It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard - Deadspin Comments

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

miwacar — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 10:04:30 EST

Purple Jesus 2
Neck Beard 0
The much awaited match up was a dud early on, but alas was saved by the mauve savior who is AD,AP, Purple Jesus. Amen!

miwacar

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:16:34 EST

Looks like things have come to a grinding halt. I'm out.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:11:45 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:

F: Simpsons (although I might just watch them...)

M: Duffs (something tells me Haley will "work" to make up for her 6th place looks)

K: Olsens (for ruining all of my "twin" fantasies")

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:09:19 EST

@thefuseproject:

F: The Simpsons, because Jessica is dirty laundry and Ashlee's really worth the ride

M: The Olsens, who have about as much money as God

K: The Duffs, even though Hilary's the hottest person on the thread; Haylie's a DISTANT sixth

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:07:15 EST

@Athletic Supporter: And you thought I was dead...or at least REALLY old.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:06:18 EST

@thefuseproject: Joseph Smith.... is that you?!

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:05:03 EST

I'll put a little spin on it, and no mixing and matching!

Ashely Olsen
Mary Kate Olsen

Jessica Simpson
Ashley Simpson

Hillary Duff
Haley Duff

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:03:13 EST

@thefuseproject: I'm sure Jessica's rebound from Tony Romo could do that far better than I.

@StuScott Booyahs: Thank you for the send off.

(Lousy one-hour-early meetings.) Good night, kids!

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:02:48 EST

That's the college spirit I love so much. I only wish this game existed oh those many years ago...

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:01:32 EST

@thefuseproject: Totally with you.

And if that only means we end up at 1000 on the dot, so be it.

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:01:13 EST

@thefuseproject: I think everyone else has crapped out. I've got posts to write before collapsing....

Later folks.

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 01:00:29 EST

I've got half an hour of this left in me if anyone else does...

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:59:37 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: All is forgiven.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:58:54 EST

I'm out as well. And for the record, only one woman can be named the hottest woman on the planet.

That makes up for that Coulter pic, doesn't it?

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:58:09 EST

/threadjack

Leitch is somehow awake now. Or he's really outsourced to Nightmare Ant.

/threadjack

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:57:42 EST

@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay: See, I would make Joe watch so that the whole time I could scream at him, "This is where it's going Joe, this is what you're pushing your daughters towards!!"

Did you see that? I got so fired up I ended a sentence with a preposition!!

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:55:04 EST

I'm out. Night all.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:54:48 EST

@thefuseproject: She could vault this pole anytime.

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:54:31 EST

@thefuseproject:
F: Ashlee, but quick, before Daddy found out.
M: Avril, who is the odd pop princess out because...
OD'dBIGTH*: Winehouse

*: Overdosed Before I Got To Her

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:53:11 EST

in the news category, I'd like Natalie Morales to read anything to me, even the phone book, slowly.

[www.exposay.com]

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:51:33 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: That pouty lip thing she does at the end of the clip makes me happy in my pants.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:51:12 EST

@thefuseproject:
F) Ashley Simpson, but she'd have to wear a paper bag
M) Avril Lavigne, I have no idea why
K) Amy Winehouse, although she would probably die before I could get to her

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:49:30 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: Apparently somebody has fucked Ann Coulter in the ass, hard.

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:48:51 EST

Avril Lavigne
Ashley Simpson
Amy Winehouse

Discuss.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:47:31 EST

@tonguequinncheek: I feel in love with her after this.

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:47:30 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: All I know is I want to kill Michelle Malkin because I think she's too stupid to even realize how hate-filled she is.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:46:49 EST

@tonguequinncheek: I can never watch the "top cock" faux pas just once..the way she says it gives me a happy feeling.

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:46:25 EST

Tuffy? Although, forget it--this is getting nasty

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:44:47 EST

Jane Skinner on Fox is pretty hot too, but she's married to Commish Rog; so just a quick F.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:44:40 EST

Keep the thread going, so when I wake up I can dive right back into the obscure FMK game. Maybe by then it will be big-titted British fashion models.
Keeley, Lucy Pinder, Jennifer Ellison?

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:44:32 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: She looks like she's trying to steal my soul.

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:44:27 EST

Sorry, can't fuck anything that has been with that douche from Maroon 5.

