Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being - Deadspin Comments

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

A New Frank Sinatra — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 11:38:25 EDT

"things run pretty coddamn smoothly now"

FIXED.

A New Frank Sinatra

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Trackback — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 09:39:54 EDT

I ran into Drew (pictured) at Petsmart yesterday and he asked me to write a piece trashing Simmons' fantasy picks that appeared in his August 31st essay on Page 2. I suspect that he did this for three reasons.

Trackback

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Bill Belichicks Videographer — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 17:55:07 EDT

@jose reyes.the roof: Still alive as of Sunday when his column appeared in the Boston Globe, but who knows what happened in the last 48 hours.

Bill Belichicks Videographer

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:09:16 EDT

"but it definitely involves ones and zeroes: there are no hamsters involved in the process whatsoever."

But... it could involve IP Datagrams on Avian Carrier

@Frank Beamers Goiter: stack.push(+1);

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Boy Howdy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:44:25 EDT

Yeah, well, neither was Skynet at the beginning.

Boy Howdy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Magnakai Haaskivi — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:27:56 EDT

@Peter Cavan: I was hoping for a yearlong membership to the "Jelly of the Month" club.

Magnakai Haaskivi

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Chamomiles Davis — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:26:41 EDT

We tease because we love, Nibbles. You're way better than Sniffles, the WebMD hamster.

Chamomiles Davis

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:21:15 EDT

@Chamomiles Davis: That's what she said.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Kid Canada — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:21:01 EDT

Nibbles pooped in the refrigerator and ate the whole wheel of cheese! How'd he do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing!

Kid Canada

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Matt Sussman — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:20:20 EDT

"@Tuffy: @Suss--: @Tuffy:" > "Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard"

Matt Sussman

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Chamomiles Davis — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:19:07 EDT

Get a few drinks in me and I'm no longer a sentient being, either.

Chamomiles Davis

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Frank Beamers Goiter — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:16:30 EDT

@UkraineNotWeak: Yeah, I've listened to a couple of them talk about the extravagant costumes they saw while they were down there and summarily banged my head against my desk.

Frank Beamers Goiter

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:16:23 EDT

@Shtickless: I'm still waiting for Gawker to sign up Bud Collins (is he dead, though?) for "Breakfast at Deadspin". Then, it'll truly be a fortnight.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Peter Cavan — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:14:20 EDT

@Magnakai Haaskivi: Keep reaching for that rainbow. You get a "Commenter of the Fortnight" certificate suitable for framing and the keys to the executive washroom at Gawker HQ.

Peter Cavan

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

shtickless — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:12:25 EDT

Has it been a fortnight already? They just fly by.

shtickless

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

twoeightnine — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:09:36 EDT

Who wrote the first paragraph, Seth MacFarlane?

twoeightnine

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Magnakai Haaskivi — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:09:07 EDT

Had it not been for Nibbles' appetite, I would have won "Comment of the Fortnight".

Magnakai Haaskivi

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:05:44 EDT

@Tuffy: @Suss--: @Tuffy: I come here for a little mid-day boost, and I end up collecting this garbage.

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:03:50 EDT

@MannysHeadStash: Bess Marvin's Strap-on?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:03:33 EDT

@Frank Beamers Goiter:

They must've been down here in Atlanta last weekend. What a sight for the eyes.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

thetaxman — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:01:52 EDT

"Dad, I don't think I'm gonna do hamster style anymore." "That's Nice".

thetaxman

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Frank Beamers Goiter — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:00:23 EDT

@Tuffy: I'm glad at least there are some beings out there other than me that have at least a vague interest in sports, who are also software developers by night. I think that's a rarity these days since I work with a bunch of DragonCon-attending 30+ year old virgin comic book guys. I guess sports and writing good code don't really go hand-in-hand...Case in point: EA Sports games

Frank Beamers Goiter

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

thetaxman — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:00:22 EDT

Guess I won't be needing to send that Hamster RealDoll to Nibbles after all. How the hell do I bribe a "server" anyway?

thetaxman

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Unamerican — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:59:57 EDT

@Donald_Igwebuike: I believe it's alcoholism, with a minor in self-pity.

Unamerican

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Gentleman Masher — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:57:59 EDT

Nib-bles?

The Gentleman Masher

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

rocky_road — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:55:38 EDT

Is a fuck lion a sentient being?

rocky_road

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Frank Beamers Goiter — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:55:18 EDT

So Iracane, I'm guessing you were at one time at my congressman Frederick Boucher's level of I.T. comprehension?

Frank Beamers Goiter

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Rory B. Bellows — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:49:42 EDT

@The Gentleman Masher: Everyone knows that Robots eat old people's medicine. Not comments.

