Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK! - Deadspin Comments

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

TheGeneral — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:14:01 EST

Chop your breakfast on a mirror!

TheGeneral

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:53:50 EST

I know I'm a day late, but I would just like to add that the Cheetos segment was the funniest thing I've read all week.

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

blackaces — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:45:29 EST

@bigboneded: I don't care what anyone says. 'Bleeding Me' is one hell of a song.

blackaces

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Fat-Fat — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 18:39:38 EST

Late to the party but that rocked. Great job BDD. Good Metallica doesn't seem to get it's just dues nowadays. Pushead was a badass too.

Fat-Fat

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Adonis — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 18:23:42 EST

Note to self: A lot of the Deadspin crowd are really old...

Maybe I should be wary of hanging out with them.

Adonis

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

mamacita — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 18:05:08 EST

@Lady Andrea: Seconded. The appeal of Matthew McC. is insanely overrated. I guess it would kill Drew to pick a cute baseball player.

I love that story about "Fade to Black." You pricks deserve it for making me "really listen to the lyrics."

mamacita

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

geekgrrl — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 17:42:31 EST

this just made my day. not old enough to have loved metallica in their heyday, but after the black album came out, i got hooked on all their old shit. my first crush dedicated 'fade to black' to me on the radio... so, yeah, the lost amp thing really sucks.

i gotta agree with 'damage inc.' for song choice, although 'disposable heroes' has a certain je ne sais quoi all its own, dontcha know. now where did i put those cassettes?

geekgrrl

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

How do you spell retard? — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 17:41:41 EST

Metallica=douchebags

FUCKIN' SLAYER!

How do you spell retard?

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:23:19 EST

I want "Awesome Tom" to stick as Brady's nickname now.

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:16:34 EST

BRETT FAVRE IS NAMED IN THE MITCHELL REPORT!
(The 2010 edition).

Coming Into The Game, ♪♪ ♪♪♪ #J23 - The Superstar Receiver, ofyourupperdeck TORONTOOOoo BJSss ®

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Sigerson — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:14:06 EST

After a season of frustrating Skins football, including an offense good enough to get into the red zone more often than not but not good enough to score once they get there (except for pansy FGs), +1000 for this one:

Watching the Redskins try and score a touchdown is like watching Kige Ramsey try and take off his 12-year-old niece's training bra.

Sigerson

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Gourmet Spud — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:52:30 EST

Late to this, but awesome as usual.

Although I could have gone without knowing that Fade to Black was about his lost amp. Let-down.

Gourmet Spud

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

BDoc — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:46:50 EST

Metallica's "One" has become a pretty good anthem for Dolphins' fans this year.

"He says kill me. Over and over again, kill me."

BDoc

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

complicated wet dreams — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:30:50 EST

@ Dave Ryan

Simmon's could save himself time trying to differentiate between the Adrian Peterson's by simply referring to them by their real nicknames: Purple Jesus and Stuttering Jesus.

complicated wet dreams

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

UpstateUnderdog — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:28:48 EST

Hit the Lights by Metallica is another Song That Makes Me Want To Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall

UpstateUnderdog

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Moonshine Mike — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:22:39 EST

@Murderface: I love these sort of stories. They could of happened yesterday also.

Moonshine Mike

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

procras — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:20:25 EST

jeez, Apocalyptica's version of O Holy Night is pretty damn good, but someone forgot to tell them that Little Drummer Boy is written in a major key

...and doesn't feature a face-smashing metal solo? whaaaaaat?

procras

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Murderface — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:01:57 EST

The very first time I ever bought weed, I was driven to the spot in a primer-gray Camaro with "Master of Puppets" blaring on the stereo. I was 14, and I think the car was, too.

That afternoon still ranks on my Top Metal Moments list.

Murderface

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

apostles03 — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:55:14 EST

I went on a tour at the factory where they make Cheetos and had a handful, still warm, just taken off of the conveyor belt. Ohhhh yeahhhhh....

Oh, and I nominate Belichick for death by slow slicing for the way he fucked over Maroney and my fantasy team's chances this year.

apostles03

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

The Trying Too Hard To Look Young Face — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:38:35 EST

Metallica is the reason I fell in love with metal and the reason I hate so much of it today. Seriously, I am still hurting over how much they turned shitty. I felt like a child abandoned by their dad after he ran off with another woman.

