Sparring With Carl Everett - Deadspin Comments

Sparring With Carl Everett

Body by Sabathia — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:21:13 EDT

You are both retarded. Carl for being Carl...and the reporter for well, being asking pretty stupid questions to be honest. If you think I'm just saying that...consider the fact that Everett did seem to have some good comebacks as so right up until his tantrum and then he lost the battle so to speak.

Either way this one played out like a typical jocks v. nerds high school battle.

Body by Sabathia

Sparring With Carl Everett

MrSinlinlin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:02:57 EDT

Everyone else has said it: Yes/No questions aren't the best way to get an athlete to open up. Also, might have helped if you came out and said earlier, "Look, I'm new to the beat. I'm just trying to get to know you guys." And I'm sure the long, shaggy hair doesn't help earn the respect of athletes, especially when you work for a non-mainstream paper like the Dallas Observer.

That said, Carl Everett is beyond Jim Everett. He's not just going to shove you to the floor for calling him Chris Everett...he's going to shave your head, slit your throat, and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

MrSinlinlin

Sparring With Carl Everett

Cinco Ocho — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:45:42 EDT

And that's why he has a Hall of Fame aptly named Carl Everett's Crazy Hall of Fame.

[soxanddawgs.com]

Cinco Ocho

Sparring With Carl Everett

ceedat — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:22:00 EDT

Oh look at the dumb angry athletes. those were some silly ass questions

ceedat

Sparring With Carl Everett

Jubilation T. Cornpone — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:37:03 EDT

I bet the Ryan Leaf reporter at least went down asking a good question or two.

Jubilation T. Cornpone

Sparring With Carl Everett

HugsFromHarold — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:19:40 EDT

I kept thinking: If you're going to piss yourself, while the entire arena is watching.

/Beasly-ed

HugsFromHarold

Sparring With Carl Everett

blackheartededitor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:10:36 EDT

Don't pretend like your job sucks. You guys love this shit. Otherwise you wouldn't think it was so entertaining.

blackheartededitor

Sparring With Carl Everett

Storming the Floor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:05:32 EDT

I can't wait to tell my story about how I stood up to Julie Krone.

Storming the Floor

Sparring With Carl Everett

Wyshynski — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:26:51 EDT

Did I miss the part where Hollis Thomas snuck up behind him and let loose with a blood-curdling scream mere inches from his right ear? Or was that a different locker room? Hard to tell them apart when it's dark.

Wyshynski

Sparring With Carl Everett

LeagueofShadows — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:10:39 EDT

Of course, he seems like he's all talk.

LeagueofShadows

Sparring With Carl Everett

LeagueofShadows — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:10:27 EDT

Wow. You could have let him attack you and sued his psycho ass.

LeagueofShadows

Sparring With Carl Everett

7th Floor King Dingaling — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:08:05 EDT

I know a girl that calls craigslist hookers to get them to place adds in the Dallas Observer. True story.

7th Floor King Dingaling

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:05:32 EDT

@EddieRebel:

I am inviting Kimbo Slice the next time I will be at a game featuring Everett. Let's see how tough Carl is then!

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:04:48 EDT

I'd be much more interested in stories about how downtime is spent in the locker rooms and clubhouses of professional sports teams. Like, what happens during a rain delay in the Yankees clubhouse? Does Matsui bust out two girls, one cup?

Reading sob stories from reporters who were yelled at is in no way interesting.

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

Sparring With Carl Everett

McCroskey — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:03:15 EDT

"Are you ready for the center field duties?"
"Have you talked to [manager] Buck [Showalter] much? You know, what's it like playing for him?"
"Do you think you can contend this year?"

Dallas Observer: You Can Answer the Questions Before We Even Ask 'Em

McCroskey

Sparring With Carl Everett

EddieRebel — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:03:14 EDT

We were heckling Carl in Detroit once. He turned around (in the middle of the game!) and shouts "You wouldn't say that shit if you were down here."
But for some reason security wouldn't let me say that shit down there.

EddieRebel

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:02:50 EDT

@My Government Name is Berto, But My Spiritual Name is BRONZ...:

He was actually attempting a studs-up tackle and mistakenly hit the ball into the correct goal. It happens sometimes.

