Deadspin: week in review

This Will Be The Last Thing You See Before You Die

DAULERIO — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:00:53 EST

Nightmare Ant popped up at a high school basketball game last night to do his usual job of spooking unsuspecting fans, making young children wail in terror, and darkening souls.

Reader Andrew McNair snapped this out-of-focus photo of the hell-spawned ant-demon.McNair took this photo in an effort to distract Nightmare Ant from eating a small toddler, but was unsuccessful. He only further angered Nightmare Ant and was subsequently gutted and left to bleed to death in front of horrified spectators. Fucking SKEETS.

****

TOMORROW: Pete Gaines pops in and will entertain you during your Saturday afternoon hangover. If you don't like his posts, he'll ban you. So laugh.

SUNDAY: KOGOD.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and Jeff Tweedy.

It's Valentine's DayWeekend, So Give That Special Someone A +1 From The Bottom Of Your Dirty Heart

DAULERIO — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:25:10 EST

Well, that's the week. Here are some of the things on Deadspin that may have titillated and enlightened, or made you feel ashamed to be a member of upright-walking society.

• A-Rod had a rough week.

• Peter Gammons wishes he handled that interview better

• There's a Pants Party in your future

• The fallout from the Michael Phelps bong photo continues

• Dogs find many ways to keep warm in Westminster

• Swimsuits make the ladies swoon

• Jamal Anderson just loves hanging with white boys

Oh, and for your own personal reference, this is what the Sideline Princess covets in her Valentine's Day suitors:

I think just fixing up the house, lighting a bunch of candles and getting a few bottles of wine would be perfect. If a guy wants to spend some dough, that's different. But if someone isn't working with a big budget, candles and wine are a good way to go.

So drunk arsonists are welcome.

*****

TOMORROW: Matt Sussman pops in to live blog the Dunk Contest. I'll dick around a little bit. Sunday marks the return of Marcel Mutoni to the weekend crew to give you all your NBA All-Star Shitshow news.

Next week, I officially move away from the 215 and back to the 917. Cobble Hill residents beware: I am setting up permanent residence in your neighborhood. So if anybody near that location needs to borrow sugar or get their plants watered while they're away, please just knock.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. And don't ever feel like you need to be professionally beautiful for anybody...

See you soon.

Nothing Kicks Off Super Bowl Weekend Better Than The Smell Of Old Strippers, Frank's Hot Sauce, And Bile

DAULERIO — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:45:50 EST

Bleccch.

My friend John Gonzalez, the Philadelphia Inquirer's first Mexicanish sports writer, actually entourage'd this year at the 17th annual WIP Wing Bowl in Philadelphia. Gonz was the cut man for his buddy, Wax, whose clever wing-eating moniker was "Gluteus Waximus."

He shared some of these tidbits from his lonnnng day in the hot sauce-soaked pit of death.

• Waximus finished 8th, even though Morganti put his odds at 50/1. He ate 79 in the first 14 minutes.

• One guy named "Obi Wing" made the final 10. Crazy dude who carries a light saber with him everywhere — in real life, not just in the competition. Seriously, he goes down the shore with it. The Sea Isle lifeguards can't stand him. He qualified by eating a whole pineapple, including the hard-ass shell. Completely off his nut. In the second round, he was the first to puke.

•....Which was awesome, because he was next to Wax. At which point Wax stood up and called it quits. He didn't want to eat wings with vomit all around him. Pussy.

• The guys who won best entourage built a mini-Spectrum and towed it into the arena with a golf cart they made up to look like a Zamboni. They won a trip for 12. Fuckers.

• Our Wingette was ridiculously hot. We got lucky. Some of the others were rough looking. High hair. Completely Emaciated. Yellowed Teeth. It was like a White Snake concert in there. But people still screamed "show us your tits." It was not a choosy crowd.

Wing Bowl!

Anyway, fun week this week. Here's some stuff that went kaplooey:

• Second-to-last Jamboroo of the year

• Little diddy about Kurtis The Stockboy

• Cowboys From Hell

• Jason Whitlock has a lap that sprawls for miles

Tomorrow I'm going to try to drag my buzzsaw'd ass out of bed at a reasonable hour and do some blogging for you people. Sunday is Dash followed by Matt Sussman's Super Bowl Live Blog Explosion, featuring Fergie, Mos Def, Barbara Mandrell, Overkill, Hot Hot Heat, and,very special guest, Lainie Kazan. Be sure to bring your 3-D glasses and your Spuds McKenzie party packs.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

Photos: Philly.com and Comcast.net

It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Hurt

DAULERIO — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 18:10:19 EST

Fun week this week. Painful, but fun. Thankfully, it's now over and we can all go back to our not-so-normal lives. Here's a rundown:

• Mark McGwire's one-eyed brother tries to help America heal

• John Rocker flips out on radio DJ

• Brenda Warner returns to the national stage, spike-free

• Dwyane Wade gets caught creepin'

• I have been scarred with the mark of the buzzsaw

• And the cookie sheet

This weekend, we have Canadian wonder dong, Gourmet Spud, on Saturday. Then the mighty KOGOD returns for Sunday.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. See you Monday.

