Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped - Deadspin Comments

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

HmptnStvns (Formerly Jocksniffer) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:16:18 EDT

Vodka is vodka. Now gin is a serious drink.

Oh, also "Joey Porter". Just to stay on topic.

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Curious Jorts — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 18:58:44 EDT

I'm kind of sad that the stupid survey kicked me out before I even got to the question about my drinking habits. And here I took my lunch break to go to the liquer store and pick up my stipend of scotch and gin. Aberlour and Ten, thanks for asking.

Curious Jorts

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Roy Hobbs — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 18:08:09 EDT

[threadjack]
Send SportsCenter your poll!
If SC chooses your poll question, they will use it Thursday on the 11pm SportsCenter! Submit Now![/threadjack]

Apparently they don't have any ideas over there in Bristol about what the "Cool" stuff is. Given that we're all just waiting for the DUAN thread to open, maybe we can give them some.

Roy Hobbs

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

yamabushi — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 18:05:59 EDT

All you funky beat-aholics, this beat's Bacardi

yamabushi

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 18:03:39 EDT

@Lady Andrea: I also said Grey Goose

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Lets Go Buff-a-lo! — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:50:35 EDT

@12-inch Idongivafuck Sandwich: every time i see your name, I just look at the word 'dong' and giggle like I was 6th grade. Sorry for being ####

Lets Go Buff-a-lo!

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Carson — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:49:21 EDT

Wait - Joey Porter has tackled Ladanian Tomlinson? When?

Carson

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Lady Andrea — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:48:17 EDT

@Scoops: I also said Grey Goose.

Lady Andrea

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Jen P — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:38:59 EDT

@44 in a Row: Well no, but since that's really my liquor of choice, I figured I'd give it top billing.

Jen P

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Scoops — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:33:04 EDT

@Signal to Noise: Y'know, it makes me happy to know that I'm not the only person who wrote that. I'd sorta like to be the guy parsing that survey.

"WTF?! Grey Goose?"

Scoops

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

44 in a Row — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:32:22 EDT

plus the "other" box for rum.

Yours was just for rum? Lame.

44 in a Row

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Shakεy — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:31:30 EDT

@BowdenBowdenBowden: He needs to stop catching and start DH'ing. He's too talented to have his knees shot.

Shakεy

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

44 in a Row — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:30:31 EDT

I don't understand how that survey considers "often" to be "once a month".

44 in a Row

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

BowdenBowdenBowden — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:29:57 EDT

@Flametown: He's getting shut down for a few days. Something about a stress reaction in the leg?

The article says it's a precursor to a stress fracture, but I'm still not sure how serious that is.

BowdenBowdenBowden

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:29:25 EDT

@44 in a Row: Probably because those guys would be fired for leaking it...unless there is charges pressed...then it would become public I would think...

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Shakεy — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:27:35 EDT

@BowdenBowdenBowden: Is something wrong?

Shakεy

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

44 in a Row — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:27:16 EDT

Casinos have cameras everywhere. Why haven't we seen video yet? Are they saving it for a pay-per-view?

44 in a Row

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Bad Barbecue — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:27:04 EDT

They didn't ask if I like blowing up a bagel. The answer is yes. Often.

Bad Barbecue

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

BowdenBowdenBowden — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:25:29 EDT

Sorry to jack the thread, but what the heck happened to Joe Mauer?

BowdenBowdenBowden

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

PabstSmear — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:25:04 EDT

" It sounded like a 'Rocky' movie."

Why is the eyewitness giving earwitness reports?

PabstSmear

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Gentleman André — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:22:46 EDT

@El Knob Grande: so you're saying that's Joey Porter's puppy

Gentleman André

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

TheStarterWife — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:21:28 EDT

(And for the ladies, if you click on the Absolut Pear ad, you can find videos of some Euro-looking bartender making drinks with the Pears. It's pretty hot.)

(I do not work in advertising.)
(Or for Absolut.)
(Look at my avatar.)
(Last summer when Stoli Blueberri did ads, I praised them too.)

TheStarterWife

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Peter Cavan — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:18:32 EDT

I feel more confident and popular the more I drink. It doesn't matter whether I'm drinking vodka, beer, or cooking sherry. Get me drunk on any of them, and I'm the life of the party. And if you're lucky, I'll make fun of your geeky 15-year-old cousin for being on the chess team.

Peter Cavan

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Keith Talent — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:18:12 EDT

What was that terrible slogan? The new taste of temptation?

Keith Talent

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

TheStarterWife — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:17:53 EDT

In all fairness, I did buy a bottle of Absolut Pears, (and liked it), but I am giving all of the credit to the Defamer.

(Since most of my drinking is more work related.)

TheStarterWife

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Jen P — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:16:00 EDT

I liked the one where I had to check every box for beer, wine, vodka, gin and bourbon, plus the "other" box for rum.

Jen P

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:15:53 EDT

Hmmmm...I do agree that any alcohol brand/type makes me feel more confident and popular...

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:15:31 EDT

@lieutenant winslow:

it aint the size of the horse in the fight, its the size of the horse in the dog

Fixed.

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

El Knob Grande — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:14:46 EDT

@Probity and Sport: That's no ordinary puppy. That's a Siberian long-tailed tawny retriever. Fuck with him and you'll wind up naked in a pool of your own blood.

