Ookie Is No Dummy - Deadspin Comments

Ookie Is No Dummy

drewheyman — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:55:20 EDT

That reminds me of the old wives tale, that if you get pulled over for DWI, take a bottle of liquor and chug it as the cops are coming up to your car. They won't know if you were drunk beforehand, so a jury will not give you a DWI.

drewheyman

Ookie Is No Dummy

Terrible Terry Tate — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:35:34 EDT

Sally jenkins approves this message

Nice quote in the Washington Post today Will

Terrible Terry Tate

Ookie Is No Dummy

Scout — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:07:51 EDT

@PeteJäyhawk™: Can we leave The Lone Star State alone for the rest of the day? Still recovering from the TAMU debacle and the Texans/Falcons game only rated one Throwgasm.

Scout

Ookie Is No Dummy

Tuffy — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:01:06 EDT

@PenskeMaterial: You're friends with Shawne Williams?

Tuffy

Ookie Is No Dummy

I Heart Poop — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:49:12 EDT

he's just practicing for the pole he will be smoking in the federal lock up.

I Heart Poop

Ookie Is No Dummy

Colorado Handball Runner-up — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:48:19 EDT

@ILoveIt:

touche

Colorado Handball Runner-up

Ookie Is No Dummy

ILoveIt — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:46:26 EDT

@Colorado Handball Runner-up:
This reminds me of an episode of COPS I saw where two dudes got pulled over for blowing a stop sign or something and the cops ended up finding some weed on them (because the car reeked of weed). One of the dudes tried to explain that some people actually function better behind the wheel when they're stoned.

ILoveIt

Ookie Is No Dummy

Magnakai Haaskivi — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:46:18 EDT

@ithacabaron: Are you sure your cat isn't Michael Vick? I mean, have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? Does your cat have herpes?

Magnakai Haaskivi

Ookie Is No Dummy

PenskeMaterial — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:42:22 EDT

A dude I know was going to try to use this loophole, but then he like totally forgot to show up to court that day. Man.

PenskeMaterial

Ookie Is No Dummy

Colorado Handball Runner-up — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:38:23 EDT

What if the reason your in trouble is for weed? And Jackfruit potheads know every loophole and way around things. Not to mention pothead-enginuity... Go to any stoner website and look at all the gadgets we have. Yes and I mold the future minds of America =)

Colorado Handball Runner-up

Ookie Is No Dummy

MerryLander — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:37:27 EDT

@Dave Ryan: Dude, I read on this sports blog that if I smoke a bunch of weed I can get a lower sentence. So I've been like a chimney; just trying to help you out in getting me off.

MerryLander

Ookie Is No Dummy

HazelMaesLandingStrip — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:24:56 EDT

Next we will find out he will get a ticker tape parade for giving a chick herpes

HazelMaesLandingStrip

Ookie Is No Dummy

Sigerson — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:20:42 EDT

I hate it when my clients used to be lawyers so they "know what they're doing" when they sign stupid contracts.

Sigerson

Ookie Is No Dummy

A Pimp Named DaveR — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:14:56 EDT

@Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price: I hate it when non-lawyers explain the law to my clients, though.

A Pimp Named DaveR

Ookie Is No Dummy

MY LEFT TIT — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:13:52 EDT

Michael Vick's attorney is smarter than everyone.

/fixed

MY LEFT TIT

Ookie Is No Dummy

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:13:05 EDT

I love it when non-lawyers explain the law.

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price

Ookie Is No Dummy

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:11:41 EDT

Is the Royal We even shaving, yet, let alone able to grow a porn-stache?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Ookie Is No Dummy

jwaves2007 — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:06:45 EDT

Did anyone link to that consultant sight that claims to make your prison life easier? I need to take a silkwood shower after checking that one out. wow.

jwaves2007

Ookie Is No Dummy

Technicolor Jan Stenerud — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:06:29 EDT

@Fios: amen.

Technicolor Jan Stenerud

Ookie Is No Dummy

Billy Clyde Puckett — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:05:33 EDT

"Your honor...do you have any cheetos or anything? I got the munchies, bad."

Billy Clyde Puckett

Ookie Is No Dummy

Matt Sussman — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:02:46 EDT

So if Vick initially gets a nine-month sentence, and he reduces it by a year, can he put Joey Harrington in jail for three months?

Matt Sussman

Ookie Is No Dummy

Tuffy — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:59:14 EDT

Ookie Is No Dummy

Objection.

Tuffy

Ookie Is No Dummy

Tuffy — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:58:22 EDT

@ithacabaron: +1

Check the closet. My cat chases shit under the closet door all the time, like toys and bottlecaps and dead dogs.

Tuffy

Ookie Is No Dummy

Bob Sheppards Flock — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:57:29 EDT

Johnnie Cochran says If you get high, you will not fry

Bob Sheppards Flock

Ookie Is No Dummy

Seabass — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:54:18 EDT

He's smart like a Fox*

*a stoned fox...who electrocutes dogs...

Seabass

Ookie Is No Dummy

ILoveIt — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:54:13 EDT

Ookie: he'll beat you with his feet on the gridiron, and his brain in the courtroom.

ILoveIt

Ookie Is No Dummy

G.G. — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:54:09 EDT

Ron MENSA-co?

G.G.

Ookie Is No Dummy

A Pimp Named DaveR — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:54:03 EDT

@Dave Ryan: Forgot: dick joke!

