For this, the season's final installment of our stadium series, I asked a wide range of writers, critics, community activists, urban planners and fans to explain all that's loathsome about Versailles-on-the-Harlem River.

Neil deMause, Field of Schemes co-author and blogger:

The 1970s-renovated Yankee Stadium Mark II bore all the hallmarks of that decade's architecture — bland poured concrete, ugly escalator ramps tacked onto the exterior — but they were at least still slathered over the original skeleton of the House That Ruth Built, its tight upper-deck overhang and sweeping grandstand making it far more intimate than any stadium seating 57,000 had a right to be. By comparison, the new building bearing the Yankee Stadium name has taken all the worst aspects of the 1970s stadium and discarded anything worthwhile. Enough sloppily painted concrete and crappy aluminum panels to fill a dozen commuter rail stations? Check. Field-level seats that require a credit check, and upper-deck seats where the game is only a rumor? Check. The eradication of any genuine baseball flavor in favor of the kind of faux-history that usually is restricted to Las Vegas tourist traps? Check. A hideous restaurant in the batter's eye that simultaneously blocks the view of the field from the bleachers while submerging the markers to Yankees greats in a dark hole dubbed "Monument Cave"? You got it. If you're going to spend $1.2 billion in public money and leave local kids with no public parks to play in for five years, you'd hope you'd at least get a nice place to watch a ballgame out of the deal. Instead, the designers of Fake Yankee Stadium effectively turned their back on any populist tradition of the Bronx Zoo days and instead institutionalized the team's most grandiose, corporate traditions: They might as well have inscribed "Where It's Like Rooting For U.S. Steel" over the entrances.

John Pastier, architecture critic:

I used to play football on the grounds of today's Yankee Stadium more than 50 years ago, and now, as an enfeebled and doddering old geezer, I just don't have the wit or energy to kvetch about the monumental and hyperactive commercialism that saturates every nook and cranny of its interior, its outrageously inflated ticket prices, its officious bag-checkers ("We're the number two terrorist target" — oh, if only it were so!), its whopping Giuliani-concocted public subsidies, both visible and concealed, the inadequate bathrooms in its Hard Rock Cafe, its dimensionally-challenged right field porch (even shorter than the old joint's), its confiscation of public parkland, the pretentious banality embodied in its mausoleum-like limestone exterior, and the inexcusable lack of any historic plaque commemorating my athletic presence on the site well before Roger Maris even thought of setting foot in the Bronx.

And to think that George Carlin, Martin Scorsese, and I went to high school just six blocks away. Had George lived long enough to witness this outrageous intrusion into his old neighborhood, he would have been able to do full justice to this travesty. Now my last hope is that Scorsese will someday be moved to make a movie revealing how this all came to be. It'd be a film noir.

Martin Pedersen, executive editor, Metropolis Magazine:

Why Does Yankee Stadium Suck? Let me count the ways:

1) IT WAS THE PRODUCT OF A THOROUGHLY UNDEMOCRATIC POLITICAL PROCESS. The Yankees had spent the better part of three decades ignoring, criticizing or exploiting the South Bronx. Now in exchange for a new stadium, they get the promise (and remember here, the Yankees made and broke a lot of promises to the neighborhood, following the botched 1970s renovation of the original stadium) of a new park, located...on top of a parking garage (thank you very much). In the meantime, a woefully underserved neighborhood goes without a park for who knows how long?

2) IT'S DESIGN IS PROFOUNDLY UN-AMERICAN. Baseball has traditionally played a unifying role. The ballpark is where people of different classes and races and religions actually mingled. The box seats, where the swells sat, weren't physically separated from the proles. The new stadium is like an architectural system of class apartheid, with far fewer cheap seats pushed way up to the heavens (closer to God, at least) and many of the bleacher seats (home to the most loyal and ardent fans) with obstructed views. There is actually a concrete and plexiglass moat separating the I-bankers paying two or three thousand dollars a pop from the mere middle-management types paying, oh, three hundred dollars seat. (It's interesting: After the first playoff game against the Twins, Michael Kay and David Cone were speculating about the subdued nature of the crowd. Was it the 6 o'clock start? The early lead by the Twins? "Excuse me, guys," I shouted at the TV, "it's the fucking architecture!")

3) IN A BUILDING THAT'S ALMOST TWICE AS BIG, THERE ARE ABOUT 5000 FEWER SEATS. This is baseball stadium-as-mall.

3) THE NEW YANKEE STADIUM IS NOT A PRIVATELY FINANCED. We paid for a large portion of this stadium. Why Bloomberg, who had no stake in seeing the Yankees get a new home, went along with it is a mystery to me. It's simply unconscionable for a city, with children attending classes in janitor's closets, to spend money on for-profit sports franchises.

