DECEMBER HIGHLIGHTS

• December 6: A less entertaining, but still fun, ESPN memo is released.

• December 7: Denny Green trademarks his own mockery.

• December 13: The Mitchell Report is released.

• December 17: Isiah Thomas brings "sunt" to the masses.

• December 20: Jonathan Papelbon announces he has creative dog treats.

• December 27: Stuff happened RIGHT NOW. Do we blow your mind?

NOVEMBER HIGHLIGHTS

• November 6: Tennessee football players absolutely rule.

• November 8: Clinton Portis' wacky costumes returned for one week.

• November 13: The 2007 SHOTY begins. Yes, that's how long this thing has been going on.

• November 13: Aubrey Huff is Mr. Smooth on the Bubba The Love Sponge show.

• November 16: Barry Bonds was indicted.

• November 26: We had a little fun with Bill Conlin.

• November 27: Sean Taylor, R.I.P.

• November 30: Turns out, you can pee in a towel, and you can even do it in front of an arena full of people.

OCTOBER HIGHLIGHTS

• October 2: The bitches finally get Isiah.

• October 7: Roger Clemens "limps" off the mound and is never heard from again.

• October 9: Proof, which you desperately needed, that bleacher peeing is not a good idea.

• October 16: We learned that Derek Jeter doesn't pay for his ladies' parking.

• October 16: The national day of mourning the end of "FrankTV" commercials.

• October 20: One way to tolerate Kentucky football. (That's not Kige in those photos.)

• October 22: The Jason Taylor Robot attacked London.

• October 28: The Red Sox won the World Series. Again.

• October 28: Just the way they drew it up.

SEPTEMBER HIGHLIGHTS

• September 1: Appalachian State begins a year of college football madness.

• September 6: The Jamboroo is unleashed on an unsuspecting world.

• September 7: Rick Ankiel makes the front page of a New York newspaper! Awesome! Oh ... wait.

• September 18: Isiah Thomas displays his knowledge of proper syntax.

• September 26: The Giants decide they've had about enough of Barry Bonds.

• September 27: "The Game," by Roy Williams.

AUGUST HIGHLIGHTS

• August 4: Mariner Moose is unable to slow down the Red Sox juggernaut.

• August 7: Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's all-time home run record. The world survives just fine.

• August 9: Steely McBeam is unleashed on an unsuspecting populace.

• August 9: Rick Ankiel homers in his first game back in the majors.

• August 14: Wait, it's illegal to attack pitchers with bats? Who knew?

• August 22: A Texas fan attacks an Oklahoma fan by destroying his testicles. Is there any other way?

• August 23: Marques Slocum got himself a fuck lion.

JULY HIGHLIGHTS

• July 4: Joey Chestnut wins a battle for America.

• July 2: A-Rod's wife is so vulgar!

• July 6: Bob Uecker and the Milwaukee Brewers meet the Furries.

• July 9: Baseball announces that Dane Cook will be the official spokesperson of the postseason. We ended up watching anyway.

• July 11: Brady Quinn hangs out with Poison. Kind of.

• July 17: The ESPN Memo drops. The world is a happy place.

• July 17: We just now realized that the ESPN Memo and our talk with Scott Van Pelt were on the same day.

• July 17: Oh, and it's also the day Ron Mexico was indicted.

• July 23: Fun with Tim Donaghy.

JUNE HIGHLIGHTS

• June 3: Jets coach Eric Mangini shows up on "The Sopranos," and amazingly isn't shot for being a rat.

• June 6: We watched ESPN for 24 consecutive hours and lost a little piece of our soul.

• June 12: Nobody knows how to party like Jeff Reed.

• June 13: When John Daly and his wife beat on each other, we all win.

• June 13: Elijah Dukes impregnates a 17-year-old. In Florida, he's just in under the tag. Safe.

• June 14: The Spurs won the NBA title. Yawn.

• June 18: We sat down with an American hero.