Rory B. Bellows

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

MannysHeadStash — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:44:32 EDT

@Tebow2007: From now on she is Bess Marvin, Chick Dick.

MannysHeadStash

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tuffy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:44:00 EDT

not the kind of parity that allows a football team in a tiny blue-collar Wisconsin town to be competitive once every 30 years

Madison?

Tuffy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

MrShiz — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:43:49 EDT

Scatological is one of the best words out there.

MrShiz

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Rocco Siffredi — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:43:23 EDT

Another episode if Rob Iracane's Mangina Monologues.
When will it end?

Rocco Siffredi

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Gentleman Masher — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:43:16 EDT

Ahh - but does the undisclosed underground location of the Gawker servers have robot insurance?

The Gentleman Masher

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tuffy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:42:45 EDT

@TheStarterWife: I expect that picture to replace every step of your Halloween Friday Foodie.

Tuffy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Camp Tiger Claw — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:42:35 EDT

If you ask me, that motherfucker doesn't eat enough comments.

Camp Tiger Claw

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tuffy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:41:39 EDT

@Suss--: You just passed out of scope. I'm going to enjoy this.

Tuffy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tebow2007 — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:41:20 EDT

Bess Marvin, girl detective is investigating the disappearance of one, "Nibbles"...

Tebow2007

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Phony Gwynn — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:41:14 EDT

I learned about errors, and not the kind that David Wright makes on a weekly basis.

I wouldn't call turning Rob down for a romantic, candle-lit dinner for two an error.

Phony Gwynn

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

GreatOdensRaven — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:40:37 EDT

They pit Killer against his brother, Nibbles. And Killer said, "No man, that's my brother. I can't fight Nibbles." But they made him fight anyway, and Killer, he killed Nibbles. Killer said, "That's it!" He called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out. Then in a rage, he collapsed, and his heart no longer beat.

Wow.

GreatOdensRaven

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

TheStarterWife — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:40:02 EDT

Nibbles after being in BDD's ass.

(Yes, I know I have used this image before.)

TheStarterWife

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

MannysHeadStash — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:39:48 EDT

@Suss--: Can't you see that by destroying the commenters for their destructive tendencies, you're becoming just like them?

SILENCE! DESTROY HIM!

MannysHeadStash

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Matt Sussman — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:38:43 EDT

"Just for that, I'm using a C++ destructor joke at The Big Tilde tonight."

You don't have the guts to instantiate that.

Matt Sussman

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tuffy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:38:01 EDT

@Suss--: Just for that, I'm using a C++ destructor joke at The Big Tilde tonight.

Tuffy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

44 in a Row — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:37:58 EDT

Does the SnorgTees girl like hamsters?

44 in a Row

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

War Penguin — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:54 EDT

Also, good riddance to the chick with the megaphone and the other guy. Let's never see that again, please? (Wait, what am I saying? I have Adblocker.)

War Penguin

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Farneyismycopilot — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:47 EDT

There is no such thing as fecalphilia.
-Najeh Davenport

Farneyismycopilot

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Donald_Igwebuike — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:38 EDT

So what do you major in to get the job of Deadtern upon graduation?

Donald_Igwebuike

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tuffy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:34 EDT

@EnzyteableBob: During peak times, Lemmiwinks offers load bearing support. Then he wanders off again on new adventures. Oh, that Lemmiwinks!

Tuffy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Matt Sussman — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:28 EDT

"Are our editors sentient beings?"

IF (COMMENTER == KNOWSTOOMUCH) THEN
TERMINATE();

Matt Sussman

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:15 EDT

@MannysHeadStash: You're reclaming it?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

PenskeMaterial — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:32:59 EDT

Sweetheart, Daddy forgot to feed Nibbles while you were away at Grandma's. So here's a new Nibbles. See? He's just as good as the old one.

Wait. Stop... why are you crying?

PenskeMaterial

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Drew Magary — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:32:16 EDT

Pfft. I wouldn't stick Nibbles up my butt.

Superdude has done a perfectly good job up there, and I'm not one to change gerbils in midstream.

Drew Magary

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tuffy — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:31:57 EDT

@Matt_T: I did. Look where it got me!

Tuffy

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Mr. Bad Example — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:31:24 EDT

Deadspin ran better under the previous, now sadly defunct server, Superdude.

Mr. Bad Example

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Sex-Panther — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:30:49 EDT

@What would Kornheiser do?: Pretty sure that I now need a new keyboard.

Sex-Panther

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Civil Negligence — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:30:03 EDT

Despite all my rage, I still feel like a rat in a cage.

Civil Negligence

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:29:22 EDT

If you say Nibbles name three times in a row, he will appear.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Lizabelle — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:29:16 EDT

@MannysHeadStash: You'll confuse me. I'm from New England.

Lizabelle

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Matt Sussman — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:29:15 EDT

Slight correction: It's hamstropomorphize.

