This is a true story.

One hungover Saturday morning I was walking to get a bagel and I heard someone yell my name. I turned and there was Tommy Craggs, waving at me, on a Citi Bike, with a hoodie up and tied tight around his face, which is an awful thing to do. Tommy Craggs was waving so hard he almost fell off of the Citi Bike.

"Emma! Emma!" Tommy Craggs yelled, while waving from the moving Citi Bike.

It was horrifying. I've never seen a nerdier fucking thing in my life. I hope I never see something so bad ever again. It ruined my bagel. It ruined my year. Tommy Craggs is a herb-ass goober who rides Citi Bikes around town, and I'll never forgive him for that.