<![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Rob Iracane:

DITTO to that Iracane. I wouldn't touch Shawn with Shaquille Oneal's 10 foot newly ring-less pole.

J. Walter Weatherman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> James Earl Ray FTW

Philistine

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Uh... My pick is Charlotte Corday. That saucy minx!

And the Higglytown Heroes in the Disney Playhouse draft. If only because I spent countless hours rewriting the lyrics to the show in my head while putting baby girl to sleep.

"Here in Higglytown / No one fucks around / We'll bust a cap on yo'ass, bro! / Flingin' rocks togetha / Pimpin hoes forevah / That's right we're Higglytown peeps, yo!..."

I have a sad life...

Mr. Bad Example

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I'm going to go young with my pick and select Seung Hui Cho.

Proverbial

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Carl Weiss.

Either shot Huey Long or slapped him, causing Long's bodyguards to open fire, killing Long in the process

Prada James

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Dale Ellis Driving School:
Now I feel better admitting I'm the one who posted it.

theslacker

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Fantasy football is Lord of the Rings/Dungeons and Dragons for the grown up(ish)suburbanite.

iHaveaRagingTebowner

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Artie Bremer... & he's getting out of Maryland Penitentiary by December (good behavior & prison work-detail points). So, he could strike, again.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Rory B. Bellows: +1

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> LJ will not be flop because he is on my fantasy team. You hear me, God?

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @The Bad One: And if its a head-to-head league, you better hope you don't meet the team with Jack Ruby in the finals.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> What about Nathuram Godse, the Hindu fanatic who killed Gandhi?

Most of the other assassination victims, ya know, are kind of understandable. A lot of them probably had it coming. (ahem, Cleveland). But Gandhi?

Botswana Meat Commission FC

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Da_Mang: Oswald gets a lot of hype, but it's really the other guys on his team doing the work. Besides, you just know all he's going to do is make a big splash at the start of the season before going down with a career-ending injury.

The Bad One

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @The Fake Gimel Martinez: Choo Choo Soul! Nice.

Metschick

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I can't access this site, but worst for me was when Randall Cunningham blew out his knee (or some other body part) in the first game of the season - I think I picked him #1 overall that year.

Dale Ellis Driving School

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @theslacker: That is, without question, going to be the next poll in my league. Nicely done.

Dale Ellis Driving School

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @preciousroy: Sharon Stone's on line two. Would you like me to transfer the call?

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @metschick: Manny's supporting cast is only great while he's on the field. One injury and that team flops faster than Mr. Lopart's comb over.

My sleeper pick is Choo Choo Soul. Its the very definition of a TD Vulture.

The Fake Gimel Martinez

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I'm a people person. Who Drinks.: Fuck. I always have too much to drink and by these later rounds I can't keep track of whose been taken. I guess I will just go with "Gas -- the silent assassin"

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I'm taking Ramon Mercader.

Anyone who uses an icepick I have to draft.

Michael Bertin

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @I'm a people person. Who Drinks.: You drafted him, too?

@Suss--: I dunno. I feel like they're a shot in the dark now.

@Botswana Meat Commission FC: Strong sleeper selection.

@Camp Tiger Claw: Look closer at the sheet. You drafted the Zorro Banderas.

I hate drafting in the last couple rounds; I'm just going to drop Bullseye after the season starts to pick up the hottest LaRouche supporter in the first few weeks.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Suss--: I aim to please.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Slothrop: oh hell yes.

Signal to Noise

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Chicago Jones: You never pick fantasy assassins with your heart. He got lucky with the Mayor of Chicago but everyone knows that he should have bagged FDR too.

Da_Mang

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I'm having a tough time deciding between Loyd Jowers and Balthasar Gérard. I like the conspiricy points that Jowers gives me, but there is something to be said for Gérard groundbreaking status.

Fuck it, Marcus Junius Brutus. If only so my team name "The Et Tus" will make sense.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> "Shoot! That was a good one."

I, too, thought it was a barrel of laughs.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Jeff George: 1997 to 1998. Bastard still makes hate fantasy football.

KittyLitterKing

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Jen P: he went undrafted, so he's yours. We prefer the speed of Kanga, Roo and Jackrabbit.

@The Fake Gimel Martinez: that's a really good choice. But don't forget Handy Manny, and Manny's calm attitude. That'd come in handy in tight game situations.

@Tuffy: Dammit, you're right. And that's the main reason I didn't pick Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I should've gone with the Little Einsteins.

Metschick

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Hattori Hanzo.....you can't have a fantasy assassin team without a Ninja.

Portugal_The_Man

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy:

Great insight/analysis. You could become the Matthew Berry of Fantasy Assassinations.

Marcus Junius Brutus was the first pick overall in our point per stab league.