• June 19: Tiger Woods spawned.

• June 20: Sammy Sosa hits his 600th home run but will later be vivisected in the Mitchell — hey, whaaa?

• June 27: Seriously: This is how recent our last redesign was.

• June 28: "Propelled forward, and into the air."

• June 29: The Lil SAS

Oh, and The Mighty MJD retired his weekend shift.

• May 3: WARRIORS!

• May 3: We learned why Brady Quinn fell so far in the draft.

• May 6: Roger Clemens announced he was returning to the Yankees. And that worked out well for everyone.

• May 8: The Milwaukee Brewers ask their fans to turn their head and cough.

• May 10: Michael Vick makes it clear that he knew nothing about dogfighting.

• May 16: Brady Quinn again, cutting a rug.

• May 18: Floyd Landis revealed himself as quite the class act.

• May 22: The Celtics didn't get one of the top picks in the Draft Lottery, therefore ruining their season.

• May 23: You dead, dawg.

• May 30: We learned that Alex Rodriguez has sexual urges. Who knew?

APRIL HIGHLIGHTS

• April 2: Bill Simmons re-signs with ESPN through 2010. Mercifully, the "ESPN WON'T LET ME BE ME" comments mostly stop.

• April 3: Florida wins its second straight NCAA title. Joakim Noah remains the people's princess.

• April 10: Pac Man Jones is suspended from the NFL for a year. We still miss him.

• April 18: Mario Williams proved the full power of the lamborghini.

• April 24. David Halberstam died. Fortunately, he never had to see the Bill Belichick's spy gate; he might feel bad about not including it in his last book.

MARCH HIGHLIGHTS

• March 2: We met a good friend of Brian Urlacher.

• March 3: Peyton Manning rented himself out for a Sweet 16 party.

• March 12. We learned of the existence of ESPN's enemies list. And we were on it!

• March 21: The Barbaro Cheeto made its debut.

• March 22: A dreadful year for Tony LaRussa got off to a slurry start.

• March 26: Joe Theismann is booted from "Monday Night Football." He never brings it up again and is totally cool about it.

FEBRUARY HIGHLIGHTS

• February 1: Deadspin commenters take over Bill Simmons' comment page. Simmons was furious, and we felt kinda bad, but it was so much fun to see the barbarians at the gate that we danced all day.

• February 4: The Colts won the Super Bowl, ending racial intolerance forever. Gays, however, are fair game.

• February 5: Todd Bozeman attacks a waiter for giving his team the wrong kind of deli meat.

• February 6: Former NBA player John Amaechi comes out of the closet, causing millions of sports fans to go say John Amaechi's name for the first time.

• February 14: Jim Thome discusses douching with Oprah. No, that really happened.

• February 15: Tim Hardaway eliminated "crossover" from his biography.

• February 18: Tom Brady began his "Impregnate America" tour.

• February 19: Pacman Jones made it rain.

• February 24: The Balls left New York and left us the Smokey Tornado.

• February 27: Tommy Lasorda introduced us to the swirly move.

JANUARY HIGHLIGHTS

• January 3. Nick Saban, as he had made explicitly clear, decides to coach Alabama. He, sadly, did not celebrate the new job the way Mike Price did.

• January 4. Jim Lampley becomes the world's most unlikely batterer. When he settles the case later, he says, "The thing that I am most guilty of is choosing (the) wrong woman." Charming.

• January 8. Barbaro wins the 2006 Sportshuman Of The Year award.

• January 12. Tragedy strikes: "Quite Frankly With Stephen A. Smith" is canceled.

• January 17. In a hint of what's to come in 2007, Michael Vick is citing by police for allegedly trying to bring weed on a plane. Oh, and he made his poodle ride in steerage.

• January 24: Two former athletes proved their mettle against two short white dudes. Congrats, guys.

• January 29. We lost an American hero. Affirmed.

• January 30. AJ Daulerio made a new friend.

