<![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> His first wife was way hotter.

FabianBarthez

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> "Jeff Gordon is a racecar driver? I just thought he was a cereal box model."

The General

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> "Will the car-seat have a head harness?... Does the stroller only makes left-hand turns?"

Hey, it's like being in the Catskills.

Folks, Jeff Gordon's wife gave birth to a baby girl this week. (Applause, applause) Larry Birkhead claims to be the father. When the baby came out, the doctors drenched her in Gatorade. The kid's first words were 'I want to thank my crew and sponsors'. Gordon cried so much during the birth the doctor slapped him.

Hey...is this thing on?

HmptnStvns (Formerly Jocksniffer)

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> The Gordons: Home of the 4.92 second diaper change.

a single mother (with a penis)

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> @TheStarterWife: TrashTheDress is far and away the worst website I've ever seen. I'm not even sure this one is close.

SlickBomb

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> "Gunnar, put your leg brace on! We may have found you's a wife!"

Weed Against Speed

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> @MayDay Malone:
Uh...which one? I know there is one "confirmed" but it's been a few hours since he's been heard from.

lisa

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> @MayDay Malone:
Do prisons allow blogs? That'd be fun.

7:00 A.M.: Went to job in laundry, got paid .16 cents/hour

12:00 P.M.: At lunch, had to give my fruit cup to guy named Bubba.

1:00 P.M.: Had to protect my cornhole from anal rapists in the yard.

3:00 P.M.: Saw Pac-Man. He was making it rain cigarettes for transvestite cellmate who put on a show for him.

7:00 P.M.: Watched American Idol.

10:00 P.M.: Lights out.

Refer To Madness

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Five diapers off, five diapers on.

Lorem Ipsum

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Just like many of Jeff Gordon's fans, his child will grow up in a trailer as well.

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Ew, that announcement (particularly the background) makes my teeth hurt.

Metschick

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> @SlickBomb: Speak for yourself there buddy. Porn is porn for all of us.

(Guilty pleasure is [trashthedress.com] )

TheStarterWife

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> I was hoping for a son named Flash, wait somebody already did that...damn.

Jeff would also like to thank DuPont for the $50 savings bond.

Mayor McRib

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> @Weed Against Speed: Actually, he sold it to Tom Cruise, and lets just say he wont be making reservations for dinner tonight...

Yuck

crazyjoedavola

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Will Dale, Sr. fans make Baby Ella Sofia do her Lindburgh Baby impersonation?

BigTDog

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> For good luck, Jeff Gordon is going to use the placenta as a restrictor plate in his next race.

Weed Against Speed

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Any word on whether Ingrid wanted to name the baby either "Dr. Quinn" or "Medicine Woman"?

FightTiger

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> One of my favourite ads from the past few months is the one for NASCAR on TSN with this dipshit saying the following:

"Hi, I'm Jeff Gordon! Growing up, when other kids were learning to read, I was learning to race!"

It explains a whole lot, really.

Jordan Ginsberg

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Are the people at Talledega gonna throw beer at the baby too?

crazyjoedavola

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> It's going to be funny when the baby starts to crawl and it only goes in circles.

Stay Away From Oprah

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> I wonder if his car seat will have a head harness.

goathair

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Is it true the stroller only makes left hand turns?

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Only 72 hours until you can buy shitty Ella Sofia Gordon commemorative merchandise in gas stations around the country!

ArmansCopyOfSwank

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> The pit crew couldn't get any work done last week with all the crying. Oh, that wasn't the baby crying.

jwaves2007

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Wait, you want people to know you had a kid?

- Shawn Kemp

DannyNoonan

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Cakes and Babies = SFW porn for women. Especially the cakes.

SlickBomb

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Ella Sofia? I'm surprised he didn't go with Pepsi DuPont Gordon.

Rolls off the tongue.

Phony Gwynn

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> The pit crew was able to deliver in under 15 seconds.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> I wonder if Elijah Dukes' baby mama will let us know what activities he'll be up to the week after the birth.

Black Hammer White Lightning

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> "Sofia? Is that French?"

-99% of NASCAR fans

Weed Against Speed

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Any word on who the father is?

Magnakai Haaskivi

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> Even more over the top, the swaddling cloth for the child was checkered.

Sh!tShow

]]> <![CDATA[Your Importance Is Minimal, Child]]> That same border is used for the "Jeff's Garage: Keep Out!!" sign he's got at the track.

Camp Tiger Claw

]]>