ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######" - Deadspin Comments

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

sharky — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:33:27 EDT

I'd rather have prolonged dental work than read Shirley's musings on the NBA.

It's bad enough that Simmons has made this guy. Is Deadspin really gonna help out his cause as well?

sharky

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

myihuiwu — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 21:16:31 EDT

You know who's not a douche? Rod Benson.

myihuiwu

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

drewheyman — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 19:11:48 EDT

Paul Shirley's just jealous because Kobe knows the power of the penis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3LLpNLo864
and Paul's at the Long John Silvers buying shrimp.

drewheyman

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

WildYams — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 17:03:36 EDT

If ESPN's not careful they might get a reputation for not being the best place for a company like Massengill to advertise their products.

WildYams

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Baylen — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 16:49:34 EDT

Shirley should have learned from Simmons -- "d-bag" is apparently fine for P2.

Baylen

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Abe Froman — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 16:31:11 EDT

did he call him a douche because he acts like he's selfish and arrogant, or because he's a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes?

espn. the worldwide leader in leaving questions unanswered.

Abe Froman

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

redsoxchick — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 16:04:03 EDT

//As opposed to the rest of us, who are looking for fat, stupid & sober?//

Touche.

I just see an irony in what his myspace page relays and his calling KOBE a douche.

redsoxchick

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Spectacular Sam — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:58:32 EDT

"He likes his women skinny, smart and drugged up."

As opposed to the rest of us, who are looking for fat, stupid & sober?

Spectacular Sam

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

redsoxchick — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:55:19 EDT

From his myspace page:

//I think the world would be a better place if people watched less television and read more books, if the girls I see at bars were 20% thinner and 35% smarter, and if Percocet were sold over the counter. //

He likes his women skinny, smart and drugged up.

Good man, Paul.

redsoxchick

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

bizzo5000 — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:47:11 EDT

@That Bootleg Guy:
I, for one, am glad to hear that you never used a douche.

bizzo5000

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Jojosh_the_Pi — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:44:22 EDT

@RestoretheRoar: OT, but you do understand the term "realistic", right? I mean, it's OK to be Lions fan; just remember only certain teams get to win at least 7 games a season.

Jojosh_the_Pi

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

I Heart Poop — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:44:09 EDT

espn should look on the bright side. at least he didn't call kobe a rapist.

I Heart Poop

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Moobs — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:42:48 EDT

"Where do you keep your copy of Paul Shirley's book?"
"Next to my dick cream."

Moobs

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Pete Gaines — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:41:38 EDT

Paul Shirley might have a tendency to overwrite but considering he was an engineering major, the fact that he can put together complete sentences at all is a victory.

Pete Gaines

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

The Fan’s Attic — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:34:18 EDT

@That Bootleg Guy: Yes, but we are willing to give licensing rights to you. Only five cents per usage.

The Fan’s Attic

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

grungedave — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:33:44 EDT

Paul thinks Kobe is a douche...
hmmmmm - to steal from Chappelle:

"that's just jealousy"

grungedave

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

That Bootleg Guy — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:31:22 EDT

Anyone know if a Black person can say "douche"? I've never used it myself and can't say that I've ever heard the word from anyone other than white folk. Do you guys have ownership of "douche"? Seriously, I'd like a ruling on this by the end of the day.

That Bootleg Guy

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Cowboycane — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:30:36 EDT

@Baba Oje:
+5 for physics humor

Cowboycane

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Chareth Cutestory — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:25:22 EDT

@McBain:

I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

Chareth Cutestory

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

LenDalesFupa — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:21:22 EDT

@Glossina Glossinidae: So I'm guessing you can type schmegma without being censored. Good to know.

LenDalesFupa

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

BabaOje — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:17:53 EDT

@44 in a Row: I think its funny a group took refracted light. Pretty greedy, gays.

BabaOje

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

businessorleisure — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:17:37 EDT

@DennyCrane: Only three people read Paul Shirley's chat: Me Myself and I.

businessorleisure

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Ray — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:17:26 EDT

@Weed Against Speed: I'm guessing he'd just start talking and that would do the trick.

Ray

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Encouraging Referee Pitman — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:17:20 EDT

@44 in a Row:

These are sames and opposites, my friend.

Encouraging Referee Pitman

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Fios — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:17:17 EDT

@McBain: See, I just felt like the film was an overwrought version of 'Dazed and Confused'

Fios

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Glossina Glossinidae — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:17:13 EDT

From the Paul Shirley chat yesterday:

Tim Hardaway would not approve...

Are there any advantages to playing over in Europe as opposed to the NBA?

SportsNation Paul Shirley: (3:04 PM ET ) 1. Good wine is cheaper here. 2. I actually get to play. 3. I constantly get to see uncircumcised dudes in the shower.

Glossina Glossinidae

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Weed Against Speed — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:16:42 EDT

I'm wondering, if Paul Shirley was ever on Rome Is Burning and Jim Rome wanted to piss him off, would he call him Laverne?

Weed Against Speed

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:16:37 EDT

@Weed Against Speed: Can we blackface him? Would that help?

