<![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> /"Martin said officers tased Eller, but it did not impact him."/

...it just made him mad....

chazerium

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> There is no way he will become the manager of the Minnesota Vikings Sailing Team now....

izzone

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> "Maybe we could just settle this right now...here in Brainerd. You know officer, lets settle this right here and now ....here in Brainerd."

HappyFeltonsGloryHole

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Oh, Jesus...

[www.startribune.com]

stealofthedraft

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> What's all this about Carl Weathers, now?

@Schluby: Your old football coach was a midget? How did he get onto the force?

Chamomiles Davis

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @broad street bully: Did I mention that one of the police officers was my old midget football coach? Come to think of it, that probably helped a bit.

Evgeni Merkin

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @Schluby: I've been pulled over for suspected DUI twice. Never arrested. My secret: 100% complete and painful lies.

broad street bully

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @asliceofbacon: that's why you don't pull over

Crookednose

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> I've been pulled over for suspected DUI twice. Never arrested. My secret: 100% complete and painful honesty.

Evgeni Merkin

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> It's okay, he's in tight with the judge, Alan Page. He'll get off with a stern warning.

FredGarvin

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Alan Page is going to fry this f***er

Dread

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> He didn't try to flee, he was doing a sack dance.

Whitey Fisk

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> That's what listening to Rollins era Black Flag does to people.

Stev D

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Say it Ain't So, #81!--Man I loved watching those Purple People Eaters when I was a wee lad in the snowbanks of Central Minny

treatment_bound

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Purple People Beater?

stealofthedraft

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Who cares? Alan Page will just let him go.

Phony Gwynn

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Unfortunately, the cop was "Hurricane" Peter McNeely, and was knocked unconscious before the punch even landed.

Ooooohhh yeah, that's a McNeely reference! And not Jerry O'Connell!

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @Suss--:

Serious stuff. He could get up to a past life in prison!

Gourmet Spud

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Did he use Limbaugh's publicist for this mug shot? He seems quite pleased

RachelRayIsTheDevil

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @Suss--: I always thought it was punching someone so hard their mama felt it.

tater

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Warren Moon tentatively approves, but will not give full approval until it's confirmed that Eller hit a female cop.

MattinglysSideburns

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Eller pled guilty to misdemeanor DWI in March of 2006 after he was arrested for driving 97-miles-per-hour and repeatedly crossing over the center line on 394 in Golden Valley.

Thats a misdemeanor? NYPD would be pulling out the plungers.

crazyjoedavola

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Fourth degree assault, not many people know, is punching someone back in time.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> JJ Walker looks like ass.

He should have gone with the "Don't you know who I am?" approach. Which worked so incredibly well for Kurt Busch

DeepFriar

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Too bad Eller didn't shoot a load in his face also, he could have given the cop a Jelly Donut. I thought cops liked Jelly Donuts.

Jews For Purple Jesus

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> He should have spit in the cop's face, not punched it. Hey it worked for Naomi Campbell on that British Airways flight, right?

UpstateUnderdog

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Maybe Eller just got confused when the officer told him to "put this in your mouth and blow."

Paul Zuvella

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @Doug Llewelyn, Court Reporter: Is she a mouthy cop?

Rob Iracane

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> @White Speed Receiver: That ain't nothin' but ultra-perm.

Why Not Jon Lovitz?

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Since when did they outlaw the head slap?

UkraineNotWeak

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> The cop is just lucky he didn't pull over Chuck Bednarik.

Da_Mang

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> I nominate Rick Astley as his public defender.

ArkansasFred

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Huh. I never knew Martin Lawrence was bald.

the earl of weaver

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> That wasn't a punch, that was a helmet slap!

THEGINOCIMOLICONSPIRACY

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Jim Marshall tried to escape by having the cop punch him.

Tomato and Basil McRae

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> I do this all the time. My wife is a cop.

Doug Llewelyn, Court Reporter

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> I am glad DEADSPIN came across this story. DEADSPIN surely is ahead of the rest when it comes to breaking news stories.

Civil Negligence

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Only 4th degree assault for punching a cop in Minnesota? I was convicted of that for bumping into someone on the subway in NY.

metrobulls

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Carl Weathers was not impressed by that punch.

7-8 Deville

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> I believe we have found our security detail for Fred Smoot's next party.

sassydeerrun

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Apparently the raccoon with a jeri-curl that usually resides on his head got detained by animal control.

White Speed Receiver

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> I never heard of fourth degree assult...here it is:

Assaulting a police officer may also result in an assault charge if that officer is effecting a lawful arrest or executing any other duty imposed by law. A fourth degree assault is a gross misdemeanor with possible penalties of one year in jail and a fine of not more than $3,000. If the assault inflicts demonstrable bodily harm, the person is guilty of a felony and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than three years or to payment of a fine of not more than $6,000, or both.

...and I also found out it's illegal to put squirrels down your pants for purposes of gambling.

tater

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> The report failed to mention that Eller has received an automatic invitation to Bengals training camp.

Hernandez-is-the-Mandez

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> This is Eller's second DUI in two years, but his first cop punching. With this kind of expertise, he should probably become the next NFL players union chief.

Or at least on the next stamp issued by West Virginia.

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> for anyone that has ever got pulled over under the influence - all you really want to do is knock that jackass out

asliceofbacon

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> How do YOU handle cops in DUI situations?

7th Floor King Dingaling

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> He got sick of cops playing the cat game on him.

[www.dailyhaha.com]

shea_guevara

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> A lightbulb just went off over Tony LaRussa's head, and he screamed at no one in particular to "fucking dim that thing!".

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> "Who's that supposed to be, Jerry Garcia's brother?"
"No, it's Andy Garcia's brother."


2ndBase

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Someone should take Ol' Eller out back and shoot him.

Gourmet Spud

]]> <![CDATA[Carl Eller Doesn't Know How Fast He Was Driving]]> Eazy-E approves.

Stay Away From Oprah

]]>