I was at the Lions-Browns game last Sunday and it was a treasure trove of customizable weirdness. Unfortunately, all I had was my lousy cellphone camera and no interest in asking people to stand still for me so I could take a picture of their back. There's no explanation—especially the truth—that wouldn't make you look like a deranged loser in that situation, so my contributions are not all they could be. No regrets.

On a related note, I've noticed a trend whereby someone spends a lot of money on a jersey of their favorite player, only to later find out that this player is horrible. So in a sad attempt at vengeance/recycling, they use duct tape or markers to customize it again. It's often a form of protest against the fact that they contributed $100 to the career of someone terrible. Also, there were a surprising number of Brady Quinn jerseys on the numerous Brown fans who drove up from Toledo to Ford Field. So I put two and two together and got a lot of No. 10 jerseys with "QUEER" taped over the nameplate in our near future. It's the circle of clothing.

Anyway, on to Part V. Previous editions below.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV

Part Buckeye, Part Brown ... All Sweatpants.
Here's my photo skills at work. That's a Dre Bly jersey with the name crossed out and "Who?" written next to it in black tape. Why not Bert Blyleven?
Again, you can't make it out, but the nameplate reads "Quarterbacks of the Century" and contains four numbers. The best part is that Boomer Esiason can just assume No. 7 is him.
No idea.
Now you've taken a perfectly good Vikings jersey and ruined it twice. [Submitted by Kent O.]
These are allegedly British Patriot fans in London—sort of like Jewish Saints fans in Tel Aviv?—but they sure have a knack for this. (And by "this" I mean looking like yobs.) [Submitted by Jessica H.]
Does this guy need smaller shoulders or more back fat? I bet cheesesteaks would help. [Submitted by Jeffrey R.]
The jersey so nice she spilled beer on it twice. [Submitted by Joe E.]
Believe it or not, this photo isn't doctored. The kid wears that black thing on his face everytime his parents make him put on that stupid jersey. A last name like Stinkbutt is not an easy thing to live with. [Submitted by Dan]
But where are The Balls? [Submitted by Mitchell C.]
How many times have we told you.... do not be That Guy. [Submitted by Jon L.]
What did I just say? [Submitted by Julia A.]
Ok, now you're just being difficult. [Submitted by Jonathan S.]
I don't care what anyone says, the Superbad references will remain relevant for decades. [Submitted by Chad H. - @ Kauffman Stadium]
I think we would have figured it out without the shirt. [Submitted by JBrad]
What do you think he said to the bachelorette party as he passed? Oh to be a fly on that inflatable penis. [Submitted by Ben D.]
No one likes a show off. [Submitted by Neil M.]
I heard Babe Ruth actually tried to put that on his jersey once, but the letters were made out of bacon so he ate them in the on-deck circle. [Submitted by John S.]
If you say so ... [Submitted by Mahalvy]
Yeah, Phil Rivers does seem like an Ike and Tina fan. Or an Ike fan, anyway. [Submitted by Mahalvy]
You know what most jerseys need? More reading! [Submitted by Luke B.]
And scene.... [Submitted by Ryan I.]

Actually, this one's pretty badass.

Oddly, there's about five My Little Ponies for every team. But spend enough time there, and the word "oddly" loses all meaning.

From the artist's description: "This is Carmello Anthony made out of Chicken Mcnuggets From Mcdonalds. I decided to do him because He's on the NUGGETS! you just add a Mc in there and you've got food!"

I can't tell if the artist did anything to this picture. This is what Steve Kerr looked like, right?

Yes, that's Hunter Pence trying to rescue Lance Berkman, Carlos Lee and Miguel Tejada from a sandwich.

Be warned. There's a lot of furries.

I love the fact that Squirtle has a Jason Giambi cap.

Cowboys fans like a stacked top half...

While Avalance fans prefer their junk in the trunk.

There's also a good amount of slash fiction expressed here. If you don't know what slash fiction is, don't look it up.

What's this I don't even...

There's no art here. The user just scanned a photograph. For what purposes, I'm terrified to ask.

More furries.

Okay, they all have Red Wings. I get it. But why are they anime characters with vampire fangs?

Lakers bird just got told by Celtics rabbit.

