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posts about #zambranomowsmylawn more → Midwesterners Sure Do Love Their Lawn Mowin' T-Shirts
New York, 11:15 PM
Sun Dec 6
21 posts in the last 24 hours
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[sports.espn.go.com]
Coachman almost starts reverting back to the "asskissing heel" personality that made him famous during the interview, and I couldn't stop laughing.
How has no one mentioned this yet?
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(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
---
(831): my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
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(831): my vagina is like the nba. Kobe can do whatever he wants and doesn't get punished for it.
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(612) My vagina is like the NHL, frigid, white, and unfairly ignored.
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(831): my vagina is like the nba. it needs a better TV deal.
(831): my vagina is like the nba. its double booked with a group of wrestlers on monday.
/doing this until I get tired of it
//going to take a while
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This reminds me of one of my favorite jokes...
A man is starting to score with a woman for the first time and things are going well but she starts pulling away from him. He asks what's wrong, and she says she's embarassed. The guy assures her she has nothing to worry about, she's a beautiful woman, but she insists. "I can't let you see me naked. I have the world's largest vagina."
The man, of course, is in a state of shock. He assures the woman that he's been around the block a few times, and he's seen quite a few vaginas in his time, and nothing is going to shock him. So, lo and behold, he takes off her pants, goes to finger her, and it's by far the biggest vagina he's ever seen.
So he reaches towards his nightstand, grabs a flashlight, and leans in to take a closer look. All of the sudden, he loses balance, and falls straight into the vagina and loses his flashlight.
Stumbling around, looking for the flashlight, the man is shocked to find another man inside. He says, "Look, I brought a flashlight in here with me, help me find it and I'll guide us out of here."
The second man shakes his head and says, "Well, buddy, help me find my keys first and I'll drive us out of here."
FIN
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Another minute or so passes, and she tells him to put a third finger inside. So he does. At this point, he's thinking, "Good lord, this is pretty incredible."
After another minute or so, she says "Just go ahead and put your whole hand in there." He's stunned, but he tries it anyway, it fits just fine. Now he's really blown away.
Then, the girl says "Okay, put your other hand in there". At this point, the guy thinks he's in the twilight zone, and he puts in his other hand, which, to his astonishment, fits.
"Now clap your hands" the girl says. Dude tries, and says "I can't."
She says "Tight isn't it?"
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Anyway, my boobs love all you ladies and gents, GOOD NIGHT!
05/19/09
Does this world make us lonely, or do we do it to ourselves?
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My trivia offer stands.
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And they probably want to decapitate their partner.
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@ShakĪµy: What the hell is your avatar now? Oh, and I'm working on a Jeff Kent edition of the phone sex thing, but I think it may be too offensive to run. I should send it to you so you can pore over it.
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I find that my married/engaged friends are desperate to hold onto some aspect of their single-hood. Not a lot of drunken revelry, but I go out to lunch constantly now.
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It's like a mini-vacation. Yeah, my standards aren't very high.
I saw you mention Thai food a while back. If you ever make it down here, you'd have a ball. It's not San Francisco or LA good, but there are a lot good places for under-the-radar Asian cuisine.
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My new avatar is a sweet portrait of Neil Young. Here's a better view [twitter.com]
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Thai food, though, is the best! I love Pad See You and Pad Woon Sen and obviously Pad Thai and other noodle dishes. How about you?
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I've been on a Vietnamese food kick lately, which is really good. They have great soups and rice plates.
What are your feelings on Indian food?
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I enjoy Indian food, but I always have to do the spiciness check. Some of that food can set my whole head on fire. Thank god for naan to even it out a bit. You?
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Like I said though, that's a cool portrait.
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I dig Indian food from restaurants. I bought a couple of frozen bowls from Trader Joe's, and it just wasn't the same. I think it's worth it to go get it fresh. I used to have an Indian friend, and I'd go over to his house, and the whole house smelled like curry. If only I had known at the time that I liked Indian food, I would have stayed for dinner. Suppose it was just bad timing.
05/19/09
If your friend was anything like my friends, they'd make it as spicy as possible and then laugh at my reaction. Oh food pranks...
@The Devil and Daniel Murphy: I'm glad you can keep your chin up through all of this.
@MarissaExplainsItAll: I was hoping you'd never find out :(
05/19/09
(949): Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
(619): hahahahahahahahahahaha
But that's not the full joke. One of the guys at work saw that joke when I was showing my co-workers the post. And this fool said, plain as day...
"It could happen, you don't know..."
From there, my supervisor, who is a woman told this idiot. "Last time I checked, there isn't any ovaries in the throat."
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I'm the least popular girl at every party.
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@J.R. Brown: Now I want to go to a safe place
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@J.R. Brown: like running on sunset in your sweats in summer high?
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@MarissaExplainsItAll: He is SO CUTE. I can't get over it. Totally sweet, and way into me, but in a way that doesn't freak me out. Now we just have to actually get to know each other. He's a year younger than me, 6'1, black. So awesome. Likes the fact that I am super geeky. We saw Star Trek! There has been much eating and movie watching and um, other activities :D I'll post something more explicit on my blog sometime this week. He is HOT. We are going to the science museum this weekend!! SQUEEE!!!! He sucks at time management and I am horrificly impatient so that's kind of tense, but, ah well. Nothing is ever perfect.
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Peace and hair grease.
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You rock
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(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have the strangest feeling that I know this person. Is 570 near Philly?
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Is it unreasonably humid where you are too? Anyways, I learned a valuable lesson today. Beer is also good w/ cheerios and toast.
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And was humid this week, hence why I shaved my head. Then it turned cold. Weather FAIL.
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/waiting
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@J.R. Brown: unfortunately, that's not an option for me. Also, it isn't a coincidence that I was born in East LA
@The Devil and Daniel Murphy: No, I haven't gone that crazy yet
@Quake 'n' Shake: I live in the CA desert so I feel your pain
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/had to
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@J.R. Brown: NICE!!! I gotta admit, I did like the hair, too. Did your little pet get shaved too?
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Also, my waxer gives me a glass of wine first, talks my ear off the whole time, and rubs me down with oil and lotion. It's actually pretty relaxing. The worst part of it is the talking; sometimes I just want her to STFU so I can take a nap.
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