Because if the Bears had reacted to their Super Bowl loss the way the Czech Republic team reacted to their Euro 2008 qualifying loss, we'd have a sex boat-esque story on our hands.

Arsenal star Tomas Rosicky and five of his Czech Republic team-mates landed the whole squad a 25,000 fine from the Czech FA after spending a night in a hotel with six prostitutes. A female Czech journalist broke the story after she had visited the hotel room herself as an autograph hunter. Players 'drank and hugged prostitutes' while she spoke to Jan Polak at the room door.

Rosicky apologised for his actions at a press conference. He said: 'We have been correctly punished. We are very sorry.' However, he said he had a 'clear conscience' when asked about the presence of the prostitutes.

As well he should! All he did was drink and "hug" some prostitutes. Sometimes, after a devastating loss, all you need is a long, hot, sweaty, depraved hug. Particularly when your teammates are in the room; it's kind of like a collective cleansing.

Vice Captain Rosicky Earns 25,000 fine [SoccerNet]

Sasha/Gibson: "She's a sweetie. Her name is Nanna. She's Swedish, about 5'6'', nice perky 34b, slim and terrific company. Perhaps you can tell me what you're looking for? Anything in particular I should know?"

Lasorda: "Actually, Sash, I'd like to have some porn for me to watch while she sucks my (expletive). I'm into watching two gals together in a movie. Can she have that there?"

(Edit: Nanna reports to Sasha/Gibson after Lasorda encounter)
Nanna: "He was super easy and a really nice guy. You were right on all counts, Sasha. First he requested I pop in my girl, girl porn movie. ... He just loved watching all that! I noticed though that he wasn't the aggressive type. ... Here I had this real hot porn movie on. He enjoyed watching the girl, girl bisexual sex scenes best. He started to take his (expletive - penis) out and (expletive - masturbate). Then when I saw he was good and hard I started to suck his (expletive - penis). He really liked that! Then I used your 'swirly' move and relaxed my throat muscles so I could take him deep into my throat.

!!!!

!!!!

God, somebody kill us, like, right now.

Excerpt From Madam's Book On Lasorda Encounter [Sports By Brooks]
Tommy Lasorda Wants You To Know He Doesn't Pay For Sex [Deadspin]

In "Secrets of a Hollywood SuperMadam," an autobiography due in bookstores Thursday, Gibson names two dozen celebrities she says patronized her call-girl service. A review of the court file shows that Gibson listed actor Bruce Willis; former Dodgers Manager Tom Lasorda; Steve Jones, the Sex Pistols guitarist and KDLE-FM (103.1) radio jock; and the late film producer Don Simpson, among others.

"I have never heard of this woman and don't know why she would accuse me of something like this," Lasorda said in a statement issued by his attorney, Tony Capozzola. "But if she prints these lies, I intend to sue."

We eagerly await further explanation from Tommy Lasorda's Blog; we can't imagine that guy dipping body parts into anything more controversial than plates of penne, personally. But maybe we're just trying to protect our brain there.

L.A. Madam's 'Trick Book' Is Unsealed [Los Angeles Times]
Tommy Lasorda's Blog [MLB Blogs]