My favorite song? The title track off "Ride the Lightning." This is supposed to be an anti death penalty song but James Hetfeld, the songwriter, supports it himself. Go figure.

The Trying Too Hard To Look Young Face

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Moonshine Mike — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:32:42 EST

I'm glad I'm the only one who misses their Pushead shirts.

Moonshine Mike

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

supermike4ever — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:06:34 EST

Mettalicka is no BNL!!!

"broke into our old apartment..." yeah!

supermike4ever

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Magnakai Haaskivi — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:05:50 EST

Derek Anderson had better teabag Buffalo with those horse balls this weekend.

Magnakai Haaskivi

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Dieter — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:02:07 EST

find a Halliburton VP and beat him to death with a shot put.

Uh, isn't it just a shot, like an oversized piece of buckshot? When a musclebound male or shemale Olympian puts the shot, the event is called the shot put, right?

Dieter

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

brougham — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:59:27 EST

@Farneyismycopilot: He kicked Dave's pet! How low. If you're going to fire someone from a band, at least don't be passive-aggressive.

A Priest-themed jamboroo would be more to the point.

brougham

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

koivutoakill — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:59:10 EST

@katni: Hamster of Comments he's doubling your posssts!

koivutoakill

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

CubsDynasty — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:58:35 EST

nfl single game rushing record < swimming in a fish tank

really Simmons? I would get pissed but I saw his latest video and he has gray hair already, so his sports opinions no longer count.

CubsDynasty

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Triple B — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:57:35 EST

Is it too late to vote assfag for Deadspin word of the year?

Triple B

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

bigboneded — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:55:38 EST

From 1983 to 1992, my favorite bands were Metallica, Slayer, Maiden, and Sabbath/Ozzy. I was the only kid in my 4th grade class with Maiden and Ozzy shirts.

I heard about Metallica (and Exodus) early, growing up near SF, and loved every note. My life revolved around that band (sad, I know.)

I saw them 4 times in 12 months in 91/92 including Day on the Green (Faith No More, Soundgarden) and on the GunsTallica tour in Seattle.

Needless to say, the night I bought the midnight release of s/t, rode my bike home, smoked a bowl, lay in bed with the lights off, put on my headphones and got ready to listen to the most anticipated record in the history of the world, I was excited. What I got was life-changingly, Earth-shatteringly disappointing.

Metallica betrayed me, and every other fan who for 9 years bought into the "Following our instincts not a trend/Go against the grain until the end" ethos.

I still listen to Slayer, Sabbath, and Maiden and share them with my 13 y.o. (took him to see Slayer in January), and I will only let him listen to KEA, RTL, MOP, AJFA, and GDR.

Fin.

Wait, this is Deadspin?...shit...[dick joke]

bigboneded

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

JohnCocktosten — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:55:33 EST

@chilltown: Are you forgetting the "Kige Ramsey defense" of the Cincinnati Bengals?

(Kige Ramsey Defense = Almost Completely Retarded)

JohnCocktosten

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

LesMilesIsAMouthyDouche — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:54:00 EST

@supermike4ever: Heaven

/Paul Francis Gadd

LesMilesIsAMouthyDouche

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Chief Wahoo — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:52:59 EST

I saw "Your Friends and Neighbors" at a matinee at Lincoln Center with a bunch of senior citizens. I was the only one who thought it was a comedy. Actually, I laughed throughout the film. Of the many people who got up to move away from me, some just sat farther away. Most left the theatre. Still love that movie.

Chief Wahoo

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Dr. Spaceman, Esq. — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:52:55 EST

Man, people will put dildos in any hole they can, won't they?

Dr. Spaceman, Esq.

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:52:50 EST

@BigTenObsession: Biggie Smalls, my man. His name was Biggie Smalls.

/B.I.G.'s fifth cousin, four times removed (or is it the other way 'round?)

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Signal to Noise — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:52:39 EST

@Big Daddy Drew: that movie should always be in regular rotation on one of the movie channels. Period.

Master of Puppets was always my favorite. I still have the first four albums on cassette.

Signal to Noise

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

supermike4ever — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:52:21 EST

wtf is "kid nation"?

supermike4ever

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Juancho — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:52:16 EST

@Tracy Ham and Eggs .: page is no longer there.

