Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter! - Deadspin Comments

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Canadian Impostor — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 14:08:38 EDT

John 3:16

"And the lord said, 'Go Sox'."

Canadian Impostor

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Steve Dave — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 21:41:26 EDT

You're with me Will's updated comment.

Steve Dave

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

badbabu — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 18:11:35 EDT

I've got to believe JC reads Creamsicle in his spare time.

badbabu

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Chamomiles Davis — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 16:16:20 EDT

You're with me, heaven.

Chamomiles Davis

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

That Bootleg Guy — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 15:37:34 EDT

Kelly Leak...I'm almost certain that quote came from former Pirates OF Andy Van Slyke in an SI interview years ago.

That Bootleg Guy

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Gasface — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 14:46:05 EDT

Uh, I've never heard that about Todd Helton... But yeah..Fuck that guy!

Gasface

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Kelly Leak — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 14:43:37 EDT

By the way, was Carl Monday involved in any of the legwork for this story? Probably not. Or we would have heard about Denny Neagle 'having sex' with a tattered copy of Leg Action in the parking lot.

Kelly Leak

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Kelly Leak — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 14:03:23 EDT

Isn't Todd Helton the same guy who once said he could 'just feel the influence of the Devil in the stands' after some incident at a game in San Fran? Went on to imply that it's an evil, Godless, faggotized place? I guess Jesus loved Peyton Manning more at Tennessee. Would explain why he gave him such a fine-looking Melon. Fuck Todd Helton. That guy wouldn't know Christ if he struck him out looking on a split-fingered fastball. The Jesus

Kelly Leak

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

supermike — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 13:46:11 EDT

For the millionth time - PLEASE ASK GOD TO GO DO HIS GOOD WORK WHERE IT'S NEEDED!!! That does NOT involve the fucking retarded Colorado Rockies... You are distracting HIM - from places around the world where there is hunger, genocide, and abuse - with your measly NL team. Great job, assholes! Christian? Perhaps you should read your Bible more to find out what compassion means... stupid fuckers.

supermike

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

spinachdip — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 13:42:21 EDT

To badly bastardize an old rugby song, Jesus can't play baseball because the foul pole makes him nervous.

spinachdip

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Luis Sojo Jr. — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 13:24:29 EDT

So we can assume they're trying to swing a trade with the Yankees for minor leaguer (and former Devil Ray!) Jesus Colome?

Luis Sojo Jr.

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

moomacher — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 13:10:49 EDT

Is there any way we can get Jesus to put Todd Heltons batting average back up above .300? My fantasy team would really appreciate it.

moomacher

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

twoeightnine — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:54:09 EDT

Jesus signed with the Yankees last year: http://alienlovespredator.com/index.php?id=4 and he's on the juice: http://alienlovespredator.com/index.php?id=147

twoeightnine

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

shamu the whale — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:51:11 EDT

Jose Mesa exemplified the team's Christian beliefs when said he wanted to kill Omar Vizquel and then threw a fastball at his head.

shamu the whale

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Spanish Necktie — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:46:30 EDT

"it's nice not to have others' faith crammed down your throat." Oh, kinda like this... http://wayofthemaster.com/wotm_flash.html

Spanish Necktie

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

bjhess — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:33:50 EDT

So this means there is a trading partner for the Twins' Tony Batista. Yessssss!

bjhess

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Unsilent Majority — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:29:12 EDT

but how do they feel about jews for jebus?

Unsilent Majority

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Captain Caveman — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:24:04 EDT

Well, I'll play devil's advocate, but only a little. While I NEVER condone banning pornography, I respect the players' decision to embrace faith (and doubly respect the fact that tmany of them are apprehensive about that knowledge being public -- it's nice not to have others' faith crammed down your throat). Basically, I don't really want to hang out with the Rockies, but it certainly sets a better example than a lot of pro athletes.

Captain Caveman

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Big Daddy Drew — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:12:11 EDT

No swapping of thy teammate's wife, then?

Big Daddy Drew

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Unsilent Majority — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:08:01 EDT

there are plenty of christians in hell...so they can't all be good

Unsilent Majority

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

BigTDog — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:07:24 EDT

Wow. Who knew I was running with such a pack of godless heathens! I'm pretty much okay with that. I'm just surprised there's been no defenders of the faith to speak up yet.

BigTDog

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Frinklin — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:03:46 EDT

I don't think I've ever rooted for team to be racked with scandal in my life. Here's hoping a Rockie -hopefully one of the more self-righteous ones- is found with a dead Thai hooker sometime soon.

Frinklin

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

flubby — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:02:23 EDT

Only if it shows vag, Sam.

flubby

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Killa Sam — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:59:55 EDT

Matt Holiday is a fantasy God. And he does it home and away.

Killa Sam

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Spectacular Sam — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:47:31 EDT

What do they do if someone does bring in a skin rag or somthing - go Old Testament on his ass?

Spectacular Sam

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

neelcv — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:41:22 EDT

Maybe they can do leg presses with Pat Robertson.

neelcv

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

neelcv — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:38:10 EDT

Maybe they can start doing leg presses with Pat Robertson.

neelcv

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

twoeightnine — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:34:54 EDT

There goes any chance of ever seeing Hideki Matsui in a Rox uniform.

twoeightnine

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

The 12 Inch Pianist — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:33:46 EDT

It really makes you wonder what magazine's Clint Barmes has been reading in the club house. I mean, last season God throws him down the stairs while he's carrying deer meat (widely recognized as a terrible time to be thrown down stairs) and this year he's hitting .086 in the Month of May (and killing my fantasy team). I guess Clint is just destined to be under a buck...ZING!

