Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail - Deadspin Comments

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Trackback — Thu, 24 May 2007 07:49:59 EDT

Apologies in advance for not running hot celebrity ass with the Roundup, but we need to pay homage to Charlie, who – SPOILER ALERT!! - died in last night’s thrilling LOST finale.

Trackback

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

What Would Kornheiser Do? — Wed, 23 May 2007 21:41:53 EDT

@Shea Guevara:

ELIJAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH DUUUUKES...........

'Least I still got chicken...dawg...

What Would Kornheiser Do?

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

That Bootleg Guy — Wed, 23 May 2007 14:57:54 EDT

I'm thinking of sending a similar cell phone picture to my wife. Should I go with Barbaro or ESPN Mobile?

Too soon?

That Bootleg Guy

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Spaceman Spiff — Wed, 23 May 2007 14:00:23 EDT

Hank Aaron followed with a threatening telegram.

I'll kill you, bitch full stop

Spaceman Spiff

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

The 26th Man — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:54:54 EDT

Sweet. I'm glad I drafted him in my Wife-Abusing Ballplayers Fantasy League.

The 26th Man

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

BrooklynMetFan — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:53:24 EDT

dammit! Dukes is on my fantasy team so I'm willing to overlook these transgressions

BrooklynMetFan

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

stevegoz — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:52:48 EDT

Who ever thought there would come a day when we could refer to someone as "Delmon Young's violently crazy teammate"???

stevegoz

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:22:24 EDT

Dude seriously needs to smoke more weed.

Just mellow the #### out, Eli.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

MrSinlinlin — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:19:35 EDT

Dukes' defense: The gun wasn't loaded.

MrSinlinlin

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:08:55 EDT

@Damit: He be concubinin'...

Also, we must remember, Elijah Dukes, Sr., has been in prison since Elijah, Jr., was thirteen. The father killed a man over a crack deal turned sour. So, apples, trees....

I think this Elijah might be able to turn it around. At least, I hope so. I'd hate to lose his home-runs & 21 bb/34 k split.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Metschick — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:00:33 EDT

@Botswana Meat Commission FC: Steinbrenner just faxes his.

And has Dukes ever heard of a condom. Dayum.

I'll note never to go to a Tampa Bay game - I think his sperm is so virile, you'll be pregnant if he glances at you.

Metschick

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Ehloismint — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:45:03 EDT

@Russkiejedi: Boom goes the dynamite

Ehloismint

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Damit — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:39:06 EDT

5 kids? at 22? someone likes him some sportfuckin'.

Damit

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

shea_guevara — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:18:05 EDT

@TheMayorOfSabanation: When not developing his own games, of course.

His upcoming first-person-shooter game would be awesome, except that you can only play as Schilling.

shea_guevara

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

TheMayorOfSabanation — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:12:22 EDT

@Shea Guevara: Schill' plays Everquest 2...get it right.

TheMayorOfSabanation

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

kiteless — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:11:22 EDT

@Carmen McFanzone: I think you owe me a dollar mortimer.

kiteless

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

shea_guevara — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:09:00 EDT

"I'm just going to play ball, that's it," he said. "I've got to go. I've got a video game to finish."

'Cause Schilling gets real pissy if you leave him hanging in World of Warcraft.

shea_guevara

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Encouraging Referee Pitman — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:08:58 EDT

How about we cut out the middle women and have him beat up Scott Stapp?

Encouraging Referee Pitman

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

SuperfluousThirdCatcher — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:05:36 EDT

At least he was considerate enough to save the pic as "exhibit-a.jpg" and not waste anyone's time

SuperfluousThirdCatcher

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:00:45 EDT

@TheMayorOfSabanation: I rarely hand them out, though. It's not my fault all the quality ended up here.

Oops Pow Surprise

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 23 May 2007 12:00:01 EDT

@Weed Against Speed: Whoops--I thought I included that one. I love lemme know.

