shooting. Andrei Kirilenko defends as if his life depends on it (and knowing Sloan, it probably does) and is a nightly five-by-five threat (when he's not sulking over a lack of shot attempts). Kyle Korver is the three-point specialist. Matt Harpring is the muscle and toughness. Ronnie Brewer is their Intangible Man (although, come to think of it, 12 PPG on 56 percent shooting is pretty tangible). And Brevin Knight is the perfect backup PG in a Sloan system. Oh, and it's also worth noting that the Jazz are nearly invincible at home: Last season, they were an NBA-best 37-4 in the Mormon-filled confines of EnergySolutions Arena.

The Bad: As noted, the Jazz certainly are focused on defense. But "focused" doesn't always mean "successful." The Jazz just don't have a lot of athletes. Read that: They are a slow, plodding team. Their interior defense is soft (Okur) and undersized (Boozer). Moreovers, they often get killed in one-on-one matchups and have to resort to what is known as "The Hack." They were dead last in the league in committing personal fouls (1970) and giving up free throw attempts (2468). Hey, if it's true that defense wins championships - and it certainly has been for most of the decade - then it's also true that a lack of defense loses them. Defense isn't the only concern for this team. Boozer had a well-documented playoff flameout: His averages dropped like a stong (16.0 PPG on 41.5 percent shooting). And he looked pretty out of place on Team USA this summer. AND it's a contract year for him. So who knows what the Jazz can expect from him. Kirilenko is an on-again, off-again head case. Matt Harpring can't seem to stay healthy (his latest affliction, an ankle infection, cost him preseason preparation). Their depth at center (Jarron Collins, Kosta Koufos) is gak-worthy.

Fun Facts: The Jazz attempted 39 percent of their shots from inside (six feet or closer) last season...best in the league. Due in part to the persistent begging and pleading of Deron Williams, Jazz introductions at EnergySolutions Arena will now have the same dramatic music and lighting as every other team in the league. Jerry Sloan must be thrilled. Speaking of Utah's home court, the Jazz are 68-14 there over the last two seasons. Only the Dallas Mavericks (70-12) have had a better home record. I know this always gets a lot of press, but Sloan has been Utah's head man for 21 seasons! Dude's NEVER going away. Mehmet Okur hit 114 threes last season. Not surprisingly, that tops among NBA centers.

Videotastic extra: Ouch.

In addition to the hometown Utah Jazz, there’ll be rookie teams representing the Dallas Mavericks, Atlanta Hawks, Golden State Warriors, New Jersey Nets and San Antonio Spurs. U.S. officials believe that the request came from the highest levels in Iran, and is part of an attempt by Iran to tamp down tensions between the two countries. In fact, Iranian officials told NBC News that hardliners in the Islamic Republic opposed the overture.

But moderates in the Iranian government prevailed. The Iranian officials said that moderates in the government have been trying to set something like this up for two years. Iranian officials add that the basketball team is already in the U.S. training for the games.

And, by the way, he added, so is the Iranian national ping-pong team.

The Iranians open on July 19 against the Mavericks. But as you can see on the Jazz web site, they're calling them the "'07 FIBA Asian Champions." Iran? Never heard of 'em.

As Sports by Brooks points out, Utah's No. 1 draft pick, Kosta Koufos, will likely play against the Iranians. Koufos is of Greek and American descent, and Greece hasn't exactly been pals with Iran lately.

And by the way: Those streaks you've seen over the Persian Gulf lately? Not test missiles at all! They're just happy diplomacy peace rockets! Pay them no mind, Isreal!

Basketball Diplomacy: USA And Iran [MSNBC]
State TV: Iran Test-Fires More Missiles For 2nd Day [USA Today]

This photo is just part of it. The Bleacher Report runs down some other Jazz fan offenses.

When asked the difference between playing on the road and at home during the series against the Jazz, Warrior's forward Stephen Jackson said, ""Well, we're not hearing racial slurs, we're not hearing people wishing for me to go to jail," Jackson said. "That's the difference for me. I'm loved here in Oakland."

Jason Richardson was asked about the racial slurs and responded, "That was something new. It shocked all of us. We weren't expecting that. I mean, [Jazz fans] were trying to get into our heads any way they can, but I couldn't believe anybody would stoop that low. It's nonsense."

