The tournament is here! Obscure schools! Slow play! Poor shooting! Adorable upsets that are violently corrected in the boring later rounds! It's all here! I'm gonna head to the bar at 1 p.m., eyebang the barstools until a free one opens up, and then get TERRIBLE barstool ass sores over the course of five hours. Then I'm gonna throw up at 7 p.m. Full day's work.

And in the spirit of such glorious time-wasting, let's go right ahead and spend just under an hour saying AWFUL things about all the corrupt schools and insufferable fanbases that populate this bracket. Yes, it's time once again for the Hater's Guide to the tournament, only this time we're doing it in Deadcast form, because people love it when you force them to listen to a podcast instead of giving them shit to read! If I play my cards right, I'll get super good at broadcasting, slack off on writing, and then get so rich that I won't CARE if you tell me I suck. My ears will be stuffed with diamonds and I won't be able to hear you. There's a reason Mike Wilbon and the like follow that plan so closely: IT WORKS.

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Anyway, Marchman and I went through the bracket and figured out the most hateble teams (Duke) in every region (Duke) and then picked a champion (Duke) from the field (Duke). We also talked about Mike Florio, because any hatefest inevitably accommodates Florio talk. You can listen to the show here or download it over at the iTunes store. And by all means, spread your hate down into the bowels of the discussion section below.