Which Of These Birds Will Be Left Standing?

DAULERIO — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:00:20 EST

The week is finally over. Now, it's time to get down to business.

Here are some things you might have missed this week:

• Baby Mangino takes the SHOTY.

• What up, Rolf?

• Eddy Curry has some explaining to do.

• Chris Paul has no idea who this person is.

• Michael Irvin's carjack story seems a little fishy.

• Leitch bets a haircut.

• I bet my ass.

Tomorrow, thank God, we have Monday Morning Punter aka Josh Zerkle, subbing on a Saturday. Dash will be here Sunday. I'll pop in at some point to talk about the outcome of the NFC Championship. I'm taking off Monday. You know, for Martin Luther King Day. Ahem.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Iggles.

For Skip Bayless, It's Come To This

DAULERIO — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:15:14 EST

No, this is not some wacky photoshopped shot designed to question the sexuality of ESPN's Skip Bayless.

This was, as Hugging Harold Reynolds points out, an actual segment on First Take yesterday morning. Combine this with his workout routine and, well, what can you possibly say about Skip Bayless? Give him some credit for being the only participant to include a black quarterback in his list. Jemele Hill, on the other hand, had none. Apparently she loves the Saltines. Watch the video of the segment here.

Go scroll through the most popular and most discussed sections to see what people enjoyed this week.

KOGOD's weekend army will be captained by Marcel Mutoni. Treat him well.

Next week is going to be pretty light for content, but we'll be rolling out some "Best Of"-type stuff to help you procrastinate about Christmas shopping just a little longer.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. And, of course, Goldilocks and The 3 Bears on DVD.

Your wintry, activity sheet-filled weekend starts...now.

The Week Of Big Changes

DAULERIO — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:15:59 EST

Well. Busy week. Vishante Shiancoe became a star and brought us more viewers than any other week. **Holds gun to head**

We changed the front page again with surprisingly little protest.**Closes eyes** We found out that putting the word "Nude Cheerleaders" in a post makes it Digg-worthy. **Cocks hammer**. Realizes phrase "cocks hammer" just brings us back to square one.

More change: The Phillies signed Raul Ibanez to a three-year deal because they really need another left handed bat. Sadly, this probably means the end of the Pat Burrell era in Philadelphia. He's truly a remarkable Philadelphia story: an underachieving Philadelphia athlete surprisingly not run out of town years ago, sticks around through the boos and the boorishness because he genuinely loved it here. Never hit enough homers for that paycheck. Couldn't run. Too streaky and overpaid through most of his career. But persevered and, remarkably, became a fan favorite and quiet leader when the team needed it most. You were classy even when you didn't need to be, Pat, and Philadelphia will always have your back.

*******

Tomorrow: Watch KOGOD and Sarah struggle through the new publishing rules and make a mess of the place. (They won't. They'll figure it out.)

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Especially this week. Even these three guys.

Enjoy your weekends.

Week In Review: My Moustache Brings All The Boys To The Yard

DAULERIO — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 17:04:19 EST

This has been a nice short week, building up to the inevitable shitshow that will start next week. That's right — changes are afoot at Deadspin. But we'll work through them together and make every attempt to keep this place as lively as usual given the circumstances. It's not earth-shattering, but it's just one of those design things that will appear to be a big deal at first and then be not-so-traumatic once everybody gets used to them, including me.

You'll know when it happens.

One last email question for the day:

AJ,

Are you absolutely sure that you're not the son of Gabe Kaplan, famous for Welcome Back Kotter? Look at this picture:

I rest my case.

Chad (Shoopmonster)

No, you dickfuck. And please say goodbye by to Shoopmonster, who will lose his commenting abilities starting next week.

Anyway — check out the top stories page to see what happened this week. I'm sick of fucking around with links and I need a nap.

I believe Tuffy and Spud are on board this weekend to talk about things sports-related. Monday, we'll be back in full swing.

