Would You Like Claws With That? - Deadspin Comments

Would You Like Claws With That?

jane — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:21:41 EDT

One time my husband saw a giant rat in the park impersonating a squirrel. It was trying to get people to throw it bread crusts. Nobody was buying it, though.

jane

Would You Like Claws With That?

teaser mare — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:51:47 EDT

Just found out that a fully grown "roof rat" is more than twice the size of that juvenile McRat:

Fully grown roof rats are 13 to 18 inches (including tail), 5 to 9 ounces, slender, ears are large and nearly hairless. Tail is longer than its head and body length, thinner and lighter than Norway rat, droppings are long and cylindrical.

Excuse me while I puke on my keyboard.

teaser mare

Would You Like Claws With That?

Good vs Evil — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:40:08 EDT

Six inches of Jeff Garcia? Shoved in a salad? Nobody could expand on that?

Good vs Evil

Would You Like Claws With That?

Chamomiles Davis — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:24:46 EDT

Good thing they didn't Super-Size it.

Chamomiles Davis

Would You Like Claws With That?

Matt Sussman — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:03:52 EDT

"If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat..."

(Apologies if this joke has already been made.)

Matt Sussman

Would You Like Claws With That?

drewheyman — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:03:45 EDT

i miss the mcrib.

the artfully shaped meat, the loads of barbeque sauce. the pointless sesame seeds. mmmmmmm. i'd push a rat off and eat that mcrib, no problemo.

i think they don't make lobster rolls anymore cuz the creature they make them out of went extinct. think smaller. think more legs.

drewheyman

Would You Like Claws With That?

phony — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:51:26 EDT

Roof rats may taste like pumpkin pie, but I wouldn't know because I dont eat the filthy motherfuckers.

phony

Would You Like Claws With That?

bigboneded — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:50:19 EDT

Cheers x 3, Bullet x 3...

I call my son Cha-Ka, and still jerk it fantasizing about Holly. (Hey, "old habits", you know.)

http://www.landofthelost.com/kathy.htm

bigboneded

Would You Like Claws With That?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:49:26 EDT

any land of the lost reference is a winner in my book

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Would You Like Claws With That?

I Heart Poop — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:47:28 EDT

apparently McDonalds is promoting the Secret of Nimh in conjuction with that film's 25th anniversary.

I Heart Poop

Would You Like Claws With That?

Comanda — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:38:35 EDT

Thanks, Will. I'm at work, still drunk and fighting a hangover and you give me this mental image. I threw up in my mouth. Oh, Deadspin...my life wouldn't be complete without it.

Comanda

Would You Like Claws With That?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:34:33 EDT

Apparently, Applebee's isn't the only restaurant with rats.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Would You Like Claws With That?

Chief Illiniwek — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:30:32 EDT

I mean other than TO playing Santa

Chief Illiniwek

Would You Like Claws With That?

supermike3 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:30:31 EDT

You can feed your family lawn clippings for free.

supermike3

Would You Like Claws With That?

Chief Illiniwek — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:30:03 EDT

WTF is a roof rat?

Chief Illiniwek

Would You Like Claws With That?

Royalssuck — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:29:14 EDT

That Jerry Jones is such a practical joker. You should see what he did to Parcells...

Royalssuck

Would You Like Claws With That?

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet! — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:23:54 EDT

Thank you, Sir H. H.

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet!

Would You Like Claws With That?

Artie Fufkin — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:21:15 EDT

I used to work for McDonalds...so I am getting a kick out of these replies.

/damn wrong forum

Artie Fufkin

Would You Like Claws With That?

MattMillenFanClub — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:17:48 EDT

On my way home last night, the giant McDonald's sign had a pigeon/seagull thingy on each arch. It looked like the sign was excited, as in: "you think you're excited, check out my nipples"

MattMillenFanClub

Would You Like Claws With That?

Kooby Pickett — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:15:37 EDT

I don't think the guy needs to be ashamed that he feeds his family McDonalds. I mean, with the economy going through the fucking roof I can feed the entire family for under twenty dollars.

Kooby Pickett

Would You Like Claws With That?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:13:46 EDT

Bulletx3 wins

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Would You Like Claws With That?

Jefferson DArcy — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:13:20 EDT

can someone explain the three seashells to me, for years I've try to figure out how that would work

I've always imagined it to be like one shell to flush, one to act like an advanced bidet, and one to act like one of those high powered dryers you find in the bathrooms.

Jefferson DArcy

Would You Like Claws With That?

#### Vermeil Equals Emo — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:11:15 EDT

Fat Tony is going to be pissed. The Rat Milk game just lost one of its brethren.

#### Vermeil Equals Emo

Would You Like Claws With That?

Paper Cut — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:11:06 EDT

You need to swear over and over again until you get enough paper to wipe. At least that's what Simon Phoenix told me before he decided to stop paying taxes.

Paper Cut

Would You Like Claws With That?

Deadspin — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:10:23 EDT

Hayley wanted the McDonald's manager to give him some insight on how to deal with disgruntled employees with drug addictions and 8th grade educations.

Deadspin

Would You Like Claws With That?