4) THE ORIGINAL STADIUM, AN AUTHENTIC PIECE OF AMERICAN HISTORY, COULD HAVE BEEN RESTORED. The truth is, it badly needed it. It wasn't build for 4 million fans a year, but that's why you hire architects and designers. To examine the problem and propose solutions. Why was Fenway Park, which is far smaller than the original Yankee Stadium, renovated and not "The Cathedral of Baseball"? (By the way, this is how the Yankees referred to the old stadium during its final year.) The original stadium, even deftly re-configured, wouldn't include as many luxury boxes and theme restaurants as the new stadium. It also would have forced the Yankees to share a stadium with the Mets for two seasons, thereby forgoing the opportunity to milk the original stadium's Final Season for all its worth. It was simply far easier and more profitable to take a neighborhood park and start fresh.

5) WHY DEMOLISH A CATHEDRAL?

David Gratt, former season ticket holder (sec 37 Row C seat 1) and former director, Friends of Yankee Stadium:

Because the $400,000,000 direct public investment is the equivalent of 8,000 teachers or cops or firemen at $50,000 per year.

Because the remaining $800,000,000 of the city's bonding authority was supposed to go to build things that we actually need, like the Second Avenue Subway, improved parks, or new or improved schools, police stations, firehouses or hospitals.

Because it would have only taken about $40,000,000 to fix up Macombs Dam Park, the Park that "new Yankee Stadium" sits on top of, while it will cost $120,000,000 to demolish Yankee Stadium and build replacement parks.

Because one of the rationales for the "new Yankee Stadium" was the Macombs Dam Park was too heavily used and needed to be replaced…indicating that success equals obsolescence.

Because attendance will never be higher than in 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008, again indicating that success equals obsolescence.

Because all of the potential move locations (New Jersey, Midtown, Yonkers) were off the table so the Yankees had no place to go…except Yankee Stadium.

Because the city had the Yankees over a barrel, and instead of dictating the terms, the city just gave the Yankees everything they wanted.

Because the city and the Yankees made all of the important decisions without public input; all that was left for the public to weigh in on was the terms of surrender. The public input process in NYC is a sham.

Because the city was paying the Yankees to develop a new stadium proposal …so when city officials met with Yankee officials about the proposal, both sides of the table were being paid out of the same pot of money.

Because the economic analysis rationalizing the project was primarily predicated on enormous increases in ticket prices…which were also possible at Yankee Stadium.

Because the same economic analysis double counted some job creation figures and revenue estimates creating to misleadingly sunny figures.

Because any new stadium has the same economic impact as a department store.

Because no one who actually studies these things believes that a stadium is a good municipal investment; there are just really bad deals and much, much worse deals.

Because, despite all the evidence against stadia as municipal investments, NYC politicians pushed through, not one, but two.

Because increasing the amount of Yankee operated concession space eight-fold, while good for the Yankees, is bad for the neighborhood.

Because the new stadium cuts down on seats but increases parking spaces.

Because city traffic and transportation engineers claimed that additional parking spaces would actually improve the traffic situation, a statement which is just wrong.

Because Reggie Jackson embarrassingly prostituted himself at a City Council hearing. So much for that alleged 160 IQ.

Because, while the Yankees did a great job of demonstrating why they wanted a new stadium, they never actually got around to demonstrating why they needed one.

Because city officials claimed that the Yankees needed a new stadium because the "cramped conditions" were impacting the Yankees' business operations; as if that is a concern of the city.

Because the same city officials claimed that it was impractical to have the Yankees play at Shea during a renovation process because Coke was a Yankees sponsor and Pepsi was a Mets sponsor.

Because the city never bothered to determine a cost estimate for a full renovation of its own asset.

Because a renovation might have cost $250,000,000 and kept Yankee Stadium current for the next 85 years.

Because the outside looks like a mausoleum…a mausoleum for baseball.

Because the inside looks like the Ballpark at Arlington. Way to go, HOK. Once other ballparks were modeled on Yankee Stadium. "New Yankee Stadium" is modeled after the AL West.

Because no one will ever care whether anyone hits a home run out of the "new Yankee Stadium"

Because Thurman Munson never played there.

Because it's not Yankee Stadium.

Lukas Herbert, urban planner and former member of New York City's Community Board 4:

Yankee Stadium sucks because it epitomizes everything that sucks about corporate America today, all rolled into one stadium.

The Yankees, probably the biggest corporate bastards of all baseball teams, started out by receiving a huge amount of corporate welfare from the City and State governments. Just like Wal-Mart plays off one town against another as a way to exact taxpayer dollars to improve their bottom line, the Yankees unbelievably told the City that they would "move somewhere else" if their demands for free land, free infrastructure and direct construction subsidies were not met. While few New Yorkers actually believed such a threat, Mayor Bloomberg had no problem using it as cover to shower the Yankees with financial gifts. So instead of using the money to fix crumbling schools, repair a subway system that's practically held together with duct-tape or keep firehouses and libraries open, the money went to build one of the fanciest stadiums in human history. Take from the poor and give to the rich!

