Among the claims filed in court by Maria Jimenez, Vanessa Bryant verbally abused her, called her names, humiliated her in front of the family and other employees, and in the coup de grace, "demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse" that she had accidentally ruined. It's unclear why the tag ended up in a bag of dog feces, but Bryant wanted it back so that she could properly deduct the cost from the maid's salary. That sounds like a fun household to grow up in.

Actually, the worst incident of all was when Vanessa accused the housekeeper of stealing her retainer. Bitch, oral hygiene ain't no joke.

Kobe's Maid Sues — It Was the Crappiest Job Ever [TMZ]
Ex-housekeeper sues Kobe Bryant, wife over dog doo [OC Register]

Not to take sides on this Vanessa Bryant-Laura Lane cussing-out thing, but I've often imagined that living with Mrs. Bryant must be a lot like living with Susie Green from HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Of course you know that Bryant shrieked insults at ESPN's Lane following the Lakers' game on Friday, for things that Lane wrote about her online. And Lane wrote about the confrontation on her blog. But how do the insults compare to the best of Susie Green? Let's take a look:

OK, see if you can guess which quotes are from tart-tongued Vanessa Bryant, and which are from the shrewishly evil Susie Green. Two points for every correct answer:

• “Laura! Fuck you! You fucking bitch!”

• "Where's the fucking head? The kid is at home, hysterical, because her doll, Judy, has been decapitated, cause you two sickos took the head for God knows what reason; some voodoo shit you're doing. Where is it?"

• “Fuck you! How dare you write about me and my daughters and their schedule! You didn’t say you were writing an article! Fuck you!"

• "Stop scratching your balls and tell me where it is! Alright just get me the fucking head, Alright?"

• "You fucking bitch! You have no journalism ethics! Fuck you! You bitch!”

• "Get me the fucking head, alright, both of you, I've had it! You four-eyed fuck and you fat piece of shit! Get me the head!"

• "I didn't need that, man. She's nuts."

ANSWER KEY: Vanessa, Susie, Vanessa, Susie, Vanessa, Susie, both Jeff Green & Kobe Bryant.

The Doll [Curb Your Enthusiasm]
I Got Cussed Out By Kobe Bryant's Wife [The Fast Lane]