NOVEMBER HIGHLIGHTS

• November 9. We proudly introduced the planet to ammo with flavor.

• November 9. The SHOTY Tournament kicks off. Yes, it has been going on that long.

• November 11. Insanely, "You're With Me, Leather" is written into a scene on "Las Vegas." This was like waking up and watching Matt Lauer reading our college term papers on the air.

• November 17. On the eve of the most heated Ohio State-Michigan game in recent memory, former Wolverines coach Bo Schembechler dies. Even the Dead Schembechlers bow their heads in tribute.

• November 21. Bobby Bowden is attacked by the eBay.

• November 22. Michael Irvin explains to us the magical source of Tony Romo's power.

• November 29. The Rory Fitzpatrick campaign allows NHL fans to stuff the ballot box by being one of the few human who vote for the NHL All-Star Game.

OCTOBER HIGHLIGHTS

• October 5. Tommy Lasorda begins his relentless attack on those with smart mouths.

• October 8. Philadelphia opens its arms to Terrell Owens.

• October 11. A plane that was either carrying or being flown by Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle crashes into a New York City apartment building.

• October 16. ESPN, in essence, accidentally creates The Underground.

• October 17. Lamar Thomas does his best Jim McKay impression.

• October 20. We do our first ever completely plastered 3:30 a.m. post. Totally worth it.

• October 22. The winner shows how not to finish the Chicago Marathon.

• October 27. Oh. Yeah. The Cardinals won the World Series and we were there. Probably shouldn't forget that one.

• October 31. Harold Reynolds files a lawsuit against ESPN, which we might have noticed had the Cardinals not just won the World Series.

SEPTEMBER HIGHLIGHTS

• September 5. Bert Blyleven is out there fuckin' that thing up.

• September 7. A big Deadspin birthday party makes us all hungover.

• September 8. We proudly induct the first class of the Deadspin Hall of Fame. And yes, Barbaro will be back on the ballot next year.

• September 11. Tom Jackson memorializes a tragic day in our nation's history by calling Michael Irvin a retard.

• September 11. Tom Cruise and Daniel Snyder are totally BFF!

• September 12. Browns fans reach a new pinnacle by stealing a guy's wheelchair from the Dawg Pound. Dennis! Northcutt!

• September 17. After a difficult catch and crushing hit, Chad Johnson ends up — HUGH!

• September 22. For the record, the guy enjoying himself in the upper deck of RFK is not Unsilent Majority. We asked.

• September 27. Terrell Owens totally doesn't try to kill himself, nope. Great work. Ms. Etheredge.

• September 28. Those who had "September 28" in the "When Will ESPN Mobile Die?" pool ... you won!

• September 29. "The Daily Show" brings the message of Carl Monday to the masses.

AUGUST HIGHLIGHTS

• August 1. Finally able to trash a recently traded player, Phillies reliever Arthur Rhodes calls righthander Cory Lidle "a scab. The only thing Cory Lidle wants to do is fly around in his airplane and gamble." This is no way is a quote that comes back to haunt Rhodes.

• August 8. ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt shows us how to properly court a lady.

• August 10. Reds utilityman Ryan Freel introduces us to Farney, the little man who lives in his head.

• August 16. While popping by the booth for a Red Sox game, Denis Leary shows how much he loves the Jewish cabal.

• August 21. James Frey previews the Cleveland browns, and you commenters don't make it easy on him. Also, David Ortiz encourages you to get an erection.

• August 31. Chris Simms shows off his terrifying tattooes.

JULY HIGHLIGHTS

• July 3. A considerable smattering of Deadspin readers head to RFK Stadium, watch a little baseball and then ... well, they don't remember much after that.

• July 9> Zinedine Zidane, on the largest stage sport has to offer, makes it clear that he's not a fan of terrorist whores.

• July 15. Famed self-manipulator Mike Cooper is sentenced for him "crime," and Carl Monday lets him know he has not been forgotten.

