Deadspin: zach randolph

Yet Another Smart Play From Zach Randolph

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 15:00:11 EDT

The competent, level-headed L.A. Clippers forward was arrested early this morning on suspicion of drunk driving. Does it seem unfair to anyone else that this man drives a Rolls-Royce? [ESPN]

Stephon Marbury Should Be A Professional Prognosticator

Leitch — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:01:24 EST

SLAM Online originally featured this video, featuring ~~Tracy Jordan~~'s Stephon Marbury's reaction to the Knicks signing of Zach Randolph. Worked out well for everyone; that excitement, man, it's contagious.

It's particularly amusing in the wake of the great Zach Randolph "possession." How young we were back in July 2007 ... how little we knew!

(Actually, we all knew. Except for Stephon. And Isiah. We're sure Zach knew, though.)

Isiah Thomas' Knicks Legacy, Summed Up In One Possession

Leitch — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 11:40:58 EST

You might have seen this already, but honestly: We've yet to see one play encapsulate a team's season more accurately than this Zach Randolph "possession" right here.

We've actually watched this a few times and find it mesmerizing. Knicks basketball: Destined to be like this for the next five years ... at least!

Never, ever fire Isiah. We beg of you.

Z-Bo Being Z-Bo [Posting And Toasting]

Is It So Hard To Believe That Misty Mounds Is Also A Bereavement Counselor?

mjdeadspin — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 13:30:00 EDT

Portland Trailblazers forward Zach Randolph is away from the team on "bereavement leave." His girlfriend's cousin was shot to death, and Randolph was granted some time away from the team to grieve, be there for his girlfriend, attend a funeral, ogle glitter-covered jubblies ... you know, typical things that happen when people die.

The Portland Tribune cites multiple reports spotting Randolph at the Exotica International Club for Men in Portland, spending $106, and then forgetting to pay his tab.

Even if it is true, and Randolph was at a strip club while on bereavement leave, I'd have a hard time condemning him for it. People grieve in different ways. It's true that I've never chosen to grieve with plastic love muffins being shoved in my face, but that's me. That's not Zach Randolph.

Maybe he went there to see a friend, maybe he and the deceased used to hang out there ... I don't know. Maybe he just wanted to forget things for a while. I wouldn't blame him. I also don't blame him for walking out on that $106 tab. Some of the drink places at those places are exorbitant. Just because he's bereaved, doesn't make him a sap.

Witnesses: Randolph seen in Portland strip club while on leave to attend funeral [Portland Tribune]

It's A Nice Week To Be Zach Randolph's Lawyer

mjdeadspin — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 17:35:19 EST

Zach Randolph's being sued... again. This time by Portland resident Robert Bacote, who accuses Randolph and Qyntel Woods of assaulting and harassing him because they believed he was the guy who alerted authorities to Qyntel Woods' charming dogfighting hobby.

There's really enough in this article to just cut and paste the whole damn thing, and you'd never be bored. Randolph is accused of striking the man in the chest, telling the guy that he would get "handled," and telling him later, "Where I come from we don't fuck with snitches." Woods is accused of beating the man outside of Roseland Theater in 2004, with (naturally) Randolph standing nearby shouting, "Get him, dog. Get him." I guess you hear that a lot when you hang out with Qyntel Woods.

And there's more. It all revolves around a group of people associated with Randolph that call themselves "Hoop Family," that, you know... don't sound like the greatest guys in the world. Oh, and Randolph and/or the Hoop Family isn't officially accused of it, but Bacote's car was also shot up. Bacote's gone through hell, evidently, but the stray dogs of the greater Portland area are very appreciative.

The picture, by the way, was the best screen cap I could get of Zach Randolph showing off a picture he has of him meeting Nelson Mandela. Whatever Mandela told him... it just didn't sink in.

Randolph hit with second lawsuit [Local News Daily]
Zach Randolph's Crib [YouTube]

Zach Randolph Has Miserable Sex Shows

Leitch — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 13:45:03 EDT

So if you're not up on all the details of the Zach Randolph sexual assault case, The Oregonian has the brutal details of the case (in PDF form) — for which Randolph will not be charged; prosecutors said they couldn't find enough evidence that the sex wasn't consensual — and it's anything but pleasant.

The woman who filed the complaint said Randolph was disappointed that the [paid] sex show had only simulated sex and refused to pay her. After the show, she said, she had consensual sex with Randolph's friend and then fell asleep or "passed out." She claimed she awoke and found Randolph trying to have anal sex with her. She told investigators she awoke and "slapped" Randolph away twice. Ultimately, she told police that Randolph lifted her onto a table and had sex with her while she shook her head "no," the memo says.

It's a brutal document, and it makes the supposedly glorious life of an NBA star sound boozy, drowsy and extremely unhappy. And pathetic, from all sides.

The Dirty Details Of The Zach Randolph Case [True Hoop]
Zach Randolph Memo [The Oregonian] (PDF)