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet! — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:09:53 EDT

Years ago, me and my kids, Will and Holly, found a dimensional portal that got us stuck in a "lost" land and we had to hide from a T. Rex, Sleestaks and Pakuni until we found a way to get back. I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about.

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet!

Would You Like Claws With That?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:09:05 EDT

I thought they invented a special container for this sorta thing, ya know, to keep the cool side separated from the rat side

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Would You Like Claws With That?

Robbie-Z — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:07:00 EDT

Work with TO on a daily basis or eat a McRat, thats a toss-up

Robbie-Z

Would You Like Claws With That?

Trenton Makes The World Takes — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:06:30 EDT

can someone explain the three seashells to me, for years I've try to figure out how that would work

Trenton Makes The World Takes

Would You Like Claws With That?

Critic — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:06:28 EDT

Years ago I invented toothpaste. Sadly Jim Leyland doesn't use it.

---Colgate

Critic

Would You Like Claws With That?

Jefferson DArcy — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:02:44 EDT

Oh thats nothing...John Spartan has been eating rat burgers since the dawn of time.

But sadly when he's done... he still doesnt know how to use the three seashells.

Jefferson DArcy

Would You Like Claws With That?

Critic — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:01:21 EDT

The Russian Mafia deals with rats all the time. They hire Marcus Vick.

Critic

Would You Like Claws With That?

supermike3 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:00:54 EDT

he deserves $1trillion.

hey, what if it happens to me?

supermike3

Would You Like Claws With That?

flubby — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:00:10 EDT

Apparently, McDonald's is test-marketing a "G. Gordon Liddy Salad."

flubby

Would You Like Claws With That?

SteagleColbeagleTheEagle — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:59:43 EDT

That is a DISGUSTING ACT by Mcdonald's!!!

SteagleColbeagleTheEagle

Would You Like Claws With That?

highlifer — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:59:15 EDT

HAHAHAHA all of you. Not one day goes by in my life that something doesn't suck that could be made better for a mill or so. Unless he's going to use the mill to build a time travel machine to go back to where he didn't get the rat I don't see what the problem is,and why he deserves anything.

highlifer

Would You Like Claws With That?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:58:13 EDT

Honcho, apparently you've never been to a McDonalds

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Would You Like Claws With That?

Hextall454 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:57:23 EDT

Master Splinter, is that you?

Hextall454

Would You Like Claws With That?

Mike Honcho — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:56:55 EDT

Now those salads come in like a 4 inch circular bowl, and contain approximately 1/4 inch of actual lettuce. No way on earth anyone could miss a 6 inch rat in there when they were throwing it in the drive-thru bag.

Mike Honcho

Would You Like Claws With That?

Jerkwheat — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:56:47 EDT

well 44, every spring when a young mans thoughts turn to flights of fancy and whimsy, the majestic Lobster Rolls of New Hampshire head north to begin their ritualized mating dance.

Jerkwheat

Would You Like Claws With That?

bigboneded — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:55:22 EDT

What a great idea! Maybe if I CUT OFF MY OWN FINGER and put it in a cup of Wendy's Chili, I can sue for millions!

Or do you think they'll know?

bigboneded

Would You Like Claws With That?

BowdenBowdenBowden — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:55:08 EDT

I really hope we haven't stumbled on Deadspin's version of a Fark cliche.

BowdenBowdenBowden

Would You Like Claws With That?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:54:55 EDT

let it go

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Would You Like Claws With That?

Mike Honcho — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:54:11 EDT

Haley planted it himself. He needs financial stablity for his family after TO makes him quit or gets him fired.

Mike Honcho

Would You Like Claws With That?

BigTenObsession — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:52:47 EDT

A few days ago, I discovered that Will was covertly keeping my avatar from loading correctly. I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about. You know, in case anyone wasn't aware yet.

BigTenObsession

Would You Like Claws With That?

Stev D — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:52:01 EDT

Apropos of nothing, they weren't fooling when they cast Ugly Betty.

Stev D

Would You Like Claws With That?

Trenton Makes The World Takes — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:51:44 EDT

Manager: Oooo a rat salad! Those are chock full of....ratty goodness.

Trenton Makes The World Takes

Would You Like Claws With That?

44 in a Row — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:51:30 EDT

I'll never forget driving through New Hampshire on my way to Montreal a few years ago, and passing a McDonald's with a huge banner out front that read, "LOBSTER ROLLS ARE BACK". I've always wondered where they had gone.

44 in a Row

Would You Like Claws With That?

Package — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:51:07 EDT

I actually ate rat at a "random grilled meat" restaurant in the Mekong Delta. The Vietnamese called it "water rabbit." It was surprisingly delicious.

Package

Would You Like Claws With That?

jabostick — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:50:19 EDT

That's some old-school mafia gangster shit! I agree with Critic - TO made that happen as a message to Haley.

Their whole argument was because Haley went and ratted to the media. This is like sending the Corleones a dead fish.

jabostick

Would You Like Claws With That?

Bronson — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:50:10 EDT

Damn it I am going to forget that the McRib was even mentioned here.

Bronson

Would You Like Claws With That?