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

The Fan’s Attic — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:02:22 EDT

@BigTenObsession: not watching yet...need to get some stuff cleared off the desk and close my door.

The Fan’s Attic

Sparring With Carl Everett

My Government Name is Berto, But My Spiritual Name is BRONZE NAZARETH — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:01:52 EDT

Diaby? Really?

My Government Name is Berto, But My Spiritual Name is BRONZE NAZARETH

Sparring With Carl Everett

Slothrop — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:01:17 EDT

gunners!

Slothrop

Sparring With Carl Everett

Secret Identity — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:00:20 EDT

Any religion that embraces carob is not for Carl Carls...Everett.

Secret Identity

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:59:55 EDT

@hockalees:

I hope you saw that.

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:59:36 EDT

I just shit my pants.

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

Stev D — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:59:32 EDT

I like this feature.

Stev D

Sparring With Carl Everett

hockalees — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:59:28 EDT

@BigTenObsession:
I am heading into a two-hour meeting... a REAL one... ;-) perhaps it is best I don't watch the game, anyway. My nerves can't handle this. I will emerge from it in 120 minutes and the band-aid will be ripped off in seconds instead of teased off for 90 minutes.

C'mon Arsenal!

hockalees

Sparring With Carl Everett

SlickBomb — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:58:55 EDT

This is like the old school athlete run-ins, but professionally written! And kinda boring.

That is until we get someone covering the Jailblazers.

SlickBomb

Sparring With Carl Everett

GorgeForeman — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:58:46 EDT

Carl Sagan once offered to give me a Brazilian. I declined. And now it's too late to change my mind. RIP, Carl Sagan.

GorgeForeman

Sparring With Carl Everett

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:55:59 EDT

I always wanted to show up at Fenway in a dinosaur costume while holding a sign that read "I believe in you, Carl... Why won't you believe in me?"

It's sad that I never did it because I actually feared real physical retaliation from Carl Everett. I could easily see him jumping into the bullpens, climbing the fence and attacking me.

Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

Sparring With Carl Everett

mannybeingmanny — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:55:39 EDT

carl doesn't want to talk about us landing on the moon either

mannybeingmanny

Sparring With Carl Everett

Slothrop — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:53:39 EDT

John, have we ever dated, 'cause I've had this exact conversation with every women I've ever dated.

Every woman I ever dated: Why are you being so standoffish?

S:I'm not.

EWIED:You're not?

S:Nope.

EWIED: You suck. I'm leaving.

Slothrop

Sparring With Carl Everett

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:52:27 EDT

CE: And you better get up off that fucking table. You're gonna learn to respect us. This is our house. You're gonna learn. Get up off that table. (I don't move.) I said get up off that table. (I still don't move.) You better get up.

Rick James: Fuck your table nigger. Fuck your table!

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

Sparring With Carl Everett

Botswana Meat Commission FC — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:52:11 EDT

Awesome. Nice DSOTL this week!

Inane baseball questions + crazy dinosaur denier = fun times.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:51:34 EDT

Jesus - Ballack scored already.

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

futuremrsrickankiel — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:49:29 EDT

My uncle and I used to shout "FEED HIM TO CARL!" at the TV every time Rich Garces fucked up. True story.

futuremrsrickankiel

Sparring With Carl Everett

Whitey Fisk — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:49:05 EDT

Well done, getting a rise out of Carl Everett. That must have been difficult.

Whitey Fisk

Sparring With Carl Everett

CreamsicleOrange — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:48:41 EDT

Yeah, talk dirty little columnist guy...I like the way you talk tough to Carl and won't get off the table...mmmm, so good. And then you spoil it by getting off the table for the PR guy. You almost had me there.

CreamsicleOrange

Sparring With Carl Everett

The Diesel — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:47:08 EDT

Next Tuesday's Dark Side of the Locker Room: "Barry Bonds."

4,020 words about how Bonds doesn't like the media, acts sarcastic, and one time, got into an argument for no reason with a beat reporter out in San Fransico.

Thrilling, right?

F*ck, Balls, if we wanted this crap, we'd read Simmons.

The Diesel

Sparring With Carl Everett

GibbonJockey — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:45:35 EDT

Journalism 101, Mr. Gonzalez, don't ask Yes or No questions.

