This afternoon, we'll see Manchester United play Liverpool in the English League Cup. Cool. After all, Liverpool upset United, 1-0, just 24 days ago in the Premier League. Just three days ago, Manchester City styled on the Red Devils in a 4-1 victory, and now people are asking questions of the defending Premier League champions. So, sure, there are plenty of semi-important underlying plotlines and implications, even though the League Cup is and should be seen as little more than a glorified scrimmage tournament for the country's elite clubs with Champions League ambitions. But really, we're just fooling ourselves. Today's match is about one thing: the return of Luis Suárez.
That's right, bitches. Suárez, Liverpool's standout striker and overall best player, is back after a really, really wild five months. First, he received a 10-match ban for biting Chelsea's Branislav Ivanović. Then he said something like, "Fuck this country and fuck this country's toxic, lying media; I'm out," before lobbying to move to a continental team. Then Arsenal came calling, and Suárez flirted with them for most of the offseason transfer window. And then £40,000,000 and a pound happened and everything that came with it, and then Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers said something like, "Fuck Arsenal." Now, on September 25, Suárez is making his first appearance for the Reds.