Matt Sussman

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

MannysHeadStash — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:28:16 EDT

I'm just going to start referring to Nibbles as "the n-word."

MannysHeadStash

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Boz — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:27:59 EDT

Al Gore invented Nibbles.

Boz

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:26:59 EDT

This isn't going to end well Rob, this isn't going to end well...

Nibbles gonna git you sucka!

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

I Heart Poop — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:26:50 EDT

fixation on poop? no. never.

I Heart Poop

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

mlmintampa — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:26:31 EDT

Richard Gere approves that picture.

mlmintampa

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:25:35 EDT

@The Fan's Attic: If Miranda July is my opposite number, then yes.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

ArkansasFred — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:24:43 EDT

Is that J.D. McGregor?

ArkansasFred

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Great Gondorff — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:24:20 EDT

@Ooh, Shiny (fka Mob Penguin): Is that some sort of sick pun?

The Great Gondorff

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Sandy Magic Jackson — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:24:10 EDT

He lets the last Commenter go.

He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in, he kills people that owe them money. And like that he was gone. Underground. Nobody has ever seen him since. He becomes a myth, a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night.

"Rat on your pop, and Nibbles will get you." And no-one ever really believes.

Sandy Magic Jackson

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Matt_T — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:24:05 EDT

Can I put this down on my resume?

Matt_T

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

What Would Kornheiser Do? — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:24:01 EDT

Q: Why do you wrap a hamster in saran wrap?

...

A: So it won't burst when you fuck it.

What Would Kornheiser Do?

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Fan’s Attic — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:22:17 EDT

@jose reyes.the roof: forever?

The Fan’s Attic

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

War Penguin — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:22:09 EDT

That's a cute picture. I feel a little softening of my wrath towards Nibbles.

War Penguin

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

thesepretzels — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:22:08 EDT

Someone is apparently very sensitive about this topic.

Can we blame Nibbles for yesterday?

thesepretzels

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tar Heel Fan — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:21:39 EDT

Geez, why did you go and piss him off by denying his existence?

Tar Heel Fan

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Fan’s Attic — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:21:21 EDT

These commenters, however, stuck hilarity up their butts and pooped out the Comments of the Fortnight...

That's not what happened when Cartman shoved things up his butt. The poop came out of his mouth.

The Fan’s Attic

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:21:11 EDT

Nibbles may not be behind the problems with posting comments but he was the mastermind behind 9/11. Nibbles has always been the #2 man in Al Qaeda.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Botswana Meat Commission FC — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:20:41 EDT

That is one long seven-year internship.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

The Great Gondorff — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:20:27 EDT

What about Lemiwinks?

The Great Gondorff

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Lizabelle — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:20:18 EDT

@metschick: That's right. Everybody Poops.

Lizabelle

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

BigTenObsession — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:20:12 EDT

Well, I blame Metschick. She started it, man.

BigTenObsession

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

MattMillenFanClub — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:20:07 EDT

Tell Red & Jugs we be done.

MattMillenFanClub

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:20:05 EDT

@metschick: Ok, Sen. Vitter, have it your way.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

TheStarterWife — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:19:50 EDT

@Lizalicious: I'll take poop jokes over dick jokes any day.

TheStarterWife

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Signal to Noise — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:19:21 EDT

@OchentaYcinco: do we have any use for guinea pigs?

Signal to Noise

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Metschick — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:19:19 EDT

@Lizalicious: everything comes down to poo.

Metschick

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Slothrop — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:19:18 EDT

So I can say "Good evening, Nibbles. How's your fantasy team?" "or "Did my youtube link reach you at work?"

/lemme know

Slothrop

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:19:18 EDT

@OchentaYcinco: Let's take this to another level, freeze the rodent, & go back-&-forth with it.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Carmen McFanzone — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:18:45 EDT

@Lizalicious:

Recent?

Carmen McFanzone

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Lizabelle — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:17:59 EDT

The recent fixation with poo on here is, um, interesting.

Lizabelle

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Josh Zerkle — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:17:05 EDT

There is no Nibbles.

Rob killed Nibbles?

Josh Zerkle

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:16:53 EDT

Screw winning Comment of the Fortnight. I was awarded "Commenter of the Fortnight" by the Deadtern early last week.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

Tobias Funke — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:16:43 EDT

Seriously though, where is the Snorg girl?

Tobias Funke

Our Server Is Not A Sentient Being

What Would Kornheiser Do? — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:16:43 EDT

So...what you're saying is, instead of taking our frustration out on an imaginary animal, we should do what most people would do and chew the asses of the most visible posters, namely Leicht and Rick?

I choose to save them the trouble and continue believing in Santa Claus, thank you very much.

What Would Kornheiser Do?