Juancho

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Farneyismycopilot — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:50:02 EST

@dombrowskiisagenius: They were whiny bitches before that movie came out. Seriously, Lars might be the biggest douche ever ... asshole wanted to be a pro tennis player. Nothing says whiny bitch like men's pro tennis.

/Metallica fan who has come to grips with the groups douchery

Farneyismycopilot

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Katni — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:49:45 EST

@Dave Ryan: @Baudolino: Anything off of Garage Inc. > Turn the Page

Katni

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

LesMilesIsAMouthyDouche — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:48:12 EST

I've always had a soft spot for sling bikinis. Well not really soft. Well maybe before seeing said sling bikini but certainly not after.

LesMilesIsAMouthyDouche

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

ILoveIt — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:48:01 EST

In fact, they should get Metallica on stage and announce the names MoP style:

Rah-jur Clemens! CLEMENS!
Lair-ree Walker! WALKER!
Day-vid Eckstein! ECKSTEIN!
Barr-ee Bonds! ASSHOLE!

ILoveIt

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Tracy Ham and Eggs — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:47:51 EST

www.mlb.com/mitchellreport

Tracy Ham and Eggs

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

She Blinded Me With Violence — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:47:29 EST

@Big Daddy Drew: Speaking of movies, the film version of Mötley Crüe's biography, "The Dirt", is due to come out in 2009. I understand Christopher Walken is cast in the role of Ozzy Osbourne. I am so filled with anticipation that my genitals have sucked up into my body cavity

She Blinded Me With Violence

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Baudolino — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:47:07 EST

I think they should have hung them up after Unforgiven II (2? Too?). When you're writing a sequel to one of your most popular songs then you're only trying to sell records.

That said - agree with Turn the Page as a great cover, and...I kind of liked some of the S&M stuff.

Baudolino

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Nationalcoholic — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:46:02 EST

@Wormfather: Google search "kids in sandbox" and click "I'm feeling lucky." Trust me, you won't be for long.

Nationalcoholic

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Juancho — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:45:35 EST

@GreatOdensRaven: Lars Ulrich impregnated Connie. I will now continue to pound my forehead on the wall.

Juancho

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

BigTenObsession — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:45:12 EST

@EggandCheeseonaRoll:

Private Stock will forever remind me of Christopher Wallace. RIP big man.

BigTenObsession

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Babcocksure — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:45:05 EST

@Big Daddy Drew: seeing that movie will ruin Metallica for some people. they all come off as whiny bitches in that film

Babcocksure

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

EggandCheeseonaRoll — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:43:43 EST

Football, Metallica, Cheetos and Private Stock. Do we still need the halftime masturbation kit?

EggandCheeseonaRoll

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

ILoveIt — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:43:20 EST

I hope the Mitchell Report is presented Metallica-style. The cover art for "...And Justice For All" would really look snappy on George's binder.

ILoveIt

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Farneyismycopilot — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:43:15 EST

@katni: Kerry King >>> Kirk Hammett@BigTenObsession: +1

Farneyismycopilot

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Afino — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:43:08 EST

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!:

Amen on Creeping Death.

My favorite Metallica song ever.

Afino

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Drew Magary — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:42:54 EST

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: I forgot to mention that. Yeah, I totally blame Bob Rock for ruining that band. I also blame Hetfield for deciding to start singing the songs rather than barking them out. He can't sing.

Also, even if you don't like Metallica, I strongly recommend renting "Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster". Amazing movie.

Drew Magary

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Wormfather — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:42:16 EST

Drew, can I have the link? I feel like hearing my dick scream.--

Wormfather

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

bigboneded — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:41:12 EST

Damage Inc. Period.

bigboneded

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:40:52 EST

@Big Daddy Drew: Full frontal at the end of The Devil's Advocate. DAMN!

She's the only bit of scenery Al Pacino doesn't chew. (Which really has me wondering about Al Pacino.)

Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

The Fan’s Attic — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:40:27 EST

Black Rotten Toenails = Black Dick
400 lb BDD staring at Black Toenails = Lisa Lampanelli

Gay Mafia, indeed.

The Fan’s Attic

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Chief Wahoo — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:40:23 EST

Don't be dissing Sophia from Kid Nation. That is one hot piece of twelve-year-old ass.

Did I type that out loud?