Then of course, the taxpayers who helped to fund the stadium can barely afford to buy a ticket. Just like those corporate fat-cats who took government bail out money to reward themselves with high salaries, why should the Yankees do anything differently? If the taxpayers are helping to build this stadium, why not just use the money to provide more luxury seats for the rich? Or subsidize the outsized paychecks of the players? Clearly intended for the pre-bust era, the only irony of this situation was that nobody had any money to buy these fancy seats after the stadium got constructed, leaving the lower bowl noticeably empty for so many of this season's games.

Green buildings? What's that? The Yankees were apparently asleep for the last couple of years when it suddenly became un-cool to waste natural resources like oil and electricity. The lights that light up the stadium's field are often on 24-hours a day. The lights on the roof of the VIP parking garage were apparently installed with no off-switch (as a way to save money?) and have been on morning, noon and night since the stadium opened. Having suddenly realized that they were now driving the "Hummer" of stadiums in a world that was now desiring Priuses, the Yankees made a truly lame attempt to "greenwash" their stadium through token efforts like using hand sanitizer in bathrooms, instead of soap, to save water. Or biodegradable cups for soda. (You mean, like paper cups?) Tons of new buildings are being built in NYC with true "green" building amenities, but the Yankees never even gave it a thought. Now this lame "greenwash" public relations effort will probably only dupe the stupidest of people.

But perhaps the worst offense of the new Yankee Stadium is what you no longer see: 16 acres of parkland that were taken away from one of the poorest communities in the country. Playing the subsidy game, the Yankees asked for free land –- a community park -– to build their new stadium. Since poor people, minorities and immigrants don't count for much in Michael Bloomberg's New York, why not just give the park over to the Yankees? Sure, the parks will be replaced (at City taxpayer expense), but that will only happen after the needs of the Yankees are met and the old stadium is demolished. (Which is taking way longer than anybody thought it would.) Just like a greedy oil company that goes into a poor country and screws everyone over in the name of "economic development", the Yankees have employed the same model in this community, promising economic benefits while damaging people's lives. Asthma and childhood obesity are issues that plague the inner cities. They way to solve these problems is through more active open space and more trees. The Yankees chopped down 300 mature trees and took away 16 acres of parkland for the next several years to have their stadium. Public health ills be damned! Just like life expectancy is shortened when a greedy corporation opens a pollution-spewing factory in an area with few economic resources, so has this been the situation with this greedy corporation (the Yankees) in the South Bronx chopping down our trees and taking away our open space. People now have crappier lives and worse health because of this stadium.

There are some people in this world who make consumer choices based on their moral beliefs. Maybe they don't wear fur, or eat meat, or buy food shipped in from China, or drive gas guzzlers, or buy from companies that support oppression around the world. So if you are already making these choices with your wallet, why should major league baseball be exempt from your scrutiny? The Yankees have shown themselves to be an evil corporation willing to take massive taxpayer subsidies and waste them on an energy-inefficient stadium priced only for the rich, all while screwing over a poor community and stealing what little they had in terms of trees and open space. Just because they are a baseball team, does that make them any less responsible?

Joyce Hogi, Bronx resident and 2nd vice president of the Bronx Council of Environmental Quality:

I think Yankee Stadium sucks because it was built on valuable parkland that was taken away from the community and they haven't been fully replaced. It will be at least another 2 years; possibly longer, until that happens. I think the stadium sucks because the attention paid to the construction of the bleacher areas is an insult to those fans that cannot afford the pricey seats. It sucks because the stadium's lights are on 24/7 and those residents who live a mere 100 ft across the street can get no relief from them. It sucks because the police become super aggressive toward the community during games by blocking streets, putting up barricades to direct fans from the garages and train stations right into the stadium so there is little or no pedestrian traffic to the local businesses.

Killian Jordan, Yankees fan and Bronx resident:

Yankee Stadium is hateful because it's a monolith, more than a building — huge and looming. Imposing, but far from beautiful. It has turned a neighborhood of parks into a neighborhood of parking garages. It charges more for beer than a Dubai country club. While the team has some personality, management has only an overheated ego and absolute contempt for its surroundings. Like any royal with a proud history of droit de seigneur, it just fucks everything it touches.

The view from the stands (everything sic'd):

Yankee stadium sucks because they had to spend 1.5 BILLION dollars to make it look like an older one they fucked up in the ‘70s.