Those of you who'd like to come to Kildare's this evening — gimme a shout. You know where to find me.

Thanks for your blahblahblah Deadspin.

Lates.

Some Day, Somebody's Gonna Make You Wanna Turn Around And Say Goodbye

DAULERIO — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:10:11 EST

Last night was supposed to be a crowning achievement for Deadspin, LLP. The Phil Savage email story was scheduled to be on the late night SportsCenter, but was then axed by the producers because the night was was supposedly "heavy." I was even sent a copy of the opening to the segment: "Story on SportsCenter. It begins : As someone who has been the punchline on Deadspin - you don't want to be the punchline on Deadspin ....."

See? That would've been kind of cool. Granted, Deadspin has been mentioned on plenty of other ESPN programs, either intentionally or unintentionally, by fans of the site who work there, who know they're not supposed to be talking about it, for whatever reason. But not SportsCenter — not the show pony. Last night was an opportunity for that to happen. The relationship between ESPN and all sports blogs, as you know, has become more transparent. They know of their existence, they'll acknowledge when necessary, and, one day, one of those blogs that has tweaked ESPN in the past will get their proper acknowledgment. Then everything will really go to shit.

This week's stories you may have missed for whatever reason.

• Simmons quits his podcast

• SHOTY nominations

• Brett Favre — Fuck Yeah!

• Was the dimwitted USC Song girl really cheering for Texas?

• Deep inside the A-11 offense

• The Fire Joe Morgan farewell interview

That's it. Go take a nap. Next week, will be very short. And next Friday — I'm going all Wayback Machine. Rick and Dash will have the day off and I'll be doing a half day on Deadspin like it was 2006 and I was subbing for Leitch and just trying to test his patience. So, expect a Cultural Oddsmaker and 12 other posts with inappropriate tags that will help us all remember that I once had a pulse that pumped hot urine.

Sarah Schorno will be handling the weekend duties — treat her well.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin, who's most definitely not now. Who's Now? SKEETS.

A Toast To This Smut-Filled Week of Debauchery

DAULERIO — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:15:35 EST

Thank GOD this week is over. Christ. Between going out on dates with dim-witted strippers, gloom-and-doom reports from management, litigious MMA fighters and threats from spatially-challenged U of F co-eds, this week has been a perfect storm of corporate drudgery. Well, not the stripper. But that was soul-sucking in its own predictable way.

Here's some stuff that managed to amuse, though:

• Jamboroo

• Florida State brawlers

• Olbermann gives a shout-out to Civil Negligence

• The Nutt gals

• Piazza writing a book

• Jason Whitlock had some issues

This weekend, you'll have a cavalcade of weekend editors from KOGOD's Weekend Army to keep you occupied and let you know if Brock Lesnar survives his first real fight.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Fuck it, let's SKEET and drink like there are no more Mondays.

Audi 5000.

Week In Review: Don't You Wish We All Could Be As Happy As Baby Mangino?

DAULERIO — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 18:15:51 EST

Here are some of this week's stories that didn't have anything to do with Caitlin Davis.

• The Brady Quinn era begins...with a loss

• How to open a beer with ...Nazi shark!

• Joey Porter: professional trash talker

• More trouble for the Olson family.

• Barack Obama is elected: Some surprisingly good reactions and not-so-good ones

• Baby Mangino!

Interesting week this week. Fun, but you know... kinda Marine crazy. Brace yourselves for the Tuffy and Josh Zerkle combo in KOGOD's Weekend Army. Watch them chronicle the sporting goodness and answer all your tips and complaints.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Now I must wash away the sticky film of the internet with many, many beers.

See ya Monday...

Week In Review: Yes Us Can

Rick Chandler — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:45:32 EDT

We're THIS close to having a new President, people. Four more days! Four more days! OK, I'm shutting this thing down, but not before we review what we've learned this week.

• Erin Andrews can tuck me in any time.

• Tonight, we're all Phillies fans ... except for that guy in the Padres hat. Let's get him!

• If this were Mayberry, John Daly would be Otis Campbell.

• Smear the queer!

• Despite Danyelle Sargent's valiant efforts, Bill Walsh still deceased

•. Mike Singletary can kill you with his thoughts.

Be safe out there tonight, citizens. And if you come across a pantsless Deadspin editor lying comatose in the street, please gently roll him to the curb. And feel free to take his wallet and shoes for your trouble.

video: Crashburn Alley

Week In Review: What's the Frequency, Carl Monday?

