Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros - Deadspin Comments

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

quick — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:19:29 EDT

I know I'm late to this game, but just for the record, Second Baptist no longer has the bowling alley. But they do have a restaurant. I don't think Berkman would mind being locked up in there.

quick

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Chris Steffen — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 22:41:33 EST

This is all well and good, but who takes the Silver Boot?

Chris Steffen

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

BaseballBookshelf — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 19:38:28 EST

Andy Pettitte, in response to hearing about that unfortunate San Francisco encounter:
"Oh, my gosh"

BaseballBookshelf

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Doc Medich — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:11:23 EST

Hmm, that was a bit wordy. And Lord knows, we can skip any preview of the Rangers. So let's tighten that baby up a bit:

Texas teams are gonna bite it this year, and bite it hard.

Doc Medich

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

The Professor — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:02:41 EST

show of hands...how many of us googled "Whitney Pastorek" before you even got to the third paragraph just to see what the fuss was all about.

*raises hand*

Don't lie. get your hands up.

The Professor

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

FightTiger — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:30:15 EST

Mitchell Freidman?
Who the fuck are these guys?

FightTiger

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Texy — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:29:20 EST

I'm still in denial about Biggio. I imagine I will continue to be in denial for another 2 or 3 years.

Texy

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

whittlz — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:57:10 EST

@Ted Striker:

bonus points to YOU for "Repentagon"! I've never heard that one. I still go with "Baptidome."

hi all. nice to see everyone! hold down the fort! go 'Stros!

whittlz

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Ted Striker — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:51:01 EST

@Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee:

*slow applause*
Dick Justice can suck a dick.

Any optimism about the 'stros needs to include the huge, blinking sign: THE REST OF THE NL CENTRAL SUCKS, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. Especially applicable now that Prince Fielder is cranky and eating Boca Burgers.

Also, Whittlz: bonus points for mentioning the Repentagon's bowling alley.

Ted Striker

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

grungedave — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:40:21 EST

No more Jason Lane.
No more Orlando Palmeiro.
No more Jason Jennings.
No more Luke Scott.
No more Morgan (dammit - he was good once).
No more Biggio (/sheds tear).

... and it bears repeating, even a year late:

no more Clemens, Pettitte or Russ Springer.

But we got Roy O and Backe and guts. And guts is enough.

GO ASTROS!

grungedave

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Clare — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:37:40 EST

@OchentaYcinco: Would you believe that I'm going to miss Pat Burrell when he's gone? And not just the sweet ass and poky baserunning. I really am going to miss that lug.

Clare

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Muzzo — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:30:11 EST

@Rob Iracane: I sure hope Yankee fans enjoy a nice creeper stare into space after Morgan strikes out looking... who am I kidding, I don't give a fuck about Yankee fans.

Muzzo

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

OchentaYcinco — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:29:44 EST

Is it weird that I saw the "w/r/t" in the third paragraph and immediately thought about Marques Colston's monster 2006 fantasy season?

Also, enjoy Ed Wade, Whit. I'm sure the Astros will find somewhere to fit Pat Burrell next year, and some way to overpay him.

OchentaYcinco

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Secret Identity — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:23:15 EST

I find it hard to believe that any male in San Francisco wanted to see a woman's tits.

Secret Identity

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Bob Loblaw — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:21:48 EST

I can't believe anyone could muster up that many words about Your 2008 Houston Astros. Bravo.

Bob Loblaw

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Phony Gwynn — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:17:39 EST

You failed to mention that my mother also buffs labias.

Phony Gwynn

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Clare — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:17:32 EST

@ArkansasFred: Damn, I knew I forgot something!

Just make sure Bourn knows where the bullpen mounds are.

Clare

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:15:52 EST

So I'm not going to specifically address the hubris-riddled pitcher who's hanging around like Wooderson with a national press corps in tow.

Clemens: Say man... You got a syringe?

Richard Justice: No... Not on me, man.