Im a people person. Who drinks.

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Suss--: Shoot! That was a good one.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Signal to Noise: You're dead, President Lincoln! You're dead!

Jankie

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> "I worry these pun threads aren't worthy of jokesters of our caliber."

Don't worry. They'll catch on after a couple rounds.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Here's to hoping LT doesn't lay an egg this year.

CharlesBronsonPinchot

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I believe Arthur Bremer is now available.

thesepretzels

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I'm picking Khalid Islambouli, the maniac who jumped into the stands IN THE MIDDLE OF A MILITARY PARADE to shoot Anwar Sadat. Say what you want about the ideology, that takes balls.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @The Fake Gimel Martinez: ♫ Open up, I want to come in. Open, Open, Open, Open, Open Up. ♫

/That's what she said.

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @buttons: Yeah, you have to lose points when its unsuccessful.

Next highest rank: Mark David Chapman

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Team buttons autopicks: John Hinckley, Jr.


/b goddamn autopicks!

buttons

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @metschick: The Wiggles have broken the 370 rule, wherein any show that has all its episodes shown more than 370 times each collapses the next season. They're due for a serious fall to online distribution. Bad move, metsy.

@Da_Mang: That's where I've stashed Sam Woods.

@Rory B. Bellows: President Nixon. I mean, hello?

@Suss--: I worry these pun threads aren't worthy of jokesters of our caliber.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @SlothLoveChunk: The first league I played in, a guy tried to draft Kordell Stewart as a kicker, expecting to get any points he would've scored as a QB/receiver. What the hell?

Jen P

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Giuseppe Zangara for sentimental reasons.

Chicago Jones

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @metschick: The Wiggles have some concern at the yellow shirt dude position, where they have a free agent in place. Personally, I think Little Einsteins is the top overall pick, thanks to Rocket's flexibility and Leo's confidence as a pocket conductor.

The Fake Gimel Martinez

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> As Morpheus would say, there's a difference between knowing the route and running the route.

DamnSkippy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @metschick: I'd like Eeyore, please. Then I'll have someone depressed to hang with by Week 5 when everything's gone to hell.

Jen P

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Does Ookie qualify as an assassin here? I am guessing this is only after the season starts. (I really got to stop having those mid-July drafts.)

Civil Negligence

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Da_Mang: Three namers always go early; the real gems are the two namers near the middle of the draft.

@Rory B. Bellows: No snakes; only humans. I'm tired of someone trying to draft the Black Mamba every year.

@I'm a People Person. Who Drinks.: If you're in a point-per-stab league, he rises up the board fast. Of course, you get some smartass that takes Paul Hogan in the late rounds, but he's the one that's easiest to fleece in a trade mid-season.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Banderas!

This is why I love playing against all you rookies.

Camp Tiger Claw

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I had to put up with an attorney who tried to draft Steve Smith in the 10th round after he was drafted in the 4th round. He tried to say that the guy who originally drafted him didn't specify which Steve Smith.

That doesn't even make sense. If he thought Steve Smith was available, why would he wait until the 10th round to begin with? I'd move to compel him to stop being a douche.

44 in a Row

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> "And we want to make room for the penetrating analysis."

Your mother, shell be so proud to hear you say that.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Look at all y'all and your fantasy football. Around here, we're doing Fantasy Playhouse Disney. Silly Baby Mets drafted My Friends Tigger & Pooh with the first pick. Sucks to be her! (Everyone knows The Wiggles are the #1 pick in that league.)

Metschick

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Charles Guiteau is solid in my keeper league.

Da_Mang

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Leon has to be the LDT of the Assassins draft.

[www.imdb.com]

Slothrop

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy: Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy: @Signal to Noise: I want Sirhan Sirhan.

Lady Andrea

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @preciousroy: I thought we were judging by the outcome. World War I bitches!

Suck it.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> For the third pick in the Fantasy Assassins League, I take Léon. And yes, I do plan on platooning Natalie Portman later in the draft.

Wow, that was a kinda creepy sentence. Sorry.

The Fake Gimel Martinez

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Sirhan Sirhan would be a solid second-rounder.

Signal to Noise

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> At the very top of my personal list is TO from two seasons ago, when I picked LT, him and McNabb 1-2-3 and was running away with my league ... until his fucking jackass comments got him suspended, McNabb got dinged and didn't finish the season because they weren't going anywhere anyway, and I lost first place by THREE GODDAMN POINTS the last week of the season.

And how do I punish him? By picking him again this year.

*pounds head on desk*

Jen P

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> People, these are guys with one kill.

That's like trying to win a football league with Cadillac Williams as your first pick.

Michael Bertin

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Rory B. Bellows: FUCK! fuckfuckfuck. okay. be cool, tuffy. be frosty. Is Mehmet Ali Ağca still available?

