Vladimir Putin Says His Homeboy Sepp Blatter Deserves A Nobel Prize

Since FIFA president Sepp Blatter won his first election in 1998, he has (allegedly! [lol]) both bribed and received bribes in order to stay in power and award desperate countries international tournaments. Along the way, he has actually and truly ravaged local economies by siphoning public money for useless… »7/28/15 11:34am7/28/15 11:34am


Vladimir Putin Would Win All The Gold At Sochi If He Wanted To

At last! We're finally on the cusp of the Sochi Olympics. It's a time to focus on all the extraneous inconveniences, both small and great, that, for better or worse, will be forgotten as as soon as the real action starts. But before we fully lose ourselves in a world of ice dancing and curling, we should take a minute… »2/04/14 4:20pm2/04/14 4:20pm

Russia: Tourists, Athletes Subject To Anti-Gay Laws At Winter Olympics

Russia has a problem: Gay people exist. They're ghastly and gross and bad, and they could destroy the traditional family and rip apart the very fabric of the nation. Even the idea of homosexuality represents a danger to the country, which is why this summer, Vladimir Putin signed wide-sweeping anti-gay and anti-gay… »8/01/13 11:40am8/01/13 11:40am

Vladimir Putin Invites Russia's Critics To “Try Some Viagra”

Russia wiped the floor with the competition at the World University Games, garnering 292 medals—with 155 of them being gold—at the 12-day competition. People complained that Russia brought in Olympians at an event for students, to which president Vladimir Putin says: Play some sports or pop some boners, haters. »7/21/13 2:45pm7/21/13 2:45pm

Vladimir Putin Says He Didn't Steal Bob Kraft's Super Bowl Ring

Yesterday, we wrote about how Russian president Vladimir Putin Deboed Patriots owner Bob Kraft for one of his Super Bowl rings. The story felt too good to be true, which means it might be too good to be true. Kraft's recount of the exchange and Putin's quote, for example, approaches something resembling implausibility: »6/16/13 2:15pm6/16/13 2:15pm

Vladimir Putin Was Confronted By A Topless Protestor, And He Really, Really Liked It

Russian President Vladimir Putin was in Germany this morning when he found himself in the crosshairs. Ukrainian protest group Femen, known for their topless protests against the church, the sex trade, and "dictators" like Putin, crashed his appearance at a Hanover trade fare wearing slogans, and little else. »4/08/13 12:19pm4/08/13 12:19pm

The NHL Barely Dodged A Putin-Backed Russian Mutiny, But The League Might Not Be Out Of The Woods Yet

The NHL lockout is over, and most of the players (not Lubomir Visnovsky, though) who kept their games sharp in the KHL have returned to work in the United States. Washington's Alex Ovechkin is back in the States, saying funny things and wearing funny t-shirts. Pittsburgh's Evgeni Malkin has abandoned Magnitogorsk, a… »1/08/13 5:00pm1/08/13 5:00pm

Vladimir Putin's Game-Winning Goal Against The "Legends Of Russia" Was So Obvious

Here's a sporting feat that even Kim Jong Il would've appreciated. Just hours after his presidential inauguration Monday, Vladimir Putin led a team of amateur hockey players against a squad known as the Legends of Russia, which included such former professionals as Slava Fetisov, who just happens to be angling for… »5/09/12 10:40am5/09/12 10:40am

Nets Owner Loses Russian Presidential Election Thanks To "Fucking Fuckwits"

It was a long cold Sunday for New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov, who decided a few months ago to challenge Vladimir Putin in the 2012 Russian presidential election. Nyet, Prokhorov! Nyet! As we've noted before, Putin is not only strong leader who crush enemy like Black Sea mosquito but also manliest sportsman of… »3/05/12 1:35pm3/05/12 1:35pm

Vladimir Putin Goes Bobsledding, Almost Makes It To The End

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is a manly sort, who's never met a sporting photo op he didn't like. Yesterday he visited a training complex outside Moscow to watch the Russian national team train, but couldn't resist hopping in the two-man sled for a ride, despite his fur-lined parka and complete lack of training. »2/17/12 1:15pm2/17/12 1:15pm

MMA Fans Boo Vladimir Putin, Will Soon Watch Fights In Gulags

Vladimir Putin, the most manly of manly sportsmen of sport and also prime minister of Russia, couldn't have been expecting boos when he stepped into the ring on Sunday night to swing his dick around in advance of Russian parliamentary elections. But it was boos he got. Russian MMA superstar Fedor Emelianenko had… »11/21/11 4:15pm11/21/11 4:15pm

Is Time For Soviet Badminton With Putin And Medvedev

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev posted a video to the official Kremlin blog yesterday, in which he extols the virtues of badminton and urges the youth of the nation to take up the sport. Even better, he calls in Vladimir Putin for a friendly game. We have taken the liberty of translating the video for you. Enjoy. »10/25/11 11:25am10/25/11 11:25am