Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez - Deadspin Comments

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Walker Told Me I Have AIDS — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 19:01:23 EDT

Ummm... I just kinda sat there waiting for something to happen.

Walker Told Me I Have AIDS

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

TheCardCheat — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 13:33:12 EDT

What a waste of bandwith. At the very least, Tavarez could have buzzed the kid.

TheCardCheat

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

flubby — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 13:22:20 EDT

"Tommy, please tell me you got that!"

flubby

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Metschick — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 13:06:58 EDT

@BigTenObsession: nice.

Tavarez doesn't say anything interesting. Some dude in the crowd says "send him to Arecibo" (wherever that is) and Tavarez replies that he should send him to some other place, couldn't quite catch it.

Metschick

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Doxidan, Gentle Doxidan — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 12:47:56 EDT

I think Tavarez, who also starred as the hitman who killed Sean Connery in the Untouchables, said something like "Dear Mr. Dork" ...

Doxidan, Gentle Doxidan

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

thedirty D — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 12:27:10 EDT

Diary of a Masshole.

Tavarez translation: "The street will flow with the blood of the non-believers"

thedirty D

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Tuffy — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 12:07:44 EDT

@Jen P: He's not big; he's not clever; he's not big oncesoever?

Tuffy

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Nationalcoholic — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:58:31 EDT

That's nothing. In 2003 Shitatoshi Haseagawa reared back like he was going to peg me from about 10 feet away. He's little, but still...

Nationalcoholic

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

BigTenObsession — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:51:45 EDT

I thought he said "Bajates los panties"

BigTenObsession

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Burnsy — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:47:48 EDT

@rafael:

That's not very funny. Buzzkill.

Burnsy

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Seabass — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:45:16 EDT

YouTube just got all futuristic on me.

Seabass

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

The Gizmo from Pismo — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:45:06 EDT

Tavarez is keeping his temper. Somone in the crowd asks if he's from Caguas. Tavarez responds that he's from Arecibo. These are towns in Puerto Rico. There ya go, will.

The Gizmo from Pismo

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Steve518 — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:44:24 EDT

OK, my Spanish is a little rusty, but I think he said, "I'm going to fuck you with Jason Giambi's sandwich."

No, that doesn't look right.

Steve518

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Slothrop — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:43:32 EDT

@Burnsy: don't sell Tavarez short, he's got the contents of Borges' Library of Babel on his face.

Slothrop

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

BigRicks — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:41:19 EDT

Wait...Marquise Hill named his son Mashy? Like Uncle Jemima's Mash Liquor?

BigRicks

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Burnsy — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:39:07 EDT

How can you guys make fun of his complexion? I think he's an incredible humanitarian for his work with the blind, having the complete works of Tolstoy in braille on his face.

Burnsy

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

EdFinnerty — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:39:07 EDT

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: They're just not gonna tell him. They find its best to avoid confrontation. Problem solved from their point of view.

EdFinnerty

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Lady Andrea — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:38:38 EDT

@RSC: exactly. I like my cute with a side of crazy. Duh. : )

Lady Andrea

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Carson — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:35:51 EDT

@RSC:
Yeah, he's the kinder, gentler Oil Can Boyd

Carson

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Martha — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:34:22 EDT

Honestly, that dude is at least a big an asshole as Tavares. But at least he can say he'll be sober in the morning.

Martha

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

redsoxchick — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:32:01 EDT

@Lady Andrea: Me too. He's batshit, but in the cutest way.

redsoxchick

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

TomahawkFlop — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:30:41 EDT

I once walked past Tavarez near GABP after he blew a lead and lost the game for the Cardinals. I was not feeling particularly comfortable being on that sidewalk alone with him knowing he just blew the game.

TomahawkFlop

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Slothrop — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:30:21 EDT

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: Tito will just give Tavarez a call--what could go wrong over the phone?

Slothrop

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Grapefruit Juice — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:30:09 EDT

@buttons:
Anybody need a gently used floor buffer?

Grapefruit Juice

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Ted Striker — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:27:49 EDT

Albert Belle is unimpressed.

Ted Striker

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah! — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:27:42 EDT

I would NOT want to be Terry Francona next week having to tell Tavarez that he's out of the starting rotation because Lester is back.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:27:39 EDT

@Bullet! Bullet! Bullet!: ESPN just offered these guys their own show on ESPN Classic.

Weed Against Speed

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Lady Andrea — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:27:21 EDT

@RSC: well, after that video of him and Manny snuggling, I just want to hug him.

Lady Andrea

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Slothrop — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:26:56 EDT

@buttons: The cops should just wait around at Mrs. Hill's house until one of the neighbors says, "I heard you got robbed." then arrest that guy.

/Chris Rock

Slothrop

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet! — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:26:19 EDT

@Weed Against Speed: I think they also broke out "Pitcher's got a big butt!"

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet!

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Sarge — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:25:42 EDT

@lieutenant winslow: or that beastly chic at fenway

Sarge

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

redsoxchick — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:24:49 EDT

@Lady Andrea: He's become the darkhorse candidate for fan and ladies favorite around here.

Something about Boston has definitely softened his personality.

redsoxchick

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:24:36 EDT

It's not in the video but later the same guys broke out the "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher" bit.

