Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks - Deadspin Comments

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

SundaySunday — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 11:08:12 EST

I heard he backed out after he failed to convince the Chinese security forces to trade their firearms for walkie talkies.

SundaySunday

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

JoeyT — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:49:48 EST

I thought his non-union Mexican equivalent was Robert Rodriguez.

JoeyT

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

PrinceMyshkin — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:13:26 EST

The Chinese should get his non-union Mexican equivalent, Senior Spielbergo.

PrinceMyshkin

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

A Pimp Named DaveR — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:39:23 EST

@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0: Or schizophrenic.

A Pimp Named DaveR

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

A Pimp Named DaveR — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:38:52 EST

@UkraineNotWeak: Oy. +1

A Pimp Named DaveR

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

How do you spell retard? — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:26:17 EST

@1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes:
Zach Galifianakis "I'm working on a movie called Schindler's List 2: Let's Get this Party Started".

How do you spell retard?

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:19:41 EST

@Weed Against Speed: Ummmm.... ummmm.... Schindler's List!

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:19:38 EST

@1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes: That magazine seems a little too sophisticated for me. I'll stick with my S.I. For Kids, thank you very much.

Weed Against Speed

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

How do you spell retard? — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:15:32 EST

What the Beijing Olympics really need...NIGHTMARE ANT!!!!!

How do you spell retard?

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

TheStarterWife — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:12:43 EST

@Rob Iracane: Apparently I have learned nothing from book club.

TheStarterWife

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:12:07 EST

I would like to announce that I am stepping down from my position as artistic commenter because of Will Leitch's stance on Stephen Jackon's flow. I will now only read ESPN the Mag Daily.

[sports.espn.go.com]

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

stealofthedraft — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:10:00 EST

Man, I was so looking forward to seeing what has become of that little Asian kid from the Temple of Doom.

stealofthedraft

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:04:31 EST

@racistmascot_inc:
+1

@Doyle McPoyle:
Responding to your own comments? That's pretty narcissistic.

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Triple B — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:03:56 EST

@Triple B: *for some

Triple B

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:03:34 EST

@Lady Andrea: Spielberg couldn't think of a decent hook with which to open the ceremony.

Weed Against Speed

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Triple B — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:03:12 EST

Anyone else got a sudden craving some General Tso chicken?

Triple B

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Tuffy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:03:10 EST

@Lady Andrea: If you keep these puns up, you'll definitely land on Steven's list.

Tuffy

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

The Fan’s Attic — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:02:49 EST

I hope Spielberg consulted with Jack Bauer before making this decision.

The Fan’s Attic

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

strong like bull smart like tractor — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:02:40 EST

@Lady Andrea: Unfortunately, they got hung up at The Terminal. Those Austrians Always get a raw deal.

strong like bull smart like tractor

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Lady Andrea — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:02:14 EST

@Doyle McPoyle: I just can't believe he's leaving the empire of the sun.

Lady Andrea

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Ray — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:01:26 EST

Tom Hanks has stepped down as Suckler of Spielberg's Balls.

I mean...co-artistic adviser.

Ray

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

racistmascot_inc — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:01:15 EST

@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0:

If Tarantino takes over, it'll just be four Chinese guys in a diner talking for 45 minutes.

racistmascot_inc

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:00:28 EST

Maybe Quentin Tarantino will take control and it'll turn in a blood bath...Then maybe I'd be interested.

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Lady Andrea — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:00:21 EST

@Tuffy: I could do this all day. Til my face turns the color purple.

Lady Andrea

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:59:57 EST

I'm pretty sure Spielberg took the job just so he could leave it.

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Doyle McPoyle — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:59:57 EST

@Doyle McPoyle: That should have been a @Tuffy:, not to me. Whoopsie-daisy!

Doyle McPoyle

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

El Gran Guapo — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:48 EST

So what? The Chinese don't need Spielberg to simulate a bunch of smelly Krakosians stuck in an airport, provided the Russians don't boycott.

El Gran Guapo

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Triple B — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:40 EST

I hear Ron Howard is now taking the job.

Triple B

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Rob Iracane — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:25 EST

"Click to learn more"

@TheStarterWife: This is Deadspin. Learnin's not allowed.

Rob Iracane

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

theballadofrickeyfoggie — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:21 EST

@theballadofrickeyfoggie: Sheesh. Forgot the link. [news.bbc.co.uk]

theballadofrickeyfoggie

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Tuffy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:18 EST

@Lady Andrea: Catch them if you can!

Tuffy

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Doyle McPoyle — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:00 EST

@Doyle McPoyle: If the Olympics were in Munich again, this wouldn't be a problem. I'm kind of bummed too, since I Always liked Spielberg's use of The Color Purple. Hopefully, I'm not in the Minority Report with that sentiment.

Doyle McPoyle

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Lady Andrea — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:57:37 EST

@strong like bull smart like tractor: and then the Austrian team escaped on The Sugarland Express.

Lady Andrea

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Jankie — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:57:32 EST

@UkraineNotWeak: It's going to be real disappointing when the troops realize they risked their lives to save Donna Changstein.

Jankie

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

racistmascot_inc — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:57:16 EST

The Chinese will find a way to get Spielberg back for this.

He chose...poorly.

racistmascot_inc

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Signal to Noise — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:56:03 EST

@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0: I don't think enough people watch NBC to make this a problem, Olympics or not.

Signal to Noise

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Gourmet Spud — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:55:57 EST

My interest in the opening and closing ceremonies just went from "none" all the way down to "none."