El Knob Grande

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Probity and Sport — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:14:16 EDT

I wouldn't call this very good marketing.

I don't think a survey put out by a vodka company should make me feel like an alcoholic for drinking more than once a month. I thought I was their target audience?

Probity and Sport

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:13:55 EDT

Why doesn't it give me an "I don't know what the hell brand offers that flavor/I don't know that slogan" option?

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

claude balls — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:13:49 EDT

All I can say is thank God someone finally had the good sense to meet the criminally underserved demand for pear flavored vodka.

claude balls

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:13:41 EDT

Apparently if you are under 21 you don't drink vodka.

It is like they think it is illegal or something

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Will Leitch — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:12:36 EDT

I'm sorry, by the way: I have absolutely no idea how that survey works either.

Will Leitch

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Jen P — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:11:53 EDT

I haven't reached a question yet where I can tell them that I think the idea of pear-flavored vodka is really fucking disgusting.

Jen P

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

JebusHChrist — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:11:41 EDT

It did not make me feel like going out to buy vodka. Bad survey.
Hooray booze!

JebusHChrist

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

J-No — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:09:40 EDT

@Peter Cavan:
I am in the same boat. Let's see, I had Vodka on Saturday, on Tuesday, and was planning on having some tonight, but now I am having second thoughts. God, I hope they don't do the AA survey next. That one will really depress the shit out of you.

J-No

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Jen P — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:09:10 EDT

I like how they ask you how likely you are to buy these different vodkas, THEN ask you if you drink alcohol.

Jen P

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Lets Go Buff-a-lo! — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:08:16 EDT

alco-hol?

Lets Go Buff-a-lo!

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Peter Cavan — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:07:05 EDT

I didn't realize that if I drink vodka more than a few times a month, that qualifies as "often." I never thought I had a drinking problem until now.

Peter Cavan

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Probity and Sport — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:06:58 EDT

That thing looks less like a puppy and more like a baby ewok... but maybe that's just me.

Probity and Sport

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

claude balls — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:06:57 EDT

Drinking once a month is drinking often? Fuck me with a stick.

So, if I email my zip code to Gawker, they will send me the certificate? Something smells funny here.

Oh ... it's the stick. Never mind.

claude balls

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

PQ Crash — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:06:56 EDT

How well does Joey Porter going bat-shit crazy fit into your perception of Deadspin.com?

PQ Crash

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Carmen McFanzone — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:06:42 EDT

WHERE WAS PACMAN??

Carmen McFanzone

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

LingeringBursitis — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:05:45 EDT

I wonder if Levi Jones hangs out with a white dude. Because THAT'S the one to keep your eye on.

LingeringBursitis

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Jen P — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:05:37 EDT

I can't even get that survey to work. Maybe in a different browser ...

Jen P

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

ltwinslow — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:05:22 EDT

crazy always beats big...

it aint the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog

ltwinslow

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:05:18 EDT

Nothing regarding surfing the internet for porn in that survey.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

DamnSkippy — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:04:01 EDT

Damn!

"Joey Porter broke free and ran full sprint at Levi Jones and dove through the air at him like he was trying to tackle Ladanian Tomlinson".

I miss him already!

DamnSkippy

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

J-No — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:03:49 EDT

Is it a sign of a problem that the survey about vodka was the most interesting thing I did at work today?

J-No

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Signal to Noise — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:02:44 EDT

"When you think of premium vodka, what brand do you think of."

Definitely not Absolut. Time to get my goose on.

Signal to Noise

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

-s — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:02:17 EDT

@BigTDog: Yeah..they didn't exactly ask for my contact info.

-s

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

PikachuMcHeidegger — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:01:57 EDT

"Might as well make your move... 'cause mine's gonna be ugly."

- Brock Samson

PikachuMcHeidegger

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

BigTDog — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:00:24 EDT

So how does Deadspin.com compare with Absolut Vodka??

...and how the hell do they know to send the Jet Blue certificate to me?

BigTDog

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Luckless Pedestrian — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:00:19 EDT

Which chicks, exactly, did the long ball?

Phone numbers?

Luckless Pedestrian

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:59:19 EDT

That puppy's cuteness has be distracted

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Craigbob — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:59:13 EDT

Half-shirts are cool.

Craigbob

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Charles — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:58:21 EDT

Release the hounds!

It's going to be a fun year in Miami.

Charles

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

Phatty — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:58:10 EDT

The last question in that survey was "What zip code do you reside in?" I know for a fact I got that right.

Phatty

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

throwbot — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:55:35 EDT

Joey Porter, 6'3" 250 lbs.

Levi Jones, 6'5", 307 lbs.

Makes sense, but crazy always beats big. So Levi Jones must be a crazy motherfucker.

throwbot

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

TheStarterWife — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:55:24 EDT

Did the NFL sue for infringement on the "tackle" yet?

TheStarterWife

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

KOGOD — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:54:43 EDT

I would have paid five figures to see that fight live. I would be the last guy stepping in between those two.

they're just talkin' it out

KOGOD

Joey Porter Might Have Gotten Himself Whupped

JebusHChrist — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:53:33 EDT

That survey made me wonder if I have a drinking problem. Geez.

JebusHChrist