Some sort of Giants stump playing a snare drum.

The devil ray, a perfectly fearsome creature, gets represented by a wolf. Whatever.

Enjoy your nightmare fuel.

From what I can decipher, there is some Japanese video game series called The King of Fighters, which I assume must be something like Mortal Kombat, just more Japanese-ey-ey. And since it is a Japanese product, there is a set of gaming cards associated with this particular video game. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if there were Hentai Tentacle Porn gaming cards.

This is where some photoshopping wisenheimer comes in, photoshops the faces of NBA players on them and uploads them to a Flickr account. And I must say, he or she did a bang-up job. Here is but a sampling:

Sometimes, it's the little things that make you laugh. That reminds me, there hasn't been an amusing story about midgets in way too long.

SUPER!BASKETBALL!FIGHTING!EXCITEMENT!BATTLE! [Hardwood Paroxysm]
The Weirdest/Coolest Japanese Themed NBA Cards You Will Ever See [Last Angry Fan]

Producers recently released the full trailer for Pacquiao's latest movie—his 10th according to IMDb—and it is a doozy. The film is called Wapakman, and appears to be a semi-autobiographical tale of Manny's life as the world's greatest (only?) Pinoy superhero. It's got monsters, bikini babes, adorable kids, explosions and punching. In other words, it is awesome. Judging by the many homages to classic films in this clip, Wapakman looks like Ghostbusters, Spider-Man, Desperado, Superman, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Cider House Rules, every Jackie Chan movie ever, Rocky III and V (but not IV), Clash of the Titans, Gladiator, and Leonard, Part 6 all rolled into one.

Sadly, the film might be banned from the Metro Manila Film Festival, where it was set to debut next month, because the seven-time world champion is planning to run for congress next year and Filipino election law forbids candidates from appearing in motion pictures. This is outrageous. If a fair and open electoral process doesn't allow an elite boxer-congressman to do battle with CGI crustaceans on his days off, then what's the point of even living in a democracy? If that's what it takes to get this movie released stateside, then bring on socialized medicine!

WAPAKMAN Trailer! [YouTube]
Manny Pacquiao Starring in the Greatest Movie Ever [Last Angry Fan]
‘Panday,' ‘Wapakman' may be banned from Metro film fest [Manila Bulletin]

In an interview with FanHouse on Friday, Artest announced he is making a straight-to-DVD movie entitled Therapy, which I assume chronicles his rise from poor kid growing up in the projects of Queens to batshit crazy NBA player.

Surprisingly, the "Malice in at the Palace" will have its five-year anniversary Thursday- it seems like it happened longer ago - but Artest states that the fracas will only be a small part of the film.

"I didn't even realize it was the fifth-year anniversary,'' Artest said. "I'm actually working on a movie about it. It's going to be pretty cool... It's like a docudrama. I'm playing me. (The brawl) is like a small part, but it's a part of it... It's to just kind of spice up the movie a little bit, but (the movie) is deeper than that. It's all true.''

Wow. Artest claims he has a silent partner who is funding the project and he expects the film to be released next summer.

I can confidently state that there is a good chance that Therapy will be the worst movie ever made. I haven't been this excited about a straight-to-DVD release since Road House 2.

Brawl Will 'Spice Up' Movie About Artest [FanHouse]

In this edition, a tribute to Koko the Monkey, more bad duct tape, boozehounds, straight pimpage and, as usual, lots of lovable fat guys. If you see more custom greatness out there, send the (good) pictures with the subject: "Custom Jersey." And if you missed our previous renditions of the series, here are the links.