Yankee stadium sucks because it's in the armpit of the Bronx – why do you think they show pictures of manhattan when they show "outside shots of the city" on tv. Where is the shot of "Ball Park Sports Bar & Grill" under the tracks?!

Yankee stadium sucks because even during a rain delay you can't move down beyond the "moat" – they have armed guards keeping you and the black knight at bay even in monsoons.

Yankee stadium sucks because beers are $9 at the cheapest, and after the 3rd inning, you actually start to believe you are getting a good deal.

Yankees stadium sucks because the morons who built the pathways to monument park didn't account for proper head height, so there is an triangular cut in the concrete as you pass underneath an angled beam – this is the what the millions and billions went towards? Getting Ortiz's jersey out of the foundations and correcting stupid mistakes.

Yankees stadium sucks because the towel dispensers in the bathroom are 2 inches above the sinks. I dare you to try to finish using a towel dispenser and try to be dryer than when you first stepped up to it.

Yankee stadium sucks because of the legends suites. Douchebag McTools from around the Tri-State area show up at these "exclusive" restaurants and bars and seats just to express their douche-iness.

Yankee stadium is awesome because when it's time to dance the camera men do a great job of showing hot and/or skanky women rocking out seemingly to themselves until it is too late. (John B.)

I was able to score 4 tickets to the first exhibition game at the new yankee stadium. with little interest in the game, we took a tour of the concourse, where we happened upon an art gallery. at a baseball stadium. I couldn't believe my eyes. However, it got worse. As I entered the gallery, I saw a guy take a painting off the wall and take it to the register. After placing the art piece on the counter, he asks if he can keep the price tag that was still hanging on the wall. The lady agrees, but before he grabs it I see the price: $3,000. (Pedraic)

I went to a Yankees-Angels game in May with my father, father-in-law, and brother. A foul ball came towards us and my klutzy brother, who was sitting on the aisle, got up, turned around to try and catch it, and tripped over the step, falling into the person sitting across from him us in section 112. This man, who was at the game with his wife and three daughters (who looked to be about ages 5-10), violently shoved my brother back and threatened that if he touched him again, he would punch my brother in the face. My brother is fifteen years old. I explained to this lout that it was an accident and his response was that he was pushed into his kids and he was going to protect them (ostensibly by punching my brother in the face). I told him my brother was a kid too and that there wasn't going to be any punching of anyone. I think it failed to dawn on this person that maybe it would do more good for his children if he were a good role model rather than threatening to punch another child in the face at a baseball game.

Anyway, it's people like this (not to mention the ones who yell awful, racist stuff when the Red Sox are in town) that make me somewhat embarrassed to classify myself along with them as Yankee fans.

Also, attached is a pic I took of Father of the Year.

(Michael S.)

I was up there for the Phils - Yanks series on Memorial Day weekend. How is that Phillies fans are there in equal numbers to Yankees fans? What a complete joke, how many people live in New York, 15 million and you can't fill a baseball stadium with your own fans. Pathetic. Riding the subway up there was hilarious, the whole subway car was chanting let's go Phillies the entire time.

So we start off the afternoon by heading over to Stan's to stock up on beers that don't cost us 10 dollars (we remembered after arriving at said bar that in NYC everything costs double what it should). Highlight of Stan's was one of my buddies puking all over a middle aged lady and two of are other friend's pants. We arrive in the stadium to find out that like most other Phils fans who never been there before it takes 20 minutes to reach your seats in the upper deck. After riding on an endless parade of escalators we reach our seats. Now had I never been to the old stadium I would have thought that the view wasn't that bad. But as anyone who had been to the old stadium can tell you, the new place cannot even compare. You are twice as far from the field and the ticket is more money. Awesome. Now I'm spoiled after going from the Vet to CBP but shouldn't a brand new stadium result in a better product for the customer? Well, I'm sure the BOA suite is an upgrade on the old one. The other obvious thing about that place is the center field eyesore. Who puts something that looks like a 1980's haunted house in the center field seats of a major league ballpark? That, and the fact that Steinbrenner decided to put ads all over the place. Its like watching a game being played on a giant billboard. I understand a few ads here and there but that is out of control. I guess you have to pay for that team somehow. Anyway, the old Yankee Stadium was amazing, the new place sucks. (Bob E.)

I learned this year that the new Stadium isn't immune to the...enthusiastic nature of Bombers fans. In the middle of an otherwise unmemorable and totally meaningless September loss to Baltimore, Edwar Ramirez came in and promptly gave up 3 or 4 runs (as is his nature.) The guy sitting in front of me was not amused. I believe the exact quote he screamed was "GOD DAMNIT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS BUGS BUNNY MOTHERFUCK! THIS TIME I'M GOING TO KILL HIM, I SWEAR TO GOD! HE'S FINISHED!" He then proceeded to storm out of his seat, presumably to go from the second to last row of the stadium down to the dugout to kill Edwar Ramirez.

