But this will all settle down (hopefully) and we'll get back to doing the usual routine, barring some other game-changing element beyond our control. Some things of note:

* Deleted Scenes didn't run this week because most of the stuff we received was still post-horndoggery backlash. This happens sometimes. Next week, it'll be back and there will hopefully be some other items of tenuous news value and preposterous rumors that will be entertaining for you. This week, I spared you more of this:

It's pretty sad how you are handling this situation with ESPN. Why is it your responsibility to tell people that a guy had an affair? It's not like Phillips is a high profile person at ESPN. They might have a lot of problems at ESPN but they aren't cheating the people. They aren't taking my life-savings and destroying my life. Why don't you report the rock bands that have the same things go on behind the scenes of their shows? Or the athletes that are constantly cheating on their wives? It seems like you want to pick on ESPN because they are bigger and more successful than you are, which is sad.
Jeff Lewis (Shanghai, China)

Thanks, Jeff.

* FAILgate is failing. Miserably. So I'm just gonna wrap that sucker up on Monday and award the winner a Deadspin prize pack, which will consist of a whole bunch of books and other stuff. Maybe there's something of value in it for somebody. It's time to get some new features in here anyway.

* I'm headed to Game 3 tomorrow night. So I'll be back in Philly. Most likely, Ill be at the Locust Bar at some point to help fill up those ashtrays. BUT — if anyone has anyway possible of getting me into the Spectrum so I can watch Pearl Jam close that place down once and for all, I'd be forever in your debt. A Saturday night of Phillies/Yankees followed by Pearl Jam is like my Make A Wish Foundation Weekend. Doesn't anyone work security there or anything? If you have a solution, you know where to find me.

*Moving forward: This site's changing. Rapidly. Growing, etc. Some people may think we've completely headed violently in a direction that's going to forever tarnish the good name of Deadspin and, ahem, "Sports Blogging" forever. I disagree. Wholeheartedly. I'm here to make things interesting for you, the reader. You do your thing, we'll do ours. This site has enough voices and perspectives and non-despicable elements that my minimal posting does not undermine one bit. If you want straight "sports" well, shit, there are plenty of other quality publications that can offer pithy opinions on Those Games From Last Night. Hugs. xoxoxo.

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Weed Against Speed is back for Saturday, Barry for Sunday. Go Phils.

But, seriously, and I hate, hate, hate to put you non-Philadelphia people through this all over again since last October on Deadspin was littered with non-stop boner typing but, damn, the sound of ball-meets-Rollins-bat could crack open the sky. Even Chip Caray sounds like Vin Scully on that call.

Of course, there is still one game to go and even though the Phillies appear unstoppable right now, the sticky film from years of downtrodden loser-dom are tough to wash off. Honestly — a Philadelphia team just can't be this good. It's so disorienting.

I promise I'll keep my pants zipped up throughout the rest of the playoffs and keep most of the updates limited to nonsensical face-typing when things go ridiculously well. Okay — I'll try. I will fail, but dammit, I'll try.

And how can you not love this photo? Or this one?

New vid courtesy of The700level.com

And, ya know, this is kinda funny...

/drunk update

So odd.

There's a part of me that dreads the creeping post-season, given the Phillies bullpen crap-ups of late and the general malaise this team seems afflicted with since Brad Lidge's mental decampment. If the Phillies get knocked out early — which, let's face it, is a strong possibility — then the Christmas morning feeling of last year finally passes. And God forbid the Phillies end up facing the Cardinals at some point because Emeritus will become the most insufferable man on the planet.

Tonight it's the return of Pedro, whose astounding resurgence was a gift this season and him closing it out would let 2008 stay a little longer.

***

Barry P will DJ your late night house party this evening. Off to Fantastico.

Myers was scheduled to do a rehab stint in Clearwater, but sat out because his eye was still swollen, an injury he first said was the result of playing catch with his son. Lie! No, the truth was he got the shiner from stumbling out of his wife's Escalade (lie!) after having a couple beers (lie!).

But the real truth, according to the Bucks County Courier Times, is that Myers cruised down to Jacksonville to see his family then went out that night to Shannon's Irish Pub to watch guitar-slingin' crooner Chuck Nash mumble through vanilla alt-rock because that's what people do in Jacksonville on Friday nights.

