<![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> YourGoldKeith

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> He got tased TWICE and (Dead)whirled around showering passers-by with blood? That shit is REALLY inspiring. Get Al a wrestling team to coach! (Why can't I find that video?)

Bring Me The Head of Karim Garcia

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Clare: I went with the bullwhip, in honor of the new Indiana Jones movie opening next month.

I've eaten quite a variety of food while incredibly stoned, but Belgian chocolate never made the list. I don't have what you'd call a "sweet tooth."

Chamomiles Davis

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Clare: Trust me, falling asleep in a boy's arms before the age of 17 isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'll never forget that awful summer I spent at musical theater camp...

BarbarobicsInstructor

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Clare:

A-Rod approves of your idea.

JoeyBellesGPS

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Don't tase me Amigo!

bpoe13

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Chamomiles Davis: Thank you, sir. I was 17 ten years ago. I was thinner then but I was even more uncool than I am now. I hadn't hiked across a volcano in Hawaii to watch lava flow into the sea, or eaten Belgian chocolates while incredibly stoned, or fallen asleep in a boy's arms, so maybe getting older isn't such a bad thing.

As for the whipping, did you go with the riding crop or the cat o' nine tails?

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Moobs: She wouldn't wear the outfit, Moobs. She wouldn't wear the outfit.

Chamomiles Davis

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Chamomiles Davis: Isn't a mild whipping a good thing?

Moobs

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @shea_guevara: The hell you can't have birthdays anymore. Tell your mom you want her to watch your kid for the night, and tell your wife you want her to pay the bar tab. Then go out and get absolutely drunk.

At least, that's what I'd do. Fortunately I'm 22, so I don't have these problems.

elwood

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Wow, I turned 35 yesterday, and all I got was a mild whipping from my wife.

Moobs - Happy Birthday! Love the name.

Clare - Happy Birthday-To-Be! You don't look a day over whatever age you were ten years ago.

Chamomiles Davis

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> That's "Rays," Will, not "Devil Rays." Please send a check for $1 to Matt Silverman.

Windier E. Megatons

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> "Affray - A person is guilty of Affray if a person uses or threatens unlawful violence towards another and the person's conduct is such as would cause a person of reasonable firmness present at the scene to fear for his personal safety."

When I had Reyes on my fantasy team last year, I was probably guilty of affray, too.

SlickBomb

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> I've been saying this for years and it always seems to fall on deaf ears: Why can't ceramic pots just leave us alone? Why?

Sandburgh

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Tampa? Are we sure it wasn't those crazy cheerleader chicks that kicked his ass?

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Dany Heatley Speedwagon: learn your HTML asshat!

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Dany Heatley Speedwagon:

The next screw that falls out around here is gonna be you.

BigTenObsession

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.

Now where is my +100?

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> It was actually from when David Letterman was pertinent and funny.

Mayor McRib

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> "Why is that door closed? WHY IS THAT DOOR CLOSED? "

blastitbiggs

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> you can't believe these police reports. but fear not... the truth will come out. like my cousin steven after he went to music college.

ltwinslow

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Al should've waited two weeks to meet a team with a shot at a title.

ClownForPound

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Mayor McRib: But wasn't it from the old man and not the parents?

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Mayor McRib:
I want to say Breakfast Club.

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Moobs: Happy Birthday to you.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Mayor McRib: Smoke 'em up, Johnny!

(Am I right?)

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Moobs:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Josh Booty approves of the multiple tasings.

Bunkie Perkins

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Well my birthday is today (took the day off from work because I'd rather be happy than at work) and I plan on the weekend-long party.

Not so much because I feel the need to party for my birthday but because my friends need an excuse to give their girlfriends and wives so they can get the fuck out of the house this weekend.

Moobs

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> I get the same gift from my parents every year for my birthday. A carton of Lucky Strike cigarettes.

P.S. If you can remember this reference, you get +100.

Mayor McRib

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @shea_guevara: I know, right? My mom and my aunt keep asking me what I want and I'm like, "I don't know! I'm too old for you to ask me what I want for my birthday!"

Every year, I swear to myself I'm not going to make a big deal about my birthday, I'm not going to say anything about it, I'm going to have some dignity about it, and yet every year I make a big deal about it.

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Will if you are looking for a memorable birthday might I suggest waking up on the floor of a bar bathroom at 3am. There really is nothing quite like it... or uh, so I've been told. WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?!?!?!