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:44:13 EST

@PeteJayhawk: Calling her a human is an insult...you can fill in the rest.

@Brazil Thrill: "POLE vaulter," get it!?

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:44:06 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: the death of many boners is on your hands.

F: Malkin
M: Ingraham
K: Coulter

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:43:19 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Rawr Heather!

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:42:54 EST

@How do you spell retard?: Make every shot a power shot. Or she'll dump your ass.

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:42:39 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:
F) Allison Stokke: Very fuckable, but only a pole vaulter.
M) Maria Sharapova: Absolutely gorgeous, rich, has a little bit of an attitude... can't lose here.
K) Anna Rawson: Good looking but not great and I don't like golf.

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:42:32 EST

@tonguequinncheek: Heather Nauert. All the way.

[cache.viewimages.com]

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:42:24 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:

F: Stokke (she's 18? right?)
M: Maria
K: Rawson (disqualified as i am a pretty good golfer, so it can't be a sport)

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:42:24 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: Well done. I've gone to further lengths and I know you have too.

@PeteJayhawk: Explain re: Taurasi.

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:42:10 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: I saw Angie Harmon in midtown once. She's probably the thinnest human being I have ever seen.

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:41:52 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:
F: Allison Stokke
M: Maria Sharapova (She's hot and she has money
K: Anna Rawson (Sharapova will earn more than her, and Stokke is like a stacked version of Vanessa Hudgens)

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:41:48 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Jason Sehorn

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:41:43 EST

@tonguequinncheek: Oh, I'd hatefuck the Asian right out of Malkin.

Yeah, I said that.

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:41:39 EST

@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay: Ah! That brings up a great contest though.

Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:41:29 EST

@How do you spell retard?: I wish I could e-smack you for telling me that. Dammit.

Mine has squiggles and goes right to left...

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:40:55 EST

@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay:Keeping with the conservative talking head theme, I'd go with Michelle Malkin.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:40:54 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: Nightmare Fuel.

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:40:45 EST

I should really be in bed..but FMK is like the funnest game ever.

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:40:27 EST

@Signal to Noise: Not being a part of their community, I can't say for sure, but I'm guessing that calling Coulter a tranny is an affront to the fine men and women (hey-o) of our transgendered communities.

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:40:11 EST

@PeteJayhawk: I would cry. Oh, and if I found about the cheating? I'd take HAAAAAAALLFF.

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:40:02 EST

@Becky_MI: Better yet, for the guys:

Brenda Warner (Kurt's wife)
Julie Green (Trent's wife)
Angie Harmon (can't remember who she's married to)

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:39:49 EST

@PeteJayhawk: And can take you too school on the court too.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:39:44 EST

[www.dudehisattva.com]

You're welcome, everybody.

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:39:33 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: My final today was fifty multiple choice questions. 20 minutes and I bounced.

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:39:00 EST

@notthequarterback: Coulter? Skank.

Laura Ingraham would make a great Neocon-Hate fuck, though. First time I saw her on Politically Incorrect, she made a pair of black leather pants look very, very good.

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:38:28 EST

@Athletic Supporter: Those were the days. The days before Iracane's reign of apathy. Lou Dobbs is disappointed with Iracane's border security.

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:38:16 EST

Here's your Ultimate Sports Gals circa 2007 bit:

Allison Stokke, Maria Sharapova, Anna Rawson

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:38:13 EST

@tonguequinncheek: Last game of the World Series broke 1000. How do I know, mine was the 1000th comment.

Assume what you will about my "life."

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:38:02 EST

@notthequarterback: I can see her Adam's apple. I'm still voting tranny on Ann Coulter.

Plus, super-skinny and blonde are not my personal favorites.

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:37:28 EST

@tonguequinncheek: psh. We used to break nibbles like it was nobody's business. I think we hit 1500 once.

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:37:25 EST

@thefuseproject: How would it feel being married to Diana Taurasi and knowing she was cheating on you with her teammates and/or rap artists?

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:35 EST

@notthequarterback: Does avoiding studying for a final count?

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:27 EST

@thefuseproject:
F: Danica Patrick
M: Diana Taurasi
K: Natasha Kai

Corny poetry tattoos? Seriously?