So Myers and his wife are there (still together post-punching) and Myers is, most likely, maxin chillaxin at the Pub while Nash plays a killer version of "Gravity" and then a fight broke out and he was accidentally bopped in the eye. Completely not his fault because Brett Myers is a peaceful guy who walks away from situations like this because he's a professional and would hate to jeopardize his career with such foolishness. (Lie!)

Plus, it's starting to fluster J.A.(y) Happ, who seems destined to head to Toronto if the Phillies can manage to throw enough Future into the pot. Then ESPN's A.J. Mass trots out this theory: the Phillies are awesomer than awesome right now and do not need Halladay to be awesomest. (I'm paraphrasing.) Mitch Williams is convinced the Phillies can repeat if they land Roy. The Phillies are reluctant to part with both Kyle Drabek and J.A. Happ. Take one, just not both they say, even though as Jayson Stark sagely points out, neither one of those guys will ever be Roy Halladay. Thank you, you hair-helmeted beacon of reason.

The worst thing the Phillies could do here is dick around too much and then end up overpaying for Cliff Lee, Zach Duke, or Jarrod Washburn. That would be disastrous. Oh, and whatever happened to Mike Grace?

So Raul — Mr. Ibanez -do you feel like your career year is being unfairly scrutinized by the media because of the PED era?

"Unfortunately, I understand the environment we're in and the events that have led us to this era of speculation,"

Yeah, it's unfair. It's, like, you see a guy with a nice car one day even though he had a crappy car the day before you begin to think, 'Hey, how'd he manage to afford to buy a brand new car in one day?' He probably stole it, right?

"At the same time, you can't just walk down the street and accuse somebody of being a thief because they didn't have a nice car yesterday and they do today. You can't say that guy is a thief."

Well, I would, but that's just me. I have little faith in humanity. Or pets. If I had a dog, I wouldn't trust that either. I'm dead inside. Anyway, would you ever let me drink your pee just to be sure?

"You can have my urine, my hair, my blood, my stool - anything you can test. I'll give you back every dime I've ever made if the test is positive"

Well, that would require me to purchase a very expensive blender to make that concoction, but I appreciate the offer. Who do you think is coming up with these wild accusations? And would you put your supposed cleanliness up against, oh, I don't know some of my media colleagues $35k per job to prove your innocence?

"I'll put that up against the jobs of anyone who writes this stuff. Make them accountable..."

Yes, I agree with that and I'm sorry some of it has...

"There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother's basement. It demeans everything you've done with one stroke of the pen."

Hey, hey, hey...now just wait a minute there, Raul. I have never EVER used a pen. Now take that back or I'm walking out of this interview...

"It's unfair because this story should be about how hard work, determination, and desire trumps chemicals and shortcuts."

Right. What about desire, character, and work ethic? Huh? You don't have to use a pen to be successful.

"That should be the message: desire, character, work ethic"

Yeah, I agree. Anyone who decides otherwise is just a coward and should be held accountable for their pen accusations. It's not fair.

"But some guy who doesn't know me - one idiot - says something like this. They should be held accountable. It's cowardly."

Now you're speaking my language! I always wanted to ask you, by the way, is your family related to the Ibanez guitar company at all? Can you get Joe Satriani tickets anytime you want. Raul?

I'm Clean, Angry Ibanez Says [Philly.com]

Dear Mets fans,

It's been a while since you last came to visit. You weren't missed all that much. We love to hate each other, sure, but it was kind of nice without you.

This is your first trip to town since last August. Philly has been a little busy since then. There was the World Series and the parade and the ring ceremony and, man, it just hasn't stopped. You probably saw most of it on TV since you didn't have much else to do after September. You remember all the pageantry that goes along with being a world champion, right? No? Well, maybe you have some faded pictures of 1986 in a shoebox somewhere.

This might be overstepping our relationship, but can we tell you something? You guys seem awfully haggard. It looks like you haven't slept much lately. Guess choking away two straight division titles will keep you up at night.

It has to be brutal to be a Mets fan. The Fightin's got off to a typically slow start and still managed to finish the first month of the season with an 11-9 record. That's where they were at this point last year - two games over .500 - and we all know how 2008 worked out for the Phils.

Meanwhile, the Mets enter the series having lost seven of their last 10. They're three games under .500 and looking sloppier every day.

