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Last night Adam Schefter reported that—surprise, surprise—there is still no timetable for the NFL wrapping up the Zeke Elliott investigation. The entire thing has been a clusterfuck, from Jerry Jones publicly insisting that Elliott will (nay, should) be cleared, to Roger Goodell privately distancing himself from the whole ordeal, which is very much unlike him. This comes on the heels of the Cowboys cutting a falsely accused Lucky Whitehead, and Jason Garrett subjecting his poor team to stories about Bruce Springsteen. This team’s ongoing preseason fuckery is the subject of this week’s Deadcast.

But wait, there’s more. Marchman is gone all month, which means I get four blissful weeks away from his awful takes. Our own Dom Cosentino is your co-pilot this week, and we talk about Jon Gruden, Steve Bartman, the firing of THE MOOCH, and we answer YOUR questions about slip-n-slides, cracking eggs, and the technical definition of a cylinder.

You can also listen at iHeart Radio, Stitcher, Spotify, NPR One, Apple Podcasts, or GooglePlay. And don’t forget to email us tips and/or general complaints at deadcast@deadspin.com. Have fun out there.