This spot featuring Roger Federer, Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods premiered in early 2008. Federer went from averaging double digit titles a year before the campaign, to totaling eight wins in the two years since. Henry has become a global goat for his handball. And Woods...you know.

David Beckham's contract with Gillette ran through 2007, the year he became the world's only superstar athlete who managed to fade into obscurity by playing in Los Angeles. Was this year's MLS Cup disappointment a direct result of his association with Gillette? It's tough to be certain, but yes. Yes it was.

This ad featuring Sergio Garcia premiered in the summer of 2008, right after El Nino won The Players Championship. He's 0 for 27 on the PGA Tour since.

Oh, and that other guy in the spot, Ricky Rubio? He had the misfortune of being taken by the Timberwolves, and scurried back to Spain.

The curse doesn't stop at "real" sports. John Cena signed a deal to become a Gillette pitchman in February of 2008, just after winning the Royal Rumble as a surprise entrant. But as well all know, he managed to lose three straight title matches in the next three months.

So how about Derek Jeter? The man's superhuman. Gillette ads, SI's Sportsman of The Year, and no divine retribution. If he manages to get himself on the cover of Madden 11, the universe may collapse in on itself.

"It's important to remember that a signature is how a person wants to be perceived by the public. It happens very often that a person's regular writing is completely different from the signature and reveals a different personality. In this case, the signature is more than just a scribble. There's a simplicity there. He wants to be understood."

"The entire name is written in a perfectly horizontal direction, almost as if there were an invisible line under it. It's rigid. This is probably due to his keen visual judgment and co-ordination, and here it suggests a certain level of calculation."

"The middle-zone letters are all nicely connected in a rounded, garlanded manner. It takes more time to connect letters in a rounded fashion than an angular one, and this is not often found in a signature. That shows a methodical and friendly approach to his everyday life and his work. An angry person would have jabby, angular connectors, more like a child's scribble. Tiger has warmth — calculated warmth. Also, the 'i' dot is way to the right. He's writing, and thinking, quickly. "

"Look at the 'g' and the 'o's. They're not closed like they should be. When you see open ovals, you can usually assume that the person likes to talk, and not necessarily in a straightforward manner. With criminals, we often see an open oval on the bottom of the letter. That's bad news. But that's not what we see here."

"The high upper zone indicates a high level of intelligence. It's very striving. The zone also speaks to the writer's superego. His upper zone is very straight and not loopy at all. It's rigid. Maybe he doesn't allow himself to have fun. Very often, people who consider themselves restrained have to loosen their chains and go the other way."

"The unusual formation of the 'W' has the last stroke pointing toward the left, which represents the past. In graphology, this direction is always analyzed as being past-oriented as long as the writing goes from left to right. Tiger is very past-oriented. That probably has to do with his father, though we don't know."

"On the other hand, the ending stroke of the 's' shows an energetic motion toward the right side of the paper, an orientation to the future. We call that horizontal energy. He's ambitious. He has a desire for perfection and success, and you can see it in the way he reaches out from the 's.' In addition, when you end a signature and pull the last letter to the right, is it always this straight? It usually goes a little up or even a little down. In his case, he's razor-sharp. It really does fit his professional personality to a T."

"The dramatic loop in the 'g' suggests physical well-being. Sometimes, a lower-zone loop looks like a moneybag. People who have those shapes in the lower zone are very often materialistic and money-hungry. His is not the shape of a moneybag. It's a very healthy-looking closed loop. It's sensual, and it indicates that, yes, he has a healthy sex drive."

I was at the Lions-Browns game last Sunday and it was a treasure trove of customizable weirdness. Unfortunately, all I had was my lousy cellphone camera and no interest in asking people to stand still for me so I could take a picture of their back. There's no explanation—especially the truth—that wouldn't make you look like a deranged loser in that situation, so my contributions are not all they could be. No regrets.

On a related note, I've noticed a trend whereby someone spends a lot of money on a jersey of their favorite player, only to later find out that this player is horrible. So in a sad attempt at vengeance/recycling, they use duct tape or markers to customize it again. It's often a form of protest against the fact that they contributed $100 to the career of someone terrible. Also, there were a surprising number of Brady Quinn jerseys on the numerous Brown fans who drove up from Toledo to Ford Field. So I put two and two together and got a lot of No. 10 jerseys with "QUEER" taped over the nameplate in our near future. It's the circle of clothing.