[www.vanishingtattoo.com]

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:26 EST

Jon Kitna
Kurt Warner
Ty Detmer

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:25 EST

@notthequarterback: Too skinny, Filipino-Tranny skinny.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:23 EST

Methinks this thread will reach 1000 comments. Has that ever happened before?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:14 EST

@thefuseproject:

F: Kai, 'specially post-Google.
M: Danica, which is pronounced cha-ching.
K: Taurasi, but not because she's not cool; it's the least of three goods.

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:36:13 EST

@thefuseproject:

F: Natasha Kai (mug shot for U.S. soccer site is kinda cute, and I'm a sucker for tattoos)
M: Danica Patrick (cute, plus has money)
K: Diana Taurasi (oof)

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:35:32 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: a much more hate-filled Bill Walton, to be precise.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:35:18 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Then Ann Coulter will replaced with someone with female plumbing, like Mike Greenberg.

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:35:05 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: I would plow Ann Coulter something fierce. If she were as loony left-wing as she is right-wing people wouldn't be so mad about her sexuality. She's a skinny blonde, who doesn't love that?

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:34:58 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: I think she sounds like Bill Walton.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:33:47 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: Hmm.. are you drinking?

I was so focused on Robbie Gould not ruining my fantasy season that I blocked them out, honestly.

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:33:41 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: She has a secret attraction to liberals. You can just hear the sexual tension when she says the word.

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:33:23 EST

Natasha Kai (get your Google working)
Diana Turasi
Danica Patrick

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:32:57 EST

@Signal to Noise: Are you Robert DeNiro?

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:32:41 EST

@The Legend of Vincent Tremblay: AGAIN, Coulter is ineligible for F-M-K as she has male plumbing.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:32:37 EST

@tonguequinncheek: Picabo isn't she-male muscular, she's just thick.

F: Amanda Beard
M: Picabo Street
K: Lisa Leslie

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:32:19 EST

@Lizalicious: I cannot argue your order.

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:32:18 EST

The good one comes in a bit. I love this game...

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:32:14 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:

F: Amanda Beard
M: Lisa Leslie (like tall black women, why, I don't know)
K: Picabo Street (through utter indifference)

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:31:46 EST

@notthequarterback: Tony and Jaws just went back and forth with seeing who could come up with the best way to describe the terrifically bad football on display. I think Jaws felt bad about dumping on the QB's, but Tony and him got going pretty well.

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:31:34 EST

@PeteJayhawk: I know, I'm wicked transparent. :)

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:31:28 EST

So where's our previous pontificator Tuffy? To weigh in on this hot topic?

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:30:41 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:
F) Amanda Beard, even with her horse face
M) Lisa Leslie, it would be nice not to have to cramp my neck looking down at my wife
K) Picabo Street, she does absolutely nothing for me

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:30:27 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane: See, from what I hear, Pettitte is dumb as a fucking brick. A dumb rich guy. CHA CHING!

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:30:09 EST

@CardinalRedOctober:

F: Britney
M: Tara (somehow I think Britney will miss the dead pool)
K: Jillian

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:30:09 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane: hmmmm [classic.mountainzone.com]

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:30:05 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:
F: Amanda Beard (this was far, far too easy)
M: Picabo Street
K: Lisa Leslie (but if you sub her with Sue Bird, I'd kill Picabo. Does that makes me racist?)

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:29:54 EST

Lisa Leslie, Amanda Beard, Picabo Street

SO in other words, Barbaro, Skeletor, or A-Rod's tranny.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:29:53 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: Hmm..no Charles Barkley, Emmitt wasn't in the booth....you might need to present an argument before I call the men in the white coats.

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

becky — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:29:50 EST

did everyone enjoy the Giant Ant Neck Beard festivities?

becky

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:29:38 EST

@Lizalicious:

F--Canseco--ridicule me, but I think he is mad cute
M--in absentia, since he must rep a few of these guys--Scott Boras
K--dont get me started

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:29:31 EST

@Lizalicious: Kill Clemens? Never woulda guessed. :)

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:29:20 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane:

F: Amanda
M: Picabo (skier thighs, 'nuff said)
K: Lisa ("That's a HUGE bitch!"

