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Man, Soccer Dudes (Zlatan Excluded) Really Suck At Basketball

I’d understand the sheer ineptitude on display here and the failure to even appear to know what that silly American sport is supposed to look like if we were talking football, but PSG’s players can’t even mimic basketball right? These dudes are out here celebrating lay ups as if they were windmill dunks, and look more… » 7/28/15 1:07pm Tuesday 1:07pm

Zlatan Uses Powerful Hypnosis To Force Keeper Into Shocking Mistake

Some sort of devious eye magic only known by the most learned of warlocks is the only rational explanation for why Moldova's keeper decided to play an inch-perfect cross off of Zlatan Ibrahimović's forehead for the Swede to redirect into the goal (warning: autoplay video): » 3/27/15 6:21pm 3/27/15 6:21pm

PSG Overcome Controversial Red Card, Boot Chelsea From Champions League

Schalke's nearly-heroic comeback yesterday put everyone on upset alert, and on cue, Paris Saint-Germain went and made good on its own upset bid with today's 2-2 draw against Chelsea, knocking the English club out of the Champions league. Despite a questionable red card on Zlatan Ibrahimović early on, PSG fought back… » 3/11/15 7:23pm 3/11/15 7:23pm

Zlatan Does Not Like Question, So Zlatan Melts Journalist With His Eyes

As we've seen, for even the smallest of perceived slights, Zlatan Ibrahimović has the power to liquefy his enemies with a mere look or gesture. This journalist is his latest victim, and he managed only one even-spoken question before Zlatan's response turned him into a stammering schoolboy. » 2/02/15 5:58pm 2/02/15 5:58pm

New Footage Proves Zlatan Ibrahimović Has Been Stuntin' Since Birth

Children sometimes have difficulty understanding the origins of God. How, if He was never born, did he emerge fully formed from nothing? Now, thanks to this previously unreleased footage of Zlatan Ibrahimović in his early years, we now have the perfect explanatory analogy. » 9/19/14 5:05pm 9/19/14 5:05pm

Ronaldo Scores Three, Feigns Human Emotion; Portugal On To World Cup

The Portugal-Sweden playoff matchup was seen by most as little more than a matchup of Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimović, two of the best players in the world. Portugal won on Friday in Lisbon, 1-0, after a late diving header from Ronaldo. For Sweden to advance, they'd have to win today. That meant that… » 11/19/13 5:53pm 11/19/13 5:53pm

The Portugal-Sweden World Cup Playoff Will Be A Beautiful Tragedy

Two-legged playoffs to decide the final spots for the 2014 World Cup are being played this week and next. We've already seen Uruguay and Mexico more or less punch their tickets with mollywhoppings of, respectively, Jordan and New Zealand. Friday's European playoff matchups will undoubtedly be much more dramatic. » 11/14/13 4:40pm 11/14/13 4:40pm

This Is How You Get Away With Throwing A Ball Into Your Opponent's Face

That's Zlatan Ibrahimovic, playing for the Swedish national team and giving us all a master class in how to be a dickhead without getting caught. Oh hello, Mr. Referee. I would like to discuss that call with you in a civil and practical manner. What ball? Whose face? I don't know what you're talking about. Perfectly… » 6/13/13 6:22pm 6/13/13 6:22pm

So, How Did The World's Best Soccer Team Manage Without The World's…

Barcelona traveled to Paris yesterday to take on Paris Saint-Germain in the first leg of what might be the most intriguing matchup of the Champions League quarterfinals round. PSG, bought by a group of Qatari investors last year, has quickly become one of the richest clubs in the world. This season, they bought… » 4/03/13 6:50pm 4/03/13 6:50pm