Something to think about when that vaunted "Jazz homecourt advantage" is trotted out. Hey, maybe they'll make the NBA Finals, and everyone will be able to see and enjoy it all.

Utah Jazz: The Most Disgusting Fans In The NBA [The Bleacher Report]

Lakers get Boozed up. Is the Carlos Boozer Playoff Slump finally over? It sure looked like it last night. The Boozman dropped in 27 points (12-for-21) and snatched a career playoff-high-tying 20 rebounds, and the Jazz gave the Lakers a 104-99 hangover. The kind with a throbbing headache and crippling diarrhea. Oh, and increased sensitivity to light. I always hate that part.

How'd Carlos break the jinx? Why, he just pretended he was the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. "I tried to stop thinking so much out there. My teammates were waiting for a big game out of me and I was too. ... I had to play thought-free and just react and play." I guess thinking really is overrated.

Utah did some other things right, too. The Jazz hit 50 percent of their shots (39-for-78). They forced 18 turnovers and won the Battle of the Paint 48-36. And, most importantly, they held the Lakers under 40 freethrow attempts for a change (L.A. was 30-for-37 from the stripe). Mehmet Okur contributed 22 points and 7 rebounds, and he was 4-for-7 from three-point range. Deron Williams hurt his wrist - don't worry; the X-rays were negative - but still finished with 18 points and 12 assists.

Kobe Bryant was once again MVP-like in the box score (34 points, 6 rebounds, 7 assists) and from the foul line (14-for-17), but nobody else really stood out for the Lakers. However, I'm going to throw some numbers at you anyway. Lamar Odom had a double-double (13 points, 12 rebounds), Pau Gasol had 12 points and 6 boards, and Derek Fisher added 13 points. But Kobe, Gasol and Odom combined to throw the ball away 12 times ... which in part led to Utah's 22 points off of turnovers. And that was a problem.

Said Kobe: "We clawed back but you can't turn the ball over so many times. We had a lot of open looks and you can sustain a game like that if you don't turn the ball over."

Lamar Odom had this to add: "This team is good enough for us to lose to and we have to understand that." Was...that a compliment? Or not? I mean, a hole is hole-like enough for me to fall into, but what does that even mean? Never mind. I'll just go back to sniffing glue now.

Fun fact: Boozer's performance was the first 20-20 playoff game by a Jazz player since Karl Malone had 32 points and 20 rebounds against the Lakers in 1997.

I feel like we've seen this before, Part I. Well, Dirk Nowitzki and his Mavericks got the playoff matchup they wanted...and five games later, they're once again on the outside looking in. Surprise, surprise.

Chris Paul had a triple-double (24 points, 11 rebounds, 15 assists), David West scored at will (25 points, 10-for-17), Jannero Pargo gave a "suck it, Jason Kidd!" performance (17 points, 7-for-9) and the New Orleans Hornets are movin' on up after a 99-94 victory. Man, what I wouldn't have given to be on Bourbon St. last night.

The Mavs didn't go down quietly. Or wisely. Jerry Stackhouse got himself ejected with 1:47 to play for batting the ball out of Paul's hands during a stoppage in play. Then Stack got all up in West's face. Brilliant moves, Jerry, both of them. Still, Dallas cut a 17-point lead to three with 33 seconds to go, and then they forced a big miss by Paul...but failed to grab the ensuing rebound. Tyson Chandler (10 points, 14 rebounds) smacked the rock out to Paul, who passed it to Peja Stojakovic, and Peja sealed the win with a couple freethrows.

Dirk Nowitzki (22 points, 13 rebounds, 6 assists) did his best, but the results - as always - were the same. Still, Nowitzki offered that "We're better than we showed this series." Sure, Dirk. We hear that every year.

I feel like we've seen this before, Part II. Back in his MVP days, Shaq liked to quote Aristotle, who once said, "Excellence is not an act, but a habit." Unfortunately for the Suns, they have a bad habit of losing big games to the Spurs. Over and over and over again...

Speed it up, slow it down, doesn't matter. San Antonio eliminated Phoenix once again. And the 92-87 loss stung Amare Stoudemire as much as anybody else. "Every year it seems like we always play the Spurs, and they beat us every single time. As long as I'm here we're going to break it sooner or later, because I'm tired of losing to these guys. I'm sick and fed up."