@preciousroy: Ever seen one take a dive into a crowd? Masterful.

@Suss--: And we want to make room for the penetrating analysis.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Rory B. Bellows: @Tuffy: third pick? John Wilkes Booth.

Signal to Noise

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy:
I went with Brock Samson, but the league i'm in scores stabbings higher.

Im a people person. Who drinks.

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> No love for Lee Harvey Oswald or John Wilkes Booth? They are both solid first rounders.

And I'm taking Leon Czolgosz as late round sleeper.

Da_Mang

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy: Its a snake draft. Plenty of good assassins still on the board.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> "Let's blow the whole thing off."

Good idea. We don't want to trigger another pun thread.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy: Please, you really think a Serb can help your team out?

Michael Bertin

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy: For the Second Pick in the Deadspin Fantasy Assassins League, Rory B. Bellows takes Gavrilo Princip.

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Suss--: Let's blow the whole thing off.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @preciousroy: Now you're making me nervous. Gavrilo Princip is making a comeback this year, right?

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Tuffy, you look at the clip half full. I look at it half empty.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @TheStarterWife:

umm, didn't you say that you did?

BigTenObsession

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Tuffy: That's a reach.

Charles Whitman was still there at three. I am so winning my league this year.

Michael Bertin

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Suss--: So much hate.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @TheStarterWife:
It's an easy excuse to talk about football nonstop for several minutes during work hours. Even if the guy you're talking to is convinced his team is just fine with J.P. Losman at QB.

bsanders37

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> I took Jason Bourne #1 in my Fantasy Assassins League.

Tuffy

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @44 in a Row: I had to put up with an attorney who tried to draft Steve Smith in the 10th round after he was drafted in the 4th round. He tried to say that the guy who originally drafted him didn't specify which Steve Smith.

Snatchflap.

Jankie

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> The current poll on my fantasy league's Sportsline site asks how much money you'd have to be paid to blow John Madden to completion while maintaining eye contact. I just thought I'd throw that tidbit out there.

theslacker

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Squeaky Fromme ruined my fantasy assassin team.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @44 in a Row: Do you work with me?

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Who are all these people who do fantasy leagues with their coworkers? Fuck those people.

Eh. It's an easy league to win, when you're playing against attorneys.

44 in a Row

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Meanwhile, i think it's gonna be VY this year. He's fun to watch, but NOBODY around him, and the whole madden thing(stupid yes, but that shit works)...plus people seem to be taking him really high

NDEddieMac

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Kurt Warner's football career = Leonard's lucid period in 'Awakenings"

Hit Bull Win Steak

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> The Buzzsaw OL crushed me last year. This year, my money is on Rudi Johnson and Willie Parker.

Jankie

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Who are all these people who do fantasy leagues with their coworkers? Fuck those people.

TheStarterWife

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Rob Iracane: Ohhh, ok. I was worried it was a you see fantasy football mentioned your vision turns red and you wake up 3 hours later with a bloody object in your hand 3 towns over type situation.

NDEddieMac

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @Rob Iracane: What????? But...but...you said...hamana, hamana hamana. This string is anarchy! Thank you Nibbles!!!

Rory B. Bellows

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Kevin Jones 04-05. Thanks for nothing jerk.

Matt_T

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> My fantasy football dispenses weed and liquor.

Huh?

Weed Against Speed

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Fuck the Yahoo. Our entire league is trying to figure out what to do. 1/2 the guys can't draft tonight. No one wants to wait and miss week 1. Bad mojo. I want my money back. Oh.

Luthur

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @JohnDavidBootyShorts: "...get Carr in there and losses will pour in."

Fixed.

being_sven

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Edgerrin James had many out there cursing the Buzzsaw offensive line last year. It should at least be an honorable mention.

Signal to Noise

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> @NDEddieMac: I actually *do* care about other people's fantasy misfortunes, but only if they are heart-wrenching.

Rob Iracane

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Banning: DO NOT WANT

Afino

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> In one of my leagues, we had to autopick and I've got Larry Johnson and I'm pissed about it.

Lots of fantasy posts today.....Rob's head must've exploded by now.

Lady Andrea

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Shaun Alexander will move up to #1 on that list by November 1st.

Rob Iracane

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Be careful Will, the combudsman won't appreciate much more of these fantasy shenanigans. 2 posts in one day...

NDEddieMac

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> Ill go with Steve Smith, Delhomme can't throw a ball anymore, get Carr in there and points will pour in.

Tony E

]]> <![CDATA[The Fantasy Assassins]]> What is this, a sting operation? Is Iracane waiting, finger on the ban button, for people to start replying? Well, I'm on to you.

44 in a Row

]]>