They don't teach leaving the clinically insane alone until grad school. Too bad for you.

GibbonJockey

Sparring With Carl Everett

Afino — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:44:31 EDT

Plus, we had hooker ads in the back of the paper, which clearly made us better than the Morning News.

Surprised Carl didn't know about the paper then.

Afino

Sparring With Carl Everett

Carlton_Whitfield — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:44:17 EDT

Everything I read about sports reporting makes me sorrier for my friends in j-school who chose that path.
[sighs, turns back to frustratingly dull PR job]

Carlton_Whitfield

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:44:08 EDT

@The Fan's Attic:

psst. Are you watching it ?

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

The Fan’s Attic — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:43:11 EDT

There's no reaching out to someone that off his nut.

You don't want to touch his hand after that either.

[sidenote: I don't like having to check the box to preview my comment.]

The Fan’s Attic

Sparring With Carl Everett

Captain Caveman — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:42:49 EDT

Ooh, John's got some fire! That's the kind of man who wouldn't take Robert Traylor's dick in his face!

Captain Caveman

Sparring With Carl Everett

BigTenObsession — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:42:38 EDT

Whoa now! Car Shopper has some outstanding, hard-hitting journalism.

BigTenObsession

Sparring With Carl Everett

Oh, Chet! — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:42:08 EDT

I dunno...I still think I liked the other one where the reporter mentioned the possibility of Hugh Douglas possibly saying something. Or not.

That was a story with a beat you could dance to!

Oh, Chet!

Sparring With Carl Everett

UkraineNotWeak — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:42:00 EDT

About 2/3s of the way in, Carl Everett started doing an Eddie Murphy routine from 1984.

"This is my house"

UkraineNotWeak

Sparring With Carl Everett

The Diesel — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:41:12 EDT

Carl Everett is that special kind of crazy. If he was white and an actor, he'd be Gary Busey.

The Diesel

Sparring With Carl Everett

ltwinslow — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:40:50 EDT

the Dallas Morning News would've asked him about putting a man on the moon

ltwinslow

Sparring With Carl Everett

Camp Tiger Claw — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:40:35 EDT

I have a similar story. One time I interviewed Karl Malden and it took me 25 minutes to realize he was dead.

Then another 25 to realize he was actually alive.

Camp Tiger Claw

Sparring With Carl Everett

Le Kangourou de Kataroo — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:39:53 EDT

f you're going to piss yourself, wait until no one is watching.

Everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten...

Le Kangourou de Kataroo

Sparring With Carl Everett

pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:39:19 EDT

later, they debated the merits of "Walk The Dinosaur"...

pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at

Sparring With Carl Everett

MickelsonsManBoobs — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:38:53 EDT

Then Alex Rodriguez let loose a blood curdling scream right in my ear.

MickelsonsManBoobs

Sparring With Carl Everett

Drew Magary — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:38:19 EDT

So that's it...that's the end?

Chad Johnson stole your bit, John!

Drew Magary

Sparring With Carl Everett

The Gizmo from Pismo — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:37:56 EDT

My mother wouldn't let me lean on tables either. Total drag.

The Gizmo from Pismo

Sparring With Carl Everett

Secret Identity — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:37:47 EDT

Rachel Nichols commends this reporter for asking the hard-hitting questions.

Secret Identity

Sparring With Carl Everett

The Ronettes Sing Medieval Agrarian History — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:36:42 EDT

I believe Lisa Olson has a story she'd like to share.

The Ronettes Sing Medieval Agrarian History

Sparring With Carl Everett

Civil Negligence — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:36:37 EDT

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that this feature is what was left on the cutting room floor of GSTF?

Civil Negligence

Sparring With Carl Everett

Tebow2007 — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:36:27 EDT

Crazy Carl > Hot Carl

Tebow2007

Sparring With Carl Everett

ltwinslow — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:36:12 EDT

I kept thinking: If you're going to piss yourself, wait until no one is watching.

just like the time i lost my virginity

ltwinslow

Sparring With Carl Everett

VTBen — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:35:37 EDT

Get away from me, Carl Everett!
/okay now I'll go read the column

VTBen