DAULERIO — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:45:42 EDT

Here's a photo Carl Monday submitted from commenter "That Just Happened" when the jack-happy roving reporter attended the ribbon cutting ceremony of Cleveland''s RTA HealthLine, which is a big fancy bus. Public transportation frotteurists in Cleveland should reconsider using this line to satisfy their need for public groping.

Anyway, let's see: Isiah Thomas, Erin Andrews, Bill Simmons, Carl Monday...yeah. It's turn back the clock day on Deadspin, apparently.

Let's see what else happened this week:

• Drew Magary: baseball fan

• Taking out the Philly trash

• Cathletes

• Buzzsaw Politico

• Favre keeps having phone trouble

• Rays fans are wretched

• Isiah has some sleep problems

Oh and the World Series. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Phillies lost last night. I didn't write about it. I am officially a front-running bitch.

Going to the game tomorrow though. And apparently Tuffy will be liveblogging it. He's kind of like Sussman, but with longer finger nails. Joining Tuffy in KOGOD's Weekend Army this weekend will be Rick Paulas. So Deadspin this weekend will look exactly like Sports By Brooks last weekend.

Enjoy your weekends. Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin.

Week In Review: Don't Mess With Texas, You Mormon Freaks

DAULERIO — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:30:03 EDT

This was a pretty hilariously awful sign posted during last night's TCU trouncing of BYU, where students name-dropped the spooky El Dorado church compound raids in order to intimidate the supposedly up-and-coming Cougars. It worked, obviously.

So, there will be a couple of announcements on Monday. Nothing too major, some obvious stuff, and a couple of commenting adjustments that will surely make you angry. Hopefully not. But there's a great weekend of sports afoot and luckily you'll have Marcel Mutoni and Gourmet Spud to guide you through the eventual BCS upsets and the Red Sox/Rays Game Six.

If there is a Game Seven, super live-blogger boom-diggity Matt Sussman has promised he'll remove himself from the hyperbaric chamber to let his fingers relay the madness.

Oh. Stories this week:

• Rick gets yelled at by a man who could rip out his kidneys

• Will tells us all about his birthday. And politics. Oh, and the NFL.

• Scoop Jackson insults the masses

• Big Wang's bans Dodger gear

• The Cowboys make some moves

• Rangers prospect dies on bench

• Big Brown bids adieu

• And, of course, your National League Champion Philadelphia Phillies: WHY CAN'T US?

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Enjoy the weekend. I'll be back with another of those block rockin' SKEETS, on Monday.

Week In Review: I Hope Kimbo's Son Has A Better Weekend

DAULERIO — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:30:36 EDT

Let's wrap this up quickly, since this space will be occupied by Sussman's Red Sox/Rays liveblog tonight. Watch him do that thing that makes the ladies say hoooooooooo.....

• Brady hearts McCain

• Rays wax

• Kimbo gets rocked by this dude

• Ladies wax

• Stu's got his eye on you

• Buzzsaw gets raped and murdered

• Nazi Shark Jamboroo

• Palin drops the puck

Get fired up for the weekend. Our KOGOD weekend army members are your Monday Morning Punting enthusiast Josh Zerkle and emergency fill-in member Rick Paulas, who'll grace us with his presence. Treat him well.

On Sunday Philly-area-types looking to hang out with dirty men with mustaches are encouraged to head down to Benny the Bum's in South Philly, where notable Philadelphia sports typists will assemble and scream at the television.

Email me for details, if interested.

That is all. Enjoy your weekend. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin, etc. etc. If the Phillies win this afternoon, expect plenty of dancing in the SKEETS.

Week In Review: A Club Full of Tiny Members

DAULERIO — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:00:17 EDT

So there have obviously been a few minor changes here this week, all of which will be addressed at a later date. Nothing to see here, please disperse, all that. For now.

Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Clay for all his contributions to Deadspin during his full-time tenure here. Honestly — you wont' find a classier, nicer guy in this media business, which is, as many of you know, infested with scoundrels. (No homo.) Here's to the continued regression of the Tennessee Volunteers football program this season so his book can have a timely hook and sell a kajillion copies.

Anyway, it's time to go soak my head in a barrel of gin and see people out.

Not before this week's stories, though:

• The Boston Globe apologizes for the tiny dick

• Buzzsaw bailout

• Farewell, Shea

• The NFL is for almost cripples

• Nazi shark'd

• NLDS live blog fever

• Poor Cubs

This weekend's KOGOD Weekend army contributors are ...**shuffles papers**... hmm. Well. I don't know. But I'm sure they're a lively group who will be able to keep you thoroughly entertained throughout this baseball, football, hockey, Kimbo-filled weekend of sporting activities.