Chief Wahoo

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

GreatOdensRaven — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:40:16 EST

@Big Daddy Drew: Admittedly, her hottness drops exponentially when you add a sweaty pile of Lars on top of her.

So, I take it back.

GreatOdensRaven

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Babcocksure — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:40:04 EST

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: I blame Napster

Babcocksure

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Hank Africa — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:39:54 EST

Watching the Redskins try and score a touchdown is like watching Kige Ramsey try and take off his 12-year-old niece's training bra.

My heart just skipped a beat. Glorious.

Hank Africa

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

GreatOdensRaven — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:39:01 EST

@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos: Most people know her from Gladiator. I know her as a hottie.

GreatOdensRaven

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Baudolino — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:38:59 EST

Are any of the Canadians around familiar with Big Bear? One 40 of that shit and you're on the toilet for a week.

Ahh, high school - those were the days.

Baudolino

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah! — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:38:40 EST

By the way, who are we blaming for Metallica's death? I say Bob Rock, though it's certainly open to debate.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Keep Your Sox On — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:38:20 EST

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: Seeing them play Creeping Death live with a stadium full fans screaming "Die!" during the bridge is one of life's great pleasures.

Keep Your Sox On

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:38:11 EST

SO COME ON! JUMP IN THE FI-AH!!!!!

Or just stand next to a mis-timed pyro effect.

/Montreal

Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Drew Magary — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:37:31 EST

@GreatOdensRaven: I was gonna put her in, but she ain't all that. Plus, you can't see her without thinking of Lars, who is, uh, not attractive.

Drew Magary

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Katni — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:36:20 EST

Obey your hamster! HAMSTER!

/Nibbles

Katni

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

A Pimp Named DaveR — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:36:16 EST

@ the whole Metallica fanbase here: The Black Album was okay, I guess. Haven't bothered with anything they've done since, with one exception:

I know this is apostacy, but I really dug their cover of Bob Seger's "Turn the Page". It was a completely inappropriate song for them, yet it was totally appropriate. Blew my mind just a little. I'll never forget the first time I heard it (on WBCN) -- with no clue who was singing it -- and it took about two minutes before the "HOLY SHIT THAT'S METALLICA!!!!" moment hit....

A Pimp Named DaveR

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Keep Your Sox On — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:34:48 EST

@Captain Caveman: \m/

Keep Your Sox On

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:34:22 EST

@GreatOdensRaven: Sadly, I only know her from Law and Order and never knew that she was Lars' girlfriend.

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

A Pimp Named DaveR — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:33:26 EST

@Big Daddy Drew: I've developed a special skill, or possibly a new gland, that allows me to utterly ignore Simmons' references to anything on MTV.... I'm thinking of bottling it and selling it.

A Pimp Named DaveR

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

She Blinded Me With Violence — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:33:13 EST

@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: I'll run to the hills if it is.

Nah, I don't need to be escorted. I can show myself out, thanks.

She Blinded Me With Violence

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:33:09 EST

Funniest thing I read at this site in a while: Will's profile.

"Will Leitch has no friends"

Too funny!

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

drewheyman — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:32:51 EST

i'm not sure i agree about issac, so i have to say simmons has a point. anybody that comes back from a funeral, says "i'm naked, let's party" and then jumps into a fish tank with nothing but flippers and a snorkel mask on brings something unique to the table.

Peterson is pretty good, but he's never scored a touchdown by cartwheeling down the sideline for 20 yards, so issac takes the lead.

drewheyman

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

thefuseproject — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:32:40 EST

"Just relax your throat and let it slide right down."

Really? I'm all for jumping on a softball when it's lobbed down the middle to me, but that, that's too easy.

thefuseproject

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

TopesWin — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:32:31 EST

I'M GLAD THAT BITCH IS DEAD, SHE STOLE MY CHEEZ DOODLES
------------
sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

TopesWin

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

GreatOdensRaven — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:32:24 EST

I met Connie Nielsen (Lars' longtime girlfriend & "should've been obvious" material for this week's Halftime Masturbation Kit).

It was before anyone had heard of Wolfmother - she was talking about how she and Lars saw them play and met them afterwards. My friend asked her if she had her Wolfmother CD with her - Connie said yes. My friend then asked if she could borrow it so she could burn a copy.

Silence.

"Uhh... I think it's available in the iTunes store."

Walks away.