Mr. Soul — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:50:10 EDT

Years ago my grandma found a gerbil in Richard Gere. I'm not trying to one up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about.

Mr. Soul

Would You Like Claws With That?

Witty Handle — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:49:47 EDT

Years ago, I invented cancer. I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about. Sorry.

Witty Handle

Would You Like Claws With That?

Christ Sabo — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:47:57 EDT

+1 Greek McPapadopoulos for the Rat Salad reference.

Christ Sabo

Would You Like Claws With That?

claude balls — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:46:48 EDT

The rat was placed, covertly, by T.O.

If so, that is the first time that T.O. has done anything covertly. He doesn't take a shit without alerting the media.

claude balls

Would You Like Claws With That?

supermike3 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:46:24 EDT

wow deadspin is broken again.

supermike3

Would You Like Claws With That?

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:46:17 EDT

I was able to watch Scooter AND The War at Home without consuming alcohol, and I lived to tell the tale.

I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about.

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price

Would You Like Claws With That?

supermike3 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:46:05 EDT

they didn't eat it and they didn't eat anything it touched...

what's the $1.7million for?

supermike3

Would You Like Claws With That?

DannyG — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:45:53 EDT

The rat didn't commit suicide, it OD'd on painkillers and supplements

DannyG

Would You Like Claws With That?

KOGOD — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:45:25 EDT

Sabo's grandma was Eva Braun

KOGOD

Would You Like Claws With That?

Tuffy — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:45:19 EDT

Years ago, my Aunt Bernice found a rift in the space-time continuum and accidentally erased President Gore. I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about.

Tuffy

Would You Like Claws With That?

Greek McPapadopoulos — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:45:10 EDT

Wait a second, were they taking the title of the Black Sabbath song literally?

Greek McPapadopoulos

Would You Like Claws With That?

BowdenBowdenBowden — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:44:30 EDT

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and a 6-inch roof rat on a sesame seed bun.

Also, if a 6-inch roof rat is a juvenile, how big is an adult?

BowdenBowdenBowden

Would You Like Claws With That?

Critic — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:41:08 EDT

Rask: +1

Critic

Would You Like Claws With That?

Christ Sabo — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:40:44 EDT

Years ago, my grandma found Adolf Hitler in his bunker. I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about.

Christ Sabo

Would You Like Claws With That?

Raskolnikov — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:40:11 EDT

Isn't this how they found Nelson de la Rosa?

Raskolnikov

Would You Like Claws With That?

Chamomiles Davis — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:39:32 EDT

If anyone in the Cowboys franchise ate a rat, wouldn't that be considered cannibalism?

Chamomiles Davis

Would You Like Claws With That?

Kooby Pickett — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:39:06 EDT

Years ago, my grandma found a house key in her take-out chow mein. I'm not trying to one-up this story, but I do think it's something you needed to know about.

Kooby Pickett

Would You Like Claws With That?

Wingman — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:39:00 EDT

I wonder what has better odds - lotto or findnig a dead rat in your McDonalds food? Maybe Daren Prince could sell that chance on Ebay.

Wingman

Would You Like Claws With That?

KOGOD — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:39:00 EDT

Welcome to the real world, hippies!

KOGOD

Would You Like Claws With That?

powder — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:38:51 EDT

That salad was NOT what we thought it was.

powder

Would You Like Claws With That?

supermike3 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:38:21 EDT

Who eats McDonalds unless it's a completely desperate off-the-highway-and-all-other-options-sq... situation?

People purposefully GO to McDonalds to bring the food HOME to eat it? Is there nothing else within 150 miles?????

supermike3

Would You Like Claws With That?

Chowday — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:38:17 EDT

How many Monopoly pieces do you get with a Rat Salad?

Chowday

Would You Like Claws With That?

Hamster-Style — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:37:44 EDT

Did she get the grilled rat or the McCrispy rat?

I heard the grilled is waaaaaaay healthier for you.

Hamster-Style

Would You Like Claws With That?

RBS — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:37:40 EDT

I'm already excited to see the press conference where T.O. takes credit for the rat, Parcells refuses to comment and Jerry Jones calls Haley a pussy.

RBS

Would You Like Claws With That?

BigTenObsession — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:37:32 EDT

he obviously doesn't make any money with Dallas - hence the ol' 'rat in my food' scam

BigTenObsession

Would You Like Claws With That?

badbabu — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:37:04 EDT

What was 6 inches of Jeff Garcia doing in a McSalad?

badbabu

Would You Like Claws With That?

Critic — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:36:54 EDT

The rat was placed, covertly, by T.O.

Critic

Would You Like Claws With That?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:35:19 EDT

was the rat drowned before it was placed in the salad?

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Would You Like Claws With That?

Artie Fufkin — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:35:17 EDT

I would totally eat a rat for 1.7 million.

Artie Fufkin

Would You Like Claws With That?

Greek McPapadopoulos — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:35:15 EDT

I believe the Ribwich is made from an animal that is now extinct, hence the limited edition runs.

Greek McPapadopoulos

Would You Like Claws With That?

Yostal — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:34:09 EDT

I said it last night, but it bears repeating:
The Cowboys have a "passing game coordinator"?

Yostal