What's crazier than that? I had seen almost the exact same scene play out 2 years earlier, only Kyle Farnsworth was the one in mortal danger.

Go Yankees. (Henry D.)

Every year my family and a few close friends do a big group trip to see a game in a different MLB ballpark. This year, we decided to go see a game in the new Yankee Stadium. Now, I used to live in NY and CT so I've learned to really hate the Yankees, but I am a baseball fan so I was looking forward to seeing Monument Park. The Yankees' website advises us that it's open until 45 minutes before game time. We arrive about an hour and a half before game time and find a line longer than my...well, it's long. Whatever, we decide to wait in the retardedly long line...only to have two security guards who couldn't give a shit about their job tell us that the line was cut off at the person right in front of us. Never mind that some of us had flown cross-country, or that it's still open for 45 minutes, they assure us there is no fucking way we are getting in. Three of us say fuck that and go watch BP. The rest of our group decided to take their chances at the end of the line. 45 minutes later, the rest of my family catches up with us. They wouldn't let them in. Fucking dicks.

So while we're watching BP, Phil Coke is shagging balls in the outfield, and he throws one up into the first few rows. The first few rows are nice, individual seats, which are separated from the bleachers and the fans who just wandered down for BP by a big concrete wall. One of the fans in the bleachers, who is proudly sporting a "Bleacher Creatures" shirt, yells down to Coke, "Hey Phil! How 'bout one for the REAL fans?" The bougie fans in the first few rows did not take kindly to that remark and turned around to advise the Bleacher Creature to shut the fuck up. Nice caste system the Yankees are creating with their fans. To Phil Coke's credit, he did throw the guy a ball.

Also, Yankee Stadium, in all of its corporate branding glory, features the most pathetic beer stand ever:

(Alex)

Thanks for all your contributions, and please start racking your brains for nasty things to say about Tropicana Field, Chase Field, Minute Maid Park, Rogers Centre, Great American Ball Park, Progressive Field, Coors Field, Comerica Park, Land Shark Stadium and PNC Park. Send them to craggs@deadspin.com.

Coming apart at the seams is the new stadium, which isn't a very extended metaphor if you choose to look at it that way.

You could view it as nothing more than cracks in the stadiums ramps, which were built by a company with mob ties that is under investigation for using substandard materials.

Or you could view it in the larger picture of a franchise in nominal command of a series, but with the omnipresent concept of choking clouding the fanbase's anticipation.

Game 6 is tonight. The Yankees win, and this worry is all for naught, and our World Series is set. But should the Angels pull it out, we've got a game 7 tomorrow with Lackey vs. Sabathia. So basically: don't call me tonight. I'll be busy having a nervous breakdown.

Cracks Emerge in Ramps at New Yankee Stadium [NY Times]

•••••

I'm sure you'll want to check in tomorrow. Could be some interesting odds and sods to deal with.

The lawsuit, filed in April, claimed that Campeau-Laurion was, as the NYCLU put it, "the victim of religious and political discrimination on Aug. 26, 2008 when police officers forcibly restrained and ejected him from Yankee Stadium after he tried to walk past an officer during the playing of 'God Bless America.'" At the time, fans were expected to stay put during the song and submit to a recording of Kate Smith or, worse, the horrible yodeling of Ronan Tynan, because in those skittish post-9/11 days, to buy a plate of nachos during "God Bless America" was to buy a plate of nachos for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

No longer, however. The city, without admitting liability, has agreed to pay Campeau-Laurion a $10,001 settlement, throwing in an additional $12,000 to cover his legal fees. More importantly, in a stipulation attached to the settlement, the Yankees were allowed to lie and pretend that they never had a policy of restricting "fans wishing to move about the Stadium during the playing of 'God Bless America,'" even though they most certainly did. The team at least added that it had "no intention" of instituting any such policy.

Don't mistake the lame stipulation for anything but a thumping victory for Campeau-Laurion, civil libertarians everywhere, those of us sick of the Yankees' chest-pounding brand of patriotism, atheists, people with chronically weak bladders, and upper-concourse alcoholics trying to get one more in before last call — which is to say, just about everyone. Let us all be grateful for a land so fair.

Yankees Won't Restrict Fans for ‘God Bless America' [Bloomberg]
EARLIER: So, Yankee Stadium Takes This No Moving During "God Bless America"-Thing Rather Seriously

Tiger Woods calls foul on Yankees for cost of seats at new Stadium [New York Daily News]

Last month, AccuWeather's Henry Margusity suggested that the weather in New York had actually been ill-suited to home runs: cooler temperatures, denser air, etc. Yesterday, Tim Buckley buttressed the widely held view that the shorter dimensions in right field are to blame, calculating that 19 percent of the home runs hit this year would not have cleared the walls in the old stadium:

In right field, the newfound homer haven, the wall structure is slightly different than the old park. The main difference involves curvature. The gentle curve from right field to center field seen in original Yankee Stadium has largely been eliminated at the new stadium. This is due in large part to the presence of a manual scoreboard embedded within the wall. Losing this curvature has resulted in a right field that is shorter by 4-5 feet on average, but up to 9 feet in spots.