And least Stoudemire is young enough to wait it out. Steve Nash - who lost the ball three big times down the stretch - might be out of time. And he knows what just happened to his team. "I think on paper we have more talent than they do. But I think their experience, their commitment and understanding of what they're trying to do is greater than ours. Their ability to play together and make small plays on both ends of the floor is unsurpassed."

As usual, the Spurs used two guys to do most of the damage. Tony Parker had 31 points and 8 assists, and Tim Duncan added 29 points and 17 rebounds. No other San Antonio player reached double figures, but, as Nash pointed out, they did all the little things champions do. And the Suns didn't.

Smackdown in Motown. Random statistical phenomenon: The Philadelphia 76ers are now 0-1 since Samuel Dalembert got his crazy-ass new mohawk. And given the importance of the game in question, this was the worst possible time for Sam to go on a spectacular hair adventure.

The Pistons, who have apparently turned their targeting computers back on, hit 58 percent of their shots and regained the series lead with a signature 98-81 win. Chauncey Billups finally had a big game (21 points, 12 assists), Rip was his old basket-making self (20 points, 10-for-17), 'Sheed did his 'Sheed thang (19 points, 6 blocked shots), and Tayshaun Prince chipped in with 17 points.

You know how to tell that Detoit has become totally serious about finishing Philly off? The near-to-complete absence of overconfident trash talk. When asked about his team's chances in Game 6, 'Sheed said: "I don't think they're going to lay down at all. It's do or die for them. It's not going to be a cake walk." Hey...who is that guy and what has he done with Rasheed Wallace?!

Andre Iguodala - who scored a career playoff-high 21 points on 8-for-13 shooting - finally figured out how to score against the Pistons. Unfortunately for the Sixers, most of his other players forgot. Louis Williams (16 points) and Andre Miller (13 points, 5-for-17) reached double figures, but that's about it. And that amazing first round upset suddenly seems very far away...

Problem solved. The Houston Rockets finally figured out the best (and perhaps only) way to keep Tracy McGrady from suffering his patented fourth-quarter meltdown: Just end the fourth quarter with a commanding 19-point lead. Not to go all John Hollinger on you, but the Rockets win almost 100 percent of the games in which that happens. Behold the power of math!

Thanks to a 95-69 shot to Utah's meaty flanks, the Rockets have lived to fail another day. McGrady finished with 29 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists, and he even managed to scored 8 points in the fourth quarter...thanks in part to the fact that the game had already been decided. Now the King of Martyrs is filled with a ridiculous confidence. "We're in a great situation. We know we can win in Utah because we've done it before."

You know, back in college I convinced a friend to hit me with his car after a night of drinking our way through a Jackie Chan marathon. Sure, I survived, but thanks to the wonders of sobriety, I realize that just because I lived through my stupidity once doesn't mean I could necessarily do it every time. My point? Apparently, I'm an idiot.

Houston got some additional anti-elimination support from Luis Scola (18 points, 12 rebounds), Rafer Alston (14 points, 6 assists) and Creaky Mutombo (10 rebounds). Utah got double-doubles out of Carlos Boozer (19 points, 10 rebounds) and Mehmet Okur (14 points, 10 rebounds), but the Jazz shot 36 percent as a team and seemed to have developed a case of Let'swinitathomeitis.

Admist the wreckage of Houston's two-game deficit stands McGrady, one of the league's best through-three-quarters superstars, a guy who seems doomed destined to be remembered as the greatest player never to make it out of the first round. He had a great game — 23 points, 13 rebounds, 9 assists, 3 steals and 2 blocked shots — and Doug Collins repeatedly praised his brilliance while constantly reminding viewers that, should the Rockets lose this series, it won't be Tracy McGrady's fault. Yet T-Mac scored one point in the fourth quarter on 0-for-4 shooting. Mostly 'cause he was exhausted.

Said McGrady: "I had no legs. I was on empty. Banging with Matt Harpring, trying to rebound, trying to make plays for my team, trying to score, playing 43 minutes. That's a lot."

Yeah, it is. But still ... can you imagine Bird, or Jordan, or Magic, or hell, even LeBron or Kobe saying something like that? It's vintage McGrady: He did everything he could possibly do win, yet his team still fell a little bit short ... through no fault of his own. Just ask him.

Meanwhile, Utah continues to hand-feed all those "They can't win on the road" rumors to their critics. Deron Williams — despite a sore ass — had 22 points and 6 assists, the Turkish Assassin added 16 points and 16 boarded, and the rest of the Jazz continued to do what they do: Bump, bang, defend, pick, roll, and win. The mercy killing continues on Thursday on TNT.

