If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can? - Deadspin Comments

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Michael Vicks Fuck Lion — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 22:13:48 EDT

I belive the correct term is 'poon' when we are describing Shaunie's patch. Let's commence w/ proper vocabulary.

oh yeah, fuk you Lloyd Carr!

Michael Vicks Fuck Lion

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Mr. Bad Example — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 20:46:21 EDT

Seriously, how much money can she ask in return for so many years of being sexually ravaged by The Diesel?

I love Shaq, but Shaunie deserves some consideration here. She's barely what, 5'5", 140 pounds soaking wet? Now picture laying there in the "S" shape bed every night, and having a deluxe SubZero fridge with a frozen baguette protruding from the door fall on your cooch... over and over again... for almost a decade?

I say she should get half of everything. Sorry. Her quiffs must sound like a bull mastiff sneezing by now...

Mr. Bad Example

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

acer — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:08:32 EDT

There was an "actual item" on Conan with one of those deals you use to coil up your garden hose. Then the fine print said "The same system used in Shaquille O'neal's underwear"

acer

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Hit Bull Win Steak — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:49:20 EDT

Shaunie will be gone soon.

Shaq needs to get back in the game.

Hit Bull Win Steak

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:45:29 EDT

@theslacker: File under: things you see that you cannot unsee.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

The Fan’s Attic — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:39:12 EDT

@Johnny LaRue: thanks for the link...i never saw that thread and didn't get the jokes. but, i follow the same advice as one of the comments there, i just ignored it and made my own bad jokes.

The Fan’s Attic

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Unregular — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:29:50 EDT

That is too bad - Shaq seems like one of the nicest guys in the NBA.

At least, he does from afar and only when on TV - I've never met him.

Unregular

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

theslacker — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:29:21 EDT

Shaunie's next husband = hotdog in a hallway

theslacker

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:28:32 EDT

@public enemy #1: @Monday Morning Punter: At this point, & even though she's a (Gawker Media) commenter, doesn't Bess Marvin, Girl Detective have to be a darkhorse for the SHOTY '07 bracket?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

J-No — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:26:16 EDT

@Johnny LaRue: That Camp Tiger Claw is one hell of a commenter.

J-No

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

GoldManGold — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:19:04 EDT

Shaunie's constant bitching about his low free-throw percentage eventually took its toll.

GoldManGold

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Johnny LaRue — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:15:30 EDT

@Botswana Meat Commission FC: The honor goes to Camp Tiger Claw.

Was this entire thread nominated for the HOF? I'd vote for it.

[deadspin.com]

Johnny LaRue

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

McNutty — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:12:46 EDT

@HeavyPettingZoo: @Lizalicious: Shaq probably creates a lot of pussy shrapnel.

McNutty

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:10:09 EDT

@MrShiz:

That is an all around great episode, but those two quotes are timeless.

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Jefferson Short Bus — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:08:28 EDT

Shaunie will now write a tell-all book where she explains how it took Shaq half a lovemaking session to get into adequate shape to finish the deed.

Jefferson Short Bus

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Sid Bream Was Out — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:03:20 EDT

Let's see, Shaq should be retiring soon ... which means she'll actually have to spend time around him.

Sid Bream Was Out

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

BigTenObsession — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:02:59 EDT

@being sven:

Oh, we do. You should what he did with the kid.

BigTenObsession

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Babcocksure — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:00:37 EDT

"Did he touch you here?" "How about ...here?"

Babcocksure

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:59:57 EDT

@HeavyPettingZoo: Wow!

Weed Against Speed

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

gotohe11carolina — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:57:50 EDT

jeez guys can't we go one day with out mentioning a black mans giblets...

gotohe11carolina

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

HeavyPettingZoo — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:56:19 EDT

@Weed Against Speed:

If she gets jobbed on the prenup, she could smuggle Cubans and Haitians into Miami in her birth canal.

Imagine some guy meeting her in a bar, going home with her to scrump, then realizing that not only has she had 5 kids, but she got railed by Shaq for 5 years, most likely in all three holes. She must poop bowling balls.

HeavyPettingZoo

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Tuffy — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:55:38 EDT

@ClueHeywood: John Cusack.

Tuffy

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

bizzo5000 — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:55:14 EDT

@ClueHeywood:
I had a 6 foot cardboard cutout of "Kazamm" in my apartment at college.
Oh and one of Ellen DeGeneres from Mr. Wrong.
I worked in a movie theater.
/hangs head in shame.

bizzo5000

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Mr. Bigglesworth — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:54:38 EDT

@Lady Andrea: Sounds like a formula for a hit sitcom (you have to sort of sing it in your head).

Mr. Bigglesworth

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:54:25 EDT

@PopJocks: If he doesn't leave that meth alone, he's going to be gumming those Cheetos.

Dead Wrestlers Society

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

MrShiz — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:54:23 EDT

@Mikey Goes to Bollywood: I'm so tempted to continue that to later in the episode to the loafers because that is one of my favorite moments ever.

