The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter - Deadspin Comments

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

theheckle — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:31:01 EDT

@FThat: I thought Boston fans sort of took it in turns to act as a sort of executive asshat for the week?

theheckle

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Encouraging Referee Pitman — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:55:38 EDT

@Clare: While Sean Casey found John C. Reilly's gun and Curt Schilling pissed himself.

I still wonder how Melora Walters doesn't get more work after that movie. She rocks.

Encouraging Referee Pitman

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

A Pimp Named DaveR — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:12:48 EDT

@byproxy: And he also totally spoiled the last season of the Wire, which I haven't watched yet.

The asshole.

A Pimp Named DaveR

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

muggsybogues — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:12:47 EDT

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Man, I hate Boston sports.

muggsybogues

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

shawnkemp40 — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:05:58 EDT

Varitek is telling the Asain reporters the results of when he and Ichiro compared cocks.

shawnkemp40

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Elvis Stojko — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:05:11 EDT

You took steroids and you stirr suck ahahaha that is hirarious

Elvis Stojko

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

FThat — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:11:54 EDT

@PeteJayhawk: There are infinitely more jerk Boston fans than supermike.

FThat

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

byproxy — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:02:07 EDT

On an off-topic but sort of related note, Bill Simmons channeled Mitch Albom in his prime today.

byproxy

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

PeteJayhawk — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:54:18 EDT

@FThat: Supermike?

PeteJayhawk

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

GetThisThingOutOfMyAss — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:51:08 EDT

@A Pimp Named Daver4470: +1

GetThisThingOutOfMyAss

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

FThat — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:42:40 EDT

Wow, that was a hell of a jump - "The Boston sports media is evil, so naturally it deserved the two stray accidents involving a pelican and a foul ball, even though one of the reporters was Japanese."

FThat

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Secret Identity — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:38:00 EDT

I thought it was pronounced perican?

Secret Identity

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Evgeni Merkin — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:37:48 EDT

@the earl of weaver: @the earl of weaver: Still cracking up about the Queefus.

Post of the year.

Evgeni Merkin

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:36:57 EDT

Red Sox Beat Reporters have birds crash through their window. Red Sox Scouts get reported for beating off in a window.

Weed Against Speed

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Clare — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:36:37 EDT

Somewhere in Palms Park, Jonathan Papelbon, Jerry Remy, Tito Francona, and Mike Lowell simultaneously start singing "Wake Up."

/watched Magnolia this weekend

Clare

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Lanny's Mustache Rides — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:31:23 EDT

Meh. The Rays are definitely the new Red Sox. They're brawlin' with the Yankees in spring training now. [sports.espn.go.com]

Lanny's Mustache Rides

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

the earl of weaver — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:31:07 EDT

This bodes well for my hope that Simmons gets taken out by Paris Hilton's queephus pitch at that big Dodgers/Sox game later this month.

the earl of weaver

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Paul Zuvella — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:29:48 EDT

Varitek shrewdly peppers all of his answers with Gung Ho references

Paul Zuvella

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

crazyjoedavola — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:26:11 EDT

Dave Winfield actually threw the pelican at the car. He hates birds, and the Japanese

crazyjoedavola

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Chief Wahoo — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:25:32 EDT

@TheStarterWife: The only thing less likely than a kamikaze pelican is Julia Roberts figuring out that conspiracy. Two hours and eight bucks wasted on that piece of shite.

Chief Wahoo

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Rob Iracane — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:25:03 EDT

Dan doesn't tell us off whose bat that otherwise stray foul ball that destroyed McDonald's computer came, so I'm going to have to assume Joe Morgan was taking some hacks for the Sox since he hates computers so much.

Rob Iracane

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Gourmet Spud — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:25:00 EDT

@Chief Wahoo:

Nicely done.

Gourmet Spud

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

MickelsonsManBoobs — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:24:32 EDT

"We have a saying over here in America, If a bird crashes through a windshield, two of you guys have to blow me."

MickelsonsManBoobs

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Jews For Purple Jesus — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:23:22 EDT

The Japanese media are just loving Varitek's Isuro Tanaka impression.

Jews For Purple Jesus

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Doyle McPoyle — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:23:12 EDT

Good news: the crash with the Pelican was localized and Brief.

Doyle McPoyle

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Chief Wahoo — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:22:32 EDT

Tripp Isenhour isn't looking so crazy now, is he?

Chief Wahoo

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

sarah — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:22:18 EDT

As long as we get to see players in their pelican briefs...

sarah

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:22:17 EDT

@sir_pantsalot: YOMIURI SHIMBUN" sounds like some sexual maneuver that would leave you sore for a day or two or result in anal fissures.

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Evgeni Merkin — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:21:18 EDT

In Japan, dead relatives often reincarnate as clumsy low-flying birds*.

*probably not true

Evgeni Merkin

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

A Pimp Named DaveR — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:20:20 EDT

@GetThisThingOutOfMyAss: "Say... you guys got any more of that hardcore Sailor Moon porn? It's for, um, Papelbon. Yeah, that's who it's for."

A Pimp Named DaveR

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Gourmet Spud — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:20:03 EDT

Moments before, the pelican was heard to say, "this is for Pearl Harbor, bitch!"

Gourmet Spud

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:19:48 EDT

I'd have to imagine that, if I was a pelican in the near vicinity of the Boston Red Sox, that I, too, would throw myself into an oncoming windshield.

Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Da_Mang — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:19:39 EDT

Should have been you, Bob Ryan.

Da_Mang

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Lady Andrea — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:18:36 EDT

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, Red Sox reporters getting crapped on...MASS HYSTERIA!

/Director's Cut

Lady Andrea

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:18:35 EDT

Looks like Dice-K visited the Roger Clemens Institute for Sports Medicine in the offseason.

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Weed Against Speed — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:18:11 EDT

Dan Shaughnessy has so much love to give; he just doesn't know where to put it.

I heard it was in 12 year-old Laotians, but I could be wrong.

Weed Against Speed

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

GetThisThingOutOfMyAss — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:18:09 EDT

"....and that's why the Two Handed Undergrip method of beatin' the meat is way better than the Cup the Balls technique"

GetThisThingOutOfMyAss

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

sir_pantsalot — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:18:02 EDT

"YOMIURI SHIMBUN" sounds like some sexual maneuver that would leave you sore for a day or two.

sir_pantsalot

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:17:41 EDT

How much money does Varitek need before he gets a decent haircut?

Dead Wrestlers Society

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

ArkansasFred — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:17:12 EDT

The puns up there are almost as awful as the puns down here.

ArkansasFred

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

throwbot — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:16:31 EDT

Kevin Youkilis says "Let me people go!"

throwbot

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Brazil Thrill — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:15:45 EDT

Somebody get Jay Mariotti a job at the Boston Globe, stat!

Brazil Thrill

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

A Pimp Named DaveR — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:15:45 EDT

It was on March 10, 2008 that P.E.L.I.C.A.N. became self-aware, and decided to rid the Earth of the human plague. Taking control of the US national defense grid, it fired a single salvo of every nuclear weapon in the country. And so began....

... the pelican holocaust.

DUN DUN DUN DA DUN

A Pimp Named DaveR

The Dangerous Life Of A Red Sox Beat Reporter

Civil Negligence — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:15:20 EDT

I thought having a large, seafaring bird smash into your car was a sign of good luck in Japan?

Civil Negligence