Chicken Nugget Smackdown: Wendy's vs. Burger King vs. McDonald's

Little kids can be cool, but there are a lot of obvious arguments against parenthood. Children are demonstrably shouty, snotty, and wobbly, and they are rumored to be very expensive to maintain. It has also been widely reported that children have poor taste in television. These are among the reasons I am not currently… »11/09/15 11:55am11/09/15 11:55am


Pulled Pork Smackdown: Subway Vs. Wendy's

During the first several decades of our glorious and persistent fast-food era, America’s low-end, high-speed restaurateurs relied almost exclusively on the cow for protein. And why not? Beef tastes good, and cows are huge, plentiful, and otherwise useless (except the cheese cows, those are cool). But while the… »10/05/15 2:16pm10/05/15 2:16pm

Smackdown! Burger King's Yumbo Vs. The Wendy's Bacon Portabella Burger

Hey, great news: Maybe we're not all going to die young from discount-beef-induced cardiac arrest, after all! Traditional fast-food sales are in decline, and the (admittedly gigantic) remaining customer base is starting to gravitate ever so slightly toward the less-bad-for-you options. »12/23/14 12:31pm12/23/14 12:31pm

Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries Are The Saddest Meal

This is not really a review of the Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries; in order for it to function as a review, I would have to go to a Wendy's location and say, aloud, to a Wendy's employee, "I will have the Pulled Pork Cheese Fries," and I can't even rehearse that without my hands literally punching me in the face of… »10/01/14 3:37pm10/01/14 3:37pm

Fast-Food Fight: Subway's Pulled Pork Vs. Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Burger

There are three main founts of greasy innovation whence spring the majority of new fast-food items. The bulk originate in the wide and shallow Same Shit, Different Condiments pool; they are joined by more ambitious offerings from the genres of Cynical Stunt Food and Honest-to-Ronald Attempts to Introduce Nice New… »7/18/14 2:54pm7/18/14 2:54pm

Fried Chicken Sandwich Smackdown: Wendy's Vs. KFC

Fried chicken is the best. The main reason I had to stop reading about death row inmates' last meals is that every single thing about this sentence so far is ghastly; I was also secondarily appalled by how many of them forgot to request fried chicken. I understand that if they were good decision-makers etc., but… »5/15/14 11:19am5/15/14 11:19am