MrShiz

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:52:27 EDT

@HeavyPettingZoo: If you went hunting with her and got lost, you could use her for warmth like Luke Skywalker used the Tauntaun.

Weed Against Speed

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

PopJocks — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:51:55 EDT

@public enemy #1: i'm not surprised he was high on meth and eating cheetos

PopJocks

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Lady Andrea — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:51:24 EDT

@Monday Morning Punter: but you're not cut.......

Lady Andrea

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

pr0FF'3ss0r_j'3rkwh3at — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:51:12 EDT

@Matt_T: Shaq could motorboat the hell out of them titties

pr0FF'3ss0r_j'3rkwh3at

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

ClueHeywood — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:50:27 EDT

@Suss--: Great minds think alike...about "Kazaam."

ClueHeywood

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

being_sven — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:50:11 EDT

@BigTenObsession: apparently, in France, when you start anew, you start completely anew.

being_sven

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:50:03 EDT

@PopJocks:
Inmate #1: What you in for man?

Assault with a deadly snack.

Dead Wrestlers Society

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Botswana Meat Commission FC — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:49:46 EDT

I don't know who made the comment, but in the original thread when ole bess was having trouble keeping up someone wrote simply: "You are a shitty detective."

Probably one of the best comments i've ever seen here.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

J-No — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:49:32 EDT

@HeavyPettingZoo: Ouch. And hello, Shaq Daddy.

J-No

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

BigTenObsession — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:48:35 EDT

@being sven:

+1, damn you.

BigTenObsession

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Monday Morning Punter — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:48:29 EDT

Lady Andrea: you leave my father out of this...

Monday Morning Punter

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:48:13 EDT

@bizzo5000(Scott Senay):

"How do you sleep at night?"

"On a huge pile of money with many beautiful women."

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

being_sven — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:48:08 EDT

Thierry Henry doesn't understand why Shaq didn't do it the same week he moved to the Heat.

being_sven

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

ClueHeywood — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:47:56 EDT

Who gets the boom box that held the genie in "Kazaam?"

ClueHeywood

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Matt Sussman — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:47:38 EDT

The heated court battle will hinge upon who controls the movie rights to Kazaam 2.

Matt Sussman

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

losloseeboy — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:47:01 EDT

@HeavyPettingZoo:

Slaughtered vagina.

losloseeboy

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Lady Andrea — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:46:55 EDT

@PopJocks: the cut punter and his father are unimpressed.

Lady Andrea

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Lizabelle — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:46:35 EDT

@HeavyPettingZoo: I will be spending the rest of the day huddled under my desk, crying.

Lizabelle

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

HeavyPettingZoo — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:45:47 EDT

I hope that prenup provides for vaginal reconstruction, or else she's going have to start liking the idea of getting fisted on a regular basis.

HeavyPettingZoo

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

HIV 2 Elway — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:45:45 EDT

@PopJocks: What a waste
/Screamin A Smith

HIV 2 Elway

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

PopJocks — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:45:37 EDT

@CharlesBronsonPinchot: neither is Travis Henry

PopJocks

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:44:45 EDT

@Monday Morning Punter: It's Marvin. Better watch your step or she's going to be on your case.

Dead Wrestlers Society

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

PopJocks — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:43:08 EDT

Maybe now Shaq will have more time to put towards nationwide Cheetos attacks
Link

PopJocks

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Matt_T — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:42:46 EDT

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Heidi and Spencer?

Matt_T

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

buttons — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:42:45 EDT

@bizzo5000(Scott Senay):But what is she going to do with that giant ass Superman Bed from Cribs?

Strahanized.

buttons

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Monday Morning Punter — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:41:05 EDT

Bess Martin, Girl Detective heard the other day that Shaq was pretty tall.

Monday Morning Punter

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:40:48 EDT

Shaunie = Borat Joke

Weed Against Speed

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

The Fan’s Attic — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:39:05 EDT

I just wants to know who gets the royalties rights to Shaq-fu: The Return [www.amazon.com]

The Fan’s Attic

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Lizabelle — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:39:00 EDT

And they seemed so happy on MTV Cribs.

Lizabelle

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

CharlesBronsonPinchot — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:38:44 EDT

4 children by the same woman? Shawn Kemp is not impressed.

CharlesBronsonPinchot

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

bizzo5000 — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:38:25 EDT

But's what is he going to do with that giant ass Superman Bed from Cribs?

bizzo5000

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Matt_T — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:37:21 EDT

I bet it was that harlot Walter from Shaq's Big Challenge that broke up the family.

Matt_T

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:37:19 EDT

@ArkansasFred: Drat.

Weed Against Speed

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:36:58 EDT

In a way, this is a blessing for Shaunie. It's a hard life being a cop's wife.

Weed Against Speed

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

ArkansasFred — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:36:24 EDT

Another policeman's marriage falls victim to the demanding nature of the job.

ArkansasFred

If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?

Lady Andrea — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:35:47 EDT

One's fat! One's.....a rapist.

Hmmmm.....

Lady Andrea