A Pimp Named DaveR

Ookie Is No Dummy

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:53:15 EDT

If Vick really wants to cut time off of his sentence he should donate a large sum of money to the Republican National Committee.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Ookie Is No Dummy

A Pimp Named DaveR — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:53:03 EDT

From the actual law: "...the sentence MAY be reduced by the Bureau of Prisons...". It isn't automatic. I'm not a criminal law guy, but I'm applying my now-decade-and-a-half-old knowledge of it to state that this would only come up (a) during a post-sentencing sentence review by the BoP, (b) at the first parole opportunity, and (c) would be a factor to consider, not an automatic reduction. This is to allow someone who's otherwise a law-abiding citizen, but who got really stoned and stole a car, to earn his way out of his full sentence by cleaning up. I'm talking out of my ass here, but I'm guessing this is only applied by the BoP if the drug abuse problem is or could have been considered to be a source of the prisoner's original law-breaking nature. Or if the prison is too crowded and they want to get rid of people. The BoP is like that, I think...

- D. Ryan Esq.
Deadspin, LLC (A Fictional Professional Corporation)

A Pimp Named DaveR

Ookie Is No Dummy

ltwinslow — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:52:42 EDT

@MerryLander: +1

ltwinslow

Ookie Is No Dummy

The Fan’s Attic — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:51:02 EDT

@MerryLander: Next thing you know, Vick will be claiming he is suffering from Donovan McNabb, er, I mean exhaustion.

The Fan’s Attic

Ookie Is No Dummy

acer — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:49:29 EDT

he pulled a Homer

acer

Ookie Is No Dummy

ithacabaron — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:49:27 EDT

I found my cat high as a kite this morning, rolling around in a ginormous pile of catnip that he had pilfered from a (apparently not) secure hiding spot.

Michael Vick hates dogs, my cat hates dogs, and now both are high. Coincidence?

By the power of the transitive property in effect here, I shall now go search my apartment for the dead dogs that my cat has surely hidden in the potted plants.

ithacabaron

Ookie Is No Dummy

MerryLander — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:49:00 EDT

@The Fan's Attic: Perhaps that is all part of the plan. But first he needs an addition to go to rehab for. So, for the next few weeks, Vick will be smoking A LOT...then off to a seaside rehab resort!

MerryLander

Ookie Is No Dummy

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:47:53 EDT

Rae Carruth tried this but a year off forever is still a long time.

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Ookie Is No Dummy

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:47:44 EDT

I bet Vick knows where Hoffa is buried?

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Ookie Is No Dummy

iHaveaRagingTebowner — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:47:25 EDT

we have finally figured out what we will do Friday night. We're gonna make sure we smoke as much weed as possible.

fixed.

iHaveaRagingTebowner

Ookie Is No Dummy

Glossina Glossinidae — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:47:09 EDT

"Proving once again what we already knew: Michael Vick is smarter than everyone."

Except that he got caught killing dogs and organizing a dog fighting operation that on a good day could net him maybe 1/6000 of his already extensive net worth.

yeah he's one smart dude.

Glossina Glossinidae

Ookie Is No Dummy

Fios — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:47:07 EDT

When is smoking weed not beneficial?

Fios

Ookie Is No Dummy

Technicolor Jan Stenerud — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:46:39 EDT

These Ron Mexico photoshops really are worth a DSHOF automatic induction. Just saying.

Technicolor Jan Stenerud

Ookie Is No Dummy

Signal to Noise — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:46:38 EDT

@TheStarterWife: yeah, but it probably doesn't wash because:

a) he's not white and female
b) this applies in a state other than California.

Signal to Noise

Ookie Is No Dummy

The Fan’s Attic — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:46:12 EDT

@TheStarterWife: It's weird to think the "rehab" defense works after you're convicted. Usually celebs go to "rehab" before the conviction, hoping for leniency.

The Fan’s Attic

Ookie Is No Dummy

Pete Gaines — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:45:57 EDT

This is why you should never listen to sports radio - some yahoo in San Antonio speculates about some bullshit "loophole" and next thing you know, shit like this is posted.

Pete Gaines

Ookie Is No Dummy

diddly — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:45:47 EDT

Does booze count?

diddly

Ookie Is No Dummy

BelichickSpiesOnYou — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:45:46 EDT

I heard that he was going to cheat on his taxes, rape a nun, and then murder someone now to try and reduce it four-fold..then he ran out of ideas.

BelichickSpiesOnYou

Ookie Is No Dummy

Jackfruit — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:45:40 EDT

i had no idea potheads would even be able to look up something like that much less remember it.

Jackfruit

Ookie Is No Dummy

Sandy Magic Jackson — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:45:19 EDT

OJ just called Nate Newton for da hook up.
(is Newton still in jail?)

Sandy Magic Jackson

Ookie Is No Dummy

MerryLander — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:44:44 EDT

On the down side, you get longer terms if you giggle while the judge is reading the sentence.

MerryLander

Ookie Is No Dummy

Pete Gaines — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:44:33 EDT

No, no, no, a thousand times no....

By getting caught with weed, the judge is probably going to give him a harsher initial sentence, negating any benefit of the "loophole".

Pete Gaines

Ookie Is No Dummy

Matt_T — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:42:46 EDT

I think the term is dumb luck

Matt_T

Ookie Is No Dummy

TheStarterWife — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:42:45 EDT

The junkie-starlet move. Good call.

TheStarterWife

Ookie Is No Dummy

jwaves2007 — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:42:43 EDT

Thats fucking genius. If you need me, I will be outside getting high.

jwaves2007