Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners - Deadspin Comments

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

strong like bull smart like tractor — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:01:12 EST

@shawnkemp40: Sexson, and Beltre, and Betancourt, and Ibanez, and Lopez....

/weeps

strong like bull smart like tractor

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

RotoAuthority — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:40:27 EST

How is it that swapping out Adam Jones for Brad Wilkerson doesn't figure into the equation? Plus the loss of Sherrill?

RotoAuthority

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

henry_finkel — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:11:29 EST

@shawnkemp40: I'll set the over/under for Whifferson striking out looking with a runner on third and less than two outs at 58.

henry_finkel

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Glenn Beck's Taint — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 15:03:13 EST

i hope the Tacoma Rainiers have some corner outfielders ready once Brad & Raul inevitably get hurt.

Glenn Beck's Taint

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

shawnkemp40 — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 15:00:13 EST

@henry_finkel:
At least we'll be hearing it from a hall of fame announcer!
And, by the way, we're used to it with Sexson who is befudled by the down and away slider.

shawnkemp40

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Afino — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:44:35 EST

Okay, did Ufford sleep with someone's mom to not be able to write this preview?

Afino

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

henry_finkel — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:35:00 EST

"Wilkerson caught looking for the third out of the inning!" - you'll be hearing this many times during the season.

henry_finkel

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:22:40 EST

@Knicks Legal Counsel: Best bargain in the Great Northwest. Guaranteed never to go over $2.25.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Knicks Legal Counsel — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:18:55 EST

@UeckersEats: Now'd be a good time to bring up a bar in Seattle that serves pints for the same price as Sexson's current season batting average. Atta boy, Richie.

Knicks Legal Counsel

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

ICU81MI — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:12:31 EST

@Dead Wrestlers Society: The local media here in Seattle aren't all that tough. They still let Ichiro pretend he doesn't speak English. Maybe Bedard could pretend he's French Canadian.

ICU81MI

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Uecker Seats — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:09:33 EST

Sexson hit .205 last year, hey that's only .005 better than Mr. Baseball himself. Atta boy, Richie!

Uecker Seats

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:06:34 EST

If you're relying on Sexson for offense, you're more likely headed up Salt River...or Shit Creek.

Bedard should be an ace, Silva...meh.

AND I read walkoff walk.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

I_hate_yourself — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:06:16 EST

Word on the street is that Matt Millen and Bill Bavasi are in negotiations to trade offices in order to better understand their effects on suicide in Seattle and beer induced depression in Michigan.

I_hate_yourself

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:03:27 EST

@the earl of weaver: B-12 shots. Duh.

Dead Wrestlers Society

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

the earl of weaver — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:00:40 EST

@Dead Wrestlers Society: Plus he had bulked up a lot. Not sure why though

the earl of weaver

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Phony Gwynn — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:59:44 EST

@Rob Iracane: I read it, I read it!

[frantically hits 'new tab' button]

Phony Gwynn

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:59:40 EST

@Jefferson Short Bus: If that is true, does that mean 2girls1cup is hilarious?

Weed Against Speed

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

chilltown — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:59:26 EST

Captain Caveman is emailing Seth's boss right now.

chilltown

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Camp Tiger Claw — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:57:05 EST

@Jefferson Short Bus: Then you're going to laugh your ass off at the Rangers preview.

Camp Tiger Claw

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Jefferson Short Bus — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:54:59 EST

@Camp Tiger Claw: Poo = funny
Sports + poo = +1

Jefferson Short Bus

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Rob Iracane — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:54:49 EST

@Phony Gwynn: I'd prefer to have people actually, you know, reading it.

Rob Iracane

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

strong like bull smart like tractor — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:54:46 EST

The M's pitchers may be great, but they're all going to look worse than they are with that defense behind them. Ichiro's fantastic in center, but he's basically going to be running around between two traffic cones.

strong like bull smart like tractor

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:51:58 EST

Wondering how Bedard will hold up to the local media in Seattle. He's very introverted and thin skinned and didn't really have to deal with much media issues in Balmer.