Regret is a hard thing to live with. I wonder if DeShawn Stevenson is starting to realize that right about now? Mr. Overrated shelled the Locksmith (again) by going off for 30 points, 9 rebounds, 12 assists and 2 blocked shots. And unlike Game 1 — which the Wizards lost by only 93-86 despite playing poorly — there were no moral victories in Game 2. It was 116-83 blowout that represented the most lopsided win in the Cleveland Cavaliers' 112-game playoff history.

And what about Gilbert Arenas, who said, "I think everybody wants Cleveland in that first round" and "We don't think they can beat us in the playoffs three years straight"? Do you s'pose he'd rather be playing, say, the Hawks or Raptors? I do. Especially after last night's 7-point, 2-for-10 shooting performance.

Washington's plan for the series has been pretty obvious: Invite LeBron into the butcher's shop and then work him the hell over. Turns out that was the worst plan since, well, Plan 9 From Outer Space. King James rose to the challenge, scoring 14 in the third quarter and helping the Cavs blow the lead up to 25 points despite the thuggery of Brendan Haywood, who got the big bronze boot after sending Bron-Bron out of bounds with a flagrant foul. LeBron was pissed — and rightfully so — but all the outrage probably has Kurt Rambis doing gymnastics in his grave. (The McHale/Rambis clothesline has been taken down by the YouTube Nazis, by the way.)

Zydrunas Ilgauskas added 16 points and 9 rebounds to Cleveland's cause, and Wally Szczerbiak said "Suck it, Larry Hughes!" by scoring 15 on 6-for-9 shooting. Stevenson and Caron Butler scored 12 a piece and Antawn Jamison had 9, but the three combined to shoot 12-for-33 from the field. The series is now 2-0 and heading back to Washington.

MESSAGE TO GOD: Please let the tears stop from streaming down my face. Yahwe, I can't believe you're going to put me through this again. You're going to make me watch another soggy first round Tracy McGrady playoff defeat? And with all the tension brought on by the fact that the Jazz can't win on the road, inevitably making this a seven-game series? Jesus, joy of man's desiring, why could you not have simply booted the Rockets from the playoff race altogether back in January, making way for the Golden State freakfest, or at least the Portland Trailblazers? Instead you we will endure a week and a half of a slow, slow cockpunch, leading us all to grimace in unison when McGrady finally steps off that EnergySolutions hard timber back into the locker-room, and back into the cove of shame.

Look, back when I didn't know Carl Landry from Kyle Lowry, I had the Rockets picked to destroy everybody this year and wrap up the Larry O'B. The entire Clutch City squadron just screamed revenge crew. McGrady had endured a summer of mulling over his most agonizing playoff loss yet, the pain of which was overshadowed only by the far more devastating beatdown that Golden State put on Dirk & Co. Yao was ready to defend T-Mac's honor. Adelman was getting ready to crack the Maloof Brothers over the head with poolsticks. Mike James, Bonzi Wells, Steve Francis and Rafer Alston had all come off seasons where they were villainized worse than 1000 Starburys. This was finally Houston's year.

Then the Yao debacle happened, complete with underground dealings between Leslie L. Alexander, Kofi Annan and various members of Chinese Triad Societies. Then came the improbable 22-game win streak. Dikembe "age" jokes again made hit the daily news cycle, and then all of a sudden, various injuries and slumps miniaturized the Rockets back to a middling-to-good team that was now oddly stuck at the top of the standings. T-Mac would have been graciously forgiven had the Rockets slipped into lotteryland obscurity. But no, Deke had to guzzle some of that anti-aging Himalayan goji juice, Skip to My Lou had to turn into Mark Price and the Rox had to ship Bonzi and MJames to New Orleans for the much teamier Bobby Jackson. For four weeks. Is this all some cruel joke to place T-Mac back in first round purgatory?