Gourmet Spud

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

theballadofrickeyfoggie — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:55:38 EST

When Israel's Asian restaurants remove items from the menu, Spielberg strikes back.

theballadofrickeyfoggie

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

strong like bull smart like tractor — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:55:38 EST

@Lady Andrea: That was when the German team snatched defeat from the Jaws of victory, right?

strong like bull smart like tractor

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

UkraineNotWeak — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:55:25 EST

I was so looking forward to the People's Army's production of Saving Private Chang

UkraineNotWeak

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:54:58 EST

I hope all the countries protest and the Olympics get cancelled...Not so much for the political awareness it will cause for the genocide in Darfur, but more because I don't want lame-ass Olympics coverage getting in the way for two weeks.

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Jankie — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:53:00 EST

@Weed Against Speed: He no nuts, he kwazy!!!

Jankie

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Lady Andrea — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:52:59 EST

@Tuffy: they're going to try to model after the 1941 summer games.

Lady Andrea

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Signal to Noise — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:52:51 EST

@UkraineNotWeak: +1

@Tuffy: But the Olympics are a sporting event....oh, right. Sorry. Carry on.

Signal to Noise

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Farneyismycopilot — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:52:43 EST

Thank god! I heard the segment where the goats were to be fed to the lions was done using CGI. What a bunch of bullshit that would have been.

Farneyismycopilot

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Doyle McPoyle — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:52:26 EST

To be that proud of Erectile Trauma is kind of insensitive, I think.

Doyle McPoyle

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

TheStarterWife — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:52:26 EST

Meanwhile, the Brit (and to some extent the American) athletes are already practicing their Chinese by setting the rules for speech while in Beijing.

Click to learn more

TheStarterWife

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

racistmascot_inc — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:51:59 EST

@MitchKayak:

Plus it would be revenge for WW2, because what Uwe Boll has done to the video game industry is technically a war crime against Japan.

racistmascot_inc

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

The Fan’s Attic — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:51:37 EST

Lebron has no comment on the Darfur situation.

The Fan’s Attic

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Doyle McPoyle — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:51:11 EST

No mechanical sharks? Tell me the Nazi prison guards are still in!

Doyle McPoyle

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Tuffy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:50:26 EST

So what's the sports Hook on this piece, again?

Tuffy

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

McCroskey — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:50:17 EST

@Carlton_Whitfield: @ArkansasFred:

Or, in honor of the late, great Roy Scheider: That's some bad hat, Steven.

McCroskey

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

MitchKayak — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:49:50 EST

I hear Uwe Boll works cheap, and crappily.

MitchKayak

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

ArkansasFred — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:49:49 EST

@Phony Gwynn: That actually does sound awesome.

ArkansasFred

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:49:08 EST

Is that Mike D'Antoni in the background?

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

strong like bull smart like tractor — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:48:41 EST

Damn, and I was so looking forward to seeing the parade of velociraptors on horses.

strong like bull smart like tractor

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

StevieY19 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:48:27 EST

@Rob Iracane: Steven likes his chicken hot!

StevieY19

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

7-8 Deville — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:48:08 EST

Beijing Olympic Committee Chairman: Get me Steven Spielberg.
Assistant: He's unavailable.
Beijing Olympic Committee Chairman: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent.

7-8 Deville

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:48:02 EST

@Rob Iracane: yessah, boss.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Phony Gwynn — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:47:55 EST

Just get Michael Bay. That piece of shit will do anything for money.

"All right, and then this Verizon FIOS-adorned Viking ship full of Nordic slaves is going to BLOW UP all over these starving Africans. AWESOME."

Phony Gwynn

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Lady Andrea — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:47:28 EST

I think he's just taking the time to properly mourn Chief Brody.

Lady Andrea

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Rob Iracane — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:47:19 EST

@ghostsoftheSCupcountry: OMIGOD THERE IS NO GODDAMN NIBBLES

Rob Iracane

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:46:54 EST

Speilberg has had a big problem with Asians since working with Jonathan Ke Quan.

What a prima donna that kid was!

Weed Against Speed

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Rob Iracane — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:46:52 EST

It has nothing to do with Darfur. Steve's just pissed the delivery boy forgot the Kung Pao Chicken in his last order.

Rob Iracane

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

ArkansasFred — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:46:46 EST

TAKE OFF THAT STUPID FUCKING HAT!!!!

ArkansasFred

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Carlton_Whitfield — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:46:43 EST

Ashton wants his hat back.

Carlton_Whitfield

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Yostal — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:46:33 EST

Given what happened at the 2004 Summer Games, as long as Bob Costas is up to speed on his Chinese mythology, that's all I care about.

Yostal

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:46:21 EST

nibbles?!?

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:45:14 EST

@MattinglysSideburns: After 2 daughters in a row.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:45:02 EST

That's interesting about Speilberg, but who's the mentally-challenged man in teh photo?

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

UkraineNotWeak — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:44:58 EST

This is a rarity. A Jew turning down Chinese.

UkraineNotWeak

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

MattinglysSideburns — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:44:44 EST

Many athletes are starting to speak up here, and when it gets to the point where nations start pulling out.

When is the Chinese populace going to start pulling out?

MattinglysSideburns

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:44:24 EST

What? Did the check bounce?

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks

Fuck Lion — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:43:07 EST

As long as there are fuck lions on horses...we cool, homey.

Fuck Lion