And it would be foolish to ignore that invivtation based on the antiquated notion that They, Worldwide Leaders Of The Universe, are our sworn enemy based on past incidents. Nope, bygones be bygoned, I say.

I agreed that their generous invitation would be an "ample learning experience" for all involved, but due to some prior commitments here in NYC, I won't be able to attend the full day-and-a-half of festivities. So I outsourced.

Considering the top-tier writing talent available to us both in-house and through outside correspondents, I decided it was important to spend our limited funding on a person who, in my opinion, could ably tackle the goose-infested playground in Bristol, Connecticut with the vim and vigor required for such an important assignment. Yes, Spinheads, Blazer Girl is here to rescue us once again.

She is in mid-flight right now most likely carrying a gym bag full of mismatched thrift store wares, her iPod and Xanax. Once she lands, she'll be whisked off to Bristol to get some rest before her big day of ESPN education, along with the many other blogs and traditional media outlets in attendance.

Here's her itinerary:

Thursday, Aug. 27
Time (ET) Topics
9:30 a.m. Digital Media
10:45 a.m. ESPN's 30th Anniversary
12:30 p.m. Lunch with ESPN President George Bodenheimer
2 p.m. Event Production (U.S. Open tennis, NASCAR, 2010 FIFA World Cup, etc.)
3:30 p.m. Campus Tour
4:45 p.m. ESPN International / Writing Time / One-on-One's
6 p.m. ESPN Films "30 for 30"

Friday, Aug. 28
8:30 a.m. Monday Night Football / NFL studio shows
10 a.m. State of Sports roundtable
11:15 p.m. College Football / ESPNU
12:15 p.m. SportsCenter / Journalism

And some of the ESPN on-air talent she'll be mingling with at lunch:

• Bob Ley
• Jeremy Schaap
• Hannah Storm

and...

• Chris Berman

Yep. This is how the story ends, kids. Access. Favor. Indiscretion.

******

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Heady days.

New York Daily News media columnist Bob Raissman tackled the issue of stadium security in his Friday column, contrasting the treatment of radio broadcasters and players' wives to everyone's favorite ESPN personality.

He devotes two grafs to Berman but still manages to sufficiently sting him. If you can't tell, the bolded lines are my emphasis:

Nonetheless it seems security does not take the same rigid stance with everyone - like ESPN's mouthy Chris Berman. Monday, he was seen walking around the Yankees clubhouse like he owned the place. Berman was big-timing to the max, strolling into areas clearly marked "no media allowed beyond this point." Perhaps Berman thought the sign did not apply to him because it did not read "no clowns allowed beyond this point."

By the time PR personnel found out Berman was trespassing and went to evict him, he was in Girardi's office talking to the manager. Berman occupying prohibited space in the Bombers' clubhouse is nothing new. He did it at the old joint and in Detroit. When the Yankees were in there, he parked his tuchis in the players' food room, totally off limits to media. Perhaps Berman subscribes to the following old adage: If it ain't catered, it ain't journalism.

And Raissman wasn't the only New York sports media hound to target Berman this week. The Post's Phil Mushnick called the Worldwide Leader a "broken network" in his Sunday space, saving some of his harshest words for Boomer:

That's why Kenny Mayne is stuck playing that Kenny Mayne character on ESPN, Lee Corso is stuck playing Lee Corso, and Chris Berman, who long ago should have been encouraged — even ordered — to move beyond and above his clown act, remains ESPN's head clown. They've all been painted into corners.

Nothing to add here.

Yankees insecurity: Off field, meanies are in play [NYDN]
Kornheiser's departure won't fix broke network [NY Post]

This little gem comes to us from a blog on the website of what is apparently the "Flagship Station for South Florida Sports." I can only assume that this is a radio station, perhaps one dedicated to the broadcast and discussion of sporting events occuring in and around southern Florida. One of their hosts is a ladyperson by the nom de radio of "DStro", who in the course of relating her favorite Super Bowl stories, writes:

Runner up with Chris Berman giving me a nickname when I was sitting in the lobby writing on my computer the first night in Phoenix at about 2 am. He walks in alone, pauses, sees me across the lobby and says, "Computer babe." And continues on to the elevator.

Computer babe? Really, Boomer? You're slipping; might be time to lay off the deux deux deuxs. This concludes your regularly-scheduled Chris Berman anecdote.

