Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg' - Deadspin Comments

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

MDT — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:01:09 EST

@Kiner's Rounded Edge: Dear God, some of those were good.

---
85. vortex of dissipation Posted: December 03, 2007 at 01:15 AM (#2631889)

A floozy who just loved to dance
And take off her dress and her pants
In the course of a year
Over many a beer
Went from Tinker to Evers to Chance
---
109. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: December 03, 2007 at 01:50 PM (#2632491)

Mordecai was the king of Chi-Town,
And indulged in perversions profound.
He'd violently goose
Every lady's caboose,
Emerging with three fingers brown.

---
Somebody get those guys commenter accounts here, stat

MDT

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

blackheartededitor — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:51:23 EST

And so the saying, "I Honus Wagnered my wife twice last night..."

blackheartededitor

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Salisbury's Steak — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:24:42 EST

This is some of the worst Apple Hurling and Stick Mashing that I've ever seen!!

/Thanks Conan

Salisbury's Steak

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

BklynJace — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:17:09 EST

Dallas Green's tenure as Met manager was tolerable only for his outbursts being clearly audible on TV, and sometimes even radio. Usually went something like this (quoted from memory of game where Bobby Jones kinda sorta tried to retaliate in his usual wuss-like non-fashion after Steve Avery hit Jose Vizcaino):

DALLAS: How the fuck are you gonna fuckin' run my fuckin' guy for fuckin' throwing the fuckin' ball NEAR their fuckin' guy when THEIR fuckin' guy fuckin' hit our fuckin' guy RIGHT IN THE FUCKIN' KNEE?

FANS: YAAAAAAAY!

TV GUYS: [shocked silence]

DALLAS: [opens mouth]

TV GUYS: [begin talking about absolutely anything as loudly as possible]

Of course Dallas, while alive in the 1890s, wasn't quite as much the wordsmith as those guys were.

BklynJace

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Oh, Chet! — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:57:10 EST

This one's for you, Nell!
/old-timey Conan baseball clip

Oh, Chet!

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

I Heart Poop — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:36:35 EST

babe ruth used to call lou gehrig a cum dumpster. could be how he got that disease.

I Heart Poop

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

ralphus — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:12:59 EST

That was not a strike. Those that believe otherwise suck cock by choice.

/Honus Wagner

ralphus

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

The Seaward (nee Tocchets Bookie) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:12:33 EST

Oh Terrence...
I DISAGREE!

@Suss--: +1. I was nearly in tears here at work.

The Seaward (nee Tocchets Bookie)

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Lunatic Fringe — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:08:02 EST

At the bottom of the memo it states it is
"Unmailable"

So did they telegraph it to all the teams ?

Lunatic Fringe

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

A Pimp Named DaveR — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:03:23 EST

@OchentaYcinco: I see what you're doing there.

A Pimp Named DaveR

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Chemo — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:57:26 EST

No, no, no -- they were saying "britches".

Chemo

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Dieter — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:56:43 EST

@OchentaYcinco: +1

"Piss out my ass!"

Dieter

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Kiner's Rounded Edge — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:50:16 EST

The discussion at BBTF on this subject includes some limericks which are pretty well-done:

[www.baseballthinkfactory.org]

Kiner's Rounded Edge

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

gjdodger — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:48:16 EST

Dummy Hoy must have felt really left out.
@Kid Canada: He called men "fee-simple sons of bitches" and women "lousy slits." Those were apparently OK.

gjdodger

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Jefferson Short Bus — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:47:26 EST

"I'll fuck you until you love me, you ####" is probably not acceptable, either.

Jefferson Short Bus

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:47:05 EST

Josh Beckett is relieved that the word cun# has not been banned by baseball.

Coming Into The Game, ♪♪ ♪♪♪ #J23 - The Superstar Receiver, ofyourupperdeck TORONTOOOoo BJSss ®

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Larry Bird Flu — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:44:37 EST

I assume all of those phrases were birthed in Philadelphia?

Larry Bird Flu

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

David Hume — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:44:15 EST

@Kid Canada: I wouldn't have put it past him to send a woman a picture of a pigeon by musket.

David Hume

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:44:13 EST

Just realized -- where's the link to Conan's footage of an Olde Tyme Base Ball Game?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:43:14 EST

The Winnipeg Falcons once forfeited a game because somebody on the bench told Victoria defenseman Mordecai Bellows to "get off the ice, ya titfucker!"

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

LostinTheOffice — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:40:58 EST

"I'll make you suck my ass"

Isn't that what Pedro said to Don Zimmer when he tossed him by the skull? He is such a throwback.

LostinTheOffice

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

OchentaYcinco — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:40:55 EST

This just in over the telegraph... Jim Eisenreich suspended 50 baseball matches for violation of the League's Gentlemanly Language Policy.

