We've made it to the final four of our Deadspin Curse Word Bracket. And, as expected, the almost all of the 1 seeds have advanced. Turns out the REAL tournament is a lot more unpredictable than our use of cruel, degrading language. Let us now break down the two national curse word semifinals. ..
#1 Fuck vs. #5 Cunt: "Cunt" is the only non-No. 1 seed to advance to the final four, but that's not much of a surprise, given that many people found it vastly underseeded to begin with. After ousting "prick," "piss," "pussy," and "cock," "cunt" arrives in Cursopolis battle-tested. Now it faces the tourney's overall top seed and master of all swear words. The one thing in "cunt"'s favor is that, in a social setting, it's a FAR more dangerous word to utter than "fuck." Toss out an f-bomb during a dinner party and no one bats an eyelash. But say, "Hey, this cunting beer is watered down!" and you will hear a thousand records scratch simultaneously. In what is arguably the Golden Age of Profanity, "cunt" remains a dangerous, at-times forbidden word—one that is deployed only in special situations (unless you live in England, where they use it everywhere, including restaurant menus). So keep that in mind before you vote. That little CUNT has a lot of heart!
#1 Shit vs. #1 Motherfucker: Likely the most competitive matchup of the entire tournament. "Shit" is universally regarded as the second-ranked swear word in the English language, but we sometimes take for granted what a great word it is. It's hysterical. And so versatile! SHITTY. BATSHIT. APESHIT. SHITDICK. HOLY SHIT! It's a great word to say in any iteration. I love it. But now it goes against the grandmammy of all compound curse words. Few swear words are as universally beloved as "motherfucker," across races and nations and genders. It's a real treat to hear it used correctly. Samuel L. Jackson built an entire career on it. Hard to do that with any other word. I can't choose! I love them both so dearly!
But alas, someone must win. So vote now, and soon a champion swear word shall be crowned.