Not only is the famed short porch even shorter in the new stadium, but the walls themselves are not as tall. In the old ballpark, the walls in right field stood at a height of approximately 10 feet. ... The new outfield fences only rise to a height of 8 feet, adding to the ease hitting a home run to right.

Taking into account the dimensions of the field and wall height, AccuWeather.com has calculated that 19 percent (20 out of 105) home runs would not have flown out of the old stadium. If the first 29 games are any indication, 293 home runs will be hit by the end of the year at the New Yankee Stadium, just short of the record of 303 home runs hit at Denver's Coors Field in 1999. If this is the case, as many as 56 home runs could be attributed to the size of the new playing field.

Buckley, taking care to point out that "there has been no consistent pattern observed in the wind speed and direction that would lead to an increase in home runs so far," suggests the stadium may soon start playing even shorter. His forecast: "[B]alls will begin to fly farther and farther as the mercury begins to rise."

Touching All the Bases: New Yankee Stadium Home Run Derby [AccuWeather]
EARLIER: On Juiced Balls and Homer-Happy Yankee Stadium

A.G. Sulzberger, son of Pinch, writes today:

Outside the old Yankee Stadium, fans young and old would gather along barricades near the players' entrance, waiting for a chance at the most coveted of baseball keepsakes - an autograph.

Players had to walk from their parking lot across a small street, Ruppert Place, to a private stadium entrance by the press gate, exposing them - even just for a minute or two - to the pleas of Yankee-crazed kids and autograph hounds before and after games.

But the new Yankee Stadium has ended this beloved ritual in the Bronx. The Yankees relocated the players' parking area behind the stadium walls, meaning that players now drive in and out in luxury vehicles, protected even from curious eyes by tinted windows.

I'll ignore the ridiculous spectacle of a Sulzberger playing the class card (luxury vehicles! tinted windows!). And I'll also concede that this private entrance is definitely of a piece with the Yankees' general view of their stadium as a sort Versailles-on-the-Harlem River. But the last type on earth who needs or deserves our sympathy is the autograph hound, whom Sulzberger the Younger mistakenly seems to think of as some wide-eyed Oliver Twist in an adorably oversized Yankees cap, shyly offering up his scrapbook and the Melky Cabrera card he just plucked from the spokes of his bicycle.

C'mon. You know these people. Most of them are adults in replica jerseys who really should know better, and most of those autographed baseballs merely wind up on a shelf in a memorabilia store or the desk of an accountant in White Plains anyway. I'm all for piling on the wonderful public relations horror show that is the Yankees' new ballpark — excuse me, stadium — but let's at least direct our populist outrage at worthy targets. Like Lonn Trost.

New Yankee Stadium Is Tough for Autograph Hounds [New York Times]
An Unfair Target? The Yankees Say So [New York Times]

New York Daily News media columnist Bob Raissman tackled the issue of stadium security in his Friday column, contrasting the treatment of radio broadcasters and players' wives to everyone's favorite ESPN personality.

He devotes two grafs to Berman but still manages to sufficiently sting him. If you can't tell, the bolded lines are my emphasis:

Nonetheless it seems security does not take the same rigid stance with everyone - like ESPN's mouthy Chris Berman. Monday, he was seen walking around the Yankees clubhouse like he owned the place. Berman was big-timing to the max, strolling into areas clearly marked "no media allowed beyond this point." Perhaps Berman thought the sign did not apply to him because it did not read "no clowns allowed beyond this point."

By the time PR personnel found out Berman was trespassing and went to evict him, he was in Girardi's office talking to the manager. Berman occupying prohibited space in the Bombers' clubhouse is nothing new. He did it at the old joint and in Detroit. When the Yankees were in there, he parked his tuchis in the players' food room, totally off limits to media. Perhaps Berman subscribes to the following old adage: If it ain't catered, it ain't journalism.

And Raissman wasn't the only New York sports media hound to target Berman this week. The Post's Phil Mushnick called the Worldwide Leader a "broken network" in his Sunday space, saving some of his harshest words for Boomer:

That's why Kenny Mayne is stuck playing that Kenny Mayne character on ESPN, Lee Corso is stuck playing Lee Corso, and Chris Berman, who long ago should have been encouraged — even ordered — to move beyond and above his clown act, remains ESPN's head clown. They've all been painted into corners.

