Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Philadelphia EaglesDrew Magary9/04/13 1:00pmFiled to: why your team sucks 2013philadelphia eaglesnflwhy your team sucksballs deepnfl preview1706EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkSome people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews so far right here.AdvertisementYour team: Philadelphia EaglesYour 2012 record: 4-12. DING DONG THE ANDY REID IS DEAD! One loss for each day of the 12 days of Christmas! It's a little Eagles fan miracle. Never has a fanbase been so relieved to go 4-12. The average Philadelphia fan will happily endure months of misery and suffering if it means someone they despise will eventually lose their job. I imagine city organizers are diligently planning the parade route for three years from now when Chip Kelly is run out of town.Your coach: Taco tyrant Chip Kelly. Can't this team find a THIN coach? Keep in mind that Chip Kelly turned this job down only to change his mind after realizing that Oregon was about to get pencil-fucked by the NCAA. If Kelly had his druthers, he'd be back in Eugene at this very moment, drinking platinum smoothies and playing racquetball with the Nike-engineered playbots littering the new Oregon football center.