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Two tasings? That is one tough out. - Suggested ESPN comment

FredGarvin

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @shea_guevara: I'm still forced to have birthdays because my family wants to make a show of it for my grandparents. Personally, I'd be happy just curling up to a bottle of Jameson.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @UkraineNotWeak:

I wasn't trying to be a jerk.

Afino

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Where was the inanimate carbon rod during all this?

MitchKayak

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @DeepFriar: Psshh...if she's 30 and hasn't downed pop rocks and drank diet Coke at the same time she hasn't lived.

tater

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Afino:

Considering that both my parents are deceased, yes.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Clare: My wife or my mom will ask me what I want for my birthday, and it sounds so ridiculous to my ears now. What do I want for my birthday? I'm 30, I'm married, and I have a kid. I'm not allowed to have birthdays anymore.

shea_guevara

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Afino: No, this guy is a real man.

OchentaYcinco

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Don't do karaoke...I did that on my last birthday and got booed off the stage. Apparently people in a midwestern state don't like it when someone sings New York, New York.

tater

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Clare: i'f you're 30 and haven't snorted Pixy Stix dust yet, well I just feel bad for you

DeepFriar

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @UkraineNotWeak:

Aren't you a little old to still be blogging and posting on blogs from your parents' basement?

Afino

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Inanimate object 1
Reyes 0

Mayor McRib

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> You swingin' yo arms and spittin blood, dawg.

the earl of weaver

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> In his defense, he had just watched Fight Club and was trying to get Lou to let them keep the place.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> That's what you get for Reyesin' hell, Al.

/drum beat followed by single cymbal crash

BarbarobicsInstructor

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Dman you, Color Me Mine!

Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> You should see what happened to the fern when it brushed against Reyes's shoulder.

KittyLitterKing

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Clare:

Turn 45 a week from Monday. Means the next day, I'm closer to 50 than 40.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> I thought you gave pottery for the 40th birthday?

DeepFriar

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @UkraineNotWeak: For my 28th, I blew out 1 candle on the cupcake in front of me at Applebees. After, I went home, watched Blade II, had a couple bud lights and fell asleep on the couch. BUT! Just before all that awesomeness happened, I plotted how much better my life will be now that I'm 28.

(Slams face against wall.)

The Diesel

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Isiah signed the ceramic pot to 5 year $30 million contract. He likes the way it bangs underneath.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Ya know, if he was spitting green mist instead of blood, he would've been booked only on doing a terrible Great Muta impression.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> My birthday is on Monday and I've finally reached the age where I just don't care that it's my birthday. My friends asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday and I was like, "I don't care." Turning another year older only reminds me of all the shit I still haven't accomplished in my life.

I wouldn't turn down a day of shoe shopping in Manhattan and an expensive dinner, though.

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> "he continued to spit blood and swing his arms around."

So he was pretending to be the boss from Ninja Gaiden II?

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> And who says birthdays don't matter after 30???

Stay Away From Oprah

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> For my 38th, I attached jumpers cables to my balls. Nothing on the other end. Just felt like doing it.

Don't judge me.

UkraineNotWeak aka Praying for a Bullpen

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Pot is a gateway ceramic.

Artie Fufkin

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Weed Against Speed: Everyone not named Swayze who was involved with that movie needs to jump into a fire.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> began to swing his arms about

...and if you get hit...it's your OWNNNNN fault.

tater

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Don't be pullin out the porcelain unless you plan to BANG, son!

shea_guevara

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> I'd expect this out of other Rays pitchers, but Al Reyes? I'm stunned.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> I've been to Hyde Park Cafe...those pots are a bit mouthy.

CreamsicleOrange

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> I learned a new word today! 'affray' Thanks, Al Reyes!

Rob Iracane

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Ghost with her.

Weed Against Speed

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Will, can I recommend ritual sacrifice? Specifically of Dan Le Batard? Guaranteed good times.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Al Reyes was safe on that slide into home!!!!!

tater

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Spitting and flailing his arms around, apparantly Al learned nothing from his year playing with Elijah Dukes...

BruschisBrewsky

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> @Stay Away From Oprah: Yeah, you may want to stay away. Apparently, Reyes was hit pretty hard in his last outing.

Yellow Tail Swine

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Real men get tased more than once.

Al Reyes is a real man.

Afino

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Fear not: Karabell will have the fantasy spin on his Insider blog by 10:00 am.

Stay Away From Oprah

]]> <![CDATA[Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday]]> Don't tase me bro

Yellow Tail Swine

]]>