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

44 in a Row — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:15:38 EDT

So...is MSNBC gay friendly now or something? 'Cause looking at their new a banner...

MSNBC is in kind of a tough situation, 'cause it likes rainbows, but it's not gay - but it's not against being gay, you know what it means, if other people are gay. So it ends up with, like, situations where it have a rainbow on something, but then under it it puts, like, "Not gay," but then under that in parentheses it says, "But supportive."

44 in a Row

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Ricky And His Sticky Icky — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:14:27 EDT

@DennyCrane: I could go for some burgers..... fur burgers.

NPH = God

Ricky And His Sticky Icky

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Steve518 — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:14:01 EDT

Dammit, Nibbles!

Is 'Schrutebag' censored yet?

Steve518

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Steve518 — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:13:06 EDT

Is Schrutebag

Steve518

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Ray — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:13:02 EDT

@DennyCrane:
Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? I can't find him and I'm telling Beth you let him drown.

I was busy.

Ray

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Weed Against Speed — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:12:02 EDT

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus:

He's too talented and doesn't yell enough.

Weed Against Speed

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:11:06 EDT

Why doesn't Shirley have his own ESPN show yet?

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

being_sven — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:10:22 EDT

If saying the word 'douche' is wrong, I don't ever want to be right.

being_sven

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

DennyCrane — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:09:00 EDT

ESPN smells like a burger.

DennyCrane

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Ray — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:08:17 EDT

@MitchKayak: Definitely one of the greatest movies ever.

Fixed.

Ray

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

SlickBomb — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:07:39 EDT

The more important question is what exactly was said?? #### ESPN.

SlickBomb

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

MitchKayak — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:04:12 EDT

@The Big Picture:

Possibly one of the greatest movies ever.

MitchKayak

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Lady Andrea — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:03:34 EDT

@ArkansasFred: maybe the Lakers could start their own version of the Sausages or Presidents races. Giant Douche, Turd Sandwich and Jackwad could race around the court every halftime.

Lady Andrea

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Matt_T — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:03:17 EDT

I am serious, and don't call me Shirley

Matt_T

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Ricky And His Sticky Icky — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:03:05 EDT

The hilarity of the situation aside, did Shirley actually cite any specific reasons why he considers Kobe to be a douche? I mean, he says he's met the guy, so I would've liked to hear some supporting details. I'm just saying.

Ricky And His Sticky Icky

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

ArkansasFred — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:02:33 EDT

The MVP race between Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich is going to be riveting.

ArkansasFred

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Disgruntled Goat — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:59:46 EDT

@Weed Against Speed: Damnit.

Disgruntled Goat

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Disgruntled Goat — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:59:02 EDT

Ok, so do we know ESPN's policy on "enema?"

Disgruntled Goat

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

A Magician Named GOB — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:58:43 EDT

ESPN keeps ###ging out.

A Magician Named GOB

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

The Big Picture — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:58:32 EDT

@MitchKayak: 10 points for the Wet Hot American Summer reference.

The Big Picture

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Ray — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:58:29 EDT

@MitchKayak: Will you teach me about this, what is it? New way?

Ray

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Weed Against Speed — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:58:12 EDT

I think calling Kobe an enema would have been more appropriate, all things considered.

Weed Against Speed

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Phony Gwynn — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:57:13 EDT

C'mon, Paul, I thought we covered this: Schrutebag. Schrutebag. Fun to type, funner to say.

Phony Gwynn

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

RestoretheRoar — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:57:06 EDT

Now listening to Apache by The Sugarhill Gang:

I mean does he seriously have to tell us everything he is listening too. Besides that hes ok and Yes Kobe Bryant is a Douche.

RestoretheRoar

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Drew Magary — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:56:11 EDT

He's mostly amusing, we guess, but he has a tendency to overwrite -- like we can talk -- and seems a little too proud of himself from time to time.

Why, no wonder Simmons loves him!

Drew Magary

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

BoeheimIsMySavior — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:54:45 EDT

"Douche" is no more offensive than "handful of Gold Bond."

BoeheimIsMySavior

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Jen P — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:54:31 EDT

Perhaps he could've just compared Kobe to a fresh summer's eve, and it would've gotten through.

Jen P

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Lady Andrea — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:54:27 EDT

I've corresponded a little with Paul Shirley via myspace b/c we share an acquaintance and he actually seems pretty cool.

Lady Andrea

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

MitchKayak — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:53:43 EDT

Douche-bags are hygienic products, I take that as a compliment. Thank you.

MitchKayak

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Matt Sussman — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:53:30 EDT

Calling someone a cleansing agent is hardly a bad thing.

Douche Variant Of The Day: Someone you don't like who is a writer could be a synedouche.

Matt Sussman

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

LenDalesFupa — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:52:55 EDT

Al Sharpton demands that Paul Shirley be fired from his SportsNation gig.

LenDalesFupa

ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"

Southeast Jerome — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:52:36 EDT

So...is MSNBC gay friendly now or something? 'Cause looking at their new a banner...

Southeast Jerome