Simply genius.

Weed Against Speed

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

ltwinslow — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:23:22 EDT

bad heckling merits being doused in beer by one of your own

ltwinslow

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet! — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:21:22 EDT

"I like you....you're crazy...but I like you."

Bullet! Bullet! Bullet!

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Hit Bull Win Steak — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:21:01 EDT

"dude we like you cuz you like hit people and stuff"

I see the Yankee fans are slumping as well

Hit Bull Win Steak

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

crazyjoedavola — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:20:54 EDT

@Jen P: The old standard gas station reply works well here too. Cept i dont think he could have pulled it off.

crazyjoedavola

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Oops Pow Surprise — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:20:01 EDT

@LostinTheOffice: What in the fuck are you talking about?

Oops Pow Surprise

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Chowday — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:19:27 EDT

@buttons: It's actually fairly common for the families of the departed to get robbed while they are at the funeral, as such that the time when they are away is advertised in the paper

Chowday

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Jen P — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:18:40 EDT

Honestly, I wanted to throw a ball at that "heckler." You're not clever, dipshit.

Jen P

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

LostinTheOffice — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:18:19 EDT

@buttons:
New Orleans

Kanye West had a comment on your threadjack. He said:

"This is all Bush's fault. He was fishing during the flood instead of helping people. Really. I saw the pictures on the internets. You see R Kelly and I were looking at pictures of this pole vaulter on the computer, she was too old for R, so I started clicking around and came to this picture of him and his dad fishing on Bourbon Street."

LostinTheOffice

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

ArmansCopyOfSwank — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:18:18 EDT

@buttons: "Humans are just viruses with shoes." - Bill Hicks

ArmansCopyOfSwank

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Hustler of Culture — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:16:02 EDT

So I'm just assuming that it was SlickBomb in that video....

Hustler of Culture

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

gangstarr — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:16:00 EDT

Is it just be or does Tavarez look like Freddy Kreuger?

gangstarr

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

The Pride and Joy of Illinois — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:15:37 EDT

We're getting an MLB Draft post, right?

RIGHT?

The Pride and Joy of Illinois

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Biff Pocoroba — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:15:14 EDT

Julian Tavarez apparently does not use ProActiv.

Biff Pocoroba

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

throwbot — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:14:59 EDT

Tavarez was just in a bad mood because he wasn't snuggling with Manny.

throwbot

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

LostinTheOffice — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:14:30 EDT

I think he said:

"I am not gay, I have a girlfriend."

I don't know my spanish is a bit rusty.

LostinTheOffice

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

UkraineNotWeak — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:14:26 EDT

"I find your views interesting and wish to subscribe to your newsletter."

UkraineNotWeak

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:14:12 EDT

They would have thrown a slice of pizza at him but they aren't Red Sox fans.

Weed Against Speed

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

buttons — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:14:00 EDT

Threadjack:

What the fuck is wrong with people?
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2895875

/threadjack

buttons

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Lady Andrea — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:13:34 EDT

@The Gentleman Masher: touche.

Lady Andrea

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Mix Master Meche — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:12:53 EDT

I can't even see this video, but I assume Julian Tavarez is as terrifying as ever.

Mix Master Meche

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Farneyismycopilot — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:12:44 EDT

¿qué?

Farneyismycopilot

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

BigRicks — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:12:12 EDT

I was hoping he whizzed the ball at the kids dome. But we would've certainly heard about if he had. Bummer.

BigRicks

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Lets Go Buff-a-lo! — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:12:02 EDT

Now if he said something along the lines of 'vete a tomar por culo' o 'me cago en tu puta madre' then we would be going somewhere

Lets Go Buff-a-lo!

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

The Gentleman Masher — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:11:46 EDT

@Lady Andrea:

Funny - that's what most people said about Ted Bundy.

The Gentleman Masher

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Lets Go Buff-a-lo! — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:10:47 EDT

If I could hear what he was actually saying I could translate for you..

And the kid just tells him in bad Spanish he has problems.

Lets Go Buff-a-lo!

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Lady Andrea — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:10:17 EDT

I couldn't watch that with sound, but Tavarez looks to be pretty congenial. Also, cute smile.

Lady Andrea

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

calmasacucumber — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:09:34 EDT

tavarez is truly one of the biggest jerks in all of baseball, which is saying something. he's also a cheat.

calmasacucumber

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Burnsy — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:08:45 EDT

He's saying, "You guys are seriously lame hecklers."

Burnsy

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

A Pimp Named DaveR — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:07:55 EDT

Ingredients of Julian Tavarez include an unknown, glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Julian Tavarez contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Discontinue use of Julian Tavarez if any of the following occurs:

* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse Sweating
or
* Heart palpitations.

A Pimp Named DaveR

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Stay Away From Oprah — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:07:34 EDT

I was hoping the heckler would say "So, how do you feel about your impending demotion to the pen?" or "My buddy saw you passed out in an alley in St. Louis. Or was it Chicago? Either way, it was you."

Stay Away From Oprah

Do Not Taunt Julian Tavarez

Camp Tiger Claw — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:05:30 EDT

Sebastien Gacond does not associate with this heckler.

Camp Tiger Claw