Now go get your shine boxes. Thanks.

Week In Review: Dry The Rain

DAULERIO — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:30:57 EDT

Hi there. After last night's Mets and Brewers victories, I'm legitimately worried. This time of the year it's all about momentum and those teams have it and the Phillies, sadly, do not. I'll say it right now — if the Phillies lose tonight, the season's over. As a long-suffering Philadelphia fan everything is set up to go horribly wrong right now. A hot dog explosion might do us all some good.

So tonight the season rests upon Joe Blanton's meaty haunches. Regardless if the Phillies win or lose, though it's an incredible weekend to be a baseball fan (weather permitting.) The debate can wait. Let's get to recapping and happy hour-ing.

Week stuff:

• John Clayton needs some Beano

• Cooley's mom responds

• USC gets taken out by a pack of wild beavers

• Millen gets put out pasture

• Tim Kawakmi gets Black Holed

• Buzzsaw'd

• I love the Nazi Shark

That's it. This weekend, your KOGOD minions are one Josh Zerkle and an Italian kid with a funny name. They should be quite busy. I believe Sussman is live bloggin' like Dave Coggin on Sunday night too.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Leave the gun, take the Skeets.

Week In Review: Chris Cooley Has Learned His Lesson

DAULERIO — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:30:57 EDT

Well, it's been an eventful week this week here at the Nation Of Deadspin. It began so ridiculously with Chris Cooley's unfortunate dick-slip, as the story unfortunately gained national attention even though the Cooley clan did their best to keep it contained. Cooley ended upapologizing for the incident ("We're dumb"), which seems silly. Blog naked as much as you want young man. This is your America.

Other stories that you might be interested in:

• Rick Reilly: Tongue-bather

• Leitch: Talks with Gary Smith

• Mariotti: Still not working in Chicago

• Stu Scott: Weatherman

• Charlie Weis: Injured in the field of play

• Pearlman: Skanks and Cowboys

• Drew: Fade the black quarterback?

That's it. Go enjoy the autumnal weather and count sweaters. This weekend, KOGOD and Marcel Mutoni will be guiding you through your MLB/NFL/Ryder Cup/ College football madness. See you Monday.

As always, thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

Week In Review: Everybody Wants A Piece Of DeSean Jackson

DAULERIO — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:30:32 EDT

Friday. Hooray. Here's a few of the stories that made this week in Deadspin more special than the week before.

Follow along:

• Leitch: Buzzsaw

• Drew: Jamboroo'd

• Marbury: Godly

• Brady: Done

• Mariotti: Tribune?

• Vince Young: Crazy

• Linda: Cohn'd

Have a great weekend. Please welcome "Irish" Enrico Campitelli Jr. into KOGOD's weekend army. He and Tuffy (Too-fay) will be handling all duties. I'll be back on Monday to get ready for game time. Eagles fans in New York — let's find a bar to revel in unison.

Thank you for your continued support of D-E-A-D-S-P-I-N Deadspin.

Week In Review: Ladies And Gentleman, Boys And Girls...Dying Time's Here

DAULERIO — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:30:16 EDT

Hey there. Finally the four-day week is through. Here is a campaign promise worth keeping: Unless Sarah Palin gets hit in the face with a basketball during the Vice Presidential debates, she will no longer be seen on Deadspin. Palin, obviously, was featured prominently this week and, in hindsight, it may have been a little much. Nine-ish stories. Four probably would've done it. I assure you this has nothing to do with any kind of Deadspin political bent. That scary lady and her screeching gaggle of hockey moms has just as much of a right to be the first in line for the presidency as the loose-lipped fellow from Delaware.

But there were other stories this week. I think?

• Jamboroo: Returns

• Neuheisel: Peacocks

• Emeritus: Predicts

• NBA Rooks: Smoked

• Football: Back

• Marlins: Empty

• Tatum Bell: Luggage thief

• Phelps: Coozes

• Dirty: Hooman

• Waxin': Off

Tonight: The Non-Rivalry Continues. One team's destiny will be revealed after this weekend. And just in time...Here comes Iguchi!

Have a great weekend. Beware tropical storms. This weekend, your football overload will be handled by none other than Sarah Schorno and Jack KOGOD (Unsilent Majority, for those who are still confused).

Tomorrow, we'll also unload the last of the previews.

Thank you for your continued support of DeadspinDon'tLie.