OchentaYcinco

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Libertariot — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:39:53 EST

@tpstoner:

Born again Christian or just reincarnation?

Libertariot

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Da_Mang — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:39:53 EST

"I say, Phineas, I had quite the row with a fellow in the steamroom. Gave him a cauliflower ear."

"Bully!"

Da_Mang

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

goathair — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:39:51 EST

YOU ARE THE ONES WHO ARE THE BALL-LICKERS

goathair

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

ithacabaron — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:39:50 EST

Hellfire and Damnation to the negative!

ithacabaron

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Grouper Sandwich — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:39:26 EST

The third line of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" was actually: Bite on my penis and ass-crack, Jack.

Grouper Sandwich

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

ILoveIt — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:38:06 EST

Fortunately, you were still allowed to say things like:
"I'm sorry, I thought William Howard Taft was batting...but it turns out it was just your ass!" and "I reckon your mother spends much time eating the pricks of lowly tradesmen!"

ILoveIt

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Rozelle’s Bagman — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:37:15 EST

Fuck you you car wash cunt!

/curbed

Rozelle’s Bagman

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Kid Canada — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:36:40 EST

I wonder if Ty Cobb ever sent a woman a picture of a musket by carrier pigeon.

Kid Canada

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Adonis — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:35:56 EST

@Dave Ryan:

"Damnable Papist" is definitely in.
- Buck-Fucking, etc." Sadly out.
-Note: Buck-Futter is in, however.
-Princetonian is in... but just barely.
-Neither McFrenchenstein nor Froggy Chickenburger is in.
-Belichik is actually out, as back in the 19th century it meant a greedy whore who get fucking you until it became unpleasant.

Adonis

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

A Pimp Named DaveR — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:32:26 EST

Can I get an 1897 ruling on the following?

-- Damnable Papist!

-- Buck-fucking fuckburger of the fuck persuasion!

-- Princetonian!

-- Frenchy McFrenchenstein Froggy Chickenfucker!

-- Belichick!

A Pimp Named DaveR

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Wee_Evans — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:31:44 EST

Jeepers, I'm sure not in Kansas anymore.
--Levis107

Wee_Evans

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:30:43 EST

@Dave Ryan: & it appears his surname as birth is pronounced the same as Tupac's.

Indeed, greatest baseball player &/or rock band, ever.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Ihateyourteam — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:27:54 EST

Hep C was a major problem back in 1897. But you know what... You can suck my ass.

Ihateyourteam

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

wes mantooth — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:27:51 EST

"Shwingin, Cock-sucker!"

-Ichiro

wes mantooth

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Chamomiles Davis — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:27:41 EST

I figured the worst thing you could call somebody in 1897 was "a turtleneck-wearing Irishman."

Chamomiles Davis

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

LloydCarrPoolLane — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:27:37 EST

"First, I love the fact that in 1897, you could tell an umpire "I'll make you suck my ass!" with complete impunity. "

Somewhere, John Amechi wishes he was playing baseball in 1897....

LloydCarrPoolLane

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

A Pimp Named DaveR — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:27:36 EST

@jose reyes.the roof: @Unleash the Dragon:

How dare you forget Urban Shocker!

[www.baseball-reference.com]

A Pimp Named DaveR

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Dieter — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:26:57 EST

I'm pretty sure most of these are still in Bobby Knight's repetoire, including "you cunt-lapping dog!"

I will use that one myself at my next opportunity.

Dieter

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Bo Pelini Temper Tantrum — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:26:49 EST

NOT ALLOWED: "Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!"
ALLOWED: "You look like a penis with a hat on."

Bo Pelini Temper Tantrum

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Matt Sussman — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:26:38 EST

"I ʃay, your ʃportʃmanʃhip lackʃ profeʃʃional taʃte"

Matt Sussman

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:26:15 EST

@Unleash the Dragon: Maybe The Dugout would call him that. ESPN would call him "M-Brow".

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:24:33 EST

@Unleash the Dragon: That's a Natural Shocker. Rare, but oh, so nice.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Phony Gwynn — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:23:52 EST

or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity

Hey, buddy, you leave me outta this.

-Ty Cobb

Phony Gwynn

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

LingeringBursitis — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:23:43 EST

Saying that Babe Ruth's father is a dog is clearly a disservice to the dog. A dog could do better than Mrs. Ruth

LingeringBursitis

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Unleash the Dragon — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:23:05 EST

@ClownForPound: Nowadays he'd be Mordecai "the Shocker" Brown

Unleash the Dragon

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

BigRicks — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:23:02 EST

Yet Ty Cobb was still allowed to run amok, I don't get it.

-KMLandis21

BigRicks

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Gourmet Spud — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:22:26 EST

Elijah Dukes's "You dead, dawg" < Doc Cochrane's "When you giggle, you leak piss."