Their season certainly hasn't gone over well with the New York media. Stories about the Mets are frequently peppered with words such as "pressure" and "anxiety" and "failure." And the headlines are even more vicious:

A Strange and Sad Season

Mets Remain Amazin'ly Powerless

Mets Can Produce Only More Frustration

And the best of the lot . . .

Ya Gotta Be Kidding

Things have gotten so ugly that David Wright has been openly booed at Citi Field. (A little advice: that kind of behavior is so unbecoming. You should try to be more like us - cool and calm and supportive.) A blogger for the Newark Star-Ledger even wrote that Wright is "the face of panic in New York's slow start." How far the all-star has fallen.

Jerry Manuel has also taken a lot of heat. Last week, one of you guys made national news when you held up a homemade sign. It was an orange poster board with black letters and a simple, direct message: "Fire J. Manuel." The Mets fascist security guards didn't like that very much, and they confiscated the sign.

On top of all that, you're forced to pay outrageous prices to watch bad baseball at Citi Field - the not-so-impressive new park that the team plunked down next to a shanty town of shabby auto body shops. Even visitors from Detroit would find that area crummy.

While you're here on your mini-vacation, try to relax. Have a Schmitter and a few lagers and forget about your troubles at home. Soon enough, you'll be on the Jersey Turnpike again - headed back to New York to watch the Amazin's bungle their way through another season. That's an awfully grim fate.

For once, we won't blame you guys for making the trip down to Philly. Generally it bugs us. But if we had it that rough, we'd want to get away, too.

Sincerely,

Fightin's fans

And we're off!

****

I hope everybody enjoys our weekend cavalry: KOGOD returns tomorrow and Pete Gaines comes in on Sunday. Try to read their posts between trying to virtually hook-up with Jezebel commenters. Please.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Buh-Bye.

Sports By Brooks brings us this story from the Houston Chronicle, where Geary shares his feelings about being traded from the Phillies, watching his buddies hoist the trophy, and coming to terms with the harsh reality that he, too, could have been part of one of the greatest moments in Philadelphia sports history had it not been for his colossal sucking. But of course, as most papers not based in Philadelphia are wont to do, the writer asked Geary about his experiences with the notoriously "passionate" Philly fans:

"My last year before I got traded, there were fans who were threatening my life and threatening other people, saying they were going to follow me home and beat up my fiancée at the time. Most of the fans are supportive, but the drunks and the people that are obnoxious, those are the ones that are like rabid dogs."

Alas. But he still wishes he could have been there.

"Everybody says when you win the World Series, you basically own that town for a while," he said. "I don't need to take advantage of that situation, but it would be really cool to be sitting on a soapbox, looking down with 25 of your best buddies and saying, ‘Yeah, now what? Say something negative about me now.' "

You Mon-Chee-Cheei-looking...Nah. I got nothing. World Fucking Champions.

Parting from Phillies Bittersweet for Geary [Houston Chronicle]

Rossi popped on the Howard Stern this morning to mostly talk about banging people, since that is her area of expertise. Once she started rattling off her long list of non-work-related conquests, Burrell's name came up and she summed up their experience this way: "He was immature."

Now, it's not entirely clear what Rossi meant by that statement — he made fart noises in his armpits during intercourse? he lacks the ability to grow facial hair? — but in this context she seems to imply that Pat's reputation as a fire-snorting sex stallion might be a tad overblown.

Then again, we've all heard stories about Burrell's sexual maturity before("Mind if I take care of business?").

Perhaps he was just having an off night. Happens to everyone.

Porn Star: Pat Burell Was "Immature" [Philly Burbs]

Of course this is a nice thing to do, and I give the Hamels' all the credit in the world for their heartfelt generosity and their desire to help children in need. But...Heidi would probably be better served keeping her rationale behind this life-altering decision to herself unless she wants to blow the whole deal.

Here's what Mrs. Hamels told SI during an interview for the expansive cover story on Cole:

We're in the process of adopting an AIDS orphan from Ethiopia. Maybe two. I'm so pumped. I'd adopt six if I could. When I was five years old-I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person-they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I've always wanted this."

I believe "Tiny Black Stick Figure Family Appreciation Night" at Citizens Bank Park is actually something the Phillies' PR team is trying to pull together for the 2009 season. Should be a whale of a time.