July 19. Stephen A. Smith encourages his "fans" to boo guest Dusty Baker, and then lied about it and tried to blame it on us.

• July 20. Patriots coach Bill Belichick confirms what we've always thought about him; he can't be left alone with anyone's wife.

• July 20. Our night at Busch Stadium turns out to be terrifying. We will later have a more pleasant experience there.

• July 25. Harold Reynolds is fired from ESPN for "inappropriate behavior." Fortunately for ESPN, no one ever asked any more followup questions and the story just faded away.

JUNE HIGHLIGHTS

• June 8. Days after journeyman reliever Jason Grimsley is busted for HGH, we report that Grimsley's trainer, Chris Mihlfeld, is mentioned in the report. Months later, it's revealed that he wasn't mentioned in the document, and we were wrong, and it was Roger Clemens' trainer who was listed instead. (That's denied too.)

• June 8. David Hirshey makes his debut appearance on Deadspin, writing about the World Cup, which we live-blogged like crazy.

• June 12. Ben Roethlisberger makes friends with the pavement, sans helmet.

• June 13. JJ Redick has a few too many Zimas and is busted for drunk driving.

• June 20. The Carolina Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup, and yes, we did notice.

• June 20. "You're With Me, Leather" shows up on TRL, blowing our minds.

• June 22. Ozzie Guillen increases his popularity with Chicago-area sportswriters by calling Jay Mariotti a "fag."

• June 26. Minor league manager Joe Mikulik performs an opera in three acts, setting the bar for managerial tirades so high that no one will ever reach it again.

• June 30. Eddie Griffin learns, much to his surprise, that there in fact is a wrong place to masturbate.

MAY HIGHLIGHTS

• May 8. ESPN's Stuart Scott hosts a David Blaine special. Unfortunately, neither drowns.

• May 9. Deadspin officially sells out to The Man by, uh, selling a T-shirt. It later blows our minds by showing up on TRL.

• May 10. Rick Sutcliffe, after partying with Bill Murray (and who knew THEY were friends?), shows up on local Padres television and drunkely croons about going out there with George Clooney and solving that thing. Tragically, the video has been eradicated from the Internets, though it'll come back, they always do.

• May 11. Matthew McConaughey sends a fier letter in defense of Barry Bonds to the Austin American Statesman, starting his venture into the sports world that will end with him starring in a football movie and having sex with Lance Armstrong.

• May 15. Jose Canseco joins the Los Angeles Senior Men's Baseball League, and then demands a trade. No kidding.

• May 24. The Barbaro Message Board launches.

• May 25. Carl Monday, meet Mike Cooper. Mike Cooper, meet Carl Monday. Both of you, meet America.

• May 26: Introducing super trampoline basketball.

• May 30. "Bonds On Bonds" shuffles off this mortal coil.

• May 31. Indians reliever Scott Sauerback learns that a random stranger's bushes are a terrible place to hide.

APRIL HIGHLIGHTS

• April 3. In a boring Final Four that followed a thrilling NCAA Tournament, the Florida Gators win the national championship. Billy Donovan continues to terrify us.

• April 4. While warming up for the World Baseball Classic, Roger Clemens says he can tell the tournament is a big deal in Asian countries because he's having a hard time getting his dry cleaning done.

• April 5. John Daly warms up for the Masters with much pageantry.

• April 10. Some guy blows our minds with the RBI Baseball version of 1986's World Series Game 6.

• April 11. The words "You're With Me, Leather" first appear on this Web site. We knew it was funny ... but we had no idea.

• April 19. The New York Mets top the pop charts with their groundbreaking "Our Team, Our Mets."

• April 23. Ricky Manning Jr. attacks a guy for using a laptop in public. Deserved it too!

• April 30. The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals draft Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush becomes a Saints savior and the Houston Texans want no part of this "once-in-a-lifetime-talent" business.