Deadspin: youth football

Monster 6-Year-Old Lays Opponents The F**k Out

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:00:00 EST

There's always one football player who's bigger and faster than everyone else. In preps, it's infuriating. In college, it's awe-inspiring. But in Pop Warner football, it's hilarious and makes you revel in tiny children getting wrecked. [With Leather]

Pop Warner Coach Tired Of Slacking Player, Takes It Out On Father's Face

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:00:00 EDT

Tired of parents attacking youth sports coaches? Here's a refreshing reversal - a coach assaulting a parent. Oh wait, that's not refreshing. That's still criminal and digusting.

This gentleman is Michael VonKahle, and he really needs to start being more punctual about bringing his 12-year-old to his Pop Warner football practice. When they were late last Friday (it apparently hadn't been the first time), coach William Reynolds made the kid run laps. Then, this:

In his statement to police, VonKahle, 48, said he responded to Reynolds by saying, "If anybody needs to run laps, it should be you, you fat bastard."

Later on in the evening, Reynolds approached VonKahle in the bleachers and asked if they could discuss the matter further. They went to a secluded wooded area, and nothing good happens in secluded wooded areas.

Let's play he said/he said:

That's where, according to VonKahle, Reynolds immediately tossed off his jacket and threw a punch at him, hitting him in the face.

But according to Reynolds, VonKahle threw his own jacket around Reynolds' head and began punching him on the side of the head. Reynolds said he took the jacket off his head and returned punches, and after a brief slew of blows, said to VonKahle, "We had enough?" VonKahle responded "Yeah," according to Reynolds.

VonKahle suffered a fractured eye socket, broken nose and torn rotator cuff (which perhaps lends credence to him throwing a punch), and Reynolds was charged with aggravated assault and battery.

Bet that kid shows up on time next week.

Wilmington Pop Warner Coach To Face Charge Of Assaulting Parent [Boston Globe]

George Lopez Is This Year's Frank Caliendo

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 06:30:00 EDT

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Did you hear Lopez Tonight is coming to TBS? Day 1 of the playoffs went just as planned, with the Phillies, Yankees and Dodgers all winning. Wait, back up. The Dodgers? I guess whoever said they have no pitching was mistaken. Getting 3.2 innings from Randy Wolf is more than they could have hoped for.

•Dez Bryant is ruled ineligible not because he met with Deion Sanders, but because he lied about meeting with Deion Sanders. Let this be a lesson to our younger readers: if your parents ever catch you doing something bad, it's best to be honest and tell them you were with Deion Sanders.

•Allen Iverson may miss the Grizzlies' season opener as he recovers from a hamstring injury, but let's get real here: if you're counting on Allen Iverson in 2009 to be a crucial part of your team, you're probably not shooting for the stars anyway.

•Your injured quarterbacks update: Donovan McNabb probably, Tim Tebow maybe, Eli Manning maybe not. JaMarcus Russell isn't injured, but is listed as doubtful to play "football."

•Phoenix pulls out a win and forces the WNBA Finals to a deciding fifth game. This was exactly what the league didn't need; there's no way anyone will be paying attention to the WNBA once the UFL starts up tonight.

•Stars broadcaster Daryl Reaugh predicts Dallas will win their opening game. They don't. Now Reaugh's springing for free tickets for all in attendance. Let's hope he doesn't make the guarantee again; have you seen Marty Turco lately? Reaugh may have to spring for season tickets.

•We close with a link to the top ten hits in youth football. Does it make it sadder or funnier that they're children? We say funnier. A highlight:

The Year In ... Parents Gone Wild

Rick Chandler — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:15:44 EST

So, the next few days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: Parents gone wild.

If there’s one thing I know about youth sports it’s this: Parents will not stop until they’ve squeezed every bit of fun out of the experience, and their children are left trembling, nervous wrecks. Why couldn’t they just let me stay home and watch cartoons?! Um, I mean, let them stay home. Here are some prime examples:

• Nine-year-old banned from his Little League because he pitches too hard. Naturally, lawsuits ensue.