Hamels' One-Ups Utley Plans To Adopt AIDS Orphan From Africa [The 700 Level]
Cole Hamels: Officially A Weird Rich Person [Philebrity]

The Phillies God-lovin' set-up man is facing a 50 game suspension after he unknowingly ingested a banned substance that he purchased at a local nutrition store in Cherry Hill New Jersey. Romero claims he took the steps necessary to make sure his urine sample didn't set off the MLB Silkwood alarms and passed the supplement onto his trainer for closer inspection. All clear. But...there was something in his system that turned up hot and now he might lose $1.25 million unless the MLB reconsiders his suspension. And Romero isn't going away quietly. The Philadelphia Inquirer's Phil Sheridan caught up with the "anguished" reliever and just let him vent:

• "One thing I'm going to say, I'm a man and I'm accountable for my actions.If I'm guilty of something, you know what? I will face it. But I'm not guilty, and I'm not letting people that don't really know me judge me over something and accuse me of something that I didn't do."

• "For me to keep my mouth shut? That's not the right thing to do. If they want to bump me out of the game, so be it. What am I going to do, just sit back and take it? When I know in my heart I'm innocent? That doesn't fly well with me and it doesn't fly well in my house, either."

and finally

• "If people are intimidated because Major League [Baseball] is a big organization, so be it. But they are not going to make an example of me thinking that I'm just a [dumb] Puerto Rican. It's not going to happen. It's not the way I'm built."

Yeah, motherfuck him and John Wayne! And According to sources at the Inquirer, the quote was actually "dumb-ass" Puerto Rican. Which is just kind of awesome.

The T-shirts are ready.

Fight the power, J.C.

Phils' Romero Denies Wrong-Doing On Eve of Suspension [Philly.com]

Believe me — the connection between this job and the Phillies winning the World Series has not gone unnoticed. In fact, the groundwork for the Phillies championship was laid back in July when I, like former editor/floppy-haired hero, Will Leitch, did in 2006, had pending nuptials fall apart. That happened soon after I took over the top spot here. The job transition was tough enough, but manageable. The other thing...well, that's as awkward, disorienting and life-altering as everyone who's been through that unfortunate circumstance says it is. "The Curse of Deadspin", I called it.

Leitch, who was supposed to be a groomsman, offered consolation this way : "Well, now the Phillies will win the World Series."

So that happened.

After a month of being consumed with this team's every move and the rest of life being postponed until the Phillies ended their magical run, it's over. The parade has ended, most of the cars on Broad Street are back upright, and it's no longer okay to wear red to the office every day. Victorino is hawking ugly World Championship T-shirts on QVC and "We Are The Champions" is no longer fun to sing over and over again in a crowded bar. It's a return to terrible normalcy.

But it happened. I'm thankful that I got to see every home World Series game in person, then take Septa back to my half-empty Walnut street apartment to watch the roiling lunacy build throughout the weekend to its inevitable riotous end. I'm glad I got that Game 5 Part II strike out-drama, standing there with my Dad in the upper deck terrace, watching him go through the set of emotions that all fathers do when a moment like that happens right before their eyes. I'm thankful for all the congratulatory text messages and emails, the lack of sleep, replete with the requisite early morning man-tackling sessions with some of the new friends I've made in Philadelphia since I returned home. I'm thankful that I ran into an old Little League pal, Danny Wasser, in the deli parking lot on Broad and Lombard the morning of the parade and hung out with him and his buddies the whole entire day. (Thanks for the Coors Light. Oh, and tell your brother Ed I'll try to work a "Roadhouse" reference into this post somehow. How's this? ) Thanks to Dan Levy for beating "Why Can't Us?" into the ground and for all of the other Philly sports sites for doing a great job chronicling this craziness. And thanks to Rick and Dash for picking up my slack for the past month, during my admittedly delirious, hungover state for a good portion of this post-season. You've done God's work, gentlemen.

And thanks to you, faithful readers, for having to suffer through my unabashed homerism through all of this. Especially Mets fans. That must have sucked.

I'm well aware that this victory won't alter the national perception of this city's sports fans. If anything it solidified some of its reputation as a place filled with boorish and deplorable human beings. But that's okay, though, because for once, there's something to smile about for the rest of our lives. Or at least until the Eagles get knocked out of the playoffs again.

Philadelphians, say it out loud, just one more time.

Now, let's get back to work...