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:28:59 EST

@Lizalicious:

F: Lo Duca (and the dong will be TOAST)
M: Pettitte (stand-up guy right there)
K: Clemens (his phone really was, uh, TOAST)

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

She Blinded Me With Violence — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:28:59 EST

That Knicks highlight on Sportscenter was absolutely brilliant. Especially the Zach Randolph part.

She Blinded Me With Violence

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:28:46 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: Raskolnikov, you seem to have logged in under someone else's ID.

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:28:26 EST

F: Lo Duca, M: Pettitte K: Clemens.

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:28:24 EST

SportsCenter has a "Knicks Bricks" counter for the Knicks/Pacers highlights. Epic.

F: Bonnie Bernstein
M: Christine Simpson
K: Ann Coulter. You could come up with three of the most vile females on planet Earth, and you'd be hard pressed to displace Ann Coulter.

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:28:17 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: Well, his other options are Britney Spears and Jillian Barberie. Who else would he marry?

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:27:39 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: See, I happen to think Britney's a totally different level of crazy than we all assume, and that Tara's already burnt out all of her brain cells so she'd be easier to run around on.

But there's no right answer there.

Here's mine:

Lisa Leslie, Amanda Beard, Picabo Street

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:27:34 EST

@PeteJayhawk: Pete, you're disqualified. Coulter does, in fact, have a penis.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:27:15 EST

Ok. Mitchell Report stars. Clemens, Pettitte, Paul Lo Duca

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:26:28 EST

For me...

F: Rachel Nichols
M: Rachel Nichols
K: Rachel Nichols

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:26:03 EST

@Becky_MI: Wrong--Arch was a cutie back in his day

And Eli's a mouth breather--so annoying

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:26:02 EST

@Lizalicious: In the words of Wilbon... "No".

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:25:56 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane: Okay I missed the requirements earlier, but still.

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:25:52 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Marry all of them, get em going in a 4-way (so they just take care of each other) and then finish it all off snuff-film style.

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Pete Gaines — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:25:29 EST

F: Rachel Nichols
M: Holly Rowe
K: Ann Coulter

Pete Gaines

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:24:49 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Hahaha, you can explain it to her if you really want to..lol

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:24:49 EST

@How do you spell retard?: I'd prefer the biker movie standard of tying Rachel to two Hogs and driving in opposite directions- DEE-LISH!

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:24:40 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: Over Jillian and Britney. At gunpoint. With someone holding a miter saw to my manhood.

In that instance, maybe?

But outside of DUAN, no.

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:24:19 EST

@StuScott Booyahs: I thought I was hallucinating when he said that.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:24:09 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane; @RockYouLikeAnIracane: Those are some great "Marry" rationales.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:23:46 EST

F: Tara Reid
M: Britney (divorcing a millionare, cha-ching!)
K: Jillian.(Can't touch someone that's kissed Terry Bradshaw)

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:23:45 EST

@Lizalicious: @Fawn Leibowitz:
F - Eli (you know he will just wanna cry and cuddle and I won't really have to)
M - Peyton (cha-ching)
K - Archie (for spawning them in the first place)

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:23:29 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane: Whoa whoa whoa, marry Tara Reid?

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:23:01 EST

@Lizalicious: I'm over at the folks house, and your comment about Peyton made me chortle out loud. Mom asked what was so funny...

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

She Blinded Me With Violence — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:22:26 EST

Also, I don't get Rachel Nichols' appeal either. Vampire sex: no thanks... no thanks. Not exactly my fetish, I suppose.

She Blinded Me With Violence

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:21:56 EST

@CardinalRedOctober:

F: Britney (still worth a whirl)
M: Tara Reid (richer than Jillian, less crazy than Brit)
K: Jillian

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:21:50 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Wow, that's downright devilish, but I'll give it a try.

F: Tara
M: Britney (she'll be dead soon anyway)
K: Jillian

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:21:39 EST

@Lizalicious: Totally understand, it was the first three Tony's my brain went to. Should have branched out further.

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:21:15 EST

@Becky_MI: F: Peyton Manning (only because I had a dream about hate fucking him once and it was hot.) M: Archie Manning. K: Eli Manning. He needs to be put out of his misery.

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:21:12 EST

@CardinalRedOctober:
F) ...
M) ...
K) Brazil Thrill, that way I don't have to touch any of them.

