Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You - Deadspin Comments

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Jen P — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:33:36 EDT

@Spaceman Bill Leah: Swarm hockey is highly entertaining. And between being on ice and tripping over sticks, at least half of each team is falling down at any given time.

Jen P

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Spaceman Bill Leah — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:11:10 EDT

The only problem with obsessively forcing your kid to train for a sport is that you actually have to watch the kid perform said sport, which is why I don't mind my hockey-spawn future all too much. Watching children fall down on ice is hilarious.

Spaceman Bill Leah

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

McNutty — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:04:38 EDT

I imagine I would ripped for knowing this, but the Dad stole this idea right out of the movie "Little Manhattan".

McNutty

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Botswana Meat Commission FC — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:01:26 EDT

Part of me says I should train my future kid to be a golf prodigy: truckloads of money, no chance of ending up like Mike Utley, fans that at least somewhat respect your privacy, etc.

But then another part me remembers that golf blows.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

muggsybogues — Thu, 03 May 2007 16:15:45 EDT

Laces out, Dad! Laces out! LACES OUT!

muggsybogues

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

crazyjoedavola — Thu, 03 May 2007 16:09:44 EDT

@Ricky And His Sticky Icky:

It is child abuse, they're just not hitting them. Kid will rebel, and the father will just be more pissed at the kid. Stupid is as stupid does.

crazyjoedavola

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Thu, 03 May 2007 16:04:45 EDT

@Spaceman Bill Leah: free healthcare and poutine

You know, I detect a cause-and-effect relationship there...

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Ricky And His Sticky Icky — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:59:45 EDT

That kind of composure doesn't just happen. You learn it, you work on it every day.

That really is sad. This is exactly the type of parenting that will give this kid all sorts of emotional disorders in adulthood. What this guy fails to realize is that by introducing his son to all this fake pressure at such a young age, it'll end up having the reverse effect. When the kid starts to grow up and realizes that it's impossible to succeed 100% of the time, he'll have an emotional breakdown. Really annoys me when parents put unnecessary pressure on their kids. It should be considered a form of child abuse.

Ricky And His Sticky Icky

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:58:20 EDT

You guys don't know where the money is at. I'm getting my kid ready for the future. I'm training him how to be great at blernsball

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Spaceman Bill Leah — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:57:57 EDT

I have been informed that all future Spacebabies will be hockey players.

That is the trade-off one must make for marrying into the possibility of free healthcare and poutine.

Spaceman Bill Leah

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

twoeightnine — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:55:33 EDT

I'm training him to be the world's greatest punter or long snapper depending on his size

Unless you marry big, I think he's screwed. Is there even an Israeli soccer team?

twoeightnine

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

drewheyman — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:53:45 EDT

lieutenant winslow:
actually kirby is from the 20,000 total population town of brownwood, tx. not california.

though they won quite a few championships in maybe the '70s and '80s, by the '90s and '00s, my 1A team played their 5A JV on a regular basis, and beat them on a regular basis.

sorry man, you guys got tricked.

on the other hand, a good kicker and punter is hard to find, so if were going to be a crazy-sports parent, kicker or punter is the way i'd go. good luck dude.

drewheyman

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

BigTenObsession — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:47:53 EDT

@Bandit Darville:

I thought Mr. Leitch looked suspiciously guilty in those WS pictures.

BigTenObsession

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Slothrop — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:47:33 EDT

@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface:

Add Aussies and South Americans to the list of things that Bridgeport is out of--dentists, dignity, public services ...

Slothrop

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Camp Tiger Claw — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:45:37 EDT

If you keep your hands inside the ball you should be able to drill the nagging bitch right in the sternum

/Jay Gibbons Sr.

Camp Tiger Claw

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Bandit Darville — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:45:10 EDT

"Our father did this to us too, though it had nothing to do with training us to be a kicker."

Sometimes these sentences crack me up.

Bandit Darville

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Nationalcoholic — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:42:40 EDT

@Chief Wahoo: That's why Will created the "What could possibly go wrong?" tag

Nationalcoholic

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:41:39 EDT

@Donald_Igwebuike: same thing
[/stereotypical ignorance]

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Ronnie Woo Woo — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:41:16 EDT

Ray Finkle approves of this upbringing

Ronnie Woo Woo

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:41:15 EDT

My dad trained me to shave points.

He needed to win that 20 dollar bet with my uncle because I only scored 7 goals in one soccer game when I was 6 opposed to the 9 they put the over/under at

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Chief Wahoo — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:39:40 EDT

Wow, this is going to end well. By 'well' I mean 'entertaining and likely very painful for someone' which will make me happy.

Chief Wahoo

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

crazyjoedavola — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:39:17 EDT

@Da_Mang:

Thats what I thought, until I realized my 6 year old has absolutely no athletic ability whatsoever. All the pressure now falls on the 1 year old.

crazyjoedavola

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

grungedave — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:39:06 EDT

well, if the placekicker thing doesn't work out, maybe Plan B will work -- what all forward-thinking parents want their kids to be:

left-handed middle relievers. Job security for life.

grungedave

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Donald_Igwebuike — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:38:29 EDT

@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: I thought it was the pacific islanders that were stereotypically the linemen. Them and the Kansas/Nebraska "cornfed" good old boys.

Donald_Igwebuike

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:36:31 EDT

@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos: Only if Social Services finds out is my guess.

Weed Against Speed

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:35:40 EDT

Wait.. so it's wrong for me to have tied my 2-year-old sons right arm behind his back?

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:35:25 EDT

@ArkansasFred: yeah, but aren't asians stereotypically made to be lineman (due to their obvious sumo prowess)?

australians or south americans are usually given the kicking job - bridgeport must be out of those.

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

CatHairSweater — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:35:20 EDT

My scrotum still shows signs of burns from early, very primitive taser devices, things my father called training for life tools.

Fucking curveballs.

CatHairSweater

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Donald_Igwebuike — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:34:39 EDT

Finally, a topic that really speaks to me.

Donald_Igwebuike

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

BigTDog — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:32:16 EDT

@BigRicks:
My sentiments exactly. My friend just had a 9lb 22 inch kid. I advised him to break the right hand.

BigTDog

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

ArkansasFred — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:32:01 EDT

@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: I was thinking the same thing, but because he's Asian.

ArkansasFred

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

44 in a Row — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:31:56 EDT

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get."

44 in a Row

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

ltwinslow — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:31:23 EDT

Not many Offensive tackles named Kirby...

the name Kirby is generally reserved for blue chip/ 5 star qb's from california who consitently disappoint at the college level.

what?

ltwinslow

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Da_Mang — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:29:55 EDT

If I can't live out my own failed athletic dreams through my child, then maybe I'm missing the entire point of being a parent.

Da_Mang

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:29:30 EDT

So what are his other 14 personalities going to be when they grow up?

Weed Against Speed

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

44 in a Row — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:29:10 EDT

If only there was a way to make the Ascii art blink...

44 in a Row

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Lady Andrea — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:28:56 EDT

If only Nate Kaeding's dad had been more like this. Iowans are too nice.

Lady Andrea

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:28:30 EDT

Apparently #37 for the Bridgeport Mustangs couldn't be the quarterback because you can't call plays when you're born with no mouth.

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

crazyjoedavola — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:28:28 EDT

Marv Marinovich is not impressed.

crazyjoedavola

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

RashaanEnis — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:27:53 EDT

@Suss--: Thanks, Suss, for introducing the travesty of ascii art to deadspin.

RashaanEnis

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Fornelli — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:27:47 EDT

Obviously this plan includes drinking with Mike Vanderjagt.

Fornelli

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

J-No — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:26:49 EDT

The Great Santini thinks this is the perfect way to raise children.

J-No

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Nationalcoholic — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:26:08 EDT

Isn't this how Tiger Woods was raised?

Nationalcoholic

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Matt Sussman — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:24:55 EDT

I can imagine what he'll draw on his Trapper Keeper during his emo years:

()    |     |
       |     |
       ------
          |
          |

Matt Sussman

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Keith Olbermann — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:24:24 EDT

Dad?

Keith Olbermann

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

crazyjoedavola — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:24:18 EDT

@Weed Against Speed:

My thoughts exactly. Not many Offensive tackles named Kirby, Dad clinched it before he was born.

crazyjoedavola

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

BigRicks — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:24:04 EDT

right hand tied behind the back, throwing left handed pitches. No dinner until I've seen 50 fastballs and 50 curveballs. I can't wait to be called dad.

BigRicks

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

KevinNoMaas — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:23:40 EDT

Scott Norwood regrets not having such an attentive dad.

KevinNoMaas

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:22:11 EDT

Kirby??

Weed Against Speed

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

J-No — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:21:03 EDT

@Yostal: With a father like this, he will want to spend as much time as possible away from home.

J-No

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

KOGOD — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:20:23 EDT

For years I've said that if I do have a kid (please god no) I'm training him to be the world's greatest punter or long snapper depending on his size. Odds be damned!

KOGOD

Son, This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Yostal — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:19:34 EDT

("If you don't make this kick, you're calling in sick to school tomorrow!").

Wait, now I always liked school, so I could be wrongheaded on this, but wouldn't most students see this as a reward?

Yostal