The 12 Inch Pianist

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Montecore — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:32:18 EDT

How can a reporter hear the CEO say "God sends signs" and not ask the follow-up, "Is one of them your team being in last place?" Where's your Messiah now, Rockies?

Montecore

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Jonnymac — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:28:01 EDT

They need Tony Danza in their rotation, and Danny Glover as ther manager, and then I will BELIEVE.

Jonnymac

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Chamomiles Davis — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:26:54 EDT

"a Christian-based code of conduct they believe will bring them focus and success." Oh, that'll go over well with Jewish commissioner Bud Selig. Guess they had to wait until Gabe Kapler left, too. From the article: "[GM Monfort] says that after years of partying, including 18 months' probation for driving while impaired, he became a Christian three years ago. It influenced how he wanted to run the club, he says." Nothing is more annoying than someone who becomes a born-again Christian because they can't handle their booze. The Padres just took two of three games from the Rockies. I guess it's because their name is more Christian, and they actually stage inquisitions in their locker room.

Chamomiles Davis

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

pthomas745 — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:23:09 EDT

"I believe God sends signs, and we're seeing those." I bet someone is working to steal those signs already!

pthomas745

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Steve Dave — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:23:06 EDT

Stuart Scott said that you guys need to quit hatin' on God. The Almighty may have created these playas, but he didn't raise 'em. Holla!

Steve Dave

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Delicious Pundit — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:22:27 EDT

This, not the Nationals, is the team Fred "Jew-counter" Malek should have tried to own.

Delicious Pundit

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Spanish Necktie — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:21:29 EDT

Besides, if Jesus Christ is pulling for anyone in the NL West it would have to be the PADRES, right? Oh, except for Mike Pizza being gay. He probably doesn't like that.

Spanish Necktie

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Mr. Soul — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:15:02 EDT

The odd thing is, Jesus plays quarterback for the team next door. Jesus apparently also drives a Honda.

Mr. Soul

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

ojbronco302 — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:14:19 EDT

Too bad Clint Barmes hadn't yet found God to cushion his fall last year carrying an armload of deer meat up the stairs

ojbronco302

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Matt Sussman — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:07:51 EDT

Bichette 3:16

Matt Sussman

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

filthyfowl — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:02:10 EDT

This just means that on road trips they bang jesus-freaks instead of traditional groupies with meat flaps hanging out.

filthyfowl

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Badclown — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:01:42 EDT

No porn in the clubhouse? Carl Monday would have field day in the Denver Public Library. "What do your parents think about your library habits, Jose Mesa?"

Badclown

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Blackaces — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:01:15 EDT

Ugh, just what we need. Even more evangelical Protestantism to ruin what should be a good time. And don't tell me, the Rockies adapted the Pat Robertson training program and can now individually squat 2000 pounds!

Blackaces

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Basshole — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:00:04 EDT

You no help me now, I say, fuck you, Joboo. I do it myself.

Basshole

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Foosteps Falco — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:56:37 EDT

Its good to see that a downtrodden minority like fundamental Christians in this country finally have somewhere to turn for support and for a reflection of their beliefs other than, you know, the White House and most of Congress.

Foosteps Falco

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Spanish Necktie — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:52:22 EDT

Perhaps the Rockies can coax veteran junkballer Eddie Harris out of retirement. You tryin' to say Jesus Christ can't pitch effectively in Coors Field?

Spanish Necktie

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Denis Lemieux — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:48:51 EDT

Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball.

Denis Lemieux

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

metschick79 — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:48:08 EDT

The players are supposedly pissed about this article. "Character, not religion, is the critical factor in the Rockies' chemistry, according to the players. That explains why so many players reacted negatively to the portrayal of their clubhouse in a USA Today cover story in Wednesday's editions that stressed the importance of Christianity." http://www.denverpost.com/rockies/ci_3885222

metschick79

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Billy Clyde Puckett — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:47:14 EDT

Just once I'd like to hear: "We were doing great until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team."

Billy Clyde Puckett

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

royalfan5 — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:46:09 EDT

I'm assuming Hustler and Swank are still okay though?

royalfan5

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

mick the munch — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:45:13 EDT

SWANK is OK in the clubhouse though? Right?

mick the munch

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

SlickBomb — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:42:32 EDT

Regardless of what anyone might think, Todd Helton, is not God. And what is WRONG with these people? It's like they take all the fun out of being a baseball player!

SlickBomb

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Dan Serafini — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:38:20 EDT

I think it was the addition of Jesus as their pitching coach. He has a nasty curveball, even at altitude. And they never run out of the loaves and fishes post-game clubhouse spread.

Dan Serafini

Look, Up In The Sky ... It's Our Cleanup Hitter!

Gasface — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:38:14 EDT

Goddammit. Its hard enough being a Rockies fan over the years. Now when they finally have a half decent record in June they have to find a reason for me to hate them. Don't worry, though, NL West-God traditionally stops allowing them to succeed by mid-July at the latest.

Gasface