Meanwhile, the Jazz have put together one of the most confounding seasons in recent memory. They struggled on the road, they somehow transformed Kyle Korver into a "keystone," they endured major sulkitude from AK-47 without trading him, they got 80+ games out of Carlos Boozer, and they watched Deron Williams turn into Aslan. Jerry Sloan is still the best coach in the league (six decades running), and Mehmet Okur's end of the year bitchslap to Fabricio Oberto suggests that Utah is to be taken seriously. But, again, there's the whole amazing at home/crappy road record thing. I don't get it. Home court advantage isn't supposed to mean anything in the NBA these days, but in Utah it's like white Freaknik. Maybe the reason is, more than anything else, the Jazz are Utah. The state's other claims to fame are lame, either as genuine emblems (e.g. Mitt Romney) or as stereotype-based jokes (e.g. Mormonism, hyuk!). When googling "Utah," the Jazz homepage shows up before the Utah Wikipedia entry. Whatever is going on there, it's working.

And so I envision a slow deathmarch for the Rockets. Every game in Houston will give them just enough hope to keep pushing, but EnergySolutions may as well be an S&M chamber of doom. Deron Williams is ready to create something bigger than himself. With all the KG/Kobe/LeBron/CP3 MVP chatter, the baddest play-the-right-way player in the league has to feel a little snubbed, and there is no better time to unleash his fury than on the playoff stage. We're talking 15 points and 20 assists per game, minimum.

On the other side of things, Houston's only hope is McGrady, and T-Mac's firepower alone will not be enough to get it done. As I drink from a bottle of Manischewitz, listening to Roy Orbison and pondering T-Mac's playoff struggles, I wonder if maybe McGrady has really made it after all. Perhaps, when with Orlando he famously, erroneously, and prematurely uttered, "It's great to finally make it to the second round," McGrady had advanced to glory in his mind, even though the Detroit Pistons actually won the series. McGrady does have 11 playoff wins in his career, and perhaps he has pieced each one together as victories a personal championship. Of course, his external demeanor tells a different story. In press conferences, be-trenchcoated, he chokes back tears, placing the burden of playoff failure on his back alone. But telling myself that T-Mac is, deep down really all right, is the only thing that I can do to stop my own tears from descending like primordial thundershowers.

Can a playoff series be slow and low-scoring, yet still fun exciting to watch? Probably not. (For further information, please refer to the Knicks-Heat Rivalry.) But that doesn't mean you shouldn't watch it. After all, there's a very good chance you'll get to see Tracy McGrady cry. Again. And wouldn't that be worth sitting through dozens of hard fouls and several hundred pick-and-rolls? (Don't answer that. Just read on.)

The season series: The Jazz won it 2-1.

Bad news for the Jazz: They're nearly unstoppable at the Delta Center Energy Solutions Arena (an NBA-best 37-4), but they truly suck struggle away from home (17-24). And everybody knows it. The Jazz have dropped four of their last five on the road, including an end-of-season blowout at San Antonio that they needed to get homecourt advantage in the first round of the playoffs. Which, of course, means that they don't have homecourt advantage for this series ... and they're awful on the road ... do you see where I'm going with this?

Good news for the Jazz: They played the Rockets in Houston only once this season, and they won the game 97-89. (Random note that might or might not mean something: That was the loss that preceded the Rockets' historic winning streak.)

Reality check: You can go ahead and give Utah the three home wins. There's no way Houston is going to beat them at ESA. This means that the Jazz need to win only once in four tries at the Toyota Center. As bad as Utah has been on the road this season — and they've been pretty bad — I have a feeling they can win one out of four games in the Rockets' house.

Rockets player(s) to watch: This series could be the unofficial Tracy McGrady Suicide Watch. I know he's rich, famous, and probably sleeps on stacks of $100 bills and hookers, but you have to wonder how much more emotional trauma McGrady can take. Between the Orlando years, the chronic injury problems (to himself and Yao), and the fact that NBA historians seem ready to carve "The Greatest Player To Never Get Out Of The First Round" on his tombstone 30-40 years before his death...well, it ain't easy being T-Mac. It'll also be interesting to see how many meaningful minutes they can get out of Dikembe Mutumbo and whether Rafer Alston can handle Deron Williams. Also, I wouldn't be surprised to see Rick Adelman put the ball in Bobby Jackson's hands if there are any close games.

Jazz player(s) to keep an eye on: Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer. Those guys are the pillars. Utah's offense pretty much begins and ends with them. Also, can Jerry Sloan afford to use Andrei Kirilenko to guard McGrady? It'd be nice to see the Russian Rifle get his defensive mojo back. Mehmet Okur has been solid lately. Can he keep it up against the Rockets bump-and-grind defense? And the entire world will be watching for futher occurrences of Kyle Korver's gay elf defense.