Oops Pow Surprise

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

TheMayorOfSabanation — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:59:28 EDT

@Oops Pow Surprise: Seriously...I mean, if you're handing out +1's like that, it really cheapens it, don't you think?

TheMayorOfSabanation

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Ted Striker — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:57:45 EDT

Dmitri Young could not be reached for comment.

Ted Striker

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Botswana Meat Commission FC — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:57:18 EDT

I prefer to send my death threats out via twitter.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:55:59 EDT

@Oops Pow Surprise: I cannot believe I didn't make the cut.

Well, back to the drawing board.

Weed Against Speed

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

being_sven — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:53:53 EDT

@BigTenObsession: You splice some wires under the boardwalk, and BINGO!

being_sven

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:53:15 EDT

@UkraineNotWeak: @Rep. Clay Davis: @Kid Canada: @Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: @ArmansCopyOfSwank: @Fios: @lieutenant winslow: @The-Mighty-KrilDog: @Jen P: @Chet Lemon: @TheCardCheat: @Kid Canada: @KevinNoMaas:

I'll just get this all out of the way at once, very very +1

Oops Pow Surprise

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

DennyCrane — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:53:09 EDT

BOOM BITCH

DennyCrane

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

TheMayorOfSabanation — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:50:30 EDT

@TheCardCheat: Geez Dukes, can't you keep it in your pants?

TheMayorOfSabanation

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

SagerBombs — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:50:01 EDT

Trey Wingo is realizing he's gone about this voice mail thing all wrong.

SagerBombs

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Russkiejedi — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:49:33 EDT

I think a really good way to threaten someone is with dynamite. You light the stick of dynamite, call them, and say into the phone: "Hear that? That's dynamite, baby."

Russkiejedi

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

BigJ — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:49:30 EDT

The infographic at the bottom of the page outlining the baby mommas is pure comedy.

BigJ

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

BigTenObsession — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:47:04 EDT

@being sven:

But how did you watch footie living on the beach?

BigTenObsession

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

BDoc — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:46:55 EDT

Roger Goodell would not stand for this type of crap.

BDoc

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Clare — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:46:38 EDT

You couldn't do it in person! You had to text message break up! You fuck-up! Oh my God, I wanna throw up!

Clare

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Green Weenie — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:44:39 EDT

He is Elijah! That was not a threat, it was prophecy.

After he sent that voicemail, he caused fire to fall from the sky and then he ascended into heaven on a whirlwind, beeotch!

Green Weenie

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:43:50 EDT

@Peter Cavan: They both feel terrible because he hasn't threatened to kill them yet. What does he want from them?

Weed Against Speed

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

being_sven — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:43:43 EDT

@Jen P: There's nothing wrong with it, espeically after having lived at the beach for so many years, it just still tickles me to hear.

being_sven

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Kid Canada — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:42:49 EDT

@Josh Hamilton:

Chong Li > Jae Wong Seo

Kid Canada

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Peter Cavan — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:41:19 EDT

@TheCardCheat: The BEST part is that two of the women gave birth within 8 days of each other. Someone was busy in March of 2003.

Peter Cavan

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

KevinNoMaas — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:40:54 EDT

OJ thinks that Elijah Dukes is all talk.

KevinNoMaas

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Josh Hamilton — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:40:15 EDT

@Kid Canada: Kumite!

Josh Hamilton

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Josh Hamilton — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:40:03 EDT

Thug life Elijah would be a hell of a fantasy baseball player if he could just start hitting for average.

Josh Hamilton

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Kid Canada — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:39:39 EDT

Frank Dux > Elijah Dukes

Kid Canada

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

SmedIndy — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:38:35 EDT

Hey Elijah - you know if you don't want those kids or to pay support you can STOP putting yer unprotected junk somewhere's, ya know...

SmedIndy

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Chad Sexington — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:37:43 EDT

@PenskeMaterial:

Also at least 45 Penal League records...