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:20:45 EST

@thefuseproject: Can that Harley drag Rachel Ray behind it? Oprah ruining a former 'chick that unintentionally gives you a boner'.

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:20:43 EST

@Becky_MI:

Archie, back in the day--F
Peyton--all that commercials revenue--M
Eli--not even bothering to type it

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

She Blinded Me With Violence — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:20:32 EST

Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry

She Blinded Me With Violence

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:20:05 EST

@Signal to Noise: Instead of copy-and-pasting your list, I'll just give you credit for getting it right.

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:19:51 EST

Now, if I had to choose between Leslie Visser, Andrea Kremer, and Michelle Tafoya, I'd:

K - Myself.

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:19:50 EST

@Becky_MI: I could never get drunk enough to fuck Tony Dungy.

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:19:49 EST

@thefuseproject: How about this one:

Jillian Barberie
Tara Reid
Britney

(and no, you CANNOT kill them all)

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:19:41 EST

@Brazil Thrill: Focus on the USD volleyball players, it'll all work itself out.

Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:19:29 EST

More for the girls:

Archie Manning, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:19:26 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Boys like pretty, girls like money

But we dont always get what we want, do we???

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:18:42 EST

@She Blinded Me With Violence: I'll admit she probably doesn't do it for everyone, but I really like her, and this isn't a bad pic

[www.bbc.co.uk]

Saturday night during volleyball hottie showdown we missed what might be the undisputed champs San Diego:
[usdtoreros.cstv.com]

Night all!

Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:18:19 EST

@Hank Scorpio: That picture caused me to have an innie, and I'm not talking about my belly button.

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:18:15 EST

Jillian is about three years away from looking like she belongs on the back of a Harley.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:18:12 EST

@notthequarterback: Was it just me or was the MNF booth actually really entertaining tonight? Or do I need to think about checking myself into a hospital now?

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:18:11 EST

@RockYouLikeAnIracane: Well, yeah. Jillian is the obvious K.

@Fawn Leibowitz: Boys and girl are different, I guess.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:17:50 EST

@Lizalicious: Word. I think I'll go
F: Tony Dungy (take him to the dark side)
M: Tony Romo (the kids would be cute at least)
K; Tony Stewart (harsh, but someone has to go, and I don't like NASCAR)

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:17:24 EST

@tonguequinncheek:

F: Bonnie
M: Rachel
K: Jillian (HORSEFACE!)

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:17:06 EST

@Fawn Leibowitz: Actually he's very intelligent--and was able to talk his way out of a life threatening situation when he was kidnapped in his parking garage at knifepoint

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:16:11 EST

@tonguequinncheek:

Can I F and M Nichols?

I submit:

F: Bonnie
M: Rachel
K(ick out of this galaxy, preferably): Jillian

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:15:47 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Big fat fucking paycheck--and he works 20 hours a day so that means I have all that time to spend all that $$$ (kidding)

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:15:23 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: Nice. Don't even give up.

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:15:12 EST

@Becky_MI: See, and you're humble too! That's fantastic.

@CardinalRedOctober: I'm not a huge Food Network guy, so...

F) Nigella
M) Andrews - To paraphrase a Bloodhound Gang song: "And we can do it doggie style so we can both watch The Super Bowl
K) Giada

Brazil Thrill

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

My Government Name is Berto, But My Spiritual Name is BRONZE NAZARETH — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:14:58 EST

Anthony Johnson, on his 19th different team.

Night, people.

My Government Name is Berto, But My Spiritual Name is BRONZE NAZARETH

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Lizabelle — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:14:50 EST

@Becky_MI: F: Tony Stewart M: Tony Romo. K: Tony Dungy

Lizabelle

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:14:05 EST

@Fawn Leibowitz: [Googles Eddie Lampert]

Umm... I don't get it.

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:13:35 EST

@Becky_MI: Nice!

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

DM — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:13:19 EST

F - Rachel Nicholls (has the perpetual fuck me in the ass look)
M - Bonnie Bernstein (looks like the nice homely type)
K - Jillian Barbieri (that fucking cheese grater voice just gets me in a homicidal rage)

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:12:44 EST

@Fawn Leibowitz:
FMK: Tony Romo, Tony Stewart, Tony Dungy. Go!