Key(s) to the series: The Jazz have to win on the road, plain and simple. So how they perform away from home is going to decide the series.

Prediction: Jazz in six. And I say they win the sixth game going away. Expect the broadcasters to eulogize for the Rockets, saying something like, "They really couldn't win without Yao Ming, but they should be proud of themselves for what they've accomplished, especially that 22-game winning stre ... hey, is T-Mac crying again?!"

On Saturday, March 22, you can get together with Lil Jon and the Utah Jazz to party Salt Lake City-style. And they said black players didn't like it in Utah! It's Lil Jon! And, uh ... well, the MySpace page for Bliss Nightlife, the club the party is hosted at, looks like it would scare pretty much everybody else in Utah.

It's a birthday party for CJ Miles and Ronnie Brewer, hosted by Deron Williams, so, you know, it has to be wild.

Someone's gonna get Lil Jon out of town pretty quick afterwards, right? Right?

Anyway, get your tickets. Plenty available.

Lil' Jon & Utah Jazz Party [24tix]

And yes: The Kirilenko now has his freebie jokes are inevitable, and absolutely justified.

Your New Years Eve Was Completely Different [Basketball John]
Kirilenko's Wife Lets Him Sleep With Other Women; Other Women Say, "Uh, Thanks, But No Thanks" [Deadspin]

Deron Williams had 20 points and Ronnie Brewer had 14 points and five steals for Utah. "It feels good to get home and get the crowd behind us. We came out from the start and we're able to do what we wanted to. We were able to get out in transition and run and establish ourselves," Williams said. Carlos Boozer scored 17 points to help the Jazz improve to 5-1 at home. The Great Mehmet Okur had 14 points for Utah. Richard Jeferson had 22 points to lead the Nets. Has there been a sadder time in basketball in this portion of the East Coast?

• Bold Speculation, Or BS For Short. OK, try this one on for size, everyone. Stephon Marbury to the Celtics. Walk around in it a bit and see how it fits. Stop laughing; it just might happen.

• Do You Believe In Magic? Dwight Howard's 24 points and 15 rebounds led Orlando to its fifth straight win, 95-88 over New Orleans, one day after the Magic handed the Celtics their first loss. In tying a franchise best start at 10-2, the Magic snapped the Hornets' five-game winning streak.

• What About Bob? Steve Blake sank a halfcourt shot at the halftime buzzer ... yeah baby! But it only counts forthree points sadly, as the Trail Blazers still lost 101-92 to the Charlotte Bobcats. Gerald Wallace led the Bobs with 27 points.

• Worst Flop Ever? This is a couple of weeks old, but it's important because it just may be the greatest flop in NBA history. Baron Davis, we salute you.

It's an Alaskan grizzly bear, actually, and Malone took it down with his good friend Don Peay, head of Sportsmen for Fish And Wildlife. And by for, we mean, "shooting wildlife and killing it."

Say what you will about Ron Mexico, he at least kills animals with his bare hands.

It's a welcome change for Malone, who typically just goes hunting for little Mexican girls.

Predator Hunters For The Environment [High Country News]
Kobe Hurt Over Malone's Actions [Bastardly]

While Tim Duncan justifiably receives all the credit for the Spurs advancement to the NBA Finals — which don't start for another week, by the way — Full Court NBA Blog points out that the guards have been pretty great too. That said, last night, the Jazz checked out plenty early; they looked eager to hurry up and get caught up on the "Big Love" reruns so they'll be ready for the Season 2 Premiere next month. (Harry Dean Stanton: So mysterious!)

The extended time off should help Manu Ginobili fit in plenty of practice.

(Getty Images Photo)

We congratulate the Spurs on their trip to the NBA Finals. We're gonna try really hard to like them. Honest. We are. Hey, Tim Duncan! He's good. That's something. See you tomorrow.

We are doing the best we can to agree with what Bill Simmons said in his chat yesterday: The Spurs are more enjoyable to watch than they have been given credit for. We guess. We're still spoiled by the Warriors, it's true.

We'll just take a moment, as Illini, to salute Deron Williams, who has become a superstar in this series; he's still feeling a little gimpy, but we suspect he'll be able to make it out. MJD at The Fanhouse argues that he might be better than John Stockton someday, and we'll be happy to say we knew him back when.

Pounding The Rock
The Debriefing [The Fanhouse]