Welcome back to The Worst Moment of My Life, a regular feature in which readers share photos and videos of their most miserable life experiences. If you'd like to be a part, send yours to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The above photo comes from Kevin. "In college I used to dress up like a clown and drink a handle of bourbon," he writes, "you know, just for fun. This guy is one of my best friends, and couldn't have been happier to punch the clown."
This is a picture of little 8-year-old me at my First Holy Communion. That's not my father, or grandfather, or uncle, or anyone special in my life standing by me. That's a homeless man named Eddie who had a penchant for wandering in off the street and interrupting masses on a regular basis. Unfortunately for me, Eddie picked the perfect time to come up and press his filthy body into me as I tried to receive Jesus Christ for the very first time.
This one's from Jessica (poor Jessica):
I was attending my friend's wedding reception and I went to use the ladies room. Some asshole had put super-glue on the toilet seat, and I got stuck!
A lady heard me screaming and crying and tried to help me by applying nail polish remover to my rear end, but it burned like hell and it didn't work. When the paramedics came, they couldn't get me loose either, so they unbolted the toilet seat with a power drill (yikes!) and put me on a stretcher, with my butt in the air. And (of course!) the only way to the ambulance was straight through the hotel ballroom, where all my friends were. I was so HUMILIATED!
Someone was "kind" enough to take a picture of me in the most undignified position ever. The lady talking to me is a friend of my mother's, and she's saying: "Jessica, are you OK?" Yeah, I'm good, I just have a toilet seat SUPER-GLUED TO MY BUTT CHEEKS! They took me to the hospital where they finally got the damn thing off, and I couldn't sit down on a hard chair for a week.
For my girlfriend's 30th birthday I drank just a little too much. Puked in my own shirt in the cab and held it there till I got home. Next morning I puked some more and the pictures attached was the result. 2 black eyes from puking and bursted blood vessels. It lasted 3 weeks. I worked in a bank and wore a suit to work everyday and I had many excuses for my state.
From a reader who wishes only to go by Barrel Man 2.0:
Picture taken by roommate. Not sure where the clothes came off or how long I'd been in this state but I started hitting the bottle pretty hard after Raheem Moore let the Flacco pass escape his reach. I'd already booked my flight back to Denver during the 4th quarter for what would have been the AFC Championship game against the Pats and we all know that never happened.
I was an intern sports reporter in college for KELO-TV, a small station in Sioux Falls, SD. One of my main tasks was working as a photographer to shoot highlights for local games. One day I was shooting a softball game behind the outfield fence and a girl hit a high fly ball to centerfield. This was one of my first times shooting softball/baseball, so I didn't follow the ball very well, but I was hoping by the way the centerfielder was retreating that she would be able to make an awesome catch right in front of me... She didn't, and I got clocked in the head.
This one's from Nikky, a former Falcons cheerleader:
The day this handy cake was slammed in my face in the endzone..by Freddie Falcon..my boyfriend. Jerk. That hurt..and died my fried white hair pink.
Richie (my god this is depressing):
We went to Ocean City Md. for a hockey tournament. My team is called Richie's Kids. In this picture, I'm the guy in the blue flannel with my mouth agape. I had just passed out from twisting my ankle, and have no recollection of this picture. I was also extremely drunk from a night out at Seacrets.
Anyways, our goalie, saw me, and decided to snap a picture of me next to the sign welcoming my team. Little did he know that there was a girl who was crying that the dog she was taking care of was just struck by a car and died. She was walking her friend's dog. From what I was told, she started cursing out Tim for taking the picture, even though he didn't realize what was going on.
So it wasn't my worst moment ever, or maybe it was, I have no memory of it. But it was certainly that ladies and the dead dog.
I wore my friend's Golden State Latrell Sprewell jersey out to the bars. Riding my bike back home at 2 am, I was hit by a car. I broke my back and right hand, but the real crime was getting blood on such a priceless artifact.
Terry was hiking in Tasmania when he fell, "turning the two bones in my right leg into a hot mess of 16 bones." He broke out the camera to film his own airlifting to the hospital.
Senior year of high school I was a teacher's assistant for a freshman shop class. I usually dicked around anyway but this time was the worst. The previous day I was bored and drilled a bunch of holes in one of the tables. No big deal right? Well the next day I was sitting on the table and subconsciously continued to stick each of my fingers in the hole until the fit became tighter. Finally my finger got completely stuck and after ice and soap were unsuccessful, the EMTs and police officers had to roll up to our school and use a sawzall to cut my finger out of the table. 3 teachers brought their whole class in to watch so I had a rough audience of about 100 people.
It's not a bachelor party until the groom wrecks an ATV, narrowly misses a spine-shattering rock and ends up in the ICU in Missoula, MT with a fractured spleen mere weeks before his wedding. The groom could barely stand through the ceremony and had to cancel his honeymoon. Oh yeah, we also left him in the hospital when the weekend ended and went back home (hey, his fiancee was on her way and would take care of him, right?)
In this video I was over at my friend's house on a Saturday night. She also happens to be my ex-girlfriend. We were having some beers and were playing baseball with her son and he hit a ball over the fence. I had previously hopped the fence to retrieve a ball with no problem but this time the board with all my weight on it came loose and I feel on my face. I came back over the fence to my friend laughing hysterically as I'm bleeding. It was then I was reminded why she is an ex.
Sad times, dear readers. Keep those sad times coming: email@example.com.