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:12:04 EST

@Brazil Thrill: Shit, now even nightmare ant is cowering in fear. So much for me getting any sleep tonight.

Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:11:48 EST

@notthequarterback: Oh, and don't forget to "Pray God He keep you healthy."

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Fawn Liebowitz — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:11:42 EST

@CardinalRedOctober: Then here goes...

F: Matthew McConaughey
M: Eddie Lampert
K: I'm too nice (!) to say anyone--maybe Kim Jong Il--then again, maybe Kenny Mayne

Fawn Liebowitz

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

She Blinded Me With Violence — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:11:42 EST

Nigella Lawson: don't really see it.

Any of y'all feel free to try to convince me otherwise with colorful pictures.

She Blinded Me With Violence

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

StuScott Booyahs — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:11:36 EST

AP, here's some advice:

YOU MUST BE ABLE TO MASTURBATE THE BALL DOWN THE FEEL

StuScott Booyahs

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:11:30 EST

@thefuseproject: I can fuck with earplugs in.

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Signal to Noise — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:11:17 EST

@Athletic Supporter: I'm on the fence about Sandra Lee. Cute face, nothing else.

Signal to Noise

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:10:56 EST

@Athletic Supporter: Is Sandra Lee the chick who has the show before Giada, where she's always talking about slighty homemade food/crafts?

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

J. Walter Weatherman — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:10:56 EST

Steve Young is on knee pads for AP. Sweet Tap Dancing Moses.

J. Walter Weatherman

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:10:40 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: I wouldn't put that past him. I think he just said "one other advice."

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:10:36 EST

@Athletic Supporter: If I did, I'd kill myself afterwards. The fact that she uses the word* "tablescape" makes me want to stab her wish an olive fork.

*if it IS a word.

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:10:12 EST

@Fawn Leibowitz: Pick the fellas, I'll play along.

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:09:26 EST

@notthequarterback: If Peterson is all day, does that mean he performs shitty at night games?

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:09:14 EST

And thus began another Gawker FMK tag.

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Trot Nixons Hat — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:09:13 EST

@notthequarterback: Okay, that makes sense. I thought our boy Emmitt mixed up P and D.

Trot Nixons Hat

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:08:59 EST

Oh yes, and since nobody has even brought this up.

Yes.
[www.booksamillion.com]

Athletic Supporter v0.42beta

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

How do you spell retard? — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:08:34 EST

Love Deadspin, Florio's Live Blog wouldn't stand for this. Love PFT, but it's totally SFW. Woohoo Giada has nice titties!

How do you spell retard?

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:08:29 EST

@Fawn Leibowitz: F-M-K! It's fun for everyone!

CardinalRedOctober

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

She Blinded Me With Violence — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:08:15 EST

@Somewhere Hidden Within The Dark Recesses Of The Mind: They could always employ the "Carolina Panthers Quarterbacked By Chris Weinke Late In The 2006 Season" philosophy of lining the tailback up at quarterback in the shotgun and running student body left and student body right 20-25 times a game. Worked for the Panthers, as they beat the Falcons in the most boring NFL game I've ever seen in person. Also was Vick's last ever home game in Atlanta.

She Blinded Me With Violence

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

notthequarterback — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:08:10 EST

@Trot Nixons Hat: Yes - thats his nickname...."All Day"

notthequarterback

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Becky_MI — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:08:02 EST

@Brazil Thrill: Too kind, too kind. Trust that I'm exceedingly normal when I don't have a license to dress trampy and wear red lipstick at will!

Becky_MI

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

Rock You Like An Iracane — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:07:45 EST

F: Nigella
M: Erin
K: Giada (I don't think she talks sports, and she's on the frail, 5'1" I-blow-away-in-breezes side.)

Rock You Like An Iracane

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

thefuseproject — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:07:16 EST

@Somewhere Hidden Within The Dark Recesses Of The Mind: To quote a friend of mine and apply it to Rachel Ray, "I want her to wake up in the morning and wonder if she should call the police or call me for a second date."

thefuseproject

It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard

CardinalRedOctober — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:06:48 EST

@CardinalRedOctober:
F: Giada (because, wow)
M: Erin Andrews (strikes me a Simmons "attainable-chick" type)
K: Nigella (methinks she looks much older in person, off-camera)

CardinalRedOctober