Gourmet Spud

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Sigerson — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:22:25 EST

Am I the only that is a little sad to see that our depraved language has improved so little over the course of a century? What have we been doing for all this time that was so much more important than inventing new infamous and indecent curses?

Sigerson

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Camp Tiger Claw — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:22:10 EST

Go blow a Honus.

Camp Tiger Claw

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Jehovahs Witness Protection Program — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:21:16 EST

@Theodore_Donald_Kerabatsos: The last remaining league of real men...

Jehovahs Witness Protection Program

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

LouVuittonDon — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:20:36 EST

I saw Lou Piniella call Ryan Dempster a prick-eating bastard on the mound this year against the Reds. It was magical.

LouVuittonDon

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

tpstoner — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:20:04 EST

Before he was born again, Julio Franco had quite the mouth on him.

tpstoner

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Gourmet Spud — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:20:02 EST

Dan Dority is trying to read the FUCKIN' BOX SCORES.

Gourmet Spud

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

HappyFeltonsGloryHole — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:20:01 EST

"you could tell an umpire, "I'll make you suck my ass."

- no wonder Dave Pallone was such a horrible umpire. He was trying to bait an invitation from managers.

HappyFeltonsGloryHole

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Stev D — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:19:59 EST

Cy Young threatened to put a baseball up my asshole. I don't get it.
-IrishH8r23434

Stev D

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Triple B — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:19:57 EST

"I once gave Charlie Chaplin a hand job."
"Was he silent?"

Triple B

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Theodore_Donald_Kerabatsos — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:19:37 EST

@GunsDontKillPeopleIDo: Fortunately, you can still say all of that in the Premier League.

Theodore_Donald_Kerabatsos

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Rob Iracane — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:19:22 EST

Supermike was nonplussed.

Rob Iracane

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Tuffy — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:19:16 EST

@Christmas Ape: On the other hand, there weren't any Nazis yet and Negros were allowed de facto to play for another year or so. That would've been enough to make her kick a player. (Not her dogs. That was back in the days of Schottzie I.)

Tuffy

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

BigTDog — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:19:01 EST

Billy Martin was clearly born in the wrong century

BigTDog

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:18:46 EST

@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: Eh, Nap Lajoie made quite the raunchy daguerrotype.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Pennington Noodlearm Enthusiast — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:18:45 EST

This is all very odd, because every time I watch old baseball film from the turn of the century, there's never any sound.

/ha cha-cha-cha-cha-cha

Pennington Noodlearm Enthusiast

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Jehovahs Witness Protection Program — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:18:06 EST

Also banned:

"I'd love to lick ur ****** making them nice and ****…yeh babe, teasing ur ****."

and

"I wanna have my **** between ur **** and u ****ing the top of my ****."

Jehovahs Witness Protection Program

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Matt Sussman — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:17:56 EST

Boy cock! Girl cock! E-I-E-I-O!

Matt Sussman

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Jefferson Short Bus — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:17:12 EST

The "Sounds of the Game" feature would have been far more entertaining back then.

Jefferson Short Bus

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Jehovahs Witness Protection Program — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:16:42 EST

Earl Weaver approves.

Jehovahs Witness Protection Program

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Triple B — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:16:32 EST

Did they allow beating off over webcam?

Triple B

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

PenskeMaterial — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:15:31 EST

Also banned : "#### my ####in' ###, you #### piece of ####!"

PenskeMaterial

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Christmas Ape — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:15:17 EST

Well, Marge Schott was still alive back then.

Christmas Ape

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

LeNoceur — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:14:32 EST

Baseball in 1898: Telling umps to suck your ass.

Baseball in 2007: Injecting steroids in your own ass.

The more things change...

LeNoceur

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

ClownForPound — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:14:23 EST

And that's how Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown got banned from ESPN the Telegraph.

ClownForPound

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Tuffy — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:14:02 EST

"You cocksucking motherfucking assraping dogbanging Devil Ray!"

"Whoa whoa... we're just Rays now."

Tuffy

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Adonis — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:13:31 EST

Did they have problems with the phrase "Superman a ho?"

My league does

Adonis

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

David Hume — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:13:27 EST

Cocksucker.

David Hume

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

MDT — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:13:08 EST

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: MOTHERFUCKING GRANDFATHERED IN BITCHES

MDT

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

LingeringBursitis — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:13:03 EST

Best one that didn't make the list: Kiss my dick, you bootstrap-sucking venereal matter

LingeringBursitis

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Clare — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:12:11 EST

I do so love it when the home plate mic catches a player cursing, or I can read a guy's lips and figure out what he said.

Makes me so fuckin' happy.

Clare

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'

Jefferson Short Bus — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:11:00 EST

"Did anyone ever tell you you look like a penis with a little hat on?"

Jefferson Short Bus