Chad Sexington

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Camp Tiger Claw — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:37:04 EDT

David Duke just burns a cross on your lawn without calling first.

Camp Tiger Claw

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Dewey Decimal System — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:36:22 EDT

@Dewey Decimal System: lead you

Dewey Decimal System

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

rsr26 — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:36:15 EDT

Tampa is not too far away from Florida Atlantic--maybe Ned should teach Dukes some manners.

rsr26

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

PenskeMaterial — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:35:48 EDT

@Chad Sexington:

Coincidentally, both Vaughn and Dukes share an affinity for going sleeveless.

PenskeMaterial

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:35:37 EDT

Bill Duke could kick Elijah Dukes's ass every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Dewey Decimal System — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:35:14 EDT

Playing on the Devil Rays can you lead to that type of behavior.

Dewey Decimal System

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

El Knob Grande — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:35:10 EDT

Out of respect for my wife, especially my children, I prefer not to talk publicly about threatening to kill my wife and my children.

El Knob Grande

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

TheCardCheat — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:35:03 EDT

The best part was at the end. A scorecard of sorts...

Fast Facts:

Elijah Dukes' children

Date of birth Mother Gender

Nov. 25, 2003 NiShea Gilbert boy

Dec. 3, 2003 Carla Bryant girl

June 7, 2004 Shantell Mitchell boy

June 16, 2005 NiShea Gilbert girl

July 19, 2006 Porcia Daniels girl

TheCardCheat

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

bigboneded — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:34:58 EDT

Last time my wife and I fought, I sent her a picture of Robert Blake.

She didn't understand.

bigboneded

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Billy Clyde Puckett — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:34:35 EDT

Again:

Just.

Bad.

Guy.

Billy Clyde Puckett

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Chet Lemon — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:33:47 EDT

Fuck that bitch.

Chet Lemon

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Burnsy — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:33:17 EDT

@ Mackey Sasser's Right Arm:

I'd like to think it was Baldelli and that Eli (we're dawgs, he lets me call him that) overheard him making a play on words with Ty Wiggington's last name.

Burnsy

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

crazyjoedavola — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:33:10 EDT

5 kids, 4 different women. 22 years old. Shawn Kemp is about to be overtaken. Way to go Dawg!

crazyjoedavola

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Sandy Magic Jackson — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:31:38 EDT

Is there any correlation to my fantasy baseball team's middling performance to the fact there are five Devil Rays on my team? I think so, but luckily I dropped this asshole a long time ago (hey, I needed a CF, so sue me.)

Sandy Magic Jackson

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Jen P — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:31:38 EDT

@being sven: I see "dude" as gender-neutral. It's certainly a better option than saying things like, "Girlfriend, you rock!"

Jen P

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

ArmansCopyOfSwank — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:31:01 EDT

@The-Mighty-KrilDog: Maybe the picture of the gun and the fact that he called her 'dawg' was just a veiled reference to "Boom, bitch."

Perhaps Mr. Dukes is just a misunderstood Dugout fan.

ArmansCopyOfSwank

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

El Knob Grande — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:30:26 EDT

Anyone care to set the over/under on parents of Beth Shields Middle School students who will be looking at new schools over the summer?

El Knob Grande

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Carmen McFanzone — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:30:25 EDT

It ... was ... the ... Dukes ... It ... was ... the ... Dukes

Carmen McFanzone

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Raskolnikov — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:27:15 EDT

Elijah the player
Elijah the asshole,
Elijah the wife-beater

May he soon leave a voicemail to us,
"You dead dawg and your children too"

Raskolnikov

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

being_sven — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:27:10 EDT

Men who call their wives 'dawg' > Girls who call one another 'dude'

being_sven

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Off The Baggie — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:26:53 EDT

@Burnsy: Maybe he just dialed the wrong number? Like, maybe he was trying to threaten Carl Crawford, and he just hit the wrong speed dial key??