[790 The Ticket]

Here's the historic meeting between Berman, Barack Obama and John McCain that followed the Monday Night game; videos that will be pored over and debated by scholars for, oh, the next 10 minutes or so. Enjoy.

One of the great joys I get from these videos is the belief that ESPN first tried to give the interviews to Scott Van Pelt, causing Berman to set fire to the set and threaten to sue everyone at the network. I have no proof that this happened, but it's fun to think about.

And this is also fun:

Ha.

Obama, McCain Interviews [Fandome]

Maybe it'll be some crazy collectible down the line. We doubt it, but it's possible. Warning: Do not wear the shirt to the gym. It seeps through and you look like a character from Porky's. Trust us on this one.

Anyway, yeah, last chance.

You're With Me, Leather T-Shirt [Gawker Shop]

HIM (THE TIPSTER): I was gonna call you before. I have a good story.
ME (ME): What?
HIM: A friend of mine, very reliable, said he saw A-Rod at a hotel with two blondes.
ME: When was this?
HIM: Two weeks before the Stray-Rod story broke.
ME: What?
HIM: Yeah, when the Yankees were playing in Oakland. My friend said he saw A-Rod at the Redwood Room at the Clift Hotel in San Francisco. He was saying 'A-Rod's such a pig! There were two women who looked like sluts making him a blonde sandwich! He was flaunting it! They were all over him!'
ME: Goddamn it!
HIM: Sorry.
ME: We could have scooped Stray-Rod!
HIM: Sorry, it slipped my mind.
ME: Slipped your mind??
HIM: I was watching Berman do the home run derby and then I remembered.
ME: Dick!
HIM: Shut up, you're such an asshole.
ME: You are dead to me.
HIM: Well, it was just ...
ME: Dead!
HIM: Prick.
ME: Are we still on for golf?
HIM: Yeah.
ME: Dipshit.

The whole thing has left me questioning the very nature of God, and tips to sports web sites. Hopefully our man will redeem himself in a grand way somewhere down the line. Let's pray he gets the chance.

Meet A-Rod's Lady [Deadspin]

A reader, whom we suspect represents a large swath of the Deadspin demographic, wrote us this morning:

My girlfriend doesn't have cable, so I had to choose between Regis and Kelly, Divorce Court, Tyra, or Sesame Street to watch with breakfast this morning. Easy choice - I went with the Muppets. You are not going to believe this, but there is a Berman Muppet complete with terrible hair do. He was calling an event where Telly Monster and some others were chasing around a floating hunk of cheese.

They replayed the episode at noon ET ... and he's absolutely right. The Berman Muppet, voiced by Boomer himself, broadcasts a race for cheese. He does not eat it.

This is all absolutely true. The mind spins.

Season 36 Parodies [Sesame Workshop]
You're With Me, Leather [Wikipedia]

(UPDATE: Here's the video. See? We didn't make it up!)

A reader on vacation in Sanibel Island, Fla., stumbled into a sports bar where the above poster was prominently displayed.

A few thoughts:

1. Someone made a poster of Chris Berman? Wha?
2. We don't understand the concept: Who is he supposed to be terminating? Or did they just think it would be funny to put glasses on him. Surely, they would not approach the great Chris Berman with a concept so banal and simple as a play on one's name?
3. Wonder where he got the jacket.

Via Sports by Brooks comes further proof that, although nature and common sense would seem to dictate otherwise, our nation's women are helpless before the visage of Berman. We sincerely believe that he can point at a woman any time he wishes — like James Earl Jones in Conan the Barbarian — and she would leap off of the cliff.

Had Berman been in this sports bar in person, he likely would have "hit it," as the kids say, although we strongly suspect that the zesty appetizer combo would have come in a very, very close second.

Wherefore Art Thou, Leather? [SportsbyBrooks]

"I don't even know what that is,'' he said Friday at Pebble Beach. Did he hear anything about the Internet phenomenon associated with him? "Not once, because the people here are nice people,'' he said.

"A lot of people are very mean-spirited, apparently,'' Berman said. He later added, "You're talking about something that happened nine years ago, some people want to dump on a guy that's been pretty nice to people for 27 years.''

Berman goes from denying any awareness of the phrase to acknowledging it as pointing out how "mean-spirited" people are. We find that sad; we've said all along that Berman has nothing to be ashamed of from the phrase, even if it did "happen nine years ago." Being nice to people for 27 years and pulling out that pickup line nine years ago ... these things are not mutually exclusive. We mean not to be mean-spirited; as always, sir, we only mean to salute you, and your prowess.

