Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple - Deadspin Comments

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Storming the Floor — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:01:06 EDT

@Weed Against Speed:

By robert weintraub
3,111 views
86 comments

Hmmm, I wonder why he keeps coming back?

Storming the Floor

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

LovelaceVsViennaSausage — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:44:51 EDT

Can we just bring back the Stu Scott poetry jam instead?

LovelaceVsViennaSausage

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Dieter — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:14:38 EDT

@parker91: Stop...continue!

Dieter

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

elijah_dukes_mayonnaise — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 10:05:16 EDT

@iantenna: From the AWA? Hopefully Baron Von Raschke and Milkman Milliman are involved.

elijah_dukes_mayonnaise

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Botswana Meat Commission FC — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:58:31 EDT

Please don't indulge baseball's nostalgia habit.

Botswana Meat Commission FC

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

kayceebk — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 07:24:40 EDT

@David Hume: Yeah, but the Mars Volta is actually good.

kayceebk

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:57:17 EDT

the man who inspired Bowie to pen "Changes,"

What does that even mean? He's describing Johan Santana. Am I missing something?

Here's the thing. The point of these pieces back in the 1900s was to inform people of what happened during the course of the game. That's fine for people back in the 1900s, because they understood it. It seems like, with this piece, you had to watch the game to even understand it. And if you did watch the game, you would simply be reading an account of what you'd already viewed in old timey prose. I'm going to assume that this is a well done accurate portrayal of how a Mets - Braves game would have been written about in the 1900s, but the whole thing just seems like a flawed idea.

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Chamomiles Davis — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:00:03 EDT

@Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor: it probably took a ton of time to write

I'd guess not; more likely, Weintraub wrote this in modern prose and then simply ran it through BabbleFish.

Chamomiles Davis

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

The Fan’s Attic — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:26:19 EDT

Sometimes things just need to die. Like blue laws, segregation, slavery, and old-timey prose like this.

The Fan’s Attic

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Silky John-STON! — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:13:34 EDT

The internet needs to invent negative clicks/pageviews. 'Cause I want nothing to do with the count on this shitty, shitty article.

Silky John-STON!

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

LeagueofShadows — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:58:54 EDT

Has Weintraub ever responded to our comments bashing him?

LeagueofShadows

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

J-No — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:45:17 EDT

Weintraub is our Yoko.

J-No

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

DwayneBoweCoalition — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:44:12 EDT

Daddy, you said that if I prayed to Jesus, the cancer would go away! Why did you lie, Daddy, why did you lie!?

DwayneBoweCoalition

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

F'at-F'at — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:22:24 EDT

I actually liked that one part when he was talking about that thing.

F'at-F'at

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

DennyCrane — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:20:28 EDT

FAIL

DennyCrane

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

illiniowl — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:20:08 EDT

@illiniowl: *stretching it*

(damn you, check-box-to-preview-comment!)

illiniowl

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

illiniowl — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:18:35 EDT

I see nothing wrong with taking a decent comedic concept and stretching into a full-length feature. More is always better, right?

--Lorne Michaels

illiniowl

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Pesti-Esti — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:12:07 EDT

@The Fake Gimel Martinez: Heresy!! Next, you'll suggest that the media approval ratings are influenced by Will's own opinion as telegraphed in his introductory remarks.

Pesti-Esti

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Jubilation T. Cornpone — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:01:14 EDT

"In an OCCASIONAL series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball... "

Man, was Will hedging his bets, or what?

Next occasion? Total permanent eclipse of the sun.

Jubilation T. Cornpone

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

GreatOdensRaven — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:55:04 EDT

At this point, I'd be curious to see Weintraub mimic writing like Weintraub, if only to:

A) have Weintraub discover he sucks and knock it off, or
B) have Weintraub discover he actually can write intelligent and witty stuff without some hacky gimmick to compensate for his inability to summon his inner Big Daddy Drew.

GreatOdensRaven

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Proverbial — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:52:56 EDT

I took a dump earlier and when I looked in the toilet, it had vanished. I'm just glad I was able to find it here.

Proverbial

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

iantenna — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:52:11 EDT

@Wyshynski: next on ESPN: full-contact nightgown wrestling.

iantenna

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

MitchKayak — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:45:39 EDT

Play me off Johnny.

MitchKayak

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Jefferson Short Bus — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:45:06 EDT

That he nicknamed all the players shows how out of touch he is with this readership.

Jefferson Short Bus

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Gourmet Spud — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:42:54 EDT

@LeNoceur:

Beats working.

Gourmet Spud

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

SeaSalt — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:42:26 EDT

I always get mad when people make assumptions about things they didn't read or movies they haven't seen. I'm making an exception here. I didn't read this, but a brief glimpse at the beginning tells me it is lower than whale shit. Apparently that whole $3.90 to write a column here still applies.

SeaSalt

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

LeNoceur — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:40:14 EDT

All of your hate-filled comments are just making Weintraub famous.