GreatOdensRaven

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Babcocksure — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:32:24 EST

@BigTenObsession: yet he lets Nuno Bettencourt live. life is just not fair

Babcocksure

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah! — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:31:38 EST

@Dave Ryan: I've always been partial to "Ride the Lightning" myself, for two reasons (other than Fade to Black)
1) Fight Fire With Fire - so fucking fast that Metallica is literally incapable of playing it today. They tried at a show in FL a few years ago and had to stop because they couldn't keep up with the song's awesomeness.

2) Creeping Death - anyone who doesn't like "Creeping Death" deserves to be anally violated with a cheese grater. I'd listen to this song before junior high basketball games and foul out in like five minutes.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

BigTenObsession — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:30:51 EST

@Afino:

Little known fact - God wanted to put together the best jam band possible, so he took Cliff early.

BigTenObsession

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

CheapShotsWinChampionships — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:30:48 EST

Rumor has it Holmgren is trying to retrain Alexander by playing Disposable Heroes, but every time he hears "Back to the front!" he thinks it's a defensive tackle and sprints out of bounds before lying in a fetal position.

CheapShotsWinChampionships

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Nationalcoholic — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:30:30 EST

@Da_Mang: Two words: Rape stand.

That was too easy.

Nationalcoholic

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Drew Magary — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:30:13 EST

@Dave Ryan: That's a fair defense. He's still a douche for the "Real World" comparison though.

Drew Magary

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Afino — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:29:25 EST

@Dave Ryan:

The whole MOP album, baby.

Just ass-kicking, roid-raging metal.

I was actually just watching the Youtube of Metallica doing Orion last summer as part of the MOP 20th anniversary. Robert's a pretty good bassist, but no where near Cliff. No one ever can be.

Afino

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:29:25 EST

I could have done with some Beatallica love in this Jambaroo, but otherwise... The best I've seen.

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

BigTenObsession — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:29:24 EST

@Dave Ryan:

Sanitarium is the end all-be all. Anyone who says they are a Metallica fan should be strung up by the balls if they pick "Load" as their favorite album.

BigTenObsession

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

She Blinded Me With Violence — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:29:17 EST

Comparatively speaking, "Until It Sleeps" was one of the least offensive songs on that abortion of an album. "The Memory Remains", however... Marianne Faithfull got a big ol' bucket of hepatitis C all over that track.

She Blinded Me With Violence

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Babcocksure — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:28:10 EST

"And that about sums up your Detroit Lions season. One big dildo in the dickhole."

and they will prob end up beating the Chargers this week in a meaningless game so yeah even when the dildo is removed it still hurts

/lobbing a softball to DS'ers

Babcocksure

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

TheStarterWife — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:26:58 EST

Don't sweat your ambivalence to "Your Friends and Neighbors". Neil LaBute will consider you a motherfucker either way.

TheStarterWife

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

A Pimp Named DaveR — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:26:30 EST

Once again, I have to agree with BDD's musical selections. Especially "Battery". Do not underestimate the power of "Battery" to whip you into roid rage without the actual use of steroids.

Also, I hate to have to defend Simmons, but... I don't think he meant "Great Adrian Peterson" to be a nickname. I think he meant it to distinguish Great Adrian Peterson from Shitty Adrian Peterson of the Bears.

Also, calling him "Grape Ape" would be patently racist.

A Pimp Named DaveR

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

chilltown — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:59 EST

On ESPN right now:

BREAKING NEWS

Mitchell Report expected to be released at 2 PM.

To ESPN, this is Breaking News. Fuck them.

chilltown

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

DamnSkippy — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:48 EST

Can you explain the Blatantly False, ProFootballTalk-Style, Fred Edelstein-esque Rumor Of The Week to me?

So if he's not fired, Michigan apparently won't make a play for him. If Cameron is fired, then it's a different story." So, if Mr. 0-16 is fired, then he's undesirable. But if the Dolphins are dumb enough to keep him, he's one hot fucking job candidate!

Mmmm-k.

DamnSkippy

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

BigTenObsession — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:43 EST

@Captain Caveman:

cokewhore.

BigTenObsession

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

44 in a Row — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:36 EST

That took forever to read...

Not only that, but when you got to the end, your "reward" was that overalls picture. Which I could have done without.