Chris Berman Doesn't Appreciate His Place In Cultural History [San Jose Mercury News]
You're With Me, Leather [Deadly Hippos]
You're With Me Leather T-Shirts [Gawker Shop]

Anyway, yeah, the new ball, the "Orange Roundie", if you will, is going the way of the dodo come January 1. It's a rare moment of backtracking for David Stern, though with him, you have to assume there's some sort of bargaining position the reversal will benefit him for sometime down the line. (We expect all players to be wearing clown noses or something in the next year.)

Having not touched either the regulation basketball nor the new one, we don't feel particularly qualified to comment on the whole rigmarole. It is, after all, a ball. We're not sure what much more we can add. It's a ball.

R.I.P. Synthetic Basketball [The Fanhouse]

So, Saturday morning, we woke up, full of enthusiasm for a beautiful New York City afternoon, and we checked our email. There were, strangely, 211 new email messages; that's a lot for a weekend. We weren't sure what we'd missed; did Carl Monday do a story on Fred Smoot or something?

Nope: Instead, we had the most insane, bizarre and hysterical "You're With Me, Leather" mention yet. On the NBC show "Las Vegas," a show we have never seen but feel a sudden urge to start watching now, the characters not only referenced "You're With Me, Leather," they actually recreated the circumstances behind the apocryphal tale. It's amazing in every conceivable way.

You really have to see it to believe it. It's not on YouTube, but, frankly, we think the show has earned the right to make us go to the NBC site and watch the full episode. If you're not up for watching the whole show, you can skip to "The Story of Owe - Part Three" and fast forward to the 1:30 left mark. We guarantee you will not be disappointed.

"Las Vegas" [NBC.com]
"He Could ... Go ... All .. The ... Way [Deadspin]
You're With Me, Leather T-Shirt [Gawker Shop]

Presenting ... the first member of the inaugural class of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame ...

You're With Me, Leather.

All inauguration speeches are encouraged. Obviously, many more to come.

(This plaque, along with the upcoming ones, are designed by Jim Cooke, who, it should be noted, is a freaking genius.)

We're gonna do it anyway, though, so some thoughts the day after.

• Number Of Nominees And Percentage Vote Needed. Since we have, obviously, a lot to sort through this weekend, we are limiting ourselves to 12 nominees, two a day, until next Tuesday, starting Monday. The polls will not be closed until induction day. Also, we've decided that 66.6 percent is, in fact, too low; we don't want a Tony Perez slipping through just because it happens to be trendy at that moment. So we're bumping it up to 75 percent. It should be very difficult to be enshrined.

• Location. Since we've yet to actually lease space, the actual hallowed halls must remain, for now, theoretical. But we can't imagine a better place than Berea. We just gotta figure out a way.

• Commenters. Many have suggested inducting individual commenters, or just "Commenters" as a whole. First off, we will be doing something specific involving commenters in the coming months, so for now, know that your praises of the best ones are being heard, and sit tight. As for "Commenters" in general ... we believe that commenters are so inherent and vital to the site that inducting them as a group would be like inducting "bat," "ball," "bases" and "players" to the Baseball Hall Of Fame. We're open for disagreement on this, though.

• The Inaugural Class. The more we've thought about it, we don't see any way we can even put two stories up for debate: They're just in the first class, and we can't imagine anyone possibly disagreeing. We'll do a formal induction in a couple of weeks, but we'd like to be the first to congratulate "You're With Me Leather" and Carl Monday for initial induction into the Deadspin Hall Of Fame. Their inductions include subsections — Mike Cooper, Damien Fahey, Neil Everett, "I'm a combat vet!" — we'll get into during the actual induction, but for now ... their inductions cover it all. Congratulations to them both. Other nominees coming Monday. And thank you.

(UPDATE: Commenter Wingman just came up with what we think is the perfect idea. To wit:

"I have an idea for location - each HOF post can be printed, we should create a book and stick it in the local Berea library (or the library Mike Cooper was caught floging the dolphin in). It's not like libraries ever check what books are on the shelves. Each year we should make a trip to the hallowed ground to add the new class of HOF inductees. In the end located in a local library with no ones knowledge will be the Deadspin Hall of Fame."

This is exactly what we should do. We're kind of blown away by this idea, actually.)

