Closed Captioning Goes Insane During Fox NASCAR Broadcast

Reader Doug noticed last night that the closed captioning for Fox Sports 1's NASCAR broadcast "seemed to be drunk." Sure enough, midway through the second race at Daytona the captioning suddenly started spitting out repeated misspellings of various MLB stars' names. This went on for more than five minutes; we… » 2/20/15 12:31pm 2/20/15 12:31pm

Dumbest Man Alive Gives Dumbest Possible Explanation For Dumb HOF Vote

This year, I decided to make my life a little happier by giving up on my usual winter pastime of hate-reading terrible Hall of Fame columns written by trolls and gibbering nitwits. Stan Keister of the Hackensack Courier-Educator-Herald voted for no one and spent his entire column on the greatness of Jack Morris?… » 1/08/15 6:32pm 1/08/15 6:32pm

Little Girl Watches Russian Cartoon Dubbed With Actual Porn

Happy Thanksgiving! Here is a Russian cartoon that was inexplicably dubbed with Sasha Grey's moans. And here is a horrified child watching it. Welcome to Russia! Please enjoy your stay. » 11/27/14 3:13pm 11/27/14 3:13pm

The Problem With Peter King

Let’s begin with Peter King on Twitter last night. If you hate-follow poor Peter on Twitter, as I do, you know that his stream consists largely of mangled replies and random compliments to entire towns—Helluva main street you got there, Hanover, New Hampshire!—and last night was no different. The Sports Illustrated » 9/24/14 1:03pm 9/24/14 1:03pm

The 10 Grossest Sex Acts as Described By Urban Dictionary

Have you ever played "what's grosser than gross?" a childhood game where people try to outdo themselves in grotesque scenarios until one person gives up? Let's play it now with the horrifying knowledge that somewhere, somehow, people may have actually done the shit I'm about to tell you. Sometimes with literal shit… » 8/28/14 12:40pm 8/28/14 12:40pm

Ronaldo's Facial Fitness Commercial Is Inexplicable, Perfect

Have you been looking for a way to achieve maximum facial tone that doesn't make you feel so bored and tired? Isn't it time you had a way to be happy with your facial fitness without all the hassle? There have probably been dozens of scientists with degrees in science-related fields who have long argued that there is » 8/06/14 10:07pm 8/06/14 10:07pm

Darryl Strawberry Casually Confirms Insane Cat Decapitation Story

Of baseball's many urban legends, few are as psychotic as the story of animal torture first told in Heat, the 1999 autobiography of Mets pitcher Dwight Gooden. In that book, Gooden gives a firsthand account of former teammate Kevin Mitchell drunkenly threatening his girlfriend with a 12-inch knife before cutting her… » 8/06/14 11:25am 8/06/14 11:25am

Look At This Stupid Fucking LeBron Shirt

There comes a time in every person's life when you have to decide that for which you will stand, and that for which you will not goddamned stand. "STRIV2 For GREATN3SS" is that time and if you choose to stand "4" it, you can get right the hell out of here, man. » 7/30/14 5:55pm 7/30/14 5:55pm

This Ronaldo GIF Is Stupefying, Perfect

There is surely an explanation, but just watch this for one moment, unadulterated by context, and enjoy it. It's wonderful. The inexplicable behavior from the host and Ronaldo's 1,000-yard stare momentarily interrupted by a blink that says what the actual fuck? Amazing. » 7/23/14 12:20am 7/23/14 12:20am

This Is A Browns Fan Pissing On Art Modell's Grave

How do you turn Art Modell into a sympathetic figure? You don an Ed Reed Ravens jersey (to fool people who might find a dude in a Browns jersey visiting Art Modell's grave suspicious, natch), hold your pee for a while, get yourself a catheter, and then dramatically reveal your hidden Lyle Alzado jersey while… » 7/22/14 9:00pm 7/22/14 9:00pm

Bizarre Video: Rick Majerus Leading A "Hoes Anonymous" Meeting

This is a video of the late Rick Majerus leading something called a "Hoes Anonymous" meeting. There's a title card at the beginning of the clip, informing us of some kind of dream sequence, so this has got to be from an unfinished, or never released film, with the possible working title Never Greener. Basically it's… » 7/17/14 1:17am 7/17/14 1:17am

We Have Another Minnesota Twins Back-Hair Jersey

It's hard to say if it's the same guy who sported the Joe Mauer hir-suit a few years back, but we have a few clues. Our first clue is: a dude with enough hair to legibly shave words and numbers into his back hair. Our second clue is: similar male pattern baldness on both men. Our third clue is: a willingness to… » 7/12/14 1:00pm 7/12/14 1:00pm

Cuba Gooding Jr. Is Making Everyone Uncomfortable At The NHL Awards

Cuba Gooding, Jr. was a presenter at the NHL Awards tonight and he might have been overserved. Either that or he's the weirdest dude on the planet. I don't know how else to explain the slapping and talking about ass-grabbing and making a reverse Oreo with Mark Messier and Adam Graves. » 6/24/14 9:30pm 6/24/14 9:30pm