Nothing to add here.

Yankees insecurity: Off field, meanies are in play [NYDN]
Kornheiser's departure won't fix broke network [NY Post]

Pete Thamel of the New York Times got the scoop.

Jack Swarbrick, Notre Dame's athletic director, said the Yankees were open to having college football at the new Stadium, and he would like the Fighting Irish to be the first team to play there. Swarbrick stressed that no dates had been discussed.

"We've been in contact with Yankee Stadium and asked and inquired," Swarbrick said. "We will be discussing games with them, but we haven't entered into any substantive discussions."

The guy goes on to yammer incontinently about the "great historical significance" of a mediocre college football program playing tackle football in a brand new, boondoggling slot machine of a ballpark — excuse me, stadium. I'll grant him that such an event would be "historically significant," but only to the extent that it would very likely create a vast sucking vortex of televised insufferability such as the world has never known. At least, not since the last time Michael Kay called a baseball game.

Notre Dame Begins Talks to Play Football at Yankee Stadium [New York Times]

Earlier today, Trost, the Yankees' chief operating officer, discussed possible changes to the ballpark — excuse me, stadium — with the Associated Press:

He said no changes were planned to the policy preventing fans with tickets in other parts of the stadium from getting close to the field during batting practice. Seats in the first nine rows, called the Legends Suite, cost $500 to $2,625 and come with access to three restaurants and lounges. The area is separated from the rest of the lower deck by a concrete moat.

"There's an area by the Legends Suite which is not an area that fans can get into," Trost said. "If you purchase a suite, do you want somebody in your suite? If you purchase a home, do you want somebody in your home?"

No, certainly not. Some slob might scratch the teak.

I remain fascinated by this moat, which has quickly joined the likes of Tal's Hill and the Wrigley ivy in the pantheon of defining stadium quirks. Most teams go for some homey, red-brick, vintage Americana. Not Trost and the Yankees. They prefer feudal England.

Yankees keep eye on wind, homers [ESPN]
At Yankees' new park, he touches all the bases [Star-Ledger]

Let's rundown just some of the things that have happened just in the last few days:

• But you said it was rained out...: Monday night's game against the Red Sox was delayed due to the weather, but some fans claim Yankee employees told them it was rained out. So they left. Unfortunately, the game continued and some of those fans were not let back into the stadium. Yelling and borderline chaos ensues at Gate 6: "We talked to the security personnel, who said there was zero chance they were going to play the game," said Tom Stuart, a 27-year-old from Astoria who waited out most of the rain delay before leaving with his girlfriend. "We spent three hours drinking beer - you can't drink much because they're 10 bucks apiece - now they're going to play a game in front of 35 fans.". [NYDN]

• All A-Rod, All The Time: Pitch-tipping? Strippers? Steroids? Bitch Tits? What say you Joe Girardi:" I have some issues with it, that it's interesting how the book date got moved up now," Girardi said, "and I get tired of answering these questions. I don't understand why someone would write a book like this anyway, and some people may not care to hear that but I don't understand." [AP]

• Even Paul O'Neill is getting hassled: Perhaps the Yankees are trying to regain control of the PR nightmare 2009 has been so far, they're getting a little more strict with the media coverage and sticking to their rule book. According to Bob Raisman of the NYDN, Yankees security asked former Yankee "warrior" O'Neill to not "loiter" around the batting cages. Also? His wife wasn't allowed into the Stadium's "wives room" because she was told it was for "current wives only." [NYDN]

• At least they're beating the Red Sox...: Not at all. 0-5 so far, two straight losses at home. But Johnny Damon is still optimistic!: "Because we are 0-5, it's going to make us a better team, a tougher team, a team that's more together," he said, "a team that's going to rally behind our players." Yes! [NYP]

• When all else fails, just do a flying kick: This is just amazing. I can say for a fact that I will never, ever be in a situation where my brain says, "You're gonna take that from that guy? Leap over four rows and try to drop-kick that loudmouth..." Hopefully not. [Total Pro Sports]

And it's still on the beginning of May.

New York City is positively brimming with obscene millionaires who love to flaunt their wealth and even they won't be caught dead at the new ballpark. The team has been embarrassed by hundreds of empty (TV friendly!) seats at game after game. So prices are being slashed! Everything must go!

The full-season Legends Suite and ticket licenses priced at $2,500 per regular-season game in sections 15A-B, 24B and 25 will be reduced to $1,250 per game. Those who have already purchased those seats will receive their choice of a refund or credit. The full-season $1,000 seats will drop to $650 per game with a similar policy.

Those who have purchased full-season $2,500 seats in sections 16-24A, Legends Suite seats for $1,250, $850, $600 and $500 will receive a specified number of complimentary seats. The same goes for future purchases of such seats.