Clemens: ...It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Stev D — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:15:30 EST

I am no expert in espanol, but isn't Humberto Quinterto the celebration of one's 115th birthday?

Stev D

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

The Fan’s Attic — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:15:20 EST

This the second post today where I have had to do math. I became a lawyer so I didn't have to do math and I screw around on the internet so I don't have to do lawyerly stuff. So, please...no more math.

That said...good to have Whittlz back in the fold if only temporarily.

The Fan’s Attic

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

ArkansasFred — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:12:52 EST

@Clare: Yeah. It was awesome when he almost killed himself tripping over the bullpen mound at Wrigley.

ArkansasFred

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

twoeightnine — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:11:58 EST

Needs Whittlz tits.

twoeightnine

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

the earl of weaver — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:11:34 EST

"Michael Bourn is an unproven entity"

That was so ripe for a "Bourn Identity" crack. Can't believe you missed that.

the earl of weaver

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Scout — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:09:59 EST

@Stev D: and the baby - Krusty Clemens.

Scout

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Jefferson Short Bus — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:09:13 EST

@Afino: Come on, he didn't get Down's syndrome on purpose.

Jefferson Short Bus

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

The Sports Hernia — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:09:03 EST

@2ndBase: If he was a professional wrestler, he'd definitely be friends with the Funk brothers.

The Sports Hernia

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

GorgeForeman — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:08:25 EST

Nicely done--once again.

GorgeForeman

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

The White Boom Boom — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:08:09 EST

My ex-girlfriend is the senior editor of EW.com. That's all I got.

The White Boom Boom

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Clare — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:07:55 EST

Michael Bourn is the tits. Decent outfielder, fast as hell. You'll love him when he comes off the bench as a pinch runner.

Hope you enjoy Gas Can Geary stinking up your seventh and eighth innings on a nightly basis, though.

Clare

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Stev D — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:06:59 EST

If the Astros get some production out Kobe Clemems, Kalvin Klien Clemens, Kellen Clemens and Klemens Clemens; they should be back in the thick of the NL pennant race.

Stev D

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

2ndBase — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:03:32 EST

@The Sports Hernia: Then every season sucks for you.

2ndBase

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Mmole — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:02:57 EST

Kaz Matsui and Ty Wigginton. Funny!

Mmole

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

The Sports Hernia — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:02:44 EST

@2ndBase: I'm not a Rangers fan I'm just a monsterous Vincente Padilla fan.

The Sports Hernia

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Jerkwheat — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:01:43 EST

@Gourmet Spud: taunting random players is a special joy

I remain convinced to this day that our taunting of Bob Hamelin in Toledo led to his retirement the next day.

Jerkwheat

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Afino — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:01:38 EST

Chris Fucking Burke.

/still bitter

Afino

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Wyshynski — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:00:46 EST

Granted, I only skimmed this preview, but I'm confused about how, exactly, Miguel Tejada is going to fix the Oscars.

Wyshynski

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Jefferson Short Bus — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:00:45 EST

If you think Giants fans' treatment of Morgan Ensberg was bad, you should hear the things they said to/about Pedro "1-for-4 with two strikeouts" Feliz.

Jefferson Short Bus

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

2ndBase — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:00:14 EST

@Candygram: Its alright man. Im a Rangers fan. Had to get my jabs in. Going to be a long season in the Lone Star State.

2ndBase

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Gourmet Spud — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:59:53 EST

@chilltown:

He did the same thing to Eric Hinske every time they played the Jays. It was extremely annoying, in a fascinating way.

Gourmet Spud

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Jerkwheat — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:58:13 EST

@Yostal: did you see the bad news?

[sports.espn.go.com]

Jerkwheat

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:57:33 EST

Frankly, that preview lasted longer than the Astros will in the pennant race.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

chilltown — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:57:17 EST

the kinds of dudes who taunt Morgan Ensberg for kicks; I mean, who taunts Morgan Ensberg??