44 in a Row

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

tuckpendleton — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:36 EST

Now that's my kind of Christmas music.

tuckpendleton

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah! — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:10 EST

+1 gazillion on this column. Metallica was my sole purpose in life from ages 10-16. I was a very angry adolescent. The single worst day of my life was when "Load" came out.

Also, next week's column needs to be Maiden-themed. It would cause thousands of Deadspinners to put on battle gear and conquer their boss's office while yelling "FREEDOM!"

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Captain Caveman — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:24:35 EST

Master! (pause) MASTER!!!

Captain Caveman

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:24:23 EST

Do you have some names to add to the naughty list of the Mitchell Report?

Coming Into The Game, ♪♪ ♪♪♪ #J23 - The Superstar Receiver, ofyourupperdeck TORONTOOOoo BJSss ®

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Lady Andrea — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:24:16 EST

Ugh. I hate Matthew McConaughey.

Lady Andrea

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

chilltown — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:24:02 EST

The Niners might not score another touchdown this season, and I would not be surprised.

chilltown

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

flubby — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:23:20 EST

Plus with Haffenreffer, the more you drink, the harder those little rebus puzzles underneath the cap become.

flubby

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

blackaces — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:23:09 EST

EET FUK!

blackaces

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Phony Gwynn — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:22:42 EST

My friend pissed next to Lars once.

I'm just writing that so I can see the coddamn comments.

Phony Gwynn

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

MitchKayak — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:21:47 EST

Neil LaBute is fucked in the head.

On another note, huzzah for the bills getting more than two throwgasms.

MitchKayak

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Da_Mang — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:20:54 EST

And that about sums up your Detroit Lions season. One big dildo in the dickhole.

If that's the case, then I don't want to know what sums up the Falcon's season.

Da_Mang

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Rory B. Bellows — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:19:57 EST

Wait, if he's not fired then Michigan won't make a play for him. Doesn't that mean that they will offer him a deal if he is fired. Meaning its not all about the chase?

Not that I am defending Michigan. Its one of the few schools stupid enough to hire a coach that can't win a game in the NFL. I mean even Wannstedt won a few with Miami.

Rory B. Bellows

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Katni — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:19:32 EST

Can I put in a request for a Slayer-themed Jamboroo? Or, as Tom Araya would say, JAMBORAAAAYYYYYAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katni

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

McCroskey — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:19:25 EST

This week's Jamboroo made Dave Mustaine cry

McCroskey

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

BigTenObsession — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:19:20 EST

This is the greatest Jamboroo ever. Metallica (of the "true" variety) is absolutely the balls (sorry AJ!).

BigTenObsession

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Dead Wrestlers Society — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:18:56 EST

Watching the Redskins play every week. Welcome to my nightmare.

So did you like Garage, Inc?

Dead Wrestlers Society

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Drew Magary — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:17:42 EST

@The Proverbial: Blame my editor. He's a tightass.

Drew Magary

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

katolesce — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:17:38 EST

Metallica sucks shit. "Oooh! I like that song! I hope all the other songs sound exactly like that one!"

katolesce

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

FredGarvin — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:17:25 EST

To review, according to Lars:

Stealing beer: okie dokie
Using Napster: grounds for a lawsuit

FredGarvin

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Herbies_Wingman — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:16:28 EST

awesome 90s reference to Amp Lee. Dude was the man at Florida State in the 90s

Herbies_Wingman

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Send It In, Jerome! — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:15:25 EST

@Dr. Michael Mancini: Clearly getting this and the SHOTY out of the way early so we can read all 300 pages of this mother.

Send It In, Jerome!

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:15:10 EST

That took forever to read...

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Da_Mang — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:15:05 EST

Are you doing Hetfield or Triple H- AH?

Da_Mang

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Kccal — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:14:07 EST

Houston passing on Vince Young and Reggie Bush for Mario Williams is looking smarter with every passing minute. (That's not a joke, it's a fact).

Kccal

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

being_sven — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:13:43 EST

Big Daddy Drew is selling out...

...every night!

/douchebag Lars

being_sven

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Proverbial — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:12:44 EST

Nothing says "dialing up the intensity" better than bleeping out "motherfuckers".

Proverbial

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Dr. Michael Mancini — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:12:27 EST

The perfect item to pass the time until 2. Thanks BDD and Will.

Dr. Michael Mancini