Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea - Deadspin Comments

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Wilf — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 16:17:48 EDT

Joey Porter's going to have a monster year. And that's even before training camp.

Wilf

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

BigTenObsession — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:31:07 EDT

@BunnyColvinSecurity:

It's osmosis if Joey is touching all those other players, so it's a good thing he didn't get picked up by the Colts.

BigTenObsession

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Moonshine Mike — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:28:17 EDT

@Mr. Mangold: is "joey" porter badass like "joey" harrington is badass?

Moonshine Mike

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

BunnyColvinSecurity — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:26:25 EDT

That should be "diffusion," not "osmosis." It's the one thing I remember from High School Biology.

BunnyColvinSecurity

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

HeavyPettingZoo — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:25:28 EDT

@G-Force:

Daunte, Joey, and Cleo sounds like the cast of a movie Dungy would not approve of.

HeavyPettingZoo

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Gage — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:23:40 EDT

I'm on board with this logic. Now, what can I do to make the entire Deadspin brand be percieved as tougher?

Gage

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Midwesterner in NYC — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:23:09 EDT

@Mr. Mangold: Im glad you picked up on the irony.........

Midwesterner in NYC

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Mr. Mangold — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:18:42 EDT

@G-Force: Now their badass linebacker is named "joey"

Mr. Mangold

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Bad Barbecue — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:17:02 EDT

Fighting nerd with laptop at Denny's with your "posse": not badass.

Hitting meter maid with car: not badass.

Fighting strippers: not badass.

Getting into a fight with another pro football player outside of the game: badass

I'm on the Porter's side.

Bad Barbecue

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Wingman — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:10:15 EDT

Knocing a dude from an opposing team out doesn't equal shooting a bouncer; if this had been in the 1950s Porter would have gotten a bonus for it. Apples to oranges comparing this to Pacman.

Joey Porter is exactly who we thought he was.

Wingman

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

CatHairSweater — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:10:13 EDT

@lieutenant winslow:

Taking it to the next level, it is far more badass to give someone a beat down and never be arrested or charged, as long as that someone is a woman.

-Ron Artest

CatHairSweater

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

CatHairSweater — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:09:36 EDT

@lieutenant winslow:

Taking it to another level of badassedness, it is far more badass to give someone a beat down and never be arrested or charged, as long as it is a woman.

-Ron Artest

CatHairSweater

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

ltwinslow — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:03:59 EDT

Since when is it "badass" to get charged with battery?

he does have a point. on the spectrum of badassedness, it is far more badass to give someone a beat down and never be arrested or charged, but, whatever.

ltwinslow

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Roy Hobbs — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:59:34 EDT

But where does Ned fit into all of this?

Roy Hobbs

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

thesepretzels — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:55:19 EDT

@I_Am_Eaten_By_Wolves: It depends on the scoring in your league. Are the points weighted for sentences for past offenses, or for new arrests?

thesepretzels

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

PurduePaul — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:55:03 EDT

Joey Porter doesn't need counseling, he needs to McMahon the sex cannon next year. If this happens, I'll be the happiest Bears fan ever.

PurduePaul

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Jen P — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:54:29 EDT

There are quite a few scary, volatile football players in Miami. It's just that they all play for the Hurricanes.

Jen P

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

CatHairSweater — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:53:35 EDT

@Civil Negligence:

Here's to hoping he doesn't make one meeting all year.

CatHairSweater

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

THEGINOCIMOLICONSPIRACY — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:53:22 EDT

Can anyone tell me what round I should pick Pac Man Jones in my Fantasy Felon Draft?

THEGINOCIMOLICONSPIRACY

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

SantaBarbaraWahoo — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:50:42 EDT

My only question is; why didn't the XFL think of this during its short existence?

SantaBarbaraWahoo

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Civil Negligence — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:48:28 EDT

For each attempted suicide, T.O.'s contract stipulates that he gets to sleep through another meeting.

Civil Negligence

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

CDNMoose — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:47:50 EDT

This would make perfect sense if the NFL moves ahead with it's (somewhat controversial) plan to play games inside of casinos without equipment or footballs.

If they go ahead with that, I totally want Joey Porter wearing my favourite team's laundry.

CDNMoose

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Midwesterner in NYC — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:40:33 EDT

make the entire Dolphins brand perceived as tougher, scarier.

Well they had to do something, their quarterback last year was named "Joey".

Midwesterner in NYC

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Pam Ward needs no strap-on — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:36:41 EDT

I so want to see Joey Porter in a cage with a lion, one-on-one. No doubt in my mind Porter's walking out alive, a little worse for the wear, but alive.

Pam Ward needs no strap-on

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Flαmεtown — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:34:57 EDT

Wow. Pacman Jones is really working for that 20 mil bonus!

Flαmεtown

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Frinklin — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:32:51 EDT

Badassses with attitude is totally what comes to mind when one mentions grown men called "Dolphins" who wear teal and orange.

Frinklin

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Moletran — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:32:24 EDT

Joey Porter will bitch slap Greg Cote for accusing him of osmosis.

Moletran

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Dirk Calloway — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:30:25 EDT

Tony Dungy is clearly a far worse person than Joey Porter.

Dirk Calloway

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:29:01 EDT

Upon checking out the Miami Herald website, I discovered Greg Cote writes a column entitled Random Evidence of a Cluttered Mind.

Cluttered indeed.

Weed Against Speed

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Sarge — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:27:33 EDT

@JebusHChrist: Exactly what TD's against!

Sarge

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

JebusHChrist — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:26:28 EDT

Didn't he get shot in the ass a couple years ago?
Snitches may get stitches but cowards get shot in the ass.

JebusHChrist

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

LingeringBursitis — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:25:29 EDT

so basically the league needs more unhinged, physically-imposing yet emotionally fragile and immature players?

Hard to believe there's not plenty of them going around already.

LingeringBursitis

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:25:13 EDT

I heard the Dolphins are brokering Rae Carruth's release from prison.

Weed Against Speed

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

PatrickEwingsGuarantee — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:23:45 EDT

Every time a stripper gets one-half of a double dong, Fred Smoot's team scores a touchdown.

PatrickEwingsGuarantee

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

44 in a Row — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:23:36 EDT

They are buying an athlete who -- by association, maybe by osmosis -- might inspire teammates to be more emotional on the volatile side, and make the entire Dolphins brand perceived as tougher, scarier.

I'm not clear on what signing Joey Porter does that, say, moving their practice facility to the Orange Bowl doesn't.

44 in a Row

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

MDT — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:23:24 EDT

I'd empty my wallet into an envelope and send it to him if he could just knock Brady out of a game this year

MDT

Writing Up "Assault" In Joey Porter's Contract Was A Grand Idea

Chicago Jones — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:21:30 EDT

What about kissing men? Tony Dungy wants an answer.

Chicago Jones