Well, "You're With Me, Leather" night was last night in Dunedin, Fla., and we received three different reports. That's good, because all three reports reported that there were only three YWML spottings there. They must have all seen each other.

Anyway, everyone seems to have had a good time, if a relatively quiet one, with about 150 total fans in attendance. Said one attendee: We found out when we entered the stadium that when there are few fans, there are few cars. But then we found out it was dollar beer night. Even better. We met [Deadspin commenter] and he seemed thrilled that some actual Deadspin readers showed up (I think knowing his comments name off the top of my head makes me a little scary, but I'm not sure). We were the only Deadspinners who showed up for the promotion; I guess Dunedinites aren't hip to masturbating Ohio State fans and Cleveland's best 'investigatory journalist'."

Hey, it was worth it, anyway. We wish we could have been there. A couple more photos after the jump.

Tonight, friends, is the official You're With Me, Leather Day for the Dunedin Blue Jays, where they'll be giving way T-shirts — the staff will be wearing them as well — and giving out leather baseball to kids, because really, it's all about the kids. They will also be announcing each player's name Berman style, just to contribute to the public good, and we're told they're looking for suggestions, if you're into that type of thing.

So, yeah, it's a special night. Here's hoping that Berman Berman doesn't control the weather.

You're With Me, Leather Day [Dunedin Blue Jays]
Carl Monday: An Investigative Internet Legend [Cleveland Plain-Dealer]
Dunedin Blue Jays Roster, For Berman Names Purposes [Dunedin Blue Jays]
Beware The Power Of Carl Monday [Deadspin]

It appears the Dunedin Blue Jays, the Class A affiliate for the Toronto Blue Jays, are hosting two Deadspin-related promotions. First, on August 7, it's Carl "Mustache" Monday, in which all fans named Carl — or "any form of "Carl" (including "Karl, Carla, Carlo, Carlos, etc)" — or have any part of their name as a day of the week will get in for $3. Also, fans with a mustache will get in for three bucks as well.

But that's not all, friends: Three days later, August 10, against St. Lucie, it's the "You're With Me Leather Giveaway," in which each player's name will be announced with a Berman-esque nickname over the public address system. We're not sure that gimmick is adding to the public good, but we are nevertheless amused.

For the record, we don't have anything to do with this promotion, though we did agree to provide some T-shirts to give away on YWML night. (We're not getting any cut of the gate receipts or anything like that.)

We're just happy that someone's finally giving Carl Monday the evening of honor he deserves. Hell, we're of half a mind to grow a mustache ourselves for the event.

Dunedin Blue Jays Promotions [DunedinBlueJays.com]

In case anybody out there was wondering who our favorite Fox Sports Net affiliate is ... why, it's Fox Sports Southwest, now that you mention it!

You're With Me, Leather T-Shirt [Gawker Shop]

In the wake of yesterday's terrifying appearance of the shirt on MTV, we have been alternately confused, amused and all together bewildered. But today, we have the story behind the shirt's appearance, and, along those lines, the award of the free post.

The full tale is told by Joel Solomon, a commenter around here by the name of "TripleHandsome" and, amazingly, a former writer at "TRL." He explains it all, with his free post, after the jump, even chiming in with a fantastic Berman sighting of his own. Enjoy ... if you dare.

————————————————————————————————-

I used to be a writer at TRL and became very good friends with [TRL host] Damien [Fahey]. A few years back we went to the MLB All-Star Game in Chicago because he was hosting the Celebrity Softball game. While there, we went to a players' party at a "cool" lounge place; there were pretty much no players there. We tried to go to the bar to get a drink and saw this crowd of super hot women surrounding someone. As we got closer, it was this giant beast of a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt; that man ... you guessed it, Chris Berman. We had finally found the said "players." I remember the room was pretty cold, and yet somehow this guy was sweating like Patrick Ewing at the free throw line in crunch time. The guy was talking up all these chicks, sweating like he just raced for the cure and there were no other guys with him. I went up to Boomer and said.

ME: "Hey man, I'm a big fan. Looks like you've got your hands full."
CB: (points finger at girls) "I could go home with any one of these girls."
ME: "Um, okay."
CB: "You guys wish you could be where I'm sitting, because the view is (looks around at the women) GOOOOOD!" (laughter)

End of conversation.

Damien and I were in total shock. Babe Ruth could have walked in for an exclusive interview with him, and this guy was more interested in what color the carpet was underneath the leather. We kept laughing about it throughout the weekend, and even after that, whenever we saw him on ESPN. He just seems like the kind of guy that would smoke at a salad bar.