Anyone else remember that guy in Tampa Bay who sat front row and mercilessly taunted Todd Walker for the years he was on the Red Sox? Now that was inexplicable heckling.

chilltown

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

ArkansasFred — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:56:28 EST

Ed Wade is by far the dumbest human being on the planet.

ArkansasFred

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Yostal — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:56:11 EST

Ahh, reading this takes me back to the early days of Deadspin, when Will was farming out World Cup liveblogs like they were sorghum and I was making an ass of myself repeatedly.

Yostal

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Scout — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:55:40 EST

@2ndBase:

Not enough. I want to read about the many shades of disappointment I will go through this season.

Scout

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Civil Negligence — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:55:23 EST

Hey, let me know how you enjoy Ed 'Blew another trade' Wade as your GM. Really.

Civil Negligence

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Mr. Marinovich — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:54:52 EST

God the Astros suck. I know this because of the gaggle of clowns that follow Roy Oswalt in their rotation, because they saw fit to make Kaz Matsui even richer and because Darin Erstad is on their team.

Good news is their farm system is downright piss-rotten.

Mr. Marinovich

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Jerkwheat — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:54:30 EST

wooo go Astros

/first mlb game was at the Astrodome, spent many a summer there, and lived there during the WS run in '05

Jerkwheat

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:54:24 EST

Was that you eating the garlic fries? I'm sorry for my behavior. Still want to see your tits.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

chilltown — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:54:19 EST

Anything by Whittlz is good by me.

chilltown

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Send It In, Jerome! — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:54:08 EST

Seriously, though: Mike Scott did doctor the ball.

Send It In, Jerome!

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

2ndBase — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:53:34 EST

I coulda wrote this one: They're going to suck!

2ndBase

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Scout — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:52:53 EST

@Gourmet Spud: Nice.

Scout

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Raskolnikov — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:52:02 EST

Professor Plum would be the most likely suspect, but he doesn't practice.

Raskolnikov

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Pete Gaines — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:51:31 EST

Hello, whittlz. Good to see you back around these parts.

Pete Gaines

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Doyle McPoyle — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:50:53 EST

And can we see your tits, please?

Doyle McPoyle

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:50:25 EST

Sorry, what did she think of JR Richard's shot at the Cy Young?

Screw the Astros..no team with Tejada and Clemens hanging around deserves anyhing but scorn.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Dead Wrestlers Society — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:50:19 EST

As an O's fan, I thank you for taking Miggy off our hands.

Dead Wrestlers Society

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Doyle McPoyle — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:50:11 EST

Well that's all well and good, writer for Entertainment Weekly, but what does this have to do with Tom Cruise?

Doyle McPoyle

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Rob Iracane — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:50:02 EST

This preview is great, and could you please show us your feet?

who taunts Morgan Ensberg??

This year, Yankees fans.

Rob Iracane

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

MattinglysSideburns — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:48:44 EST

If there was a 10th spot in an MLB line-up available for a ball scuffer, Mike Piazza wouldn't currently be a free agent.

MattinglysSideburns

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Camp Tiger Claw — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:48:20 EST

Who taunts Morgan Ensberg?

Anyone that went to school with a kid named Morgan Ensberg.

Camp Tiger Claw

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Babcocksure — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:47:25 EST

I misremembered...who is that douchbucket pitcher from Houston?

Babcocksure

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

The Sports Hernia — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:47:20 EST

Is it true the Minute Maid Park train will actually run directly through centerfield this year?

The Sports Hernia

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

DumpsterDining — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:46:04 EST

Tim Hardaway disapproves of ball scuffing.

DumpsterDining

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

Gourmet Spud — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:44:53 EST

The Houston Astros: Martin Lawrence-joke free for eight straight seasons!

Gourmet Spud

Baseball Season Preview: Houston Astros

TimBiakabutukaMyLunchMoney — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:44:33 EST

Are you sure you weren't at a Jet's game?

TimBiakabutukaMyLunchMoney