Off The Baggie

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Chad Sexington — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:26:17 EDT

The team vice president Rick Vaughn then threatened to "drag him out of here and kick the shit out of him."

Chad Sexington

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Jen P — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:25:59 EDT

The St. Petersburg Times also tells of the time that Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school ...

This was the first part I read, and I thought, "How the hell is he married to a girl in middle school?"

Jen P

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

businessorleisure — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:25:49 EDT

@mackey sasser's right arm: You may want to throw murder in there. Just a thought.

businessorleisure

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

HugsFromHarold — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:25:21 EDT

Mark Whiten is not impressed!

HugsFromHarold

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah! — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:25:15 EDT

The newspaper however didn't mention that the pictured gun in question had a flag coming out of it that said "BANG" So, you see, Elijah is just a lover of slapstick-type humor.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

The Mighty KrilDog — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:25:01 EDT

I wonder if Delmon Young offered to lend Dukes a bat for the job...

The Mighty KrilDog

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

ltwinslow — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:24:54 EDT

to be fair... a threatening voicemail really just doesnt have the same "ooomph" unless its accompanied by a cell phone pic of a handgun

ltwinslow

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:24:43 EDT

When and how do you want me to kill you? Lemme know.

- text message from Dukes to his wife

Weed Against Speed

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Jordan Ginsberg — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:24:02 EDT

I took Dukes with my last fantasy pick, and ended up dropping him pretty quickly. I have to say though, once his wife and kids are dead, he'll probably have the focus necessary to be a real stud.

Jordan Ginsberg

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Fios — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:23:35 EDT

@Jojosh_the_Pi: Methinks the working ladies in 'Grand Theft Auto' are in some trouble

Fios

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Burnsy — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:23:00 EDT

(Clears throat)

Clinton Portis says it's Elijah Dukes' phone and Elijah Dukes' wife.

Seriously, though, who calls their wife "dawg"? I call my wife Ling Pang and I threaten to send her home, not kill her.

Burnsy

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

hiphopnerd — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:22:12 EDT

So...in order to better illustrate his threat, Elijah Dukes either:

a) did a google image search for 'gun' from his cell phone
b) used the camera on his phone to take a picture of his (or one of his crew's) gun

That kind of extra effort and willingness to give 110% is going to serve him well...

hiphopnerd

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Dweeze — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:20:49 EDT

@crazyjoedavola:

To be fair, the newspaper left out the "Dawg" at the end of the statement.

Dweeze

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

TheMayorOfSabanation — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:20:20 EDT

In their own version of American Felon, Dukes would play the part of Randy Jackson, Upton would play Paula, and of course, Delmon Young would be Simon Cowell.

I smell a hit!

TheMayorOfSabanation

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

El Knob Grande — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:20:11 EDT

Dukes, when approached after batting practice Tuesday evening, declined to discuss the allegations.

"I'm just going to play ball, that's it," he said. "I've got to go. I've got a video game to finish."

This has to be my favorite part of the story.

El Knob Grande

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Jojosh_the_Pi — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:19:00 EDT

"I'm just going to play ball, that's it," he said. "I've got to go. I've got a video game to finish."

Methinks this line won't work to get him excused from the courtroom.

Jojosh_the_Pi

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

shtickless — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:18:35 EDT

She probably sent him a picture of a burnt pot roast, first.

shtickless

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

ArmansCopyOfSwank — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:18:30 EDT

Clinton Portis doesn't see what the big deal is.

ArmansCopyOfSwank

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

crazyjoedavola — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:18:00 EDT

"The end of our marriage is a personal matter for my wife and me," the statement reads. "Out of respect for my family, especially my children, I wish to keep our proceedings private."

Why in the name of all that is Schrute, do they even try to convince us that the player is the one who wrote the statement. As Hollywood Henderson said about Bradshaw years ago, this dude couldnt spell cat if you spotted him the "c" and "a",

crazyjoedavola

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

theWolf — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:16:48 EDT

The Bengals are suddenly interested in Mr. Dukes services.

Dawg.

theWolf

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:16:27 EDT

'Cause there's crazy...

...and then there's outfielder-for-the-Devil Rays crazy.

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Off The Baggie — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:16:21 EDT

...But he was such a happy little elf in those "Lord of the Rings" movies.

Oh, wait, that was Elijah Wood...

Off The Baggie

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

soozycue — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:15:54 EDT

@Unsilent Majority: you amped, dawg.

soozycue

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

El Knob Grande — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:15:36 EDT

So after Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school did he at least sign some autographs before he left?

El Knob Grande

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

MDT — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:15:32 EDT

Young, Upton, Dukes. That SI cover's gonna make a nice mugshot someday.

MDT

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

badbabu — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:15:31 EDT

Milton Bradley still thinks he's a royal Seymour.

badbabu

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Kid Canada — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:14:47 EDT

Elijah Dukes has anger management issues?

Kid Canada

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

twenty-four hour priapism — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:14:42 EDT

It sounds like Elijah has assimilated into that Tampa Bay community quite nicely.

twenty-four hour priapism

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Hextall454 — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:13:45 EDT

Isn't anyone else alarmed that Miguel Olivo has two heads...and one of them is an ump head?

Hextall454

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

LeNoceur — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:13:45 EDT

Yes, but did he throw a cookie at her?

LeNoceur

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

krsflan — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:12:42 EDT

At least Dukes gave his wife a head start, Myers knocked out his wife from the start pistol.

krsflan

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Barry Lutz — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:12:35 EDT

Elijah Dukes and Brett Myers (and half the NFL) enjoy the freedom of a nice sleeveless t-shirt.

Barry Lutz

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

KOGOD — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:11:58 EDT

What does this have to do with Jason Giambi?

KOGOD

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

TheMayorOfSabanation — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:11:56 EDT

I feel like I'm repeating myself today.

Alec Baldwin takes note of Elijah Dukes' voicemail abilities and nods in his direction.

Yeah, I got nothing.

TheMayorOfSabanation

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Off The Baggie — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:11:47 EDT

What exactly are the five tools? Assault, Burglary, Kidnapping, Rape, and Embezzlement?

Off The Baggie

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

1 Speed Bike — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:11:30 EDT

at least he didn't call her a stupid pig... then there would be some outrage

1 Speed Bike

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Camp Tiger Claw — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:10:55 EDT

"I can hit over .250."

"Naw, I'm bullshitting."

Camp Tiger Claw

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

SlickBomb — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:10:08 EDT

Delightful! In case anyone didn't already recognize Dukes as your classic sell-low candidate, now's probably the time.

SlickBomb

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Big Hairy Sack — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:09:56 EDT

"You dead, dawg"

Elijah Dukes or Randy Jackson impersonating Elijah Dukes?

Big Hairy Sack

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

LingeringBursitis — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:09:47 EDT

@Unsilent Majority: Imagine what might have been if Rae had access to more advanced wireless technologies.

LingeringBursitis

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Billy H — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:09:42 EDT

Damn. Ten seconds late.

Billy H

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

44 in a Row — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:09:35 EDT

Brett Myers doesn't bother with threats.

44 in a Row

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

Billy H — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:09:12 EDT

Sean Salisbury refuses to be outdone!

Billy H

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:09:03 EDT

Afterwards, she received a text photo from Sean Salisbury of his junk.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

flubby — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:08:38 EDT

He ain't even bullshitting.

flubby

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

KOGOD — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:08:24 EDT

Even Rae Carruth didn't make that big a mistake.

KOGOD

Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail

LingeringBursitis — Wed, 23 May 2007 11:07:33 EDT

Did she then text him a picture of a restraining order?

LingeringBursitis