Part I
Part II
Part III

For all the people about to leave a disparaging comment ... he's talking to you. [Submitted by Rael]
Okay, this is ridiculous. "Be alert for bats"? Unless Rico from Staten Island is about to club him from behind with a Louisville Slugger, I think he's safe. [Submitted by E. Blum @ Yankee Stadium]
Still the best Blue Jackets player of all time. [Submitted by Ben S.]
In all fairness to this guy, I'm sure he did not make this himself, but rather pulled it out of a fake can stuffed inside a 30-pack. [Submitted by Paul S.]
It's not "zero zero." It's "oo." [Submitted by Zain I.]
As in ... "oo ooh ah ahh." [Submitted by Ben D.]
Mike O., please.
I'm really starting to think that some people don't like Brett Favre. [Submitted by Charles D.]
Can't forget the extra dose of this pimpin'. [Submitted by Rob B.]
The extra T is for a double dose of these Tasty Tacos. [Submitted by Adam B.]
I'm confused. Is that what the hat is made out of? [Submitted by Pat F.]
I guess this doubles as a Sports-O-Ween entry (for the love of god, stop sending those in), but I don't see blackface so I can't tell for sure. [Submitted by Scott K.]
You know what? Sometimes you just gotta say what everyone else is thinking. [Submitted by Nick S.]
You'll notice that this guy is wearing a Patriots hoodie under his "Favre4Ever" jersey while attending an American football game in London. Clearly a Tory spy. [Submitted by John M.]
See, cause Pat Tillman was in the Army Rangers. Get it? [Submitted by John O.]
Okayyyyyyyy.... [Submitted by Mark V.]
You know, rhinos are among the most dangerous land mammals. [Submitted by Robert G.]
Let's not get ahead of yourselves, Jacksonville fans. There's a good chance the NFL won't even let you draft next spring. [Submitted by Jan L.]
Well, it's hard to argue with a shirt. [Submitted by Rick M., seen in Chicago]
Why aren't all mobs this good at brand awareness? [Submitted by Eric M.]
All right, I give up. What the hell does this mean? [Submitted by Josh H.]
He's a real wiredout man. Sitting in his wiredout land. Making all his plan to ... wire ... out ... something. I guess. [Submitted by Nick M.]

This took place on Halloween, but it's funnier if you pretend it didn't. Two men dressed as a beloved video game character and his much-less-beloved brother assaulted a cab driver on Staten Island not with the red shell, but with their fists.

Investigators are on the lookout for the two and their suspected accomplice, a bipedal mushroom. If you're wondering how they've eluded capture this long, it's suspected they possess the Tanooki suit, and have been mistaken for statues by police.

Costumed duo rob SI cabby [NY Post]

In January 2006 in New York, the patient of a well-known psychiatrist draws the face of this man that has been repeatedly appearing in her dreams. In more than one occasion that man has given her advice on her private life. The woman swears she has never watched Kazaam in her life.

So begins the descent into madness that is "Ever Dream This Man?," a bizarre web site that claims to tackle the issue of why thousands of people the world over see Shaq Diesel in their dreams each night.

There are theories ("According to this theory this man is the image of the Creator, I believe this theory to be true."), descriptions of the dreams ("I have never had homosexual relationships or even fantasies. But I dream about having sexing with this man all the time. I must admit he has a lot of imagination and he pleases me. Sometimes when I wake up I discover I too have a wig on."), and, of course, a CafePress shop.

So, is this a harmless prank? Or are we dealing with forces far beyond human understanding? If you've dreamt of Shaquille O'Neal, please relate it in the comments.

UPDATE: As pointed out, it's a Shaqcentric parody of this web site. This still raises more questions than it answers.

The Arizona Daily Wildcat (via Busted Coverage) have documented Thursday night's Homecoming Undie Run at the University of Arizona and I would like to point out that they are doing the Lord's work. Even respected periodical U.S. News & World Report elected to report on it on Thursday.

Yes, the Wildcats will be the newest member of the undie run team in 2009, and it's just in time for homecoming weekend in Tucson. Tonight's run will cross the University of Arizona mall and head onto University Avenue, the Arizona Daily Wildcat reports. Normally, undie runs take place during finals or midterms, but with the weather just right, the organizer of Arizona's run told the Daily Wildcat that now was the time to do it.

My guess is there's a lot of horndoggers working at that place. Just a hunch.

Less words, more photos. How does that sound?

Ahhh, college. And you're welcome.

For those of you who would like further documentation of Thursday night's events, feel free to refer to the links below. There's even a video! Whee!

University of Arizona Homecoming Undie Run: Photos and Video [Arizona Daily Wildcat]
University Of Arizona Undie Run A Hit, Men Roar In Appreciation Of Nearly Naked Women [Busted Coverage]
Arizona Plans First Undie Run [U.S. News & World Report]