The high bid is only $300 (with an estimated value of $850!) with two days remaining, but let's be honest. Anyone who would bid on the "Sausages Serenade Your Sweetheart" package probably doesn't have a sweetheart to serenade. [MLB.com Auctions]
Winter reminisces with Asylum about his five minutes in the NBA. "You have five fouls to give," Flip Saunders said before a game against Shaq, "and for every foul you don't use, we'll fine you $1,000." Mission accomplished. [Asylum]
Batista is a Brazilian soccer commentator who got a little woozy during a recent broadcast. Note the expression shortly before his eyes roll upward. It's the look of someone who knows he's about to be all over YouTube. [Unprofessional Foul]
Starks on his new zippered-pants company: "Not just basketball, but tennis, soccer, track and field, whatever you have to do to be able to transition in and out of your pants, we want to be leaders in that space." [TrueHoop]
Via the good lads at Black Heart Gold Pants comes this music video for which I have no words, other than to say that it is no more inexplicable than the last time women in Korea fawned over a Hawkeye.
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American Idol freakshow "General" Larry Platt and his magnum opus "Pants On The Ground" have become an integral part of the Vikings playoff run. So much so that Platt showed up at the team meeting today, and performed. Video below.
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Perhaps this post is the online equivalent of a 14-year-old boy snickering to his friends, but come on: I can't be the only one who finds those Shake Weight commercials hilarious.
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Mutton bustin' is huge, according to some weird Fox News story that features terrifying video from Denver's National Western Stock Show. For example? "In a year-end post, sports blog Deadspin highlighted the year in mutton." We're tastemakers now! [MyFox]
Who knows what terrible sin humanity committed against the Alaska Nanook, but that bear is irate. Okay, maybe we shouldn't have frozen him in the Arctic, but is that any excuse to destroy Planet Earth with a kick-ass '80s soundtrack?
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These sad dancing cyborgs came all the way from the future just to beg on the street for St. Louis Blues tickets. They did successfully predict a rare Blues win, so maybe this time-travel thing is legit? [Riverfront Times]
A Hawkeye fan on the way back from the Orange Bowl finds a stray cat stowed away underneath his pickup truck. "We named her Tebow, because she's a crier." [Cedar Rapids Gazette]
Some brilliant soul has calculated Charlie Brown's pitching statistics based on comic strips from the 1950s (record: 1-25) and 1960s (7-85). Stats from the 1970s are not included due to Charlie Brown's heavy use of amphetamines. [Wezen-Ball.com, via GQ]
A Pakistani national field hockey superstar was fined 100,000 rupees (about $1200) after being photographed hugging a tournament official. That sounds excessive and draconian, but we all know hugging is a gateway drug to holding hands. [Dawn]
Mildly terrifying Deadspin I-Team operative Alex captured the ESPN LOLumnist as he foraged in the lower bowl of Denver's Pepsi Center. Note the distinctive outerwear. "Would have been better if it was a vindaloo and a southern cross," Alex writes.
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I'm pretty sure this commercial is racist, but I'm not certain who should actually be offended. Landon Donovan's Spanish teacher would be a good place to start. [SportsRubbish]
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who watched the Fiesta Bowl's cornucopia of bizarre and occasionally disturbing images. And then flooded our inbox with every single one of them.
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