Anyway, on to Part V. Previous editions below.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV

Part Buckeye, Part Brown ... All Sweatpants.
Here's my photo skills at work. That's a Dre Bly jersey with the name crossed out and "Who?" written next to it in black tape. Why not Bert Blyleven?
Again, you can't make it out, but the nameplate reads "Quarterbacks of the Century" and contains four numbers. The best part is that Boomer Esiason can just assume No. 7 is him.
No idea.
Now you've taken a perfectly good Vikings jersey and ruined it twice. [Submitted by Kent O.]
These are allegedly British Patriot fans in London—sort of like Jewish Saints fans in Tel Aviv?—but they sure have a knack for this. (And by "this" I mean looking like yobs.) [Submitted by Jessica H.]
Does this guy need smaller shoulders or more back fat? I bet cheesesteaks would help. [Submitted by Jeffrey R.]
The jersey so nice she spilled beer on it twice. [Submitted by Joe E.]
Believe it or not, this photo isn't doctored. The kid wears that black thing on his face everytime his parents make him put on that stupid jersey. A last name like Stinkbutt is not an easy thing to live with. [Submitted by Dan]
But where are The Balls? [Submitted by Mitchell C.]
How many times have we told you.... do not be That Guy. [Submitted by Jon L.]
What did I just say? [Submitted by Julia A.]
Ok, now you're just being difficult. [Submitted by Jonathan S.]
I don't care what anyone says, the Superbad references will remain relevant for decades. [Submitted by Chad H. - @ Kauffman Stadium]
I think we would have figured it out without the shirt. [Submitted by JBrad]
What do you think he said to the bachelorette party as he passed? Oh to be a fly on that inflatable penis. [Submitted by Ben D.]
No one likes a show off. [Submitted by Neil M.]
I heard Babe Ruth actually tried to put that on his jersey once, but the letters were made out of bacon so he ate them in the on-deck circle. [Submitted by John S.]
If you say so ... [Submitted by Mahalvy]
Yeah, Phil Rivers does seem like an Ike and Tina fan. Or an Ike fan, anyway. [Submitted by Mahalvy]
You know what most jerseys need? More reading! [Submitted by Luke B.]
And scene.... [Submitted by Ryan I.]

Actually, this one's pretty badass.

Oddly, there's about five My Little Ponies for every team. But spend enough time there, and the word "oddly" loses all meaning.

From the artist's description: "This is Carmello Anthony made out of Chicken Mcnuggets From Mcdonalds. I decided to do him because He's on the NUGGETS! you just add a Mc in there and you've got food!"

I can't tell if the artist did anything to this picture. This is what Steve Kerr looked like, right?

Yes, that's Hunter Pence trying to rescue Lance Berkman, Carlos Lee and Miguel Tejada from a sandwich.

Be warned. There's a lot of furries.

I love the fact that Squirtle has a Jason Giambi cap.

Cowboys fans like a stacked top half...

While Avalance fans prefer their junk in the trunk.

There's also a good amount of slash fiction expressed here. If you don't know what slash fiction is, don't look it up.

What's this I don't even...

There's no art here. The user just scanned a photograph. For what purposes, I'm terrified to ask.

More furries.

Okay, they all have Red Wings. I get it. But why are they anime characters with vampire fangs?

Lakers bird just got told by Celtics rabbit.

Some sort of Giants stump playing a snare drum.

The devil ray, a perfectly fearsome creature, gets represented by a wolf. Whatever.

Enjoy your nightmare fuel.

From what I can decipher, there is some Japanese video game series called The King of Fighters, which I assume must be something like Mortal Kombat, just more Japanese-ey-ey. And since it is a Japanese product, there is a set of gaming cards associated with this particular video game. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if there were Hentai Tentacle Porn gaming cards.

This is where some photoshopping wisenheimer comes in, photoshops the faces of NBA players on them and uploads them to a Flickr account. And I must say, he or she did a bang-up job. Here is but a sampling:

Sometimes, it's the little things that make you laugh. That reminds me, there hasn't been an amusing story about midgets in way too long.

SUPER!BASKETBALL!FIGHTING!EXCITEMENT!BATTLE! [Hardwood Paroxysm]
The Weirdest/Coolest Japanese Themed NBA Cards You Will Ever See [Last Angry Fan]

Producers recently released the full trailer for Pacquiao's latest movie—his 10th according to IMDb—and it is a doozy. The film is called Wapakman, and appears to be a semi-autobiographical tale of Manny's life as the world's greatest (only?) Pinoy superhero. It's got monsters, bikini babes, adorable kids, explosions and punching. In other words, it is awesome. Judging by the many homages to classic films in this clip, Wapakman looks like Ghostbusters, Spider-Man, Desperado, Superman, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Cider House Rules, every Jackie Chan movie ever, Rocky III and V (but not IV), Clash of the Titans, Gladiator, and Leonard, Part 6 all rolled into one.