LeNoceur

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:39:44 EDT

@The Fake Gimel Martinez: Weintraub could write me a check and it would suck, ok? Some folks just shouldn't write. Weinstraub, W. Bush, Shanoff...

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Bluenatic — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:38:54 EDT

If the maxim holds true that the worst idea wins, then it would stand to reason that Mr. Weintraub is the Ken Jennings of this Deadspin shit.

Bluenatic

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

jwaves2007 — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:34:51 EDT

Isn't this the kind of shit that they print on leaflets and drop behind enemy lines to get people to surrender?

jwaves2007

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

ClueHeywood — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:31:55 EDT

Weintraub is Leitch's Tony Clifton.

ClueHeywood

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Weed Against Speed — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:30:48 EDT

@blackheartededitor: Do you mean he gets his inspiration for Purple Prose from playing with his purple helmet?

Weed Against Speed

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:29:49 EDT

I did not enjoy this piece. Stop. It did not appeal to my modern taste. Stop. Thusly I bid you good tidings and may you continue to flummox the good readers of this site. Stop.

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Gourmet Spud — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:29:37 EDT

@Gourmet Spud:

Salesman: How bout a down-and-dirty Martha Stuart rib-tickler from my more pedestrian foxwood line?

Conan: Ok fine. Go ahead.

Salesman: Ok, grab a sherpa we're climbing Mount St. Funny.
Boy, that Martha Stewart sure is well dressed. If those duds were any sharper they could cut meat, or fruit, or some other type of food she's preparing on a television show. Sure hope she doesn't cut her finger. Cash or Credit?

Gourmet Spud

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Matt Sussman — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:27:23 EDT

"This appears to have gone over about as well as "Manos: The Hands of Fate" did on the Satellite of Love."

So in about 20 comments we'll see girls fight in their underwear for some reason?

Matt Sussman

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

HugsFromHarold — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:26:38 EDT

Old Rob Weintruab Wisdom: This column sucks.
New RWW: At least the new column is shorter than SSW.

HugsFromHarold

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Gourmet Spud — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:26:36 EDT

This kind of reminded me of that Conan character "Hannigan the Travelling Salesman". Can we watch a video of that instead?

Gourmet Spud

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

blackheartededitor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:26:28 EDT

I'm fairly certain he was masturbating when he wrote this.

blackheartededitor

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

BloggyMcBlogBlog — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:25:37 EDT

@futuremrsrickankiel: I have a sudden urge to go beat Weintraub with a stick behind the penny arcade.

/fixed

BloggyMcBlogBlog

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

The Fake Gimel Martinez — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:25:21 EDT

Change the author of this piece to "The Balls" or Big Daddy Drew, you'd probably get more meh's and less hate.

The Fake Gimel Martinez

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

McCroskey — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:23:31 EDT

Weintraub's got moxie, but this rag stinks like leftover limburger!

McCroskey

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:22:19 EDT

What makes this so funny and satisfying to tear down is that it probably took a ton of time to write.

Hang in there, you'll get 'em during college football Weintraub! You're due.

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

David Hume — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:22:01 EDT

You ever listen to a whole album by one of those hyper-talented experimental musicians who use byzantine tunings and 13/41 time?

There's a parallel here.

David Hume

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

LeagueofShadows — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:21:45 EDT

@Wyshynski: So true, so true. Except in our case there is a Manos sequel.

LeagueofShadows

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

futuremrsrickankiel — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:21:10 EDT

@Christmas Ape: Agreed. Like, if this were a teen dance flick, this column would be the uppity chick that the newcomer who's just begun to find the voice inside her would beat when she busts out her newfound hiphop dance moves at the big recital.

futuremrsrickankiel

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Steve Trachsel, Ace — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:21:01 EDT

@Steve Trachsel, Ace: Whats with the random capitalizations moron?

Steve Trachsel, Ace

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

LeagueofShadows — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:20:57 EDT

HOLY SHIT I actually started to read it but it was way to painful.

LeagueofShadows

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Steve Trachsel, Ace — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:19:31 EDT

@futuremrsrickankiel: I have an urge for a flaggon of Mead and a Buxom wench...

(I may have gone back to far, but I stand by my request)

Steve Trachsel, Ace

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

ArkansasFred — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:19:27 EDT

This is pretty accurate except for the all the minorities mentioned.

ArkansasFred

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

twoeightnine — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:19:25 EDT

The commenters were angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli. I got about fifty-feet words in and then suddenly the great beast bored me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot.

twoeightnine

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Wyshynski — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:19:21 EDT

This appears to have gone over about as well as "Manos: The Hands of Fate" did on the Satellite of Love.

Wyshynski

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Weed Against Speed — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:18:59 EDT

@Captain Caveman: That's not necessarily a ringing endorsement. Slate is like the Parade Magazine for half-wits on the internet.

Weed Against Speed

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

ghostsoftheSCupcountry — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:18:51 EDT

Worse than the SSW...you've outdone yaself, Weintraub. Now, hush!

