Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas - Deadspin Comments

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 21:01:46 EDT

But do they ever incorporate stink-palms into their repetoire?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

AndrewTaylor — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 16:31:18 EDT

Wow, I did this with some friends over the course of our entire eighth-grade school year. I won by a large margin, which was kind of unexpected considering I was the smallest guy of the group.

I'm officially a Tiger fan now, needless to say.

AndrewTaylor

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

cameltrader — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 12:10:00 EDT

Finally, something I can beat Tiger at.

cameltrader

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

David Hume — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 12:04:20 EDT

Ok, so I've gone back and forth about telling this story, but I figure if Deadspin isn't the place for this, where else is?

Last summer, a couple of friends and I played 9 after work a few times per week. These were very casual rounds; beer, weed, peeing while on the course and of course, intentional distractions were tolerated and often celebrated. After unleashing a nasty push-slice, due solely* to my friend cracking open a Bud Light during my backswing, I vowed to up the ante. The next day, I ate two bowls of Kashi Golean at lunch, followed by chili shortly thereafter. That afternoon, I successfully cranked out a beaut during the backswing of almost every tee shot on a challenging hole. While I have no hard evidence to support it, I like to believe that my ass was responsible for at least a couple of bogies.

*not at all

David Hume

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:42:20 EDT

When Sergio goes to fart, he actually pisses.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Tuffy — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:38:51 EDT

Vijay squeezes a whoopee cushion and then swears at you loudly for telling him that he cheated.

Tuffy

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:36:35 EDT

@sebben:

Barking spiders...

Weed Against Speed

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Spectacular Sam — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:36:26 EDT

Tiger farts excellence.

Spectacular Sam

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Eddie Auto — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:36:20 EDT

Vijay doesn't unclench, but he might try to take credit for someone else's fart.

Eddie Auto

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Off The Baggie — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:35:43 EDT

Hopefully if Vaughan Taylor wins, they'll set cars on fire on Washington Rd...

Off The Baggie

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

sebben — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:35:04 EDT

What, did somebody step on a duck?

sebben

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Matt_T — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:30:46 EDT

+1 Upshaw's Leash

Matt_T

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

RBS — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:29:07 EDT

Between that and Tiger calling John Smoltz his personal ATM, it's nearly impossible to dislike the guy today.

RBS

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Phony Gwynn — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:28:56 EDT

@Roy Hobbs: Elin Nordegren's queefs smell like magnolia blossoms.

Fixed.

Phony Gwynn

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Michael Bertin — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:28:40 EDT

g-olf?

Michael Bertin

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Xanxibar — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:28:10 EDT

True story: Daly and his wife were backstage at an impromptu Edwin McCain concert in Greensboro, NC a couple of years ago and both were dining on some ham in the green room when Daly turns to his wife and says, "Careful with that ham, honey. You know your gonna have a strip of bacon in your panties in the morning." He then headed to the stage where he played a raucous and inspired 47 minute version of Knocking on Heaven's Door. Not a dry eye in the house.

Xanxibar

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:28:04 EDT

Charles Howell III doesn't fart - he "fluffs".

Weed Against Speed

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Off The Baggie — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:27:55 EDT

FIGJAM is +1 through one... If he shoots an 84, does he still love his kids??

Off The Baggie

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Chief Illiniwek — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:25:31 EDT

Damnit Wahoo! Us injuns think alike

Chief Illiniwek

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

parker91 — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:24:55 EDT

I hate to be "that guy", but I really recommend the rest of the article. Rather revealing stuff from Feherty there.

parker91

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Chief Illiniwek — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:24:14 EDT

Tiger, stay away from Daley when you rip one! Although lighting one at Augusta would totally make me a golf fan. Uptight bastards

Chief Illiniwek

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Off The Baggie — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:23:25 EDT

Is too much to ask that Feherty uses lines from "Tiger Woods 07" while announcing this week?

Off The Baggie

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Hit Bull Win Steak — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:22:48 EDT

Vijay Singh farts curry

Hit Bull Win Steak

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:22:40 EDT

Phil can't squeeze one out in the clutch

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Upshaws Leash — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:22:13 EDT

if there was a farting contest between Tiger and Phil Mickleson, it's my guess that Tiger would let out a miraculous, majestic earth mover of a fart, while Phil would grimace for about 5 seconds and then promptly shit in his pants.

Upshaws Leash

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Peter Cavan — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:21:29 EDT

@Bob Sheppard's Flock: He'd have Steve Williams go Azamat on the guy.

Peter Cavan

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Chief Wahoo — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:20:37 EDT

You never, ever, want to get into this contest with John Daly.

Chief Wahoo

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Matt_T — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:20:25 EDT

I knew I liked him.

Matt_T

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Juancho — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:18:09 EDT

In this case, if Sergio spits, I don't want to know what Davis Love leaves in the cup.

Juancho

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:17:33 EDT

Dr. Stewart: Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five, you will snap out of this, and you won't remember this, especially the smell, the smell was from you. All right? And here we go. Zero, we're coming out of it, you're waking up slowly, your eyes are opening, one, you're feeling good, and when you wake up, you'll feel wide awake and perfect you'll feel whole and [fart] all-righty, I ripped that one out there and I apologize. I ripped a good one there. That was a nice out..

Gary Phelps: That was not nice.

Dr. Stewart: Here we go, and, we're coming right [fart]

Gary Phelps: What was that?

/Adam Sandler

Weed Against Speed

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Denis Lemieux — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:17:14 EDT

I bet Tiger throws the controller if he loses in Madden.

Denis Lemieux

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

ltwinslow — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:15:41 EDT

ok, that was kinda cool

ltwinslow

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Stev D — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:15:25 EDT

...and John Daly crapped his pants.

Stev D

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Drew Magary — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:15:16 EDT

Jim Nantz says that kind of behavior has no place in the great game of golf. Because he is a douchebag.

Drew Magary

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Roy Hobbs — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:13:51 EDT

Tiger's farts smell like magnolia blossoms.

Roy Hobbs

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Bob Sheppards Flock — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:13:47 EDT

But how would he react if someone ripped one while he was trying to putt?

Bob Sheppards Flock

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah! — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:12:05 EDT

Goodbye fried rice, hello fried chicken. And hello fried chicken shits.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:11:52 EDT

An imperceptible squeak?

That is not what a man's fart should sound like! C'mon, Tiger, let 'er rip!!

Weed Against Speed

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

twoeightnine — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:11:18 EDT

Vijay makes plenty of queef jokes though.

twoeightnine

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Ray — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:11:12 EDT

I offered him my hand, which he grasped, and I heard an almost imperceptible squeak.

Whereas Colin Montgomerie would have grasped his hand and accidentally sharted.

Ray

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

DannyNoonan — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:10:43 EDT

Who does Number 2 work for?

DannyNoonan

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

Juancho — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:09:39 EDT

@J-No: Indeed.

Like Vijay's sphincter every unclenches.

Juancho

Tiger Will Even Beat You At Passing Gas

J-No — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:08:17 EDT

You stay classy, Tiger.

/Required/

J-No