The Delta Sky 360 suites in Sections 218A-222 will be reduced from $750 to $550 per game, with refunds/credits for those who already purchased.

In order to encourage people to buy the $325 tickets in sections 115-125, fans will receive a specific number of complimentary tickets along with their purchases.

Keep in mind—the team still feels it's acceptable to charge $325 for a single-game baseball ticket that is not on Derek Jeter's lap. (Everyone below that level? Still full price!) Even worse, they've angered Keith Olbermann.

MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, who owns three $850 Legends Suite season tickets, was unhappy prices were cut only for those with front-row seats while others will be given additional tickets.

A guy with three $850 season tickets is complaining about extra free tickets. I kind of hate America right now.

To fill seats, Yankees cut top ticket prices [Newsday]
Empty seats make Yankees cut some premium prices [AP]

Now, if Buster Olney is fretting about this — he's calling it "a whopper of a problem" — you can be sure the Yankees are, too. (Reading Olney on the Yankees is not unlike reading Pravda on the Bolsheviks.) When the new stadium opened, there was a lot of cheery talk that it would play just like its predecessor, that in fact the dimensions were the same as the old ballpark's. But as Hit Tracker's Greg Rybarczyk notes, that's not entirely true.

In certain spots the distances are the same or similar, but there are significant differences in the fence line. As you can see in the diagram, most of right field is shorter in the new park, by as much as 9 feet, but more typically by 4-5 feet (the blue dotted lines in the corners are scale markings that are 4 feet apart.) In center field, the new park is actually a bit deeper, and in left field, the parks are very similar. From some analysis I've done on home runs, these differences would tend to increase home runs overall, and particularly in middle-to-lower power hitters.

If I read my Hit Tracker correctly, 12 of the 17 Yankee Stadium home runs (going into today's game) had been hit over the shorter fences in right and right-center.

But Rybarczyk has another, more intriguing theory: The ball is juiced.

So, very early this season (actually on the second full day of games), I had already noticed that balls were seemingly flying farther than they usually do, so I checked my numbers, and noticed that the standard distances of all the home runs around MLB were a lot longer than those hit in 2008. Since then, I've continues tracking this, and what was little more than a feeling and some numbers off a very small sample size have become a lot more compelling: the first 350 home runs this year are flying, on average, about 6 feet farther than last year.

I've long subscribed to the notion that what is commonly identified as a pharmaceutically induced power spike in the mid-1990s was actually the product of a juiced ball. (Think I'm crazy? Read Eric Walker's indispensable web site.) Is it outside the realm of possibility that, in the midst of an economic doldrums and at the tag end of a steroid hysteria, baseball would decide to start fiddling with its balls again?

Is The New Yankee Stadium A Homer Haven? [WasWatching.com]
The new Yankee Stadium's home run problem [ESPN]
Girardi: New Park Plays Short [New York Post]

It's the story that shook the nation* from this past August, as Campeau-Laurion, a web producer from Queens, was ejected from Yankee Stadium because he attempted to use the restroom during the playing of "God Bless America." That's his story, anyway. New York City police say that he was ejected for being rowdy and "reeking of alcohol." After ruminating over the incident for seven months, Campeau-Laurion has decided to sue. Fortunately the New York Civil Liberties Union is here to calm the waters make sense of it all.

Christopher Dunn, associate legal director of the New York Civil Liberties Union, said it was a "troubling example of compelled patriotism" to force fans to remain in the stands for the playing of the song.

"It's patriotism being imposed on people on a mass scale," he said. "It's the first person we know of who's actually been physically thrown out of Yankee Stadium, but we certainly know of many other people who have expressed concern about the policy."

Campeau-Laurion's lawsuit contends that his constitutional rights were violated under the First, Fourth and Fourteenth amendments. He's suing the NYPD, the New York Yankees, the City of New York and the two police officers who ejected him. City lawyer Muriel Goode-Trufant said the city hadn't seen the lawsuit but planned to review it thoroughly.

So will this become a test case on the Yankees' practice of restricting movement during the playing of this song? Could it carry all the way to the Supreme Court, and eventually become a feel-good movie like Amistad?

And what better way to celebrate opening day at the new Yankee Stadium than with aggressive litigation? If anyone in attendance today has any observations on restricted movement during "God Bless America," please write in.

* = Did not actually shake nation.

Man Cries Foul Over Yankee Stadium Ejection [NBCSports]
NYCLU Sues NYPD On Behalf Of Baseball Fan Ejected From Yankees Stadium During ‘God Bless America' [NYCLU]

I'm trying to see if that's a Jackie Robinson jersey or if it's one of those Lou Gerhig/Derek Jeter combo ones. Amazingly, this shot was taken from space.

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Good morin'. It's Wednesday.