Sadly, the film might be banned from the Metro Manila Film Festival, where it was set to debut next month, because the seven-time world champion is planning to run for congress next year and Filipino election law forbids candidates from appearing in motion pictures. This is outrageous. If a fair and open electoral process doesn't allow an elite boxer-congressman to do battle with CGI crustaceans on his days off, then what's the point of even living in a democracy? If that's what it takes to get this movie released stateside, then bring on socialized medicine!

WAPAKMAN Trailer! [YouTube]
Manny Pacquiao Starring in the Greatest Movie Ever [Last Angry Fan]
‘Panday,' ‘Wapakman' may be banned from Metro film fest [Manila Bulletin]

In an interview with FanHouse on Friday, Artest announced he is making a straight-to-DVD movie entitled Therapy, which I assume chronicles his rise from poor kid growing up in the projects of Queens to batshit crazy NBA player.

Surprisingly, the "Malice in at the Palace" will have its five-year anniversary Thursday- it seems like it happened longer ago - but Artest states that the fracas will only be a small part of the film.

"I didn't even realize it was the fifth-year anniversary,'' Artest said. "I'm actually working on a movie about it. It's going to be pretty cool... It's like a docudrama. I'm playing me. (The brawl) is like a small part, but it's a part of it... It's to just kind of spice up the movie a little bit, but (the movie) is deeper than that. It's all true.''

Wow. Artest claims he has a silent partner who is funding the project and he expects the film to be released next summer.

I can confidently state that there is a good chance that Therapy will be the worst movie ever made. I haven't been this excited about a straight-to-DVD release since Road House 2.

Brawl Will 'Spice Up' Movie About Artest [FanHouse]

In this edition, a tribute to Koko the Monkey, more bad duct tape, boozehounds, straight pimpage and, as usual, lots of lovable fat guys. If you see more custom greatness out there, send the (good) pictures with the subject: "Custom Jersey." And if you missed our previous renditions of the series, here are the links.

Part I
Part II
Part III

For all the people about to leave a disparaging comment ... he's talking to you. [Submitted by Rael]
Okay, this is ridiculous. "Be alert for bats"? Unless Rico from Staten Island is about to club him from behind with a Louisville Slugger, I think he's safe. [Submitted by E. Blum @ Yankee Stadium]
Still the best Blue Jackets player of all time. [Submitted by Ben S.]
In all fairness to this guy, I'm sure he did not make this himself, but rather pulled it out of a fake can stuffed inside a 30-pack. [Submitted by Paul S.]
It's not "zero zero." It's "oo." [Submitted by Zain I.]
As in ... "oo ooh ah ahh." [Submitted by Ben D.]
Mike O., please.
I'm really starting to think that some people don't like Brett Favre. [Submitted by Charles D.]
Can't forget the extra dose of this pimpin'. [Submitted by Rob B.]
The extra T is for a double dose of these Tasty Tacos. [Submitted by Adam B.]
I'm confused. Is that what the hat is made out of? [Submitted by Pat F.]
I guess this doubles as a Sports-O-Ween entry (for the love of god, stop sending those in), but I don't see blackface so I can't tell for sure. [Submitted by Scott K.]
You know what? Sometimes you just gotta say what everyone else is thinking. [Submitted by Nick S.]
You'll notice that this guy is wearing a Patriots hoodie under his "Favre4Ever" jersey while attending an American football game in London. Clearly a Tory spy. [Submitted by John M.]
See, cause Pat Tillman was in the Army Rangers. Get it? [Submitted by John O.]
Okayyyyyyyy.... [Submitted by Mark V.]
You know, rhinos are among the most dangerous land mammals. [Submitted by Robert G.]
Let's not get ahead of yourselves, Jacksonville fans. There's a good chance the NFL won't even let you draft next spring. [Submitted by Jan L.]
Well, it's hard to argue with a shirt. [Submitted by Rick M., seen in Chicago]
Why aren't all mobs this good at brand awareness? [Submitted by Eric M.]
All right, I give up. What the hell does this mean? [Submitted by Josh H.]
He's a real wiredout man. Sitting in his wiredout land. Making all his plan to ... wire ... out ... something. I guess. [Submitted by Nick M.]

This took place on Halloween, but it's funnier if you pretend it didn't. Two men dressed as a beloved video game character and his much-less-beloved brother assaulted a cab driver on Staten Island not with the red shell, but with their fists.

Investigators are on the lookout for the two and their suspected accomplice, a bipedal mushroom. If you're wondering how they've eluded capture this long, it's suspected they possess the Tanooki suit, and have been mistaken for statues by police.

Costumed duo rob SI cabby [NY Post]