Flash forward to 2006. The famous YWML story breaks on Deadspin, and I post the above story, saying how I had a run in with Berman and how I think the YWML story is totally legit.

So when I saw YWML t-shirts were for sale, I knew this was a natural fit. Payback's a bitch Berman! (Forgot to mention at the Cleveland/Florida World Series, when I was 16, he blew me off for an autograph and then again at the Super Bowl this year in Detroit).

Ordered two YWML t-shirts and then it was just a waiting game. This would have gone down sooner, had Gawker not taken like eight weeks for the shirts to ship. Damien actually saying YWML was just icing on the cake; his improv, I can't even take credit for that.

Keep up the great work.
As Always, You're With Me, Leather.

Joel Solomon
TripleHandsome

As for my post, here are Ten Things that will never again see the light of day on Deadspin.

10) Craig Kilborn is the greatest entertainer of my generation. He is one of the best Sports Center anchors of all time, had a huge hand in getting The Daily Show off the ground and hosted a tremendously funny Late Late Show that will never get the respect it deserves. There's '5 Questions,' which every show under the sun tries to duplicate and an amazing cameo in Old School that showed off the range his acting chops. Looking forward to Craiggers in Full Of It, proud of you!

9) Next year is the 20th anniversary of the release of the greatest album of all time, Appetite for Destruction. For this event, the original line up of Guns 'N Roses needs to get back together; not think about it, actually do it. I would assume they'd open up with Welcome to the Jungle, but my only request is that the set list includes "Pretty Tied Up" and "Get in the Ring."

8) Time Travel. While it does not exist now, it very well may in the future, and here is where I'm headed, Game 7 of the 1992 NLCS. This game led to the downward spiral of Pittsburgh Pirates history, and if I could do anything to prevent Sid Bream from scoring, I'd do it in a heartbeat. (Mark Cuban please buy this team already!)

7) Rob Crabbe is a great guy.

7a) Takka Takka is the best band you've never heard of.

6) Mischa Barton is ridiculously overrated. The actresses on Laguna Beach are better than her, and although she might be hot for a model, is heroin-chic already retro cool? My friend BT thinks otherwise, sorry man.

5) If there are any NFL coaching vacancies, let me recommend one man. I went to Taylor Allderdice High School in Pittsburgh, the same high school Curtis Martin went to. His head coach there was a man named Mark Wittgartner; the guy is a creative genius that would make Norm Chow's playbook look like Sponge Bob Square Pants paint by numbers.

4) Greg Weiss, my agent. You can reach him at Brookside Artists Management; he's shopping my screenplay and a pilot that would make any network who buys it a lot of money.

3) If anyone knows a unicorn breeder I would like to purchase one for my girlfriend.

2) Kurt Angle is just one of many reasons why you should watch professional wrestling. The guy is the Bo Jackson of his sport; he's an NCAA champion, won an Olympic gold medal, the WWE title and will eventually win the ECW title. I've used his signature move the Ankle Lock at work several times, and no one has been able to break it.

1) People at my Bar Mitzvah I forgot to thank: Mom, Dad.

Out of the wilderness, from the depths of madness, comes a strange, unlikely hero. He's got spikey hair, a nifty blazer and a T-shirt he holds close to his heart. His day job might seem like it would fall outside your particular spectrum of interest, but don't fret: There's a twinkle there, a tiny glint of a life outside the Ashlee Simpsons and the Lil Bow Wows. There's a notion of ... leather. Lots of leather.

His name is Damien Fahey, an individual with whom we will confess we were not familiar until about two hours ago. He's the host of MTV's "Total Request Live," and today, he made a fashion statement that officially stamps him as our favorite fair-haired anchorboy. We cannot salute you enough, Damien, and we give you our heartiest guarantee that the line will, in fact, work.

You're With Me Leather On TRL [Yeoh]
"You're With Me, Leather" T-Shirt [Gawker Shop]

(Just so it's clear, by the way, we had nothing to do with this and didn't know a thing about it until it aired. Honest.)

(UPDATE: You know, we've been thinking about this ... and the fact that this happened is making us a little insane. Just thought you might want to know. We've always been of the belief that YWML was timeless ... but man, we're kinda not sure now. We're glad to see it out there, of course, but ... well, TRL was a surprise. We'll just leave it at that.)