• Miss your snack bar shift and feel the terrible wrath of the Freetown Youth Athletic Association.

• Your 7-year-old won't wear his Packers jersey? Get the masking tape.

• What would 2008 be without Mitch Williams being ejected from a girls youth basketball game for swearing at the refs?

• Now you can't even attend your 5-year-old daughter's soccer game while packing a Glock 26? Is this Russia?

• Where is the woman from the previous item when you need her?

• You're nine, you play Little League, and Dusty Baker is your coach. Hilarity ensues.

• Ten reasons the Little League World Series sucks.

• The fine art of racial profiling, when all the athletes in question are black.

Pop Warner Team Gets Kicked Out Of Disney

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 13:45:10 EST

Two pop warner football teams are facing disciplinary action for getting kicked out of a Disney World resort. Their infraction? Fighting in the cafeteria.

Both teams were in Florida for the Pop Warner Super Bowl.

The Dorchester Eagles, ages 11 to 15, and the Edgewood Eagles of Rhode Island were booted from their Disney World hotel on Thursday after multiple members of the two teams got into a physical fight in the hotel cafeteria, said Pop Warner spokesman Jason Howarth.

As a result, the Dorchester Eagles’ future with Pop Warner may be in jeopardy, he said.

[Edgewood Eagles President George] Lindell said the Thursday incident was a continuation of an incident Wednesday at Hollywood Studios, formerly MGM studios, which Disney opened up to all Pop Warner teams and guests for free food, ice cream and rides.

Nothing brings debauchery to a town like a Super Bowl. It also turns out that the NFL helped fund the Dorchester team's trip to Florida by giving them a share of $4,000 to help with the costs. Goodell's gonna love this story.

Word on the street is that Jerry Jones has offered them all future contracts.

The Love of Sports via Boston Herald

You Can Do Anything You Put Your Mind To, Except Drive A Car

Josh Zerkle — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 13:30:21 EDT

Here comes a story about a kid in West Texas that plays youth football. But what makes Dillon Collier of the Greenwood Panthers so special? He's blind. Oh, and he has a radio in his helmet. That's pretty cool.

Dillon always wanted to play football, and to see him actually doing what he wants to do with his life is really cool. I hope that determination is something he applies to other aspects of his life. Because he would get crushed in Madden 09.

Hat tip to KSK for the find.

America's Youth; Craftier Than One Might Think

rickchand — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:00:16 EDT

This is rather old, but hey: New to these parts. I'm not going to get into the debate over whether this is cheating or not. I'm just so damned happy to be posting a youth football clip that doesn't involve a parent getting tasered.

Not long after the game, this kid signed a letter of intent to play for Boise State, by the way.

Coach, Wrong Ball [Youtube, via Fark]

Who's Sorry Now?

rickchand — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:45:15 EDT

It's been quite a year so far for youth football, hasn't it? Spectators being mistaken for terrorists, police officers tasering rambunctious fans ... one concerned parent even pulled a gun on a coach. Compared to that, the following may not seem like much, except for the heartfelt, tearful apologies all around. And that's what we're all about on Fridays.

The president of a youth football association has apologized for fans who wore Afro wigs and painted their faces black at a playoff game. Shaker Heights coach Jeffrey Saffold said Hudson fans also used a racially offensive word during Sunday's game. "I think this was a way of supporting the team by showing up in bigoted costumes to mock their minority opponent," Saffold said.

It may not surprise anyone that this occurred in Ohio.

And now, on with the bitter regret:

• "Sorry I took six members of my team to a strip club." — NYU golf coach Jay Donovan.

• "Sorry I unknowingly consumed the banned substance nandrolone, which somehow got into my Count Chocula." — Shawne Merriman.

• "I'm so very ashamed for giving that junior varsity soccer player an atomic wedgie." — Park High School principal Eric Messerli.

• "Sorry for mocking the disabled. Also sorry that whenever I enter a room, there is the sudden smell of sulfur and flatulence." — Rush Limbaugh.

Fans Apologize For Afro Wigs, Blackface [MSNBC]