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Carlton_Whitfield — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:18:23 EDT

This piece needs old-time vaudeville music accompaniment.

Carlton_Whitfield

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

44 in a Row — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:18:03 EDT

Actually, I expected to hate this more than I actually did. To be completely fair, it's better than anything Slate's ever published.

And the dwarf in the center of the picture a couple posts down is taller than all the other dwarves. I bet he still sucks at basketball, though.

44 in a Row

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Christmas Ape — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:17:44 EDT

That was ... technically proficient.

Christmas Ape

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

brougham — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:17:40 EDT

Slap in a Tojo joke or two and we've got two Furman Bishers in the Metro area.

brougham

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

LeagueofShadows — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:17:24 EDT

Old SSW:
WOOOHOOOO WEINTRAUB'S GONE

New SSW:
NOOOOOOOO WEINTRAUB'S BACK!

LeagueofShadows

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Matt Sussman — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:16:51 EDT

command+f

type "k-a-i-s-e-r"

(no results found)

:-(

Matt Sussman

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Brazil Thrill — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:16:46 EDT

PREVIEOUS SSW: Deadspinners did not really enjoy my football columns.

NEW SSW: But I'm sure they'll be more than happy to read my baseball columns, written in old timey prose and everything!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE: No, there really isn't.

Brazil Thrill

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Nationalcoholic — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:16:15 EDT

@David Hume: Have you ever tried to read one of your books? Fuckin murder.

Nationalcoholic

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Captain Caveman — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:54 EDT

Actually, I expected to hate this more than I actually did. To be completely fair, it's better than anything Slate's ever published.

Captain Caveman

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

futuremrsrickankiel — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:37 EDT

I have a sudden urge to go play stickball behind the penny arcade.

futuremrsrickankiel

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:32 EDT

@Weed Against Speed: He has got to be a masochist right?

Do you think he writes this while some elderly British woman steps on his balls with high heels on?

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

pr0FF'3ss0r_j'3rkwh3at — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:24 EDT

Is Weintraub having an affair with Denton?

pr0FF'3ss0r_j'3rkwh3at

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

CIALIS COOPER — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:20 EDT

I'm glad I didn't live in the early 1900's or I would have fucking hated baseball.

CIALIS COOPER

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

I'm Hafner the man I used to be — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:17 EDT

Oh sir, the Braves of Atlanta took on the Metropolitans of New York. And in the end, the Braves triumphed by crossing a dish made of white plastic and shaped like a pentagon. It was a most gripping victory!

Akeem'd

I'm Hafner the man I used to be

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

amorphous — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:15 EDT

This makes me feel like I'm watching a Wes Anderson movie, when the guy with the ironic glasses a couple rows back keeps laughing and all I can think about is that I must have stepped in the wrong theater, because my ticket says "Transformers."

amorphous

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

UseTheForceLukeWalton — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:15:00 EDT

The fuck's a prose?

UseTheForceLukeWalton

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

blackheartededitor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:14:46 EDT

Old timey sports writers probably would have spent more time complaining about all the Negroes on the field.

blackheartededitor

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

44 in a Row — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:14:17 EDT

I was just thinking to myself, "Self, you just got to see the Mets shit the bed against the Phillies. You know what would be a great chaser? Being mocked by Weintraub about another Mets loss, this time to the Braves."

44 in a Row

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

HebrewHammer — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:14:11 EDT

Not one sentence ends in "see"? Disapprove.

HebrewHammer

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

David Hume — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:13:58 EDT

There's a reason that style of writing is no longer used.
It Sucks.

David Hume

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Weed Against Speed — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:13:43 EDT

Man, this Weintraub guy takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.

Weed Against Speed

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

parker91 — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:13:42 EDT

It's like Weintraub has naked pictures of somebody's mother. Naked pictures of your mother!

parker91

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

HazelMaesLandingStrip — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:13:34 EDT

Sweet does this mean Weintraub can completely fuck up Baseball on Deadspin too?

HazelMaesLandingStrip

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

7th Floor King Dingaling — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:13:27 EDT

And I just read the rest, and it still makes no sense. I think my might ass-plode if I try to reread it.

7th Floor King Dingaling

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:13:24 EDT

@RectumDamnNearKilledEm: +100

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

Hit Bull Win Steak — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:12:56 EDT

that was like sliding down a giant razor blade into a pool of rubbing alcohol.

Hit Bull Win Steak

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

VTBen — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:12:43 EDT

John McCain appreciated this column.

I didn't get it.

VTBen

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

7th Floor King Dingaling — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:12:31 EDT

@7th Floor King Dingaling:
wow. I just showed how well I did on said AP.

Individual words make sense, but I don't understand a fucking thing that the paragraph said.

7th Floor King Dingaling

Back When Men Were Men, And The Prose Was Purple

7th Floor King Dingaling — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:11:35 EDT

I just read the 1st paragraph and it was like a high school English AP... I individual words make sense, but I don't understand a fucking think that the paragraph said.

7th Floor King Dingaling