Leave B-Rob Alone! It's a fricking all-star game, nobody gives a shit.

Dead Wrestlers Society

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Phony Gwynn — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:51:36 EST

@Camp Tiger Claw: You're supposed to save winners like that for Walkoff Walk.

Phony Gwynn

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

JackElliotsMustache — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:51:27 EST

Heres to rooting for a bad year from Richie Sexson....it will keep beer prices low in seattle

JackElliotsMustache

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

BigTenObsession — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:49:59 EST

This somehow involves Ichiro and the secant of the ballpark's right field line, doesn't it?

BigTenObsession

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Doyle McPoyle — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:49:51 EST

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Oklahoma City Mariners!

Doyle McPoyle

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Carlton_Whitfield — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:49:49 EST

Easier to solve Fermat's Last Theorem than pick an AL West winner.
/hyperbole?

Carlton_Whitfield

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

the earl of weaver — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:48:47 EST

"and Betancourt had only one less double than Derek Jeter last year"

But he helped validate three times as many parking passes.

the earl of weaver

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Mo Vaughn Revolution — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:48:40 EST

I wouldn't call Bedard-Hernandez the best pair in the AL. You're forgetting Sabathia-Carmona, Lackey-Escobar, and even Beckett-Matsuzaka, not to mention the injury concerns for both Mariners.

Mo Vaughn Revolution

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

GorgeForeman — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:48:10 EST

Here's the problem with the Bedard trade: those guys were not all "prospects". Adam Jones was one of the best players on the team, period. So, they pick up a terrific pitcher, but lose an offensive weapon and suddenly go back to being atrocious defensively in the outfield, which, at Safeco, is huge. Jones and Ichiro could cover tons of ground and make up for whatever stiff was out there with them.

GorgeForeman

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Secret Identity — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:46:16 EST

I met Felix Hernandez, a legal immigrant from Venezuela, who makes 1/20th the salary of his less-qualified co-worker.

If he's hard up for money, Richie Sexson is happy to hire the rest of his family to shine his shoes and clean his pool.

Secret Identity

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Al Czerviks Ride — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:46:01 EST

@DumpsterDining: Thats actually pretty polite- you must be down close to the border.

Al Czerviks Ride

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Paul Zuvella — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:45:48 EST

You may argue that Bedard and Hernandez are "the best one-two punch in the American league," but Brett Myers' wife knows who holds that title in the NL.

Paul Zuvella

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

DumpsterDining — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:44:43 EST

"Michiganiteian"??? Is that like us in Michigan calling those in Ohio "Fuckwads"

DumpsterDining

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

HazelMaesLandingStrip — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:44:23 EST

Nibbles? Where did the comments go?

HazelMaesLandingStrip

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Gourmet Spud — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:43:34 EST

As a boy he slept with a poster of Jim Presley...

Most welcome use of "a poster of" something since The Shawshank Redemption.

Gourmet Spud

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Al Czerviks Ride — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:43:32 EST

@Camp Tiger Claw: +1
Standing and beginning slow clap...

Al Czerviks Ride

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Al Czerviks Ride — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:42:28 EST

They say no one has ever tamed the 3 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel at Starbucks. But I tell you this much- I came as close as anyone ever has...

Al Czerviks Ride

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:42:15 EST

@Camp Tiger Claw:

+1. Wow. Well played.

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Camp Tiger Claw — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:41:28 EST

All anyone ever says about Carlos Silva is that he eats innings. People always omit the fact that he constantly shits out hits.

Camp Tiger Claw

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

JohnCocktosten — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:40:42 EST

I think it will come down to a playoff game between the Mariners and Billy Heywood's Twins

JohnCocktosten

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:40:15 EST

Pythagorean W/L + Regression to the mean > Seattle Mariners

Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0

Baseball Season